Chapter Seven
Alfie woke to the same thoughts that had filled his mind last night—a collision of disappointment and excitement.
Disappointment over LLB’s last message and excitement over Leo Novak.
There was no two-ways about it—last year’s crush on Leo had returned with a vengeance. And while it didn’t exactly eclipse his disappointment over LLB, it certainly distracted him. And that couldn’t be a bad thing.
He spent the morning working, listening to Christmas tunes on the radio, and closed at lunchtime, heading home to eat a sandwich. He ate at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, enjoying the view of the real tree in the corner of his family room, lights glowing. Maybe it was extravagant to have a tree when it was only him, but he’d always loved Christmas and didn’t see why he should compromise just because he was alone in the house these days.
His dad had passed away three years ago now, finally succumbing to emphysema after decades of struggle. The house and the business had been his and Alfie had inherited both. He’d spent a lot of his off-hours over the last couple years fixing the house up just the way he liked it. All he needed now was someone share it with, and for the last few months he’d been entertaining romantic notions of enticing LLB to move out to Long Island. But since last Tuesday, those castles in the air had started to crumble...
And now there was Leo.
He shook his head at himself when the memory of those pretty sea-glass eyes crept into his mind. He’d only really gotten to know the guy a couple of days ago, yet he felt a profound connection he just couldn’t explain. And as he sat at the breakfast bar in his kitchen, looking out into the open plan family room, he could sketch Leo in his mind’s eye, lounging on the sofa, his sock-clad feet propped up, and his nose buried in a book.
Romantic nonsense. His dad had always called him a soft-hearted fool, and he wasn’t wrong. But the image squeezed his heart with a bright hope that felt different to his intense, cerebral feelings for LLB. Leo Novak was real, tangible—touchable. He made Alfie’s pulse race in a way LLB never could.
Finishing up lunch, he stuffed everything into the dishwasher and headed out to help set up the stalls. Don Brennan was already there and, to Alfie’s surprise, so was Sean Callaghan. Between the three of them, they wrestled the folding tables out the back of the rental company’s truck and began setting up. Dee had a master plan of what went where, and Alfie was happy to do the grunt work. By three o’clock, all the tables were in place, gazebos erected over most of them to keep off the worst of the weather, and power cables trailed out to allow the floodlights to work.
The Christmas tree stood at the center of their little market, glittering in rainbow lights, a star perched at a jaunty angle on top. The kids were going to sing carols under the tree and, with luck, parents and other visitors would mix and mingle, and buy festive treats from Dee’s stall, books from Leo’s, and all sorts of arts and crafts from the others beginning to show up and unload their wares.
Trying not to look overeager, Alfie made his way to Bayside Books a little after three. The winter sun was already low in the sky, making the bright lights from inside all the merrier. Leo had been hard at work, the Christmas tree they’d bought now sitting in the window, decorated in red and white with a tasteful scattering of ivory lights.
Alfie paused outside the store, struck by a memory of the moment last night when he’d been tempted to lean in and claim a kiss. Leo had looked inviting, no doubt about it, gazing up with wide eyes, cheeks rosy with the cold. All that had kept Alfie from reaching for him was the thought of LLB, and how much it felt like betrayal. But was it? They’d made no promises. And LLB had been the one who hadn’t shown up, the one who’d left Alfie waiting alone. He was the one who wanted to keep their relationship virtual.
Truth was, he didn’t know whether or not it would have been a betrayal, but he did know it would have been unfair to Leo to start something when his heart was entangled elsewhere. So he’d resisted, and it was for the best. Whatever the source of this strange bond he felt for Leo, he had to understand what he felt for LLB before he waded into something new. For now, they should only be friends.
Probably.
But it would be difficult, he realized, as he glanced through the window and saw Leo pilling books into a box. He was wearing those ubiquitous skinny jeans, but today he wore a thick dark blue sweater flecked with hints of green, the sort that had long sleeves and a hole for your thumb. He had slim, artistic fingers, and Alfie felt a visceral tug of desire—he knew, without question, what it would feel like to kiss those fingers, to hold that warm sweater-clad body in his arms. He’d smell of cedar and books, and that wide, expressive mouth would be warm and eager, his eyes bright beneath his lashes.
The impression washed over him in a flash, a physical sensation that left him breathless. And then, as if sensing his thoughts, Leo looked up and smiled. Alfie felt it right below the belt, a frisson of raw desire he’d never felt for LLB’s brilliant mind. He lifted a hand to wave, taking a moment to quell his feelings before he pushed open the door and stepped out of the cold.
“I’ve spent all morning fishing out Christmassy books,” Leo said. “And some bestseller’s too.”
