Cine n-a gustat amarul, nu stie ce e zaharul.
If there were no clouds, we should not enjoy the sun.
“You leave tomorrow,” Alina murmured as she sat on the ground by the river with Vasile’s head in her lap. She ran her fingers through his hair, loving the way the strands tickled her skin and loving even more that she alone had the right to have her fingers in his thick, dark hair.
“Hmm,” he responded.
She grinned. His eyes were closed and he was nearly purring at her under her ministrations. Three days had flown by. They had been inseparable except at night when they were forced to sleep apart, and even then he had slept opposite her with only the wall of the cottage between them. Every night she had fallen asleep to the sound of his deep voice telling her tales of his life, the short time he remembered with his brother, and the years he had had with his parents. It was obvious he loved his family very much and she ached for his loss. He was alone, left with a pack that had been falling apart around him without his notice. He had told her how his father’s mind had begun to fail, and that was why his attention had not been on the pack. She could feel his guilt and that broke her heart as well.
“What are you thinking so deeply about?” he asked her softly.
She looked down and saw that he had opened his eyes and was watching her. She blushed under his gaze. She was pretty sure she would never get over someone so handsome taking notice of her, mate or not. “I am just sad for you. You have so much on your shoulders and no one to bear it with you.”
“I have you,” he told her as he reached up and ran his fingers across her cheek.
“But I cannot be with you, not really.”
“Just knowing you are here waiting for me is enough for now, Mina.”
As she stared down at him, she felt him opening their bond up even more so that she could see his memories. She smiled at the memory of the first time he had seen her. To him she was indescribably beautiful. He saw her in a light in which she had never imagined herself, and it warmed her to know he was so attracted to her. She saw his pain over the memories of his father, and before he could sensor it she saw his mother with something in her hand and felt Vasile’s sorrow.
“What was that?” she asked breathless from the intense onslaught of emotions pouring out of him.
He sat up abruptly and ran his hands over his face. She could tell that he did not want to talk about it, and yet he wanted her to know because he wanted her to know all of him.
“My parents were not who they appeared to be,” he began.
Vasile let out a deep breath as he began to tell his true mate about his parents. He was embarrassed and yet he knew if he told her she would not judge him. His Alina was a kind, gentle soul, and if anyone could understand what he was going through, it would be her. She listened to him without interrupting, seeming to understand that he needed to get it all out. Like a dam breaking open the story rushed from him with all the gory details. And even though it was brutal to relive, when he finally finished, he felt as if a thousand pounds that he did not even realize he had been carrying had been lifted off of his chest. His heart was still pounding in his chest from the memories of finding his father a bloody mess by his own hand. If he had ever wanted to wipe his memory clear of anything more than those images, he could not remember it. He finally turned to look at her and immediately gathered her into his arms.
She was weeping silently, his little Luna, broken for him. She was not bothering to block her emotions from him and he felt all of them: anger at his parents for putting him in such a position, admiration for his mother at having loved a man that had not been her true mate for so long, and pain for his father at having slowly gone mad. Regardless of the love his mate had for him, it was not enough.
“Do not waste your precious tears on me, beloved,” he whispered to her. “It is a sad story, but it was their choice and only they are responsible.”
“That may be,” she said around quiet sobs. “But they…left you…to deal with the consequences.” Her words were interrupted by the rapid breaths caused by her tears.
When she began to shiver, he pulled her tighter against him as though his arms would be enough to hold her together. He hated that telling her had caused such hurt in her, but then he knew that was the way of true mates. They felt deeply for one another, and when one hurt, they both hurt. When one rejoiced, they both rejoiced. He knew that even though there would be times when the truth would be hard on her, he would not keep things from her. She was his mate, his equal, his beloved, and she alone deserved to know everything―even his darkest, most painful secrets.
“No one must know, Vasile,” she said suddenly, her voice urgent as she pulled back so she could look up at him, “not even my parents. If the wrong wolves in the pack had that information. . . .” Her words died away as her eyes widened at the understanding of how bad that would be.
“I know, Alina. Only one other knows the truth and he will not speak of it.”
“You are sure?”
He nodded. “Anghel was one of my father’s best friends, regardless of the fact that they were Alphas of separate packs. They respected one another and that respect will continue on past the grave.” He stood then, still holding her in his arms, and began walking back towards her home. It was after dark and past time he got her home. “It is late and you need rest. I have surely taxed you with my sordid family secrets.”
