CHAPTER 09 - NAOMI
Closing the door to my room felt like sealing myself off into my own cocoon of warmth and safety. I paced around for a bit, watching the snow fall out the large window across from the bed, wondering just how much snow the world could gather all in one place before the entire state of New Hampshire just collapsed and sank into the ground under all its weight.
Clara knocked once as the evening set in to see if I needed anything, but I told her I was all set. She gave me a warm smile, which faded a bit as she saw the look on my face, then she quietly closed the door behind her and left me alone again.
The next time I looked out the window it was dark, and in the middle of nowhere like this, there weren’t any buildings lit up to light the night up, only a few streetlamp that weakly proclaimed that this wasn’t completely forgotten wilderness.
The snow kept coming down, a soft sound as the building whined and moaned every few minutes as if adjusting to larger people sitting on either side of it on an airplane.
After a few minutes more of watching snow fall, I shook my head and browsed the shelf of books, picking one to read while lying on the bed. I didn’t have a plan, didn’t know what I was doing; all I knew was that I wanted to be alone right now.
I especially didn’t want to be around Alex. I loved the way he looked at me, and thoughts of those strong hands running up and down my body made me moan to myself, but everything else about him, just…ugh.
Even though we’d had a late lunch by the time I heard sounds coming from downstairs my stomach had started rumbling again, and as exciting as the romance novel I’d picked up was, I knew that I had to get some more of Clara’s incredible cooking in me before the night was up.
I lay there on the bed, trying to read and ignore my protesting stomach as more of the smells of her cooking wafted their way through the porous walls of the old inn. This must have been how Clara announced mealtimes when more people stayed here — just open the lid of the pot and everyone would eventually find their way down to the dining room.
It was an effective plan, and after a while it worked on me - I couldn’t resist any longer and threw the book onto the bed, jumping up and checking the dress again in the mirror before taking a deep breath and heading downstairs.
Keep it together, Avery. Be nice, be cordial, eat your food, and come back upstairs. The sexy duke in the romance novel was just about to confess his love to the distant maiden, and I didn’t want to leave them hanging too long, as if the plot of the story would change if I did. I couldn’t deny those two lovebirds their happily ever after, now, could I?
I crept down the stairs, trying to announce myself as little as possible, which I realized at the bottom of the steps was weird, since as far as I knew there were only 3 other people in the building.
Marty and Clara were nowhere to be found, but the kitchen lights were on, and the smells came from in there. Alex sat in the same place as a couple hours ago, a big plate of food in front of him. He perked up when I entered the room. “She made lasagna,” he said, after taking a huge bite. “It’s the best I’ve ever tasted, but don’t let my mother hear me say that. They should have a restaurant in downtown Meridian.”
“Maybe they like it out here in the middle of nowhere,” I said, peeking into the kitchen and seeing the heaping tray of mouth-watering lasagna sitting there next to a pile of plates, like they were expecting more than just Alex and I.
After scooping as much of the goopy mess onto a plate as I thought I could stand, I filled up a glass with tea and headed back to the dining room. I glanced at the table I’d sat at before, away from Alex, then thought different and moved to sit across from him.
Small steps, right? I was at least trying. We were going to be mostly alone together for the next couple days, it was the least I could do.
A peace offering, of sorts.
Alex watched me through his dark eyes, gleaming, as I sat down in front of him and started to eat, nodding after my first bite. “And?”
It was the best lasagna I had ever had. Just the right consistency and temperature. I never wanted to eat anything else ever again. I looked down at my plate like it was…unlike anything I’d ever seen. “This is amazing,” I said, quickly taking another bite so I didn’t have to waste any more time talking about how great it was.
Alex nodded. “I’m gonna be a blimp by the time we get out of here.”
I highly doubted that, considering just how chiseled his body was, but I didn’t want to say anything, even though I felt my cheeks bloom red. Alex definitely caught it, and gave me another look at that smug smile of his. I quickly picked up a napkin and tried to cover my face under the guise of wiping my mouth.
We both ate in silence for a while, Alex polishing off his plate quickly and going back for seconds. I found myself to be just as ravenous as I’d felt before, and quickly went through my plate, bumping into Alex as he came out of the kitchen when I went back in for more.
We settled back in and ate, and before I realized this was the longest we’d been in the same room without getting angry at each other since we’d met.
That was progress, right?
“There isn’t much to do around here,” Alex said, in between mouthfuls, breaking an uncommonly comfortable silence.
“Well, yeah, it’s kinda more of a one night stop on the way through the hills. I doubt too many people spend more than a night or so here.”