“So I see.” Alfie inspected a couple of boxes on the floor near the door with an amused smile. If he sold even a fraction of them, he’d be doing well. He nodded to the window. “And you put up your tree.”
“Oh yes.” Another smile. “It looks nice. I might take it upstairs for Christmas.”
Alfie felt his face drop. “You’re here for Christmas?” Alone, was the word he didn’t say.
A one-shouldered shrug was Leo’s only response as he turned back to his final box. “I’ve never been a real fan. Gray was the one who…” He trailed off.
“Gray being your cheating ex?”
“That would be him.”
Spend Christmas with me. The ridiculous offer jumped onto the tip of Alfie’s tongue and it took some effort to swallow it back down. “I, uh, I’m alone for Christmas too,” he said instead. He’d been planning to binge-watch the 1995 version of Pride and Prejudice while messaging LLB and eating way too much food. His refrigerator was packed.
“Oh,” said Leo, and they looked at each other for a long moment in which neither suggested they spend the holiday together.
“Anyway.” Alfie broke the silence. “Let’s get these out to your stall and make it look festive, huh? It’s real cold out there, though, so wrap up.”
Leo tugged at his sweater. “I have, like, five layers under this.”
Alfie refused to imagine peeling them off one by one to reveal what lay beneath. Leo was slender, but not skinny. Alfie vividly remembered the feel of muscle and sinew under his hand when he’d touched Leo’s arm last night—definitely not scrawny beneath those five layers of clothes.
Once Leo had grabbed his coat, hat, and gloves, they hauled the boxes out and up to the parking lot where they were setting up the market. Snow still blew in the air, but nothing substantial had settled, and the light was that slate grey that made everything inside glow bright and warm.
They had as much fun decorating Leo’s stall as they’d had buying the decorations, Leo balancing precariously on the table to string lights around the edges of the gazebo, Alfie trying to keep the rope tinsel from blowing away in the stiffening breeze. As daylight faded and the market was ready to open, they stood back together to admire their hard work.
“It looks good,” Leo decided, sounding surprised and pleased. They’d grouped the books into different genres, set other boxes on the ground for people to rummage through, and highlighted the Christmas titles—especially the children’s books—in the center of the table. The Christmas lights made the covers gleam, and Leo had even wrangled some Perspex holders to display the nicest-looking titles. “Next time, I’ll get a proper sign made,” he said, eying the flapping paper that read Bayside Books. “And some business cards to hand out.”
“Bookmarks?” Alfie suggested, smiling because he liked the idea of ‘next time’.
“Bookmarks! Yes, of course. Much better.”
Another shared smile as they stood side-by-side, Leo’s shoulder nudging Alfie’s. It would hardly take any effort to lift his arm and loop it around Leo’s shoulders. And he wanted to—it felt instinctive, natural, like he’d been doing such things for months. He’d loop his arm around Leo’s shoulders, pull him in, press a kiss into his hair.
It was inexplicably strange, this sudden familiarity. Strange but wonderful. “Leo,” he began, uncertain where the sentence would end.
But a commotion behind them had Leo turning around, distracted, as the kids arrived from the school, full of laughter and excitement, to set up for the carol singing around the tree. So they joined the crowd, letting the proud parents get in front of them, and for half an hour belted out all the old favorites as New Milton gathered together to sing.
Leo nudged him halfway through Jingle Bells, nodding toward a car parked further down Main Street and the two guys walking toward them holding hands. Finn and Josh, making an appearance. Dani would be happy. And Alfie had to admit, they had class; they didn’t distract attention from the kids, but when the singing was done and a few squeals ricocheted around the market, they were happy to cooperate with the inevitable selfies.
Alfie laughed to see Dani muscling her way between the pair, her phone up as they all smiled for the camera.
“They look happy,” Leo said, hunching into his coat behind the table. He was right, they did look happy, sticking close together as they spoke to people and browsed the various stalls. But they couldn’t hold Alfie’s attention for long, not with Leo around. Not today. Alfie put a hand to his coat pocket, felt the weight of his phone there, almost as if LLB was watching as he gazed with dreamy eyes at another man.
He felt a spike of guilt. But was it wrong? Would LLB be hurt if he knew?
Alfie had no idea. Despite knowing in detail LLB’s opinion on all Austen’s novels, he didn’t know whether he would care that Alfie wanted to find a dark corner and kiss Leo Novak breathless.
And that couldn’t be right, could it?
Leo looked over at him, eyes smiling behind his glasses, and then the customers started and Alfie grinned as he listened to Leo talk. Whatever he might think of his marketing skills, Leo knew books—he knew every book on the table, could point his customers to exactly what they wanted, and suggest other titles he didn’t have with him. And he seemed to be enjoying every moment.
