"It's like heaven and hell all at the same time," I say to Dina as we sit on the swings and watch Ben play in the sand with the kids she babysits. "I mean, he's amazing. The way he looks at me is…just like something out of a Nicholas Sparks movie, you know? He's so romantic and dreamy and careful with me. And when we make-out, it's like the rest of the world and all of my problems just disappear."

Dina looks at me, her face screwed up in confusion. “What’s the hell part, then?”

“Because I can’t sleep with him even though I want to so bad it’s making me crazy.”

“Why not? You’re over eighteen. It’s a free country. You both want each other.”

“Yeah, but I can’t get pregnant My mom would murder me. And when she was done, I’d be left just like Carla. Stuck in this stupid town. Stuck raising a child on my own.”

“There are other options, you know.”

I shake my head. "I can't go see Doc Taylor. Not with my aunt working there."

“Condoms are pretty reliable.”

“Pretty reliable isn’t enough for me. I come from ridiculously fertile stock. Plus, I just can’t. I promised myself I wouldn’t make the same mistakes as my mom and Carla and I’m going to hold strong. If I knew this was going to be more than a summer fling, I’d go for it. But, there’s no way to be sure.”

“Sure, there is. Does he talk about the future?”

"Yes, as much as I'll let him." I let my bare feet drag in the warm sand. "It makes me feel kind of scared."

“You’re scared to believe him in case he’s lying.”

“Or he changes his mind. I mean that can happen, too, right? He goes back to college, or gets signed by an AFL team and forgets about me. We’re just from such different worlds, you know?”

“I know. But, most things aren’t worth doing if they aren’t a little bit scary.”

I laugh. “Thanks, Oprah.”

"I'm serious. That's one of the things I know for sure," Dina says, lightly punching my arm as she swings forward.

Ben comes running up to me. “Auntie Jess, I’m hungry.”

“Again? We just ate lunch, little man.” I muss up his hair.

“I’m a growing boy, Auntie.”

“Okay, let’s go get you some food, then.”

* * *

That night, Ethan sneaks me onto his parents’ yacht. When we get there, he lights some candles that sit on a table for two on the deck. The moon is full and shines brightly over the calm water. I’m so glad that I decided to wear something pretty tonight. I’m in a flirty red dress that I borrowed from Dina and, with her help, I managed to tame my hair into submission. It sits on my shoulders in smooth waves instead of wild curls shooting out from every angle. Ethan can’t seem to take his eyes off me which makes the effort worth it. He puts on some John Legend music and holds out his hand to me.

“Wow, for a football player, you’re very romantic.”

“Only for you. I’ve never done any of this before.” He pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me, then we dance together until the song ends and a new one begins.

“I never want this moment to end,” I say.

“Me, neither. You feel so perfect against me, Jess.” He leans down to kiss me on the lips. It’s a slow, long kiss that tells me how much he cares.

When he pulls away, I whisper, “Is this really happening?”

Ethan smiles down at me and nods. “I wanted to make tonight one that you’ll never forget.”

“I won’t. This is all so perfect.”

"Good, because I wanted the first time I tell you I love you to be a moment you'll always remember."

My heart pounds in my rib cage. “Did you just say…”

“I love you, Jess. I love you so much it feels like my heart could burst sometimes. You’re all I think about, all day. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I know we’re young, but I want to start a life with you.”

I watch him as he talks, he looks almost scared to be saying all of these beautiful things and I understand how he feels because I'm afraid to hear them, to trust those words. Tears fill my eyes and I lift myself onto my tiptoes and press my lips to his, then say, "I love you, too. You're everything I want, Ethan."

The way he kisses me now, with his hands on my cheeks, is exactly the way a groom should kiss his bride. It’s sweet and tender and filled with longing and passion. I want to give him everything. I want to give him myself. I kiss him back hard, pressing myself against his sculpted body, feeling his erection pressed against my stomach. Reaching down between us, I cover his bulge with my hand and run my fingers down the sides, then fumble my way to the button on his jeans and undo it, then unzip them. He moans, a deep growl that comes from his chest and I know he wants this, too.

I frantically lift his shirt over his head and toss it onto the deck, then gaze at his rippling muscles in the moonlight. He’s perfection. I kiss and lick his smooth skin, exploring every ridge, every dip and valley of his abs as I lower myself onto my knees.

I tug at his boxer briefs, freeing his enormous cock so I can see it for the first time. I want this. I lick him from the root to the tip, then swirl my tongue around the head of his cock while he stands over me watching. I've never been this girl, this wild, in-charge, sexy girl, but he brings out a side of me I didn't know was there. I plunge my mouth over his cock and suck him in as deep as I can. I only manage to get about halfway because he’s too long and too thick for my mouth and I’m a little more than scared about how he’ll feel inside my tight pussy. Pulling back, I run my tongue along his cock, then take him in deep again.