“I saw some board games in the living room.” Alex wrinkled his nose. “They looked like they might crumble into dust if you looked at them funny.”
“Did your room have any books in it?” The look on his face suggested it didn’t. “Mine did.”
“Anything interesting?”
“Absolutely. More romance novels than I know what to do with!”
Alex rolled his eyes so hard I was momentary worried he’d hurt his neck in the process. “Hard pass.”
I chuckled. “What? What’s wrong with enjoying a little fantasy now and then?”
“Those things are so fake. Real life is nothing like that.” Every time he said something like that I wondered just what dark things he’d seen before he found me. Sure, he talked a big game, but I could see a profound sadness in his eyes that shook me to my very core.
But I wasn’t going to let him challenge me on my romance novels. Nope, this was my turf, and I was going to defend it till the bitter end. That was my happily ever after. “Who said it had to be? They’re harmless fun. Everyone’s gotta have a guilty pleasure.”
“I don’t,” Alex said, softly, looking down and away. I drew a sharp breath in — that was probably the most revealing thing he’d said to me yet.
“Come on,” I replied. “You’ve got to have something that you do, you know, for fun?”
Alex kept staring far off, and for the first time, even through all the hiking through the blizzard we’d done hours ago, he looked uncomfortable. “I don’t have a lot of free time,” he finally mumbled, and I could tell he hoped I didn’t press him any further on it.
I put in a mental pin in that — we were not done with that part of the conversation, but for the moment I took the high road and went back to eating to let him settle his thoughts, and he did the same.
When we were both done, Alex nodded toward the kitchen door. “No thanks,” I said, pushing my plate forward. “I’m stuffed. I couldn’t eat anymore even if it was even tastier.”
“Me neither, but I wasn’t going to let you beat me.”
Even I had to laugh at that.
And then we settled back into silence.
“There’s really nothing to do here?” I glanced around the room, almost answering my own question. This place didn’t look like it had that many guests even on busy nights.
Alex shook his head, then a curious smile came over his face that quickly turned a tiny bit sinister. “I did see one thing, though. In the kitchen.” His eyes sparkled. “It’ll warm us up for sure.”
“Huh?” But Alex was already up and heading toward the kitchen. “This place is already warm enough,” I called out to him, words I never thought I’d say in the middle of a blizzard.
I heard Alex laugh through the doorway, and then he poked his head back into the dining room. “Wearing a dress that tight?” He grinned. “If you say so.” And then he was gone again, and I heard the sounds of rummaging.
I was figuring out whether to be flattered or insulted by his remark about my dress when Alex came back into the dining room carrying what was very clearly a very old bottle of whiskey. “I must have found Marty’s private stash,” he announced triumphantly.
“You can’t take that! It’s not for guests!”
“Nonsense. There’s a note in the kitchen that says, ‘help yourself to anything, kids!’ so I’m just following the directions.” Alex sat down. “I’d have thought as a college student you’d know all about following directions.”
Somehow Alex always knew how to say the exact thing it took to get me going. In the wrong way. “You don’t know me,” I said, mildly in disgust.
“I’ve heard that before,” Alex said, and poured himself a double. “But I do know that you don’t have what it takes to go drink for drink with me.”
“I should hope not, you must weigh a good hundred pounds more than me.”
“That’s fair. How about I do 2 for every 1 you do?”
I looked up at the staircase leading to the second floor, and I could just barely make out the bottom of my bedroom door. I thought about rolling around in the blankets and settling back down with a pot of hot tea and a pile of those romance novels. If nothing else, it would get me away from Alex, even though a part of me didn’t want to leave…
“Deal,” I said, taking the second glass Alex had brought with him from the kitchen. “Pour.”
“That’s my girl,” Alex said, raising his eyebrows, and after a moment’s surprise poured me a single to his double.
I lifted the glass and rolled the brown liquor around it. “Let’s get one thing straight, Alex,” I said before tossing back the drink and willing myself more than ever before not to choke or cough as the burning liquid went down hard. “I am most definitely not your girl.”
The surprise on Alex’s face quickly turned to bewilderment and shock as I poured myself a second shot, then nodded at him. Alex robotically reached down and took down his entire double shot in one swoop, his head settling back as a smile curled on his face.
“This is the good stuff. I might have guessed Marty would only stock the best.” He tapped on his glass and I gave him another double. “Slow down this time,” he said. “I’m already two in, you don’t want me under the table inside of 15 minutes.”
I paused, letting the smile flutter across my face as I considered that possibility. “No,” I finally concluded, surprised by my own decision, “I wouldn’t want that.” Though the idea of him horizontal did have a certain appeal to it.
