Jordan
Staring at the list of names on the sheet of paper on the table before him, Jordan felt sick. As he read each name... Brad, Will, Jonathan... he visualized their faces as he remembered them. He’d had some of the best days of his life with these guys—sunbathing in the hot sun, cooking food on a barbecue, talking about women and hopes and dreams. He’d also had some of his worst times with them too.
Injuries. Shootouts. Seeing dead children by the side of the road in the desert. They bonded like a family through all the good and bad. When he found out they were all wiped out his heart ached like a burning ball of fire about to burst out of his chest. The pain lingered for months.
He dreamt of the blast every night at first. He could remember a huge noise. It was more than a bang, it was like an almighty roar so loud it hurt his ears. His brain still imagined the pain in his ears during his dreams, which made it seem all the more real. The only other thing he remembered was a surge of heat as he was thrown against a wall, several bones in his body cracking at the force.
He’d missed the funerals as he was in a coma, which made the hurt worse. He never got to say goodbye. To pay his respects. To thank them for the ultimate sacrifice – their lives.
It had been two years since the explosion, yet his emotional wounds were still raw. Some days he felt guilty for enjoying life and so took on more work and devoted himself to saving others. It was as if he felt he no longer deserved happiness as these men were stripped of theirs so brutally. Counselors explained, over the course of several months of sessions, he needed to live and enjoy his life. It wasn’t his fault. He shouldn’t take his life for granted. He was given a second chance, and he should use it. He’d began to think that way over the past few months, but seeing the unit’s logo on that wire reminded him of the loss. But he couldn’t let whoever was trying to kill him win. Were they trying to finish the job by striking off the last unit member once and for all? For the sake of his friends who died, there was no chance he would let them win this battle. He had to fight. He had to find out who was to blame and take them down.
There was a knock on the door.
As he opened it, his breath caught to see Luna in a crisp, pale blue blouse and skinny jeans. Her golden hair flowed past her shoulders, and as she smiled, he noticed how pink and soft her lips looked.
“Hi,” she said with a smile as sweet as fresh honey. “Here I am, as promised.”
She came in and followed him through to the living area. She hesitated for a moment before turning to him and saying tenderly, “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“Yeah,” he replied, looking her in the eyes with determination. “It has to be done.”
“You’re right. You need to speak to these people. I’m here for you.”
He smiled, and she looked away like it all felt too much, and emotional displays weren’t her forte.
She glanced at the frames of motorcycle art on the walls.
“It’s a bit of a bachelor pad,” he said, pulling on his leather jacket.
“I like it,” she replied with a grin. “That’s some awesome paintwork,” she added, admiring one particular bike. He watched her smiling up at the poster. She was her own species, nothing like any women he’d met before. He imagined her in goggles and gloves bent over a bike, spraying and concentrating. Imaginary Luna wore tiny denim shorts and a white vest, with multi-colored paint spots all over as she sprayed up a rainbow mist around her. He had to shake the image from his head because she’d started snapping her fingers to break his daydream.
“Earth to Jordan. You OK?”
“Yeah, sorry, just thinking about something... the list,” he said, regaining control. He held out a piece of paper with names and addresses written on it. “First up is Amanda and Bill Nielsen. They live about forty-five minutes away from here. They are, they were, Luke’s mom and dad. Luke was my second in command. A great guy. Really great. Like a brother to me in some ways. It’s gonna be tough seeing his folks.”
Luna placed one hand on his upper arm and smiled as if to reassure him. “I’m sure they’ll be glad to see you. You were so close to their son.”
***
They hopped into Jordan’s pickup – one of his more practical vehicles. “How many do you own?” Luna asked in amusement.
“How many pairs of shoes do you own?” Jordan retorted with a grin.
“Uh, hardly any. I’m not a girly girl, remember?”
“True. I like that.” They grinned at one another.
Jordan flicked on the radio, and a country and western channel was in full swing. They sang along, giggling and forcing over-the-top Texan drawls to join in with the theme.
Through his laughter, Jordan almost forgot what journey they were on until they pulled up at a perfect suburb in peaceful small town America. The street was quiet, apart from the soundtrack of sprinklers replenishing the perfect bright green lawns.
Jordan switched off the engine and sighed.
“It’ll be fine,” Luna said, placing her hand on his forearm then removing it quickly.
He shot her a forced smile, hoping she couldn’t read his dread and got out of the truck.
They rang the bell, his heart pounding as they waited for a response.
Amanda opened the door with a huge, warm smile. She was a curvy woman, with soft, curly brown hair framing her face and a wide smile.
“Jordan,” she said fondly, holding out her arms. “It’s so good to see you. It was so unexpected to get your message, but of course you can visit us, any time.”
Jordan let out a breath he’d been holding a little too long and smiled. “Thanks. It’s great to see you too.”
Bill appeared behind Amanda and patted Jordan on the shoulder. “Good to see you, kid.”
