Zenon rolled to his back and scrubbed his palms over his face. He’d slept like shit.

He’d gone to sleep again thinking of Mia, and he’d dreamed of her through the night. The feel of her hand on his abs, the way her body felt in his arms as he’d carried her to her room—the press of her soft, warm lips against his bicep.

But he’d woken like every other morning, dick soft and useless against his thigh. He couldn’t fuck the woman he wanted, couldn’t even jack off. Even if he wanted to risk it all, take Mia for himself—which he could admit to himself he did, so damn much it hurt—he couldn’t have her. Not ever, and not just because he was a disgusting, tainted waste of space. He couldn’t give her what a man should, what he should be able to give his woman.

Mia had been busy with her training the last two weeks, and Zenon had managed to avoid her, besides the odd glance when he couldn’t take it another minute without seeing her. His demon was as frustrated as he was. His constant yearning for that female was pushing him over the edge. Made no damn sense.

The others had noticed the difference in him. And not just because he’d tried to make bolognese out of that demon’s head in the interrogation room. But shit, just the thought of that sadistic bastard Diemos getting anywhere near Mia, of even knowing of her existence had released something deep inside him. Zenon would have killed him, would have torn his head off with his bare hands if the others hadn’t pulled him off.

Then Mia had been waiting for him at his door. She’d wanted him. He’d smelled her desire for him. For him.

He’d never wanted to be like Kryos or Lazarus, not until he’d discovered Mia’s existence. She had looked at him for a response, a sign he might feel the same for her, and even the scent of her sweet arousal hadn’t caused even a twitch from the useless organ hanging between his legs.

His hand rested on his stomach and he let his fingers trail to his flaccid cock, gripped it in his fist, and squeezed. Nothing.

What was he doing?

None of it mattered. He couldn’t have her. He’d pushed her away, to protect her, to protect himself.

And he’d hurt her.

Was still hurting her. It was there in the way she held her body, in the humiliation that colored her cheeks when she saw him.

And he’d never hated himself more.

Shoving back the sheet, he got out of bed. As soon as his feet hit carpet, pain shot from the base of his skull and burned a path through his chest and stomach, blazing acid-like needles down his arms to the tips of his fingers, down his thighs and calves. His knees gave out and he crumpled to the ground, hissing in agony.

Not again. Not now. Please not fucking now. He wasn’t ready for this. Not yet. He’d been weakening steadily over the last week but thought he had more time. Zenon curled into a ball and tried to stop from crying out as the sensation of flesh being torn from bone washed over him repeatedly.

He didn’t know how long he lay there before the pain began to subside. He’d have to go tonight. Bile churned in his gut, burned a path to the back of his throat.

Still on the ground, he reached up for the phone on the bedside table and sent a text to Silas.

Need to make a house call.

As always, the angel would make sure he had an excuse to be away from the compound for a day or two. He replied almost immediately.

I’ll make the arrangements.

He tried to stand but his legs felt like Jell-O, and he was forced to drag himself to the bathroom. Using the wall for support, he pulled himself up and turned on the shower as hot as it would go then climbed in. The heat burned his skin, seeped into his flesh, warming him to the bone, softening his seized muscles. He hated being so damn weak.

Stiff and sore, but mobile, Zenon dressed as quickly as he could and headed to the control room. It was either that or go to the holding cells and finish off every last demon they had down there.

They weren’t going to talk. A death delivered by any one of the knights would be a hell of a lot better than the slow, sadistic torture Diemos would subject them to for days before finally putting them out of their misery if they talked. He’d experienced Diemos’s special brand of attention himself a time or two, and only knew of one person who deserved that kind of punishment…

He slammed the door on those thoughts.

Zenon wanted the demons dead, wanted the threat to Mia out of this compound, especially since he’d be gone for a couple of days. But he knew Chaos wouldn’t allow it, and right then he didn’t have the strength to go head to head with the other knight.

When he walked into the control room, Gunner and Rocco were already there. They lifted their chins in welcome. Chaos turned and did the same.

Zenon gritted his teeth. “Give me something to do. I need to kill something.”

Chaos raised a brow at his barked order. “You’re gonna have to take your aggression out in the gym. Only job for today is delivering Mia to her new place. Gun and Roc get that one.”

Chaos’s words hammered around his skull. Everything in him rebelled at the idea of her leaving. “Mia’s going?”

Rocco grinned. “It’s a nice place. One of ours, and close enough we can keep an eye on her.”

“And why would you want to do that?” He heard the menace in his voice but had no control over it.

Rocco frowned. “Do we have a problem here, Zenon?”

“I don’t know. Do we?”

Chaos moved in between them. “Is there something going on between you and Mia?” And, yeah, the guy looked confused as fuck about that notion, like the idea was so foreign as to be ridiculous.

He clenched his fists and shook his head.

The knight frowned. “Fuck’s sake, Zenon. Do you have to start shit all the time? What’s crawled up your ass?”

Zen shrugged.