She shook her head against him. “None of us is perfect, Vasile. We all have dark things tucked away that we would rather never see the light of day.”
His wolf perked up at her admission. “And pray tell, Mina, what dark things do you have tucked away?” He dropped his voice suggestively hoping she would hear the teasing in it and the desire to know her even more.
She laughed. “I think I will wait until I bear your marks and your bite before I go digging into my gritty details.”
“There is nothing you could ever tell me that would keep me from you.” He gently set her down at the door of her home and tilted her chin to look up at him. “You are stuck with me Luna mine, forever.”
She smiled and it nearly stopped his heart to know that it was for him and him alone. “In a couple of centuries when you are growling at me in irritation, I will remind you of your words this night, Alpha.” Then to his surprise and utter pleasure she reached up on her toes and pressed a quick kiss to his chin before quickly ducking into the cottage closing the door quietly behind her.
He chuckled at her boldness as he wandered over to his usual place to sleep for the night. He stripped off his clothes, folding them for in the morning, and then phased into his wolf form. He settled down against the side of the cottage and waited.
“Goodnight, Vasile,” her voice brushed against his mind.
His wolf rumbled with satisfaction. “Goodnight, Mina.”
Alina’s eyes fluttered open as she felt something brushing across her lips. She blinked several times to see Vasile’s handsome face come into focus. She could not stop the smile that spread across her face.
“It is time for me to go.”
And just like that the smile from the previous night was gone. His words were like a jagged piece of glass cutting across her chest until her heart was exposed to the harsh elements, no longer protected in the safety of his care. She nodded as she sat up and brushed her hair from her face. Alina knew she should care that he was seeing her in such a state, but she was filled with too much sorrow to care.
He stood to give her room and she followed as she briskly braided her hair down her back and straightened her clothes. She had been so tired the night before that she had not even bothered to change into her sleep clothes.
“Can I walk you out?” she asked him putting on the bravest smile she could muster.
“I would like that,” he answered with his own pain lacing his words.
They walked hand in hand in silence to the edge of the forest where his two warriors had departed only a few days ago, but to Alina it felt like months. For three days she had lived in a bubble surrounded by Vasile. She had foolishly thought that it would not come to an end, yet here she stood about to tell him goodbye. For how long she had no clue. She was afraid to turn and look at him, terrified for him to see the desperation she felt, embarrassed by her neediness.
“I need you even more,” he told her softly as he turned her to face him despite her desire to keep him from seeing her. “You have no need to feel embarrassed, Mina. You can look inside of me and see just how frantic I am to keep you with me. I am fearful that if you see just how strongly my wolf and I feel for you, you will run.”
As she looked up at him she was surprised to see the sheen of wetness in his eyes. The tears never fell, but the anguish of what he felt was clearly there. She needed to be strong for them both because he was not exaggerating. She let go of her own pain long enough to look into her mate and sucked in a breath as she realized just how closely he was to taking her with him, consequences be damned.
“We can do this,” she said with a small smile as she lifted her hand to his cheek allowing their skin to touch. He turned his face into her palm taking a deep breath and then pressing a soft kiss to it. “I am not going anywhere. I will be right here waiting for you in two years. You do what you need to in order to help our pack heal, and when it is time, we will finish this.”
The wicked smile that stretched across his delicious mouth had her heartbeat racing. “We will indeed finish this, beloved, and it will be sooner rather than later.”
She was sure that he would kiss her, hoped beyond reason that he would pull her close to him and press his warm lips to hers, but he did not. Instead he pressed them to her forehead and then held her tight against him for several minutes. He did not say anything, not out loud, but he flooded her with his love through their bond causing her gut to clench against the assault. When he finally pulled away, he looked into her eyes one last time and then turned taking off at a dead sprint phasing as he went. She had felt the determination it had taken for him to turn from her and how deeply it cut him to let her go, and she wondered if either of them would heal from the pain that being separated for so long would surely cause. She could feel him clamping down on the bond, attempting to keep her from enduring his distress. For now she would let him but not for long. He was hers, and she would not let him endure anymore pain alone. “Never again my love,” she told the tiny speck that her mate had become against the vast forest stretched out before her. “Never again will you suffer alone.”
