Seraphina opened her eyes to a shadowed room, a heavy arm wrapped snugly around her waist. She felt her heart palpitations as last night flashed through her head and her entire body warmed the same way the sun would warm her body.

She and Brandon had had sex. She and Brandon had had sex and it was glorious and wonderful and it was literally the best thing she had done for herself in a long, long time. She stretched and refused to let herself think about what this meant and getting out of bed. Once she did that, the dream would be over and reality would hit and they would have to move on. Because they couldn't do this more than once.

Right?

If Brandon even wanted to.

"I can hear you thinking," he murmured.

She smiled and buried her face into his shoulder, trying to hide her blush. He tilted his head down and kissed the top of her head, rubbing her arm with his hands and giving her goosebumps.

"When is your morning skate?" she asked him, opening her eyes and tilting her head back so she could look at him. 

His hair looked messy and adorable, his eyes bright but tired. He maintained a good grip on her waist. She liked to think it was because he didn't plan to let her go anytime soon, which was fine by her.

"Eight," he murmured. "So in an hour and a half. We're away so we skate earlier."

Seraphina nodded. She wasn't surprised that she woke up early. Unlike her sister, she preferred mornings and it was difficult for her to stay up past ten o'clock at night unless she had a very good reason to do so. And Brandon was a very good reason.

"I knew that," she said.

Her right hand was still swollen and it was hard for her to curl her fingers around anything solid but she could trail her fingers up and down his shoulder.

"You coming?" he asked.

"I did," she said with a grin. "Multiple times."

He chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Should we talk about it?" he asked, perking his brows.

Seraphina sighed through her nose. "Talking about it makes it real," she murmured. "Which means we would have to figure out where to go from here. Or it can be a beautiful, one-time thing."

Brandon furrowed his brows. "A one-time thing?" he said, cocking his head to the side. "I don't want it to be a one-time thing, Sera. I've been waiting for this moment since I first met you." He pressed his lips together and looked away, almost as though he hadn’t meant to say that, but it had come out of his mouth anyway. “Anyway, I don’t want this to be just once.”

“Brandon,” she murmured, looking at his collarbone. She had never thought something like a collarbone could be sexy. But she was starting to find little things on Brandon that were sexy, like the corded muscle in his forearms or the line in his thighs.

“Sera,” he returned, his voice a little more forceful than hers. He wasn’t being aggressive; rather, he was being direct. And he wanted her attention. Her eyes snapped into his and they were a fierce green color, like grass under the sunlight. “Please.”

Her eyes widened. She knew Brandon well enough to know that he wasn’t the type of guy to say please. He just didn’t do that. This clearly meant a big deal to him and she felt guilt start to pool in her stomach at the fact that she wasn’t taking this as seriously as she should have.

“I’m sorry, Brandon,” she said. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

He seemed surprised by her response and immediately pulled away from her. The look he gave her made her entire heart break. Crack. She thought she had been hurt before. Even her grandfather’s death, something she felt each and every day, hadn’t weighed her down in this way. Because she could stop this. She could make him take her back in his arms and kiss her again and make love to her and make all of this just go away.

But she didn’t take it back.

How could she?

“Tell me what you feel, Sera,” he said. There was a tone to his words that was almost begging. But that was impossible because the last person Seraphina would think would ever beg was Brandon Thorpe. “Tell me what you want. Because I’ve been putting myself on the line here the past twenty-four hours and I feel like you aren’t reciprocating. And it’s hard for me to open up. So I’d like to hear how you feel now.”

“Brandon, I-“ She stopped herself. Why was this so difficult? All she had to do was put into words how she felt. Her eyes locked on his and she took a deep breath. “Brandon, I love you.” Once the three words came out, more did, too. “I’m crazy about you. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I dream about. And maybe that was too much information and you think I’m some weird stalker now but I swear I’m not. I just… Being with you is something I want more than anything.”

Brandon pressed his lips together and crinkled his brow. He was waiting for the other foot to drop, she realized, and she hated the fact that what he was waiting for was going to happen. That as much as she wanted him, she couldn’t be with him. At least, not right now.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone else,” she continued, craning her head to look at him. She wanted him to understand how serious she was being. They didn’t know each other that well, couldn’t read each other’s faces just yet, but if she portrayed herself as open maybe he could discern how genuine she was being now. “And I don’t want to ruin your reputation, either.”