Alex nodded, and we both sat back, sipping our next drinks. Alex remembered something and went back to the kitchen before returning with a huge bag of tortilla chips so we had something to snack on.
By then I was starting to feel my liquor, getting lightheaded. The room spun a little bit, reminding me of the spinning gusts of wind and snow outside, and Alex started to look even hotter in the low light of the dining room, if that were even possible.
“What were you doing out on the road?” I asked, staring up from the pile of chips I had built in front of me like a fort; my front line of defense. “You said something about going to see someone. Where?”
“Meridian, where else?” Alex replied, quickly and derisively. “There’s not much out here.”
“Yeah, but where were you coming from? I know you don’t go to New Hampshire State.” Not with that attitude, calling it a haven for rich Meridian kids.
Alex scoffed as if the very idea was beneath him. “Nah. I was out there to do some fishing.”
“In December?”
“You never heard of ice fishing?”
“I mean, yeah, I have, but…you don’t seem the fishing type.”
Alex took a long swig of his whiskey. “I’m glad that I was able to break down your prejudices and stereotypes. Maybe after this is over you should thank me,” he burped, then added, “nicely.”
I wrinkled my nose at him. “Not gonna happen.”
Alex shrugged, staring into his glass. “I was staying out there, near a lake,” he finally said, not making eye contact with me.
“And the fishing?”
Another shrug. “Sometimes. Sometimes just hunting animals for food.”
“A real mountain man.”
“I’ve seen worse. Been worse.”
“Yeah? Tell me more.”
Alex finished his drink. “Nah, you don’t want to hear about it. Nothing exciting.” He poured himself another.
I waved my hands around the room. “Look like I’ve got a better place to be right now? Lay it on me.” Then I threw a chip at him. The first one bounced off his head, but the second one he caught and deposited in his mouth, chewing as loudly and as obnoxiously as he could.
“I’ve been overseas,” he said, though it was clear from his tone that this wasn’t just code for a couple weeks on the beach in Europe or in Bali. “Done some work overseas,” he added.
“What kind of work?”
With a pained expression on his face, Alex said, “Relief stuff. Disasters, famine, water, you know.” He grinned, but there wasn’t any force behind it. “The fun stuff.”
I looked at him like he’d just grown another head. I barely knew the guy, but I was pretty damn sure the last person I’d ever have thought to have done relief work, any kind of relief work, was the guy sitting across from me. My jaw must have hit the ground more than once before I could crank it back up to my mouth, because Alex looked wounded.
“Don’t look so surprised,” he said, angrily, downing his latest double shot and pointing at my own drink. I sighed and poured it back. The burning wasn’t as bad this time around.
“I wasn’t surprised that you did that,” I sputtered after setting my glass down. “That’s just not what you hear most people say when they talk about their time abroad.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not most people,” Alex said, reaching for the bottle and pouring us both new drinks. I stared at mine like it had become my nemesis, but thankfully, before I could do something too dumb and knock it back, Alex took both glasses and set them far away from us on the table. “Let’s take a little break from that, yeah? Looks like we’re both warm enough for the moment.”
I nodded, feeling flushed all over, and warm enough that were I alone, I wouldn’t be wearing this dress. I grimaced, chastising myself inwardly for thinking such naughty thoughts around a guy I at least thought I didn’t like. Maybe a little break from the booze was a good idea after all.
“Tell me more about the work you did.”
Alex leaned back in his chair and glanced at the ceiling, lost in thought, and I could see the memories of his time overseas playing back in front of his eyes. “I got to see a lot of things. I learned just how the rest of the world lived, and I, uh…realized that I had no appreciation for just how lucky I was.”
“So you decided to do something about it?” This was a side of Alex I didn’t know existed, which was an odd thing to say about someone I’d met this morning, but it felt like Alex and I were way past that.
Alex nodded. “It’s more than that, though. I didn’t do anything to deserve the luxury I grew up with - I was just lucky to be born into my family.” He leaned forward, a pained yet hopeful expression on his face. “I…didn’t know whether there was enough that I could do to make up for that.”
Suddenly Alex looked like a lost boy instead of a man, and my heart jumped out to him. I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and pull him close and tell him that everything would be OK.
“It’s not your responsibility to fix the world, Alex,” I finally got out, trying to lower the pressure I could see he put on himself.
“I know that,” he snapped, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “That doesn’t change anything. I could help, so that’s what I did.”
“How long did you do that?”
“Years. Whenever I could. All over the place — disasters in the Caribbean, Southeast Asia, helping people get water in Africa, I tried it all.”
“Tried it?”
Alex looked stricken, like he’d said something he shouldn’t have, and was hoping I wouldn’t catch it. “Y-yeah,” he said, sighing. “I was hoping I’d find something.”