Vasile slowed to a trot once he was within a mile of his home. He needed to get control of his emotions before anyone saw him. Alphas did not have the luxury of being out of control. It was seen as weak, and weakness was something he could not afford. His gut told him something was coming, and he did not think it was a good something. When the pack castle came into view, for the first time in his life, it was not a welcome sight not because he did not love it but because his mate was not there waiting for him. Instead she was a hundred miles in the opposite direction feeling the same ache that was growing in him with every mile as he moved further and further away. He stopped abruptly and threw his head back as a deep mournful howl rushed out of him. To say that his wolf was not happy was like saying the ocean was just a pond. He was barely holding him back and truly did not know how long he would be able to keep the beast from going after their mate. In all truthfulness it was a tossup between who would lose control first―the man or the wolf.
As his howl died he heard the answering howls of his pack. He tried to keep his emotions from leaking into the pack but the higher up wolves would have felt something, even if it was only a small amount of his grief. More than likely they would think it was still over the death of his parents. They had no idea that he had just left his mate, unbonded and unmarked, behind him. And something was telling him he needed to keep the fact that he had found her a secret. If nothing else, his father had taught him to listen to his intuition. Oftentimes, the wolf picked up on things before the man did and so he would listen. He would also make sure Nicu and Ion had not said a word to anyone. He was pretty sure they would not speak of it until he permitted them to, but it was better to be clear about it than make assumptions.
As he entered the castle back in his human form and dressed in clothes that were left by the back entrance for wolves who needed them, he went straight to his father’s study. My study he reminded himself. His first three were there waiting for him. He motioned for Ion to shut the door and then turned to face them. All three of them dropped their eyes immediately. Apparently, he was not as under control as he thought.
“Alin, what do you know?” he asked his second.
Alin looked up but made sure to keep his eyes from meeting Vasile’s. “Ion and Nicu filled me in on how things went in the villages. I dispatched the help you requested and have been waiting to see what more you would like done.”
Vasile looked at Ion and Nicu pointedly.
It was Ion who spoke first. “We figured anything else you wanted others to know you would tell yourself.”
Vasile nodded. “Thank you for your discretion.” He began to pace as he considered his top three wolves. As far as he knew his father had trusted them explicitly. But once again he felt his wolf urging him to tread carefully.
“I had a small issue that had to be dealt with in the furthest village. One of the younger wolves was pushing himself on females because he was determined to find his true mate. His family is loyal and I do not want their name tarnished, nor do I want the pup's name spread throughout the pack soiling his reputation. It has been dealt with and he understands the consequences if he makes the mistake again.” Vasile looked at Alin as he spoke. What he was saying was true to an extent, and it was feasible that such an incident would need to be kept quiet. He just hoped Alin accepted it as the information Ion implied they had withheld.
Alin nodded. “It is hard to wait for our true mates.” His words implied empathy for the young wolf that was desperate, but his eyes were void of emotion.
Vasile dismissed them and as soon as the door closed he reached for her.
“Are you well, Mina?” He tried to keep the pain he was feeling from their distance out of his voice, but he knew that he would not be able to hide it all. He felt her surprise at hearing him, and it brought a smile to his face as he pictured her eyes sparkling with her mischievous grin.
“I am, and you?” Her voice was like a summer rain after months of hot, dry days. It flowed over him and through him quenching the already wilting places inside of him.
“No more than a couple of hours have passed from when I last saw you, and I find myself struggling not to run straight back to you,” he admitted without shame. “How will I survive this, Alina?”
Alina could feel his turmoil as if it were her own. The frustration that laced his words dug deep into her soul adding to her own torment. It was not as simple as missing the one you loved. It was a desperation born of being unable to breathe without them near, as if your lungs would not function because of your love's absence. She leaned against the door of their cottage she had been about to enter when she heard his voice. Her hands trembled and her heart was pounding so hard she was sure it would leave a bruise on the outside of her chest. She did not know what to say to him or how to comfort him when she, herself, ached with the pain of the hole inside her.
“You will survive because you have to,” she told him in what she hoped was a stern voice. The only thing she knew to do at that point was to appeal to the dominant in him, to draw on the sense of obligation that an Alpha felt towards his pack and bring that to the forefront instead of the agony of their separation. “We both have things we need to do; focus on those things, Vasile. You need to be an Alpha right now. You need to restore our pack so that we will thrive. I am not going anywhere. I will be right here where you left me when it is time for you to come for me.” The next words that came out of her mouth shattered her already broken heart, but it was the only thing she knew to do that would keep them both sane. If they continued to feed off of each other's hurt and grief, eventually neither of them would be able to function. “I completely understand how you feel, Alpha mine; I need you to hear that. Not even half a day has gone by, and I am being incapacitated from the waves of emotions that are not only flowing from my own soul, but yours as well. I cannot live like this, Vasile, not for two years. I need some space. I am not abandoning you,” she quickly added when she felt his temper flare. “I am asking you to help me endure this by keeping the bond narrowed so that so much of our emotions do not flood the other's mind. I know you will not admit to it, but you need the space as well.”