Brandon shot her a look. “How would you ruin my reputation if we were together?” he asked. “Come on, Seraphina. Don’t play dumb.”

“If you’re sleeping with me, people would assume you slept your way to the top,” Seraphina pointed out. “Everything you’ve sacrificed, your mom’ sacrificed, your sister sacrificed, would mean absolutely nothing because it was known that you and I are sleeping together. Nobody would believe you earned any of your triumphs, unless you think earning them through great sex counts. People won’t take you seriously.”

“Do you really think the guys on our team would think that?” Brandon asked.

Seraphina shrugged. “I honestly don’t know, Brandon,” she said. “But I need to protect you and I need to protect myself. This is my grandfather’s legacy and I will not have his name tarnished because his granddaughters can’t seem to keep their legs closed around the players.”

Brandon furrowed his brow. “Is that what you think this was?” he asked. “You spreading your legs?”

“You’re looking at this from a male perspective,” Seraphina pointed out. “The problem is, I, a woman with blonde hair and big boobs who did absolutely nothing to earn this team in the first place, am not a man. I am a woman and as a woman, I am under way more scrutiny than my grandfather ever was. And you know what? That’s partly deserved. I didn’t go to business school and I didn’t know much about hockey before suddenly being forced to. But other stuff is way more bullshit than you guys have to deal with.” She pressed her lips together and looked away. “Ask your sister.”

Brandon’s eyes narrowed at the mention of his sister. “Excuse me?” he said.

“Ask your sister,” she repeated. “I’m sure she’ll have some idea of what I’m talking about.”

“I’m sure my sister would pick my side-“

“This isn’t about picking a side, Brandon,” Seraphina said. “This is about what women have to deal with on a constant basis with positions of power in a male-dominated career. I’m not here to talk about feminism and equality even though those discussions should have their place at some point in the NHL but talk to your sister. Ask her what she went through playing hockey in Canada and everything she had to deal with. I guarantee you she has her own stories.”

“What does my sister have to do with you and me?” Brandon asked. “I’m not saying you’re wrong, but what does that have to do with us?”

"She doesn't have anything to do with us," Seraphina allowed. "But women have different expectations placed on them than men do. We're out under more of a microscope if we have positions of power, and if we don't, we're ignored completely. If you and I were to be whatever we were going to be, it would be complete hell. You would get ridiculed completely. All the hard work and dedication and sacrifice you put into this career, including everything your family did for you when you were a kid, would be for nothing. People wouldn't take you seriously. Your skill would come into question completely."

"You think I give any type of shit about that?" Brandon asked through gritted teeth. His eyes sparked with anger and it broke Seraphina's heart to see him look at her this way. It made her feel entirely wretched, but she knew she was right. She was protecting him. "You think I care what people think of me? And how I got here? My skills speak for themselves. I have nothing to prove to anybody. And for you to think that I would care..." He clenched his jaw. "You don't know me at all."

"What do you expect?" Seraphina asked. "You don't tell me anything. You don't have conversations with me. A couple of days ago was the first time you talked to me about something not totally hockey related."

"You want to know how I feel, Sera?" he asked. "I'm crazy about you. I'm so fucking in love with you I don't know what to do with myself. I stay away because I don't want to be around you, I don't want you to realize it. Because I can't be around you and not want to touch you. I want to be with you. I want to be around you. And I know you feel the same way about me. I know you do."

"It doesn't matter what I feel," she told him but he interrupted her before she could say anything else.

"Of course it matters," he said. "Of course it does. If you feel the same way about me, there's no reason for us not to be together."

Seraphina crossed her arms over her chest and looked away. Her heart was heavy in her chest, sinking down to the pit of her stomach. "What do you want from me, Brandon?" she asked him softly. "What do you want me to do? I've already told you we can't be together. Maybe you can't see it, but I can. I know what is being together would do to you and-"

"Yeah," he said. "It would be the best thing that's ever happened to me. Even better than playing hockey. Being with you would surpass that." He clenched his jaw and looked away.

Seraphina's eyes teared up but she couldn't let him see how much this was breaking her. "You should go, Brandon," she told him, not able to look at him while she did so. "I'm not going to be able to tell you what it is you want to hear."

Brandon's mouth dropped open. She had never seen him look surprised before. But then he got a hold of senses, clenched his teeth together, and left. It was only then did Seraphina feel safe enough to release the tears she had been holding back.