Jordan was a bag of nerves. With a shaky voice, he turned his gaze to Luna and said, “This is my friend Luna. She’s my road trip buddy today.”
Luna smiled and shook hands with Amanda and Bill before they led everyone through to the lounge area.
There was a pitcher of lemonade and a plate of cookies already prepared on the large coffee table in the center of the room. Jordan felt a huge wave of relief flush through him. It was easier than he thought to face the parents of his second in command – the wonderful soul he left behind in the desert.
“So...” there was a long pause while Amanda searched her visitors’ faces for clues, “what brings you out here?”
Jordan swallowed hard. “I’m getting in touch with everyone who was involved in the... attack... because I recently had my life threatened by a bomb and I have evidence to suggest it has something to do with my time in 4LBX... mine and Luke’s unit.”
Amanda’s jaw dropped. She was speechless. “That’s terrible, Jordan. I can’t believe it. But I don’t know how we can help. We wouldn’t know where to begin with something like that. Neither of us has a military background.” She looked at her husband, who sat forward and said softly, “What is it you want from us, kid?”
Jordan looked down at his hands and paused for a moment. “This is going to sound weird, but I was out cold for months – I missed all the funerals and investigations. Do you know if there was any confusion over the number of survivors? Did anyone else make it?”
Bill put his arm around Amanda. “Only you, Jordan. Only you.”
Jordan nodded. “Thanks. I just needed to check.”
“Of course,” Amanda said. “It must have been hard for you too – waking up in all that trauma. Hearing second hand about the fate of your colleagues... your friends. It was bad enough for the rest of us, having to go through all the goodbyes, but you didn’t get that. We know how much you cared about those guys. You were like family. We know you would have done....” Her voice trailed off as emotions took over and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She placed one hand up over her mouth and said in a muffled voice, “I’m sorry.”
Jordan got up from his seat and knelt on the floor next to Amanda. “No. I’m sorry. This is what I didn’t want to do today. I didn’t want to come here and bring up this bad stuff all over again. I shouldn’t have come.”
Amanda grabbed his hands. “Yes, you should have. You need help. We’re here. Luke would have wanted us to help in any way we can. Even if it’s just to talk to someone, at any time. It’s good to talk about the past,” she said, still fighting back the tears. “We tried not to talk about Luke for a while. It was too painful. But then it backfired.” She looked at Bill. “Things got a bit... difficult... for a while, but we’re getting through it. We know we can’t bury the past. It’s healthy to acknowledge what’s happened. In some ways, you’re our last link to Luke. Even if we can’t help with this awful bomb thing, we’d like to keep you in our lives.”
Bill nodded and placed a hand on his wife’s knee.
Jordan smiled at her. It was nice to know that they didn’t hold a grudge over his survival and not their son’s.
“We stayed in touch with several other parents for a while,” Amanda continued, “but after a few months, it was like we didn’t need that crutch anymore. We could remember our Luke in our own way, without having to meet people to talk about the attack. It was sort of pulling us back into grief. We cut ties.”
“We did keep in touch with one person, however,” Bill said, leaning forward. “Admiral James Ellison. He lost his son in the attack too. He was a great friend of mine for many years. He’s turned over every single piece of evidence about that explosion. If there’s anything you need to know, I’m sure he’d be the guy to ask.”
Jordan looked up at Bill hopefully. “Really? Great. Do you think he would mind me getting in touch?”
“Of course not. I’ll give you his number.”
Bill got up to fetch some paper and a pen while Amanda poured a drink for Jordan and Luna.
“So, let’s get onto slightly easier topics... How long have you two been an item? You look so comfortable together, I’m guessing nine months... a year?”
Luna looked at the floor and laughed, trying not to spit out the sip of lemonade she’d just taken.
Jordan’s knees danced up and down. Was it nerves? Why did that question strike such a reaction in him? Ignoring his jumpiness, he replied, “Oh, we’re not a couple. We’re just... friends.”
Amanda smirked. “Whatever you say.”
“His bike broke, he took it into my shop, there was a bomb inside it... and here we are,” Luna said, smiling.
“Well, that’s quite a story to tell your kids one day,” Amanda said, reaching forward for a cookie.
“Really. We’re not together,” Jordan said, but couldn’t help wishing he didn’t have to keep saying that. He didn’t want Luna to think he was offended by Amanda’s comments. He’d be proud to say she was his. But she wasn’t. It was as simple as that.
Bill returned with the information written on a bit of white paper. “He doesn’t live very far from you actually. He’s in an apartment on the outskirts of town. Retired. He’d be happy to see you I’m sure.”
Jordan took the note and examined the writing with a twist of nerves in his gut. It was hard bringing all these emotions to the surface again, for him... and everyone on his list.
He looked at Luna, who was crunching on a cookie. She caught his eye and smiled, and it sent a feeling of reassured calm through him. Facing dangers on a daily basis, dealing with work injuries, intense physical training and gun practice were one thing, but facing emotions head on was another thing entirely. If she was willing to metaphorically hold his hand through this, he could do it.