“For how long,” he bit out.
“Until we are able to control our own emotions, we need to accept the situation, and our wolves need to accept the situation before we will be able to tolerate the pain.” She waited for his response gritting her teeth to keep from begging him to come back for her.
“This is really what you want?”
Her mind screamed, “No!”
“Yes,” she answered ignoring the snarling wolf inside of her. “I want what is best for us, and I think for now this is what is best.” She knew she was using his own words against him, but she was desperate for him to agree so that she could close down the bond enough that he would not feel her fall to the ground in a mess of sobs.
“So be it.” His voice was cold as if he had removed the emotions from the equation and was now simply an observer. “I love you, Mina, and I will be coming for you sooner rather than later.” Despite the words he had just confessed, she did not feel comforted by him. She felt him pull back from the bond, felt the walls go up, and then she was alone. She had done what she had set out to do, and as she slipped to the ground, biting her bottom lip to keep from crying out, she wondered if she had just made a mistake that would be irreversible as was as irreparable.
Vasile pictured the walls going up in his head as he shut the bond down between them. Not even a day, hell not even half a day, and already a chasm had been ripped open between them. Something had happened inside of him when his mate had told him she wanted space. All the darkness she had chased away rushed back in like a tidal wave and instead of fighting it, he embraced it. He pulled it close and pushed away the hurt, the desperation and the need of his true mate, and instead accepted the one thing that had yet to abandon him. His brother had left him, his parents had left him, and now the one person who he needed more than any of them had told him to narrow the bond. He snorted in disgust at her placating words, narrow the bond, as if she did not mean shut the damn thing down because I cannot deal with your anguish. She was young, and he probably was not being fair to her, but in that moment all he knew was that she had let him go because it hurt too much to deal with him. She wanted space, fine; then he would give her all the space in the world; and when she turned eighteen, he would continue to give her space; nineteen, more space. And when the magic number of twenty hit, he would claim her, he would bind her to him, and then once the bond was cemented between them, he would tell her that he needed some damn space. Let her feel what she had just done to him. Let her wonder if he truly wanted her. Remind her of the day she rejected his soul because it was more than she could handle.
He sat in the chair that was once his fathers. His breathing became harsh with the rage that was beginning to wrap itself around his heart squeezing what little compassion remained. A knock on the door drew his attention, and he looked up to see Ion standing just inside the office.
“Yes?” His voice, calm and smooth, was a complete contradiction to the fierce storm building inside of him.
“I take it that you do not trust Alin since you did not tell him of your mate,” he said as he watched Vasile carefully. Ion had known him all of his life and knew him quite well. It would be tricky to hide the darkness from him, but not impossible; after all he was born of two deceivers who were masters of their craft.
“The only ones that are aware that she is my mate besides you and Nicu are in Alina’s village, and I spoke with her father to ensure none of them would speak of it. As of right now there is no mate.” He saw the surprise and then suspicion in his third's eyes and added, “For her safety, of course. Until we are sure that all in the pack have their needs met and once again feel as though they matter, we will not give them anything they could use against me.”
“If that is what you think is best for her,” Ion said slowly.
Vasile was beginning to utterly loath those words, what is best for her. What about what was best for him?
“Nicu’s mate has planned the ceremony to honor your parents. Now that you have visited everyone and made yourself known, it is time to put them to rest. It is to be held in five days,” he paused before continuing pointedly, “The entire pack will be invited and expected to attend.”
Vasile did not comment on the information. He simply watched Ion bear his neck and then leave closing the door quietly behind him. She would be there and he would be unable to hold her or to have her hold him as he grieved for his parents, his Alpha’s. In a crowd of more than a hundred and his mate present, he would be alone. His chest rumbled as he embraced the pain and let it feed the demon inside of him. He was Alpha now; he had to do whatever it took to take care of his pack. He had to sacrifice his own wants and desires to be able to keep control, and with a pack as large as his, with as many dominants as he had, controlling them was paramount. He had no room for weakness or no time for one who would no doubt require his attention and energy when there was so much to do. Perhaps she had been right, perhaps, space was indeed what they needed in order to do what was necessary for the good of the whole. He had survived without her for a century, and he would survive without her for another if that is what was needed of him.
