Chapter Seven

 

 

Harper held Jacob’s hand as they walked two blocks to downtown and their canoe-shaped bench that overlooked the beach. Families played on the sand, enjoying the tropical Christmas holiday.

Harper breathed deeply of the salt air with a sigh of contentment. The late December sunshine was so completely opposite cold, dreary London that she was tempted to extend her stay a few more days. She didn’t mind wearing Jacob’s clothes—the t-shirt was comfortable, and she’d rolled his pants to her knees.

“I see why you love it here, Jacob.”

He nodded, pleased and totally fitting in with plaid board shorts and a gray t-shirt. “What’s not to love? Blue skies, warm sand—a beautiful girl.”

“Charmer.”  She glanced up at him and drew in a breath. He was so handsome to her now that she would never forget that hint of a dimple, or the freckles across his nose.

She noticed a plywood cutout of Santa riding a dolphin as they strolled across the sand to the surf. “I don’t know if I could ever get used to a Sandy Santa.” She pointed to the pier. “Are those people fishing?”

“Yeah. Want to go? We can rent fishing poles.”

She grimaced. “No. Thank you.”

He elbowed her and she stepped ankle-deep into the ocean. “No fishing for you?”

“I prefer to eat it already breaded and fried. Fish and chips—yum.”

“I will remember that for next Christmas.”

She swallowed.  He was already planning next year?  She drowned the alarm bells that things were happening too soon.

Too rigidly.

What a joke, when she was the one to plan. This interlude with Jacob had been precious to her because “they” had no plan. No rules or structure. You couldn’t break what didn’t exist.

She lifted her face to the breeze.

She eyed the blue building in the far-off distance. “I’ve never come this way before. Is the hotel that blue one?”

He looked past them to the pier and then ahead at the row of hotels and condos. “I think so—let’s walk. We’ll find it eventually.”

She laughed and lifted her face to the sun, her eyes partially closed to soak it in.

 “I am trying to imagine you in the city. Isn’t London rainy and gray? You belong in the sunshine,” Jacob said.

“The sun shines in London!” She rolled her eyes at him. “Maybe not like here, but it can be beautiful—especially in the spring.” Would he come visit her? Would the magic of their passion survive the reality of everyday life? Harper forcefully kicked at a wave.

This was not the conversation she wanted to have with herself right now.

Now was about fun, and laughing, and joy. She took Jacob’s hand and squeezed.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing!”

He stopped her in the surf to look into her eyes, searching. She reached up and kissed him for all that she was worth, putting everything she didn’t know how to say into the fusion of their mouths.

He returned the pressure, nibbling her lower lip, until they heard a whistle from someone on the beach near a red striped umbrella. “Get a room!” the voice shouted, adding another catcall.

Embarrassed, she buried her head in Jacob’s neck.  He waved and they walked forward, laughing. At last she saw the tiki bar with the thatched roof and said, “That’s it!”

“Nice,” Jacob said. “And you were right. Very blue.”

A few couples were sitting outside at the bar and she waved to Jeff the bartender. “Sorry you had to work,” she said.

“I don’t mind. My family is in New York. What better way to spend the day than in paradise?” Jeff smiled at Jacob.

Jacob kept his hand on her lower back. “Should we get drinks for the room?” he asked.

“Sure. What are you in the mood for?”

Jeff interjected, “All champagne and pomegranate juices are half off.”

“What a treat!” she said, looking at Jacob. “Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah. We will take two, please.” Jacob looked around at the ceramic dolphins cavorting with the reindeer. “This is a cool place.”

Jacob paid for their drinks and she led him to the room after wishing Jeff a Happy Christmas. Upstairs, she unlocked the door to her suite.

“I have never actually slept here. I’ve paid for four nights and this will be the first time.”

Jacob surveyed the space she’d previously admired—blue on blue on blue. “Great view.” He checked the bathroom and gave her a thumbs up. “And yes, on the tub.” He kissed her cheek. “I am glad to be spending tonight together.”

They clinked their champagne flutes and drank. The air grew heavy.

“What time am I taking you to the airport tomorrow?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, that’s all right. Don’t you have to work?”

“I can see if Jane will sub for me. She has the week off.”

“I don’t know…” A ride to the airport changed the dynamic of what they were. And she didn’t know what that was just yet. It was all so new.

He sat at the small dining table before the window. She sat across from him.

“Where do you see this going?” he asked.

She wanted to drag her feet and tell him not to go there but it was weighing on her mind too.

Could it be more than just this?

“I don’t know,” she hedged. “You?”

He playfully wagged his finger at her. “I asked you first.”

She scrunched her nose. “I don’t want to answer.”

His smile had a hint of sadness. “You don’t like me?

“I like you very much,” she countered. “It will be hard to say goodbye.”

“But this time we can call, email, or hell, even write the occasional letter. You gave me your address, and I already made sure that we’ve exchanged phone numbers.”

Trying to keep things light, she failed by saying, “Your last long distant relationship didn’t work out.”

“Ouch.” Jacob finished his champagne.

She winced. “Sorry.”

“Honest.” He shrugged, crossing his feet at the ankles.

The mood had changed between them as much as she wished it hadn’t.  She set her champagne aside. “All right. Let’s do this.”

She felt an invisible axe over her neck waiting to slam down like a French guillotine. How dare she be happy, even for a few days?

“Were you hoping to go back to London and just come here for Christmas every year?” Jacob’s right shoulder lifted as if he was hurt that she hadn’t planned a rosy future for them. “And how long would that work out? Until you met someone else?”