“We’re just trying to look out for her. She hasn’t reached her full potential yet. She’s capable of a lot more. James hasn’t been able to work out what her trigger is. I think her leaving is a stupid idea, but he’s assured me she’s safe. She can block what she’s got going on at the moment and she’s agreed to come in for regular training sessions. I could force her to stay, which is what I want to do, but James thinks that will only make it worse. She’s unhappy here, she wants to leave, so we’ll let her, but we’ll keep an eye on her.”

She wanted to leave. She was unhappy. That knowledge was like a smack to the back of the head. Confirmed what shouldn’t be a big surprise. This whacked-out need he had, pulling him toward Mia like a supercharged magnet attached to his chest, was one-sided. He didn’t know why it hurt like a motherfucker, but it did. Fuck it, he was used to pain. At least this way he wouldn’t have to see her every day.

“Fuck knows how we didn’t sense her right off the bat, because despite her sister’s help, she had a lot of work to do with her blocking,” Chaos added.

No, the training her sister had given her hadn’t been enough. He didn’t know what the fuck Chaos was talking about. He’d sensed her loud and clear. “I did,” Zen said.

Chaos stilled. “You what?”

“Sensed her.”

The males in the room went silent, the creak of leather and the shuffle of boots the only sounds as they all turned to face him.

“You sensed her?” Chaos said, breaking the unsettling silence.

“Yeah.” Jesus. Now what had he done wrong? Was this another demon thing? Another difference because he was hell born? He dipped his head, sick of seeing the weirded-out expressions on their faces. He hated whenever this kind of shit came up. Like he needed another reminder that he was different.

“Do you know what that means?” Kryos asked, almost gently.

He didn’t want to listen to this, have his differences laid out in front of him, have them point out again what a fucking freak of nature he was. “I have somewhere I need to be.” He turned to go, but Kryos grabbed his arm. Zenon hissed and spun to face him. “I said I’m done.”

He got as far as the door when Kryos stopped him in his tracks with a few simple words. Words that, when strung together, had the potential to tip his warped little world on its ass. The guy sounded as freaked saying them as Zenon did hearing them.

“I think Mia’s your mate, Zenon. I think you’ve found your female.”

Just like that his legs were back to Jell-O, and he grabbed onto the nearest desk to stop his ass from hitting the floor. “No. That can’t be.” He didn’t recognize his own voice, pitched high, shaky.

He felt someone move closer, but they didn’t touch him. Chaos. “Zen, none of us felt her. You did.”

“So?” Could he get out of here before he passed out like a pussy?

“You must know. Kryos, Laz, when they—”

“In case you missed it, I don’t sit around shooting the shit, discussing your goddamn love lives.” No, Zenon rarely mixed with the others unless he had to, and he sure as hell didn’t know the ins and outs of knight/demi-demon courtship. He’d never stuck around long enough to learn. Never thought he’d need to know.

This couldn’t be. Mia, his mate? The very idea had his heart beating like a jackhammer, and another wave of—fuck, he didn’t know what it was, couldn’t name it, but it kept nailing him in the chest until he was close to hyperventilating.

“Zen? You all right, man?”

“What do you think?” he growled.

Kryos moved around him but didn’t get in his space. “I’ve seen the way you look at her. I think this could be a good thing.”

The guy was so caught up with his own mate he couldn’t see how far from a good thing this was. “You would give a defenseless female to me? What if I hurt her? I can’t…this can’t happen.” Shit, his voice broke on the last. He needed to get the hell out of there.

Chaos and Gunner looked away. Rocco, unable to hide anything, winced, but worst of all was the fucking pity Kryos was throwing his way. Fuck that. They already thought he was unstable and bloodthirsty. None of them would try to convince him to claim her.

“What are you gonna do?” Rocco asked.

He lifted his gaze and met each of theirs. “Not a dammed thing.”

“I don’t know. Maybe we have it all wrong?” Kryos said into the silence. “Finding your female has another effect on you that can’t be hidden, no matter how hard you try. Being constantly hard, accompanied by a severe case of blue balls, goes with the territory.” He cleared his throat. “You having that problem?”

Shame and humiliation caused him to dip his head once more, afraid they’d see it written all over his face. He’d never been drawn to another being the way he was Mia, but he couldn’t explain to them the reason he felt nothing but a twisted need he couldn’t define or control, or the reasons he could never claim her as his mate. He was half a male, and being anywhere near him would be like signing her death warrant.

“You’re wrong. I don’t want to fuck her.” The words felt torn from his throat. He knew it sounded crude, and he also knew if he was another male, and was privileged enough to be with her, that wouldn’t describe what they’d do together. No, if he had that honor, he would worship her like she deserved.

Low sounds of disapproval rumbled from all four males. The words hit their mark, ensuring they didn’t get any screwed-up ideas and try to push him down a path he could never take. Chaos cleared his throat. “You’re probably right, then.”

“Sensing her like I did must be a hell-born thing,” he said, knowing no one would question him further. His birth and early years were subjects they all knew to avoid.

Zenon didn’t stick around.

He had a mate; he knew that now, despite his denials. And if he’d been one of the others, he would have gone to her now and made her his. No hesitation like Lazarus. No fucking around.