“But that’s not selling,” he protested later, when Alfie pointed out his obvious skill. “It’s just talking.”
Alfie couldn’t help himself—he mussed Leo’s hair. “Selling is talking, dufus.”
Leo’s grin knocked the breath out of him, and after that Alfie had to escape. Against all expectations he was falling for Leo Novak, falling fast, but he couldn’t do it like this—not with LLB hovering at his shoulder. The least he could do was tell him.
Finding a quiet spot behind Dee’s busy stall, he pulled out his phone. Swallowing hard, he wrote: I need to tell you something. This guy? I really like him. I don’t know if anything will happen between us, but I wanted to tell you in case it does. I don’t know if it would even bother you, but I don’t want to hide anything. Your friendship means too much to me for that.
He waited, heart leaping when the dancing dots appeared.
LLB: You’ll always be my friend xx
Alfie stared at the pale glow of his phone until the screen went black. Nothing else came from LLB, but he supposed that was answer enough. Permission, in a way. Not that he’d needed permission. But it certainly hadn’t been a refusal, or a plea to give LLB more time. They were friends, and that was all LLB seemed to want. Okay then.
Regret and anticipation tripped over each other, with a good measure of bafflement thrown in at the rate things were changing. Nevertheless, he felt lighter as he slipped his phone into his pocket and wound his way through the crowd, deciding to stop off at Dee’s stand for something warming. Leo obviously felt the cold, he’d appreciate a hot drink.
The thought made him smile like a fool.
***
Leo’s phone buzzed in his back pocket shortly after Alfie disappeared to take a look around the rest of the market. Making use of a lull in customers, Leo sank down onto the chair behind his stall and pulled out his phone.
He read the message about five times. I need to tell you something. This guy? I really like him….
He was the guy. Alfie was telling him he really liked…him. Christ, this was getting complicated. But he had to reply, and with the only truth he dared admit:
You’ll always be my friend xx
Despite the crazy situation, he found himself grinning as he re-read Alfie’s message, his heart fluttering as a great, fat flake of snow landed on his phone screen. He was wiping it off on his jeans when a shadow fell over him and he looked up to see Dee standing in front of his stall.
“Evening, Romeo.” She wore a bright purple hat and scarf and behind her he could see the snow making a more determined effort. “I’m looking for a romance novel,” Dee said, “one with a happy ending.”
Not quite trusting the acerbic edge to her voice, Leo said, “That pretty much defines the genre.”
“Hmmm.” She peered at him over the tops of her pink glasses. “I’m looking for one where the hero steps up and tells the truth.”
Leo was on his feet in an instant, scanning the crowd for Alfie. “Shhh...”
“I take it from the meercat impersonation that you haven’t told him.”
“I’m going to.” He busied himself straightening the books on the table, not looking at her. “It’s difficult.”
“It’s four words.” She ticked each one off on a finger. “I’m. Your. Online. Boyfriend.”
Leo glanced around again, spotted Alfie in line for drinks on the other side of the market, and relaxed a little. “I meant it’s complicated,” he said. “If I tell him now I’ll look like…like some kind of crazy stalker.”
Her arched eyebrow spoke volumes. “And whose fault is that?”
“I am going to tell him,” he insisted. “I just have to find the right time. If I don’t, I could…” He swallowed around the bitter thought. “I could lose them both.”
“Them both?” Dee’s eyebrows collided with her purple hat. “Listen to yourself, Leo Novak. It’s the same man.”
“I know that.”
“So tell him the truth.”
“I will.”
She fixed him with an uncompromising look. “You’d better. Because, if you don’t, I will. Alfie Carter’s a good, honest man. I won’t let you toy with him like this.”
“I’m not toying with him!” The accusation stung. “I’ll tell him, okay?” Past her shoulder, he saw Alfie making his way toward them carrying two steaming cups. “I’ll tell him tonight. After the market.”
Dee must have followed his gaze, because she turned to greet Alfie with a smile. “Thanks for all your help today,” she said as he joined them. “Couldn’t have done it without you, Alfie.”
“It’s going great, huh? Everyone’s loving it.”
They chatted for a few moments more before Dee headed back to her stall, leaving Leo with a stern parting look. He watched her go, wishing he could blame her for interfering, but knowing that she was right. He had to tell Alfie the truth before things got any more complicated between them, but how could he tell Alfie he’d been at the Whiskey Jack that night? That he’d chosen to let Alfie think LLB hadn’t shown up? He was afraid their burgeoning friendship couldn’t withstand that cold blast of truth, and he didn’t think he could bear that.