“I hadn’t thought beyond whether or not you would be here. Or if the attraction would still exist.” She held out her hand, palm up.

He clasped her fingers and a zing raced through her. “Our chemistry is hot.”

“It is,” she agreed. “It hasn’t faded for me, either.” If anything it had grown. There was no explaining it.

“So. We limp along until next year?” His tone let her know he thought that idea sucked eggs. He pulled his hand away.

“You could visit. See how you like dreary London.” Her chin hiked defensively.

“I can’t leave my new business.” His jaw clenched, and he looked out the window.

They waited a few minutes, but no miracle answer surfaced.

“Maybe we should just see what happens…” she suggested lamely. “Why does it have to be something right now, other than this?”

Jacob tapped the table. “I spent all of last year looking at the calendar, waiting for yesterday, to see you again. My angel.” He made a fist and lightly pounded his chest. “This has never been just sex for me.”

It hadn’t been for her, either—but she hadn’t known until last night that it was true. “You’re rushing me.”

He sat back and she could feel his disappointment in a wave.

Her cheeks flushed and she got up from the table, walking away from the small kitchenette to create distance.

He bowed his head. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” His eyes, when he raised them, seemed filled with angst. “That you would move in to my apartment with me, and we’d live happily ever after?”

“I can’t leave London. I’ve worked at my job for over fifteen years.” Her home was there, her memories of Todd. Felicity—she didn’t have a lot of close people in her life so her friend meant a lot.

He scowled. “I wouldn’t ask you to.”

“Why couldn’t you have just gone along for another day?” Her heart ached at having such an emotional connection ripped away—budding still, before it had a chance to grow, now ruined.

Jacob slicked his hand through his hair. “I guess my sister was right—she called you my Christmas Hook-up Angel.”

Sick, Harper put her hand over her stomach. “What?”

She looked at the facts…it might have been true but to be the butt of his family joke hurt her so badly that she leaned against the wall.

Harper had trusted him, silly as that was, not to cause her pain. “You should probably go.”

 

 

Jacob wished he could take his words back, but they’d left his mouth and it was too late. The hurt on Harper’s face would stay with him. “It wasn’t like that. I’m sorry—Jane saw how serious I was about you, without knowing you, and she made a joke to protect me in case you didn’t show up.”

Harper crossed her arms and gave him her back as she looked out the window.

“My aunt is always telling me that sometimes you have to be uncomfortable in order to feel good again.”

“Your aunt is quite something,” Harper said drolly. “Philosopher and baker?”

Jacob flinched at her sarcasm. “She encouraged me to follow my heart with you.”

Harper whirled and studied him in surprise. “Your heart? We have slept together twice.” She held up two fingers. “Or should I say, hooked up? How could our hearts possibly be involved? And don’t give me that nonsense about fate!”

Jacob watched Harper very carefully to see if she meant what she said. How could they not have a heart connection? If he wasn’t with her, then he would be missing a part of himself.

That’s why the last year had been so difficult.

It would be worse, realizing who she was, where she was, and that he still couldn’t see her because he’d uttered hurtful words. Somehow they had found one another despite living in different countries. “How else can we explain it?”

“We don’t.” She lifted her chin, her eyes brittle and cool as if she’d cut off her emotions with him.

He couldn’t do that—he didn’t know how. “I don’t want to leave like this. I’m sorry…let’s go take a bath together. Or get another drink. Don’t shut me out, Harper.”

“The hook-up is over,” she said, her slender nose inching upward.

Jacob rose from his chair, bumping the table in his haste to reach her. He gently stroked her hair back from her cheek. “I love you. I don’t know why I feel so strongly, but I do. How can I make you see that?”

She could freeze fire with her voice. “Love doesn’t happen so quickly, which makes me wonder why you are so desperate.”

He reeled backward. “Desperate? The only desperation I feel is that I might lose you. What happened to that brave woman who bought a plane ticket?”

“She cheated.”

Harper strode across the room with posture straight enough to hold a stack of books on her head, and opened the door, pointing to the hall and his exit.

He glimpsed the sheen of tears before she blinked and they were gone, the cool blue back again.

He’d screwed up, but this couldn’t be the end of them, not after waiting so long to be together. It had been a stupid mistake—why couldn’t she feel his love? He slowly, slowly, slowly crossed the threshold and he was out of her room.

She closed the door, and he waited in the hall. He knocked but she didn’t relent—though he heard her stifle a sob.

“Go,” she said, her throat husky. “It is better to end this now before we are hurt any worse.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He would drive her to the airport. Make her see his side of this.

“I don’t love you,” she said. “You were a rebound for me after my husband died. What kind of woman would I be if I fell in love while mourning Todd?”

He realized then that she felt guilty over their relationship and leaned his forehead against the door. “There are many different kinds of love,” Jacob said. “If you ever were to love me, it doesn’t mean that you’d loved Todd less.” He put his palm against the door. “I am sure he would want you to be happy.”

Jacob wasn’t sure Harper would answer. He waited for an eternity it seemed before she sniffed and said, “He did want that.”

He soaked that information in. How could he reach her?

“You’d been mourning his loss for longer than a month when you came to the beach,” Jacob surmised. “Please don’t hold onto guilty feelings that don’t serve you. You are loyal, and caring, and strong. Don’t give up on us.”

“There is no us, Jacob.” Her voice caught. “And I won’t be back next year.”

He heard the sound of her footsteps walk away from the door, then the sound of the shower.

Jacob walked home.