When he hit the elevator, he couldn’t stop his hands from hitting the button to the floor he knew he should avoid. He should leave the compound until she was gone, but he couldn’t do it. Not now he knew who she was to him. He could never claim her for himself, he knew that. She would never be his, and would never know what she was to him. But before she left, he wanted one thing. Shit, he didn’t deserve it. But he would take this one thing for himself. Just this once.

Looking through the glass window into the training room a short time later, he found her, like he knew he would. She was alone, head down, concentrating on her blocking. He didn’t hesitate. A sense of urgency he couldn’t explain and had no intention of fighting had him pushing open the door. Her gaze lifted to his, and she didn’t look surprised, like she’d sensed him, too, and didn’t that just send his possessive instincts through the damn roof.

Mia had felt Zenon as soon as he stopped outside the door. He stared at her now, so much behind that haunted gaze, so many secrets, so much pain. But then he sucked in a breath and all she saw was longing. He didn’t speak, and took a measured step toward her.

“What are you doing?” she said, pulse picking up speed.

Another step closer.

“Zenon?”

She watched for a sign that his demon was in control, but his bright yellow gaze told her that wasn’t the case. The wild, almost feral expression was all Zenon.

“You’re leaving,” he said.

Oh God, his voice. So deep, rough. There was no anger, but a note of something else, something that caused her breath to hitch and her mouth to go dry. “Yes.”

His heavy thighs were braced apart, fists clenched at his sides. “Why?”

That one word hit her mid chest. “Zenon—”

“You’re leaving. Why?”

Because of you, because I can’t be in the same building as you and keep my distance another day. “I want to get on with my life.” Not a lie.

His head dipped and his hair fell forward, covering his scarred but beautiful face. He heaved in another breath then looked up. Jesus. Her sex pulsed at the raw need directed at her. Then he moved toward her, all lethal grace and untamed power. She backed up, but he kept coming. Didn’t stop until she felt the padded wall behind her. He didn’t touch her, but he was close enough to feel the volcanic heat radiating from his big body. She remembered the smooth heat of his skin under her palm, and another pulse of need hit her between the thighs.

“Zenon. What’s going on?” She lifted her hands, but he shook his head, telling her not to touch him.

“I have to do something, Mia.” As he spoke, the fierce mask fell away. He looked almost boyish then, shy, uncertain.

Licking her lips, she curled her fingers into the wall, trapping them behind her back. “Okay.” She didn’t know what was going on, but whatever was about to happen, she knew she wanted it.

“Please, just…you can’t touch me,” he said.

“I told you I wouldn’t,” she whispered.

He surprised her by running gentle, barely there fingers down the side of her face and across her jaw. “You’re beautiful.”

Was he going to kiss her? She didn’t move, didn’t breathe, wanting to taste him more than anything she’d ever wanted in her entire life.

His hands moved to the wall, either side of her head, and his gaze dropped to her mouth.

Oh my God.

He leaned in.

She forced herself not to squirm as his lips hovered above hers for several seconds, his breath mingling with hers. It took all her strength not to close the gap. But finally, he did, his lips coming down on hers, dry and soft and warm.

His entire body jerked at the contact, and he went completely still, breath puffing in and out of his nose.

Please, don’t stop.

But he didn’t. Slowly, ever so slowly, he opened his mouth. Mia’s heart was pounding when he finally made a rough sound and ran his tongue across her top lip.

She moaned.

His big body shuddered. “Open,” he said against her mouth.

She did as he asked, and his tongue slid inside. He kissed her deep and slow, and somehow she managed to keep her hands at her back and not shove them in his hair and hold him to her, or under his shirt to feel the heat of his skin. He savored her, explored, nipped and sucked until she was dizzy and her legs trembled.

When he finally pulled back, she wanted to scream. She didn’t know what had caused him to seek her out, didn’t care—all she knew was she didn’t want him to stop. Maybe she didn’t have to leave. Maybe he wanted her as much as she did him. People didn’t kiss like that without feeling something, right?

His head was down again and she couldn’t see his face. He was breathing heavily and his big body shook. “Zenon?”

“Thank you,” he rasped.

She blinked up at him. “For what?”

He shook his head.

He was thanking her with a kiss, like she had him. Only this was a whole hell of a lot more than the peck she’d given him.

Did he know the hold he had over her? He’d ignored her, literally pushed her away, and within a couple of weeks he’d shattered her defenses, had her ready to change all her carefully thought-out plans. Without even trying, and after doing his damnedest to make her hate him, he’d somehow become important to her.

But despite that kiss, she knew he would never let her in. Could already feel him pulling away. Desperation gripped her. “Zenon, I don’t have to go. I can stay.” With you. He sucked in a ragged breath and shook his head. God, she was such a fool. She wished she could tear those words back.

“You need to go, Mia.”

“What was this? Some kind of joke? Punishment?”

“I’m a selfish bastard. I just…I needed to know what it was like to kiss you before you left.”

His voice held so much pain it hurt to listen to him. “Why?”

He shook his head again. “I have to go.”

“Why, Zenon?” Her voice sounded shrill, panicked, and she couldn’t do anything to stop it.

He ignored her and stepped back.

Finally, he turned away and left.

And somehow she found the strength to stay where she was.

She would not go after him.