“Hey, cheer up.” Alfie held out a warm cup. “Hot chocolate with whipped cream.”
Leo smiled despite his worries. Something about Alfie provoked his smiles. “Thanks.” He shivered, the cold creeping past all his layers and into his bones after three hours standing around outside. He took a sip, the warm creamy flavor comforting, and he gave a quiet sigh of pleasure. “This is amazing.”
Alfie didn’t reply, but Leo didn’t miss the darkening of his eyes or the way his gaze had dipped to Leo’s lips. The currents between them shifted, running together like waves on the beach, and when Alfie lifted his eyes to Leo’s it was with an honest heat. Had they been alone, Leo might have leaned across the table and answered that look with a kiss. But he could practically feel Dee’s disapproving glare from the other side of the market, so he broke their long look and watched the crowd instead. It was thinning as the snow started to fall with serious intent. “Weather’s closing in,” he said. It happened like this near the coast, he’d noticed, the clouds racing in from over the water without warning.
“Yeah,” Alfie said. “We should think about packing up. Your books are gonna get wet.”
“Shit.” He hadn’t considered that. They pulled the boxes at the front of the stall under the table, the gazebo above keeping the worst off, but all around them people were starting to pack up as the crowds headed home for the night, children squealing in delight, parents worrying about the state of the roads.
Between them, he and Alfie lugged the books back to the store before they got too wet, and then headed back to help take down the rest of the stalls. Dee had keys to the church hall and they dragged everything in there to dry overnight, promising to come back in the morning and help pack up properly.
By the time they were done, the snow was falling fast and starting to settle. Big, fat, joyous flakes caught the rainbow light from the Christmas tree as they swirled around in the sharp wind. Alfie grinned as they walked home together, snow dusting his hat and the shoulders of his coat. Leo was frozen to the bone, his arms and back aching from hauling around books and tables, and he’d never felt happier. For the first time in a long while, he was light as air, carefree as the falling snow.
They drew to a stop outside Leo’s store, pausing in the light of his little Christmas tree that was still glowing merrily in the window. Alfie turned to face him, hands in his pockets, head lowered against the weather. Neither made a move to leave, tension coiling up and wrapping around them, drawing them closer. Leo felt it in the clench of his stomach, in the pulse fluttering high in his throat.
“This was fun,” Alfie said at last, toeing the accumulating snow with his boot. “I had fun. I’m glad you came.”
“Me too.” Snowflakes caught on Alfie’s eyelashes, melting against the scruff on his jaw. He looked unbearably handsome and Leo’s heart leaped toward him like a caged bird. “Thanks for inviting me.”
Alfie nodded, pulled his hands out of his pocket, his dark eyes lifting to meet Leo’s. He swallowed, throat working, tongue wetting his bottom lip as he reached out and took hold of Leo’s arm just above his elbow. “First time I ever saw you,” he said, “you were unloading your truck right here.” Leo couldn’t breathe, let alone speak; he could only stare, could only feel the firm press of Alfie’s fingers against his arm and want more. “I thought you were gorgeous.”
Leo cringed at the memory. “You offered to help me unload, if I recall. I was an ass.”
“Yeah.” Alfie smiled. “I wish I’d gotten to know you better.”
“I wish I’d let you.” He took a deep breath. Now was the moment, now he had to tell the truth and face the consequences. “Alfie, I—”
Warm lips touched his, Alfie’s hand gentle at the nape of his neck, and Leo was falling, swept away. Dreamlike, his hands came to rest on Alfie’s shoulders, slid behind his neck as Alfie drew him in with a strong arm about his waist, and they fell into each other’s arms. The soft caress of Alfie’s tongue against his lips set Leo alight and he sighed softly as he opened for him, deepening the kiss in a tender tangle of tongues. And then it was all hard, urgent breathing and the struggle to get closer despite a dozen layers of clothing between them, the snow whipping cold against their faces.
Leo’s glasses were knocked askew and a blast of cold air sent him stumbling a step sideways. Alfie laughed as they pulled apart, eyes brilliant and face flushed in the glow of the Christmas lights. “I think,” he said breathlessly, “I’ve wanted to do that for about a year.”
Leo had no answer, his confession still frozen on his lips.
Reaching out, Alfie straightened his glasses for him, his gloved hand coming to rest against Leo’s cheek. “I don’t know if this is a good idea, I’m kind of a mess, but… Do you want to come back to my place for a while? Before we turn into snowmen out here.”
Leo felt like he was standing on fragile ice, that if he said anything to disturb it they’d both fall into the icy depths below. And why risk it? Why risk the truth when they could both have this beautiful moment instead?
“Yes,” he said softly. “Yes, take me home, Alfie Carter.”