“What kind of something?” I was on the edge of my seat, and through the slight haze of the percolating alcohol, I was enthralled. I’d spent this entire day thinking Alex was a complete asshole, just absolutely the wrong person to associate with on any level.
But this was another side of the guy, and it was shocking to have him open up like this to a complete stranger.
Alex looked at me, but it was like he was almost looking through me as he spoke. “I don’t quite know what it was. But I never found it in Meridian, so…” he shrugged. “I figured I’d look somewhere else.”
“Did it work?”
“For a little while, yeah. I did so much that I didn’t have time to think, didn’t have time to search for anything. It felt incredible, you know? Like I was actually starting to make a little bit of a difference. Like I was…putting in instead of taking out.” The way Alex’s face looked, I could totally feel the satisfaction he must have gotten from helping people. “There’s nothing like helping a village get water for the first time.”
He trailed off, and I could see a spark of sadness show up in his eyes. “It…didn’t last?”
Alex took a deep breath. “Nah. Didn’t last. It was good for a while. But then I figured that out, and I had to add more, had to try something else, something new. There’s aways evil and unhappiness in the world — and eventually you get tired of trying to take it all on.”
If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought Alex was describing a drug addiction.
“So now you’re going back to Meridian?”
Alex’s face hardened. “I have responsibilities there. You wouldn’t understand.”
The scowl on Alex’s face turned me off, and we both sat in silence for a minute, occasionally popping a chip from the bowl between us into our mouths, just staring at each other, each daring the other to speak next.
“Your turn,” Alex finally said.
“For what?”
“What’s your story?”
“I’m just going home for the winter break.” I shook my head. “Nothing exciting.”
“All alone? No frat guy boyfriend to come with you?”
There it was - Asshole Alex emerging again. “I don’t have a boyfriend,” I hissed. “I was going home to see my parents.”
Alex cocked his head to the side and winked. “I can tell there’s a story there, Princess.”
He just didn’t know when to quit, did he?
“You know what?” I said. “I’m feeling a bit more tired than I thought. I’m gonna head up to bed.” I smiled at him as sarcastically as I could. “I want to say that it’s been a nice evening getting to know you, but I don’t want to lie to someone I’ve just met.”
I stood up from the table, less woozy than I thought I’d have been, and did my best impression of the storm outside as I charged out of the dining room and back up the stairs to my room, only stopping to take a breath when the door was closed behind me and I’d put at least one wall between me and Alex.
I didn’t want to let him affect me like that, but I couldn’t help it, and it tore at me. I was in a daze as I got ready for bed, even though only the clock on the bedside gave me any indication of what time it was. Outside the window the storm raged on into the night, just like had been for hours.
At this rate it felt like I would be trapped here forever.
With a gorgeous man that I couldn’t spend more than hour around before we wanted to attack each other. In the wrong way. I had no idea how I was going to make it through the next couple days, or however long this storm lasted. The fact that Alex could go from being a dick to actually showing there was a brain and a heart to go with that body, all the way back to being a dick, inside of 20 minutes made my head swirl with frustration, and I just couldn’t handle it anymore.
I pulled the tight, old, dress off over my hips and off me, folding it as nicely as I could and starting a separate pile of clothing, before inspecting the other stuff and trying to decide what to wear tomorrow. I pulled on the only pair of pajamas in the pile and went to the bathroom, washing my face and staring at myself and how tired I looked for a little too long.
I didn’t hear any creaking on this floor, so I figured Alex was still downstairs. Probably drowning himself in what was left of the whiskey. Good for him.
Even though I knew I looked tired, something had gotten me all amped up and even when I got into bed, I tossed and turned for a while, unable to fall asleep, which was totally unlike me. Finally, after getting really frustrated that I couldn’t find a spot to get comfortable, I ended up turning on the small lamp on the end table and sitting back up to finish the story of the duke and the maiden.
The duke had just traveled a long distance to reunite himself with the maiden after parting due to a misunderstanding, and as the story picked back up he declared his love for her regardless of her station, damning the consequences and proclaiming that they’d build a life for themselves together wherever possibly, unbound by the chains of polite society.
I was getting really into it, hoping the maiden would make him work for it after he had treated her so dismissively, despite obviously being in love with her. I couldn’t stop turning the pages, eager for the next drop of the age-old story.
Just as I was getting to the maiden’s final rebuke, when I was sure she’d crack and declare her love for him in return, there was a knock at my door.