“She has not eaten in four days, Petre.” Alina heard the fear in her mother’s voice as she once again confessed her worry to her mate. She wished that she could reassure her mother that she would be alright, but she would not lie to her.
“What do you expect from her, beloved? He has shut her out. She is responsible for it and that makes it hurt double.” Her father never had been one to honey coat the truth. Early that morning they had heard her saying Vasile’s name, over and over, asking him to hear her, to let her in. She had not even realized that her thoughts had begun to pour out of her mouth. She had been reaching out to him since a few minutes after he closed the bond, but it was in vain. He refused to answer her. Her parents had forced her to tell them what was wrong. They had reassured her that they understood why she had asked Vasile to give her space and that everything would work itself out. But she still felt ashamed at her weakness. He had needed her, had reached out for her, and instead of giving him understanding and empathy, she had basically rejected him.
“She made a mistake. She was trying to help him cope with the separation,” her mother snarled, “not to mention cope with it herself. She is barely sixteen; she has just found out she is mated to the world’s most dominant male and apparently biggest ass. Does that count for nothing? Does she not deserve a little grace?”
Had Alina’s heart not been in shreds, she might have found her mother’s foul mouth humorous. But there was no laughter in her. With Vasile’s presence gone from her, it was as though everything was suddenly muted. Her father’s voice drew her attention away from the emptiness.
“Give him some time, Georgeta. He is hurt; males are stupid when they are hurt. Tomorrow is the ceremony for his parents; he will see Alina at the ceremony and realize just how much he misses her and that his hurt has caused him to act rashly.”
Her mother laughed but there was not an ounce of humor in it. “Is that what you truly believe, mate?” she bit out the last word. “You believe that after four days of ignoring her pleas, her tears, her apologies, her…begging,” she roared in anger before the next words came out. “She begged him, for goodness sakes. And yet after all that, he will simply gaze upon her lovely face and, poof, fall at her feet declaring his love?” Her mother did not give him time to answer as she stormed out of their bedroom.
“It does not matter, Mother,” Alina said softly. “I am not going to the ceremony.”
Her father stepped out into the kitchen; his face flushed with anger. “Everyone in the pack is required to go.”
She shook her head. “Though he does not seem to want to acknowledge it at the moment, it does not change the fact that I am his true mate and therefore his equal. I do not have to obey him.”
“Agreed,” her mother said through gritted teeth and tight lips.
“Alina, do your really think that wise?” her father asked.
“Leave her be, Petre. Can you not see that the child is ill, for crying out loud? She has worked hard for the past few days and her body is worn down. Consequently, she has come down with a fever. I am her mother and I simply insist she stay home and rest.” She looked at Alina and motioned for her to lie down. “Get under the covers, dear. You look like you are cold.”
Alina’s lips turned up ever so slightly at her father’s exasperated sigh. He knew he had been beaten. When Georgeta Sala put her foot down, there was no moving her come hell or high water, and the Great Luna help any who stood against her.
“You try my patience, female,” her father growled.
“If you are just going to stand there and snarl like a mangy mutt, please take it outside. Otherwise, make yourself useful and heat some water over the fire to make a broth for your ill daughter.”
Alina listened to her father mutter under his breath as he went about his mate’s orders. She looked up at her mother who was tucking her in as if she were a child and truly ill. “I do not want to cause strife between you two as well. I have damaged enough bonds for one week.”
Her mother waved her words away as if they dirtied the air around her. “You are not responsible for any discord, Alina. That lies squarely on your father’s shoulders.”
Alina shook her head at her mother’s stubbornness. “And you play no part in this disagreement?”
Georgeta’s eyes narrowed. “Rule number one about your mate: he is completely wrong until you decide he is not.”
“And when do you suddenly decide he is not?”
“When I finally decide to swallow my pride,” she says matter-of-factly.
“That easy huh?” Alina smiled tiredly.
“Nothing about being mated is easy, love; and both of you will make mistakes. Unfortunately, no matter how badly you might want to force your mate to see things your way, you can only be responsible for your own actions. You can only control what you do.” She leaned down and kissed Alina on the head and patted her cheek as she had done when she was young. “He cannot live without you, Alina. Eventually, he will have to answer you.”
She did not know what to say to that. She wanted to believe her mother, but she could not. Her soul continually cried out for its mate, her wolf howled in despair for him to answer her, and still he did not. His silence spoke much louder than her mother, and it told her that he could live without her, that he would live without her.