I had no idea where I was, but I still felt safe.

There was darkness pressing in on all sides, but it didn’t quite reach past the golden hangings of my canopy bed. I was naked and stretched out on the soft white comforter. I was waiting. Waiting for what, I wasn’t sure, but I knew that whatever it was, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

It didn’t take long for me to find out.

A pale hand reached out of the inky blackness and intertwined its fingers with mine. The hand was thin, but strong, calloused, but gentle. Full of potential. “Sam,” I breathed as the rest of him followed, curling up beside me. He was naked as well, his body warm and smooth and strong beside mine. The hand that wasn’t gripping mine went to my hip. I couldn’t stop myself from looking down at the long, thick cock between his legs, and my own length started to harden. I was practically salivating just looking at him. He was perfect, truly perfect.

And he was in my bed.

I wanted to ask him why he’d chosen me out of all of the people in the world to be with. I wanted to know what made me worthy, why I was somehow allowed to be in his presence as if I was his equal. As soon as my lips went to form the words, though, they were covered by Sam’s in a hot, wet, hard kiss.

I groaned. It had been years since I’d had proper human contact, even just a firm hug, and I absolutely melted under the intensity of his passion. It thrummed through my body like an electrical current and I clung to him, mentally begging him to stay, not to leave me behind, not to abandon me. Please, I thought. Please, just stay here. Just let this happen, even if it’s only once. Please.

I didn’t need to say a word. When he drew back, the smile he gave me proved he wasn’t thinking of going anywhere.

I tried to bring his lips back to mine, but he ducked down, choosing to lap and suck at my neck instead. My eyes glazed over as he swept his tongue over the hollow in my throat. I felt him chuckle at that, but I couldn’t hear it. I could feel his smile in the kisses he rained down over my chest, but he never spoke.

I was hoping to make it last, but both of us seemed to realize that wasn’t going to happen. Our kiss had been so fervent, so mind-boggling, that I was already fully, embarrassingly hard, and when his lips traveled down the length of my body, I made no move to stop him. We could kiss all we wanted later, I realized. For now, I just needed this. I needed that mouth I’d been staring at on me.

His tongue dragged up the underside of my cock and I gasped, clutching hard at his hair. He smirked up at me, pleased with himself, teasing me by running his tongue around the head of my cock, his eyes boring into me while I gasped with pleasure. I thought back to the frat guy in the story who only lasted for a couple minutes, and I was starting to think I’d found out why.

Still, he took his time with me. I pleaded with him silently, trying to thrust into his open, waiting mouth, but he pulled back each time, punishing me by only flicking the tip of his tongue over my slit, which was already beaded with precum. I lay back, breathed through my nose, and tried to be patient.

It was only then that I felt the soft, wet heat of his mouth engulfing my cock, and I couldn’t watch him anymore. My eyes rolled back at the way he tongued the sensitive spot on the underside of the head, and my fingers wrenched at the sheets in desperation. I stayed perfectly still, not wanting to ruin my chance, not wanting him to pull away, because his tongue was so smooth and was writing a love letter against my shaft and I felt I was going to die if he stopped.

His head started bobbing, first slowly, but then gaining speed along with my breathing. I didn’t speak, didn’t even whimper. I just held on for dear life. I tried to time myself. How long had it been? Had it been more than two minutes, at least? I didn’t know how long I was going to be able to hold back with the way his slick, tight throat massaged my cock.

Then he hollowed out his cheeks, sucking so hard I felt little rivulet of his spit sliding down between my legs, and that was as much as I could stand. I came hard, lights popping like flashbulbs behind my eyelids as he licked and sucked through my orgasm. My body shook so hard that I worried he would laugh, but he didn’t. He just came up and laid next to me, pressing kisses to my shoulder. I blinked up at the canopy and tried to catch my breath.

When I turned my head to kiss him, it was Paul’s deep brown eyes that were staring back into mine. His thin mouth quirked into a bitter smile, and I heard his voice clear as day, the first real sound I’d heard in that room:

“Forever, huh?”

I sat up in bed, panting and staring around through the darkness. A part of me really believed Paul was there in that moment. I tried to feel relief at the idea, but I couldn’t bring myself to dredge that up. I felt an acute pain in my chest, the ripping open of an old wound, and an overriding sense of terror.

I kicked off my comforter and sheets, scrambling to turn on the lamp. It illuminated the generic but comfortable hotel room I’d fallen asleep in. It wasn’t until I sat in the cool air, freed from the covers, that I felt the wet spot in my boxers.

I leaned my head back and tried to catch my breath, but the shaky, terrified bursts of air slowly transformed into sobs.

I don’t deserve them, I thought. I don’t deserve Paul. I don’t deserve Sam. I don’t deserve anything.