I almost jumped out of the bed with sudden fright, like right out of a horror movie. It was if I’d almost forgotten that there were other people in the inn with me. I held my breath in and hoped whoever it was would go away. I had a book to finish! I looked at the old alarm clock next to the bed — 11:07pm.
The same knock, again — stronger this time.
I set the book down on the bed and pulled back the covers, trying to take soft and quiet breaths as I stood up and tiptoed over the cold wooden floor to the door. Again I waited to see if they’d knock again.
The same knock, again — even more forceful.
This time I grabbed the doorknob and turned it, opening the door.
Alex stood on the other side. He had the bottle of whiskey in his hands, and he held it up, as if to show me that most of it was still there — hadn’t had anymore after I left. Then he set the bottle on the floor outside of my door, and stood back up, looking at me.
I didn’t say a word. His look spoke volumes. I didn’t need to say anything.
He reached out his hand, and without even thinking, I took it, feeling his strong fingers curl around mine as he pulled me into him. I threw my free arm around his neck and melted into him as he kissed me, hard.
The dull roar of the storm outside disappeared. The creaking of the old house around us disappeared. Everything disappeared in that moment as Alex kissed me. We’d only known each other for 12 hours, but it was a kiss that felt like it had been brewing for years.
All around me I felt enveloped by his strength and scent and warmth, and for a moment I didn’t know where I ended and he began. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, swaying in each other’s arms, connected by our lips. Our tongues feinted to and fro around and into each other.
It was magical. Unlike anything I’d ever experienced before, and I knew already that this wasn’t the last time he’d kiss me like that. I wouldn’t let it be the last time.
Then he was picking me up, and I felt giddy for an instant as my feet left the floor and I surrendered to him, secure that he’d keep me safe. I felt his hand at the top of my head, pulling me down and closer to him as he walked us slowly but surely into my room. I felt his fingers brush against the top of the door frame, and then we were in.
My eyes were closed but I heard the door creak shut behind us, and we were alone. Our lips had only separated for long enough to breathe in, and occasionally run our tongues over, before we were back at it. I clung onto Alex as he walked, wanting to pull him even closer and closer to me.
Neither of us had said a word. No words were necessary.
We stood as one jumbled mass together over the bed for a long time, till I started wondering in the back of my mind in between kisses whether Alex’s legs and back would start to hurt, but he stood like a tree unbowed by whatever the weather could throw at it.
Eventually though, he leaned over, without shaking, and dropped me on the bed, leaning over me and planting his hands down by either side of my head, still kissing me.
I groaned and wrapped my legs around his waist, still trying to pull him closer into me. We lay like that, partially on the bed partially off, pausing to stop moving again and keep kissing.
Each time I briefly opened my eyes, I saw Alex’s dark eyes flutter open and watch me back, sharing a bond that I’d never felt with anyone else before. It all felt so new and so rushed, but I couldn’t help just going with it, like a surfer on a wave when the tides came in. I held on and kissed him back, and realized for the first time just how amazing a kiss could feel.
Alex pushed me up the bed and then climbed on himself, rolling to the side, making me turn to face him so our lips would stay connected. His arm wrapped underneath my head like a pillow, cradling me into him, and when he reached down and gripped my butt, pulling me into him even further, I could feel his hardness through both of our clothing.
I wanted him. I wanted him so badly. We were all alone; who knew where Marty and Clara were — all we had to do was take off our clothes and keep going. I couldn’t remember ever wanting anything more.
And then…he stopped. Alex broke our kiss, and I thought he was just moving so I didn’t think anything of it, but as the moment stretched into seconds I opened my eyes, confusion clear on my face.
Alex had pulled back, his mouth open, his eyes far off, like he’d suddenly been transported somewhere else. He pulled away, falling to his back on the bed next to me, staring up at the ceiling.
I rolled over next to him, still not sure what was going on. Was he having second thoughts? Did I do something wrong?
I opened my mouth to speak, to ask the questions that jumped all through my mind, but then I closed it again without saying a word — something felt different in the room, like a line had been crossed.
Alex took a deep breath and sat up. I reached out and touched him on the upper arm, squeezing him, trying to reassure him, but he didn’t pay any attention and just stood up.
I lay there on the bed as he went to the door, turning around and giving me one last look of sadness before he opened the door and left the room, closing it behind him.
I was aghast - I had no idea what had just happened, and neither of us had spoken a word during the entire time he was here. I glanced at the clock and saw that 23 minutes had passed since the knock on my door.
I lay there in bed until sleep came, completely flabbergasted at what had happened. I felt his kiss on my lips, felt his arms around me, keeping me close to him, and even after just a few minutes together, I found that I missed that feeling, missed that bond that we had shared for only a little while.
Sleep took a long time that night.