His hands go to my hair but he doesn’t try to control me, he doesn’t force me to go farther than I can, and I know I can trust him. I keep going for a long time until my mouth goes numb, until he comes in long waves, shooting hot bursts of liquid down the back of my throat. I hold him there until every last spasm is over and he pulls out. Swallowing, I lick his cock clean before he lifts me to my feet like I’m a sack of sugar.

Ethan kisses me hard on the mouth, his tongue finding mine. Our kisses are urgent and frantic like he's going off to war and this will be our one chance to be together. His hands glide down my body and he lifts my dress, skimming the backs of my thighs with his fingertips until he gets to my panties. I'm suddenly a little embarrassed because I don't have any sexy lingerie, only cotton briefs, but he doesn't seem to mind because his cock has gone rigid again so quickly.

He pulls back and tugs my dress over my head, then stares down at me in my bra and panties, smiling at what he sees. He tosses my dress, then grips my hips and then lets his hands travel up to my breasts, running his thumbs over my already hard nipples. Within seconds, my bra is on the boat deck and his mouth is over my right breast. He does the most delicious things with his tongue and teeth that I almost come. Moving over to my left breast, he does the same thing, driving me wild with each passing second.

Dropping down to his knees, he kisses his way down my tummy and then slides my panties off, leaving me exposed to him and the hot summer air. He nudges my legs apart, then licks my folds slowly, carefully, moaning as he gets his first taste of me. He lifts my left leg and positions it over his shoulder so he can get deeper with his tongue. I want him to thrust his tongue inside, but he teases me instead by sucking on my sensitive skin and licking me everywhere but where I want him to. I let out a pouty groan and buck my hips, trying to force his tongue inside my pussy but he keeps teasing me until I can't take it anymore.

I stare down at him as he works his magic, loving me with his mouth, taking his time. Finally, he brings one hand up and runs his fingers along my slit, then spreads me open and thrusts his tongue deep inside my pussy. I’m so wet already and my pussy is throbbing so hard with desire for him that I come immediately, grabbing his head and pressing myself against his face as I buck and my breath catches. I cry out his name and feel the most wonderful pulsing of satisfaction ripple through my body.

When it's over, he pulls me down with him onto the deck and I lay on top of him, our naked bodies pressed together. I can feel his erection between my thighs and I want him inside me more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I suddenly understand the urgency that Carla gave in to. It's like nothing else in the world is as important as this. It's a deep, primal need that I can't fight. I rub myself over his thick, long cock, feeling the heat between us as we kiss and grope each other.

I bring him in just an inch and my body explodes with pleasure. Pressing myself onto his cock, I try to bring him into the hilt but he stops me. "No. We can't."

“I want to, Ethan. I want you now,” I pant, shameless in my desire for him.

“Not yet, Jess. I’m not going to let you break your promise to yourself.” He holds me still so I can’t move, I can’t bring him in any farther. I can feel the tip of his hard, smooth cock and I want it so badly I could cry out of frustration.

Ethan lifts me off him and lays me down on my back, then rolls so he’s on his side. He runs one hand lazily down my body, between my breasts and along the center of my tummy, smiling at what he sees.

I lift my head up so I can kiss him, hoping he’ll change his mind and give me what I want. Biting his bottom lip, I then thrust my tongue inside his mouth and we kiss like there’s no tomorrow. He brings his hand down between my thighs and presses his palm to me, rubbing me and sliding two fingers inside my hot, wet pussy. His pace picks up, more frantic, more urgent as he pleasures me. His stone-hard erection presses into my side and I want it but I’ll take what I can get.

Kissing his way from my lips to my earlobe to my neck, he then moves down to my breasts, sucking and nipping at my nipples, plunging his mouth over each one as he finger fucks me. I come in hard jolts, the sky turning black for a second, losing myself in the incredible pleasure he’s giving me.

When it’s over, we make-out some more. He wipes the come out from between my legs and uses it to wet his cock, then takes my hand and places it over him, covering my hand with his and showing me how he wants me to stroke him. Our mouths meet and he kisses me some more as we work together bringing him the same kind of satisfaction Ethan just brought me until finally, he comes, liquid spilling on my tummy and spraying my breasts as he calls out my name.

Once he’s done, he presses his forehead to mine. “You make me so hot, Jess. I can hardly stand to be around you without touching you.”

“Me, too. I want this, all of it,” I say, my voice coming out breathless and thick with emotion.

We lay together for a while, under the stars and the shifting moon until he gets up and gets a cloth to clean me up with. He wipes my tummy and breasts lovingly, then folds the cloth over and wipes between my legs.

“I have to go home. My mom will know I didn’t go to a movie if I’m not back soon.”

“I know. I just wish we could stay here and wake up in each other’s arms tomorrow,” he says with a deep sigh. Then he runs one finger along my cheek and says, “Someday, Jess. Someday soon we’ll wake up together in the same bed every morning and no one will be able to say a word about it.”

“God, I hope so.”