Chapter 31

Delilah

The echo of him inside of me is almost unbearable as we bump along the road, heading back out to the highway and eventually back into town to get my rental car. Clenching my thighs together does nothing but make me yearn for more.

I’ve been lying to myself. I can tell myself repeatedly that I was using the guys I slept with, but after what Lawson and I just did, there’s no denying that those men were using me.

I didn’t mean for my confession to slip past my lips, but I was delirious with pleasure, my orgasm the first by another’s touch since the last one he gave me in my childhood bedroom.

If I were using them like I’ve proclaimed more times than I can count, they would’ve made me come, would’ve been invested in my gratification. Having been focused solely on their own release, makes the truth sit heavy in my stomach, souring the coffee there from this morning.

I find the courage to look over at him. He doesn’t acknowledge me, but I know he’s aware of my gaze because his hands tighten on the steering wheel.

How do I tell him the truth? How do I explain to him that his confession rocked me to my core?

“I haven’t come with a girl present since before my mother passed away.”

I can’t presume he was waiting for me, but while he was living a life of self-imposed celibacy, I was getting drunk and letting vodka make major decisions for me. Blame wasn’t one hundred percent on the alcohol. I made my choices, and I’ll live with the fallout.

“Are we just going to ride in silence with you over there bristling like a wet cat?”

He stretches his neck, first to the right, then to the left before he speaks. The tension doesn’t ease up in the truck as he figures out what he’s going to say. My eyes narrow, hating that he just doesn’t speak his truth without worrying how I’ll respond. It feels calculating and manipulative and pisses me off.

“Talk to me,” I demand. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not that simple. My feelings are… confusing.”

“Confusing? Just use your words, Lawson. It’s not that difficult.”

He chuckles, his hands easing up slightly on the steering wheel. “We’re going to my house.”

My eyes widen. “No, we’re going to go get a rental car.”

“You implied that I took advantage of you, or treated you less than you deserve because we fucked in the truck. I’m going to take you home, lay you out on my bed and make it better than anything you’ve ever had before. Make you forget every other encounter you’ve had before me.”

I wince at his words, wishing that he would be able to make me forget. Praying the amnesia took the guilt and self-recrimination right along with it.

“No.”

He looks over at me. “What do you mean, no?”

“Take me to get a rental,” I insist. “I have no desire to go back to your house.”

It wasn’t part of the plan, and resisting him after today is only going to be a million times harder.

“I waited two years for you.”

I do my best to ignore the pain and pleading in his voice. Walls up and defenses on high alert is the only way I know how to maintain imaginary control over this situation.

“Well,” I look out the window, hating myself. “I didn’t wait for you.”

And, God how I wish I had.

“I have a past, too,” he says with more understanding in his voice than I deserve.

“It was a one-time thing.” My body trembles in disapproval at my words.

“So you’re just going to fuck me then walk away?”

I don’t respond immediately, and my anger grows as I think about how offended he sounds.

Lowering my voice to sound more masculine I say, “I told you you’d suck my cock.”

He nods. As he swallows, I watch his Adam’s apple work under the pressure.

“So it comes back to that?”

“The last two years, all of my decisions have centered around the moment you made me feel like a whore,” I confess.

“I was hurting.” He holds his hand up when I try to respond. My jaw snaps shut, and I wait for him to continue. “Drew had just told me about his Aunt. I knew he was leaving, and I knew that meant I was going to leave with him.”

I huff. “So you just figured you’d get me on my knees before you took off?”

The truck jerks and rocks back as he puts it into park. Looking around, I realize we’ve made it to the car rental place. I’d been so lost in my own head, I hadn’t even noticed we’d traveled so far.

“You begged me to touch you,” he hisses as he shifts his weight to look at me.

I pull my eyes from his, the scrutiny of his gaze more than I can handle. “So I was a whore then, too.”

“You’re not a whore!” He rages. “I’ve never seen you that way. Not once since I met you have I let that thought cross my mind.”

“You manipulated me. You told me exactly what I needed to hear to get me to sink to my knees in that bedroom.”

“I figured you hating me would’ve been easier on you.”

“Hate.” I bite my lip to keep the sob from slipping out. “More like hating that I loved you.”

“Delilah.” He reaches for me, but I pull my hand away before he can make contact.

“Don’t worry, Lawson. I crushed that shit a long time ago.”

“I couldn’t ask you to put your life on hold for me,” he barters a few years too late.

Tears spill down my cheeks. “I would’ve,” I whisper.

“What?”

I look at him, not hiding my pain. I need him to see it, to feel it. “I would’ve waited for you.”

“I’m here now.” His eyes plead with mine, but there’s no use.

“It’s not even an option now. Too much time, too many bad decisions.”

I push open the door to the truck and climb down. When I reach back in to grab my purse, he once again reaches for me.

“Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Let me know when my car is fixed.”

I make it to the front door of the rental office before I feel his heat at my back. I’m torn between wanting him there and wanting him to leave me the hell alone.

“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of this myself,” I mutter as he reaches past me to open the door.

I walk through, and he follows behind me.

No one is at the front counter, so I tap the top of the small bell and wait. His warm breath is in my ear, and there isn’t a sliver of possibility that I can hide the tremble that takes over my body.

“I get that you’re hurt. I’ve felt the pain from that night just as much as you have. We’ve both made bad decisions, the wrong choices, but if you think you making some declaration and getting all growly and mad will make me walk away from you again, you’d be wrong.”

I try to turn, but he clasps my hips, pressing against my back until my front is flush against the tall counter.

“Listen,” I say softly as if I’m a negotiator talking him down off the ledge of a building. “We had sex. It was decent.”

He’s the one growling now.

“But it will never happen again,” I continue. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like with you. That opportunity presented itself today, and I jumped at the chance.”

“I’m going to be making love to you for the rest of my life.” There’s so much surety in his voice, I almost believe him. “There’s no getting rid of me this time, Princess. You’re stuck with me.”

Before I can respond, a tall man with a wiry beard comes to the counter.

“How can I help you?”

“Lawson O’Neil,” he says reaching over my shoulder to hand the guy a credit card. “We’re here to pick up a car.”

I glare at the red and black logo on the front of his card. The familiarity of the three-headed Cerberus dog on the front makes my heart skip a beat.

Lawson, feeling the tension in my shoulders moves to my side and looks down at me.

“That card,” I begin but don’t say another word.

He smiles and shrugs. “It has a great interest rate.”

The man at the counter takes the card and sweeps his eyes over me. “And will you, your girlfriend, or both of you be driving the car?”

“Not his girlfriend,” I spit at the same time Lawson says, “Only my girlfriend.”

The guy, Jerry if you believe his name tag, smiles at me and my explanation.

“Do you have a death wish?” Lawson watches Jerry, his tone no different than if he was asking the guy for a pen.

Jerry shakes his head, asks for my driver’s license and gets to work. I should be angry or mad, but the possessiveness, even when I’m confused, turns me on like nothing else.