SIX
Make Way for Ducklings, or They Will Smack You Upside the Head
I’d seen some weird stuff in my life.
I once watched a crowd of people wearing nothing but Speedos and Santa hats jog down Boylston in the middle of winter. I met a guy who could play the harmonica with his nose, a drum set with his feet, a guitar with his hands and a xylophone with his butt all at the same time. I knew a woman who’d adopted a grocery cart and named it Clarence. Then there was the dude who claimed to be from Alpha Centauri and had philosophical conversations with Canada geese.
So a well-dressed Satanic male model who could melt cars … why not? My brain just kind of expanded to accommodate the weirdness.
The dark man waited, his hand outstretched. The air around him rippled with heat.
About a hundred feet down the span of the bridge, a Red Line commuter train ground to a halt. The conductor gawked at the chaos in front of her. Two joggers tried to pull a guy from a half-crushed Prius. The lady with the double stroller was unfastening her screaming kids, the stroller’s wheels having melted into ovals. Standing next to her, instead of helping, one idiot held up his smartphone and tried to film the destruction. His hand was shaking so badly I doubted he was getting a very good picture.
Now at my shoulder, Randolph said, ‘The sword, Magnus. Use it!’
I got the uncomfortable impression my big burly uncle was hiding behind me.
The dark man chuckled. ‘Professor Chase … I admire your persistence. I thought our last encounter would’ve broken your spirit. But here you are, ready to sacrifice another family member!’
‘Be quiet, !’ Randolph’s voice was shrill. ‘Magnus has the sword! Go back to the fires from whence you came.’
Surt didn’t seem intimidated, though personally I found the word whence very intimidating.
Fire Dude studied me like I was as barnacle-encrusted as the sword. ‘Give it here, boy, or I will show you the power of . I will incinerate this bridge and everyone on it.’
Surt raised his arms. Flames slithered between his fingers. At his feet, the paved ground bubbled. More windshields shattered. The train tracks groaned. The Red Line conductor yelled frantically into her walkie-talkie. The pedestrian with the smartphone fainted. The mom collapsed over the stroller, her kids still crying inside. Randolph grunted and staggered backwards.
Surt’s heat didn’t make me pass out. It just made me angry. I didn’t know who this fiery jack-hole was, but I knew a bully when I met one. First rule of the streets: never let a bully take your stuff.
I pointed my once-might-have-been-a-sword at Surt. ‘Cool down, man. I have a corroded piece of metal and I’m not afraid to use it.’
Surt sneered. ‘Just like your father, you are no fighter.’
I clenched my teeth. Okay, I thought, time to ruin this guy’s outfit.
But, before I could take action, something whizzed past my ear and smacked Surt in the forehead.
Had it been a real arrow, Surt would’ve been in trouble. Fortunately for him, it was a plastic toy projectile with a pink heart for a point – a Valentine’s Day novelty, I guessed. It hit Surt between the eyes with a cheerful squeak, fell to his feet and promptly melted.
Surt blinked. He looked as confused as I was.
Behind me a familiar voice shouted, ‘Run, kid!’
Charging up the bridge came my buddies Blitz and Hearth. Well … I say charging. That implies it was impressive. It really wasn’t. For some reason, Blitz had donned a broad-brimmed hat and sunglasses along with his black trench coat, so he looked like a grungy, very short Italian priest. In his gloved hands he wielded a fearsome wooden dowel with a bright yellow traffic sign that read: MAKE WAY FOR DUCKLINGS.
Hearth’s red-striped scarf trailed behind him like limp wings. He nocked another arrow in his pink plastic Cupid’s bow and fired at Surt.
Bless their demented little hearts. I understood where they’d got the ridiculous weapons: the toy store on Charles Street. I panhandled in front of that place sometimes, and they had that stuff in their window display. Somehow, Blitz and Hearth must’ve followed me here. In their rush, they’d done a smash-and-grab of the nearest deadly objects. Being crazed homeless guys, they hadn’t chosen very well.
Dumb and pointless? You bet. But it warmed my heart that they wanted to look out for me.
‘We’ll cover you!’ Blitz charged by me. ‘Run!’
Surt hadn’t been expecting an attack by lightly armed bums. He stood there while Blitz smacked him across the head with the MAKE WAY FOR DUCKLINGS sign. Hearth’s next squeaky arrow misfired and hit me in the butt.
‘Hey!’ I complained.
Being deaf, Hearth couldn’t hear me. He ran past me and into battle, thwacking Surt in the chest with his plastic bow.
Uncle Randolph grabbed my arm. He was wheezing badly. ‘Magnus, we have to go. NOW!’
Maybe I should have run, but I stood there frozen, watching my only two friends attack the dark lord of fire with cheap plastic toys.
Finally Surt tired of the game. He backhanded Hearth and sent him flying across the ground. He kicked Blitz in the chest so hard the little guy stumbled backwards and landed on his butt right in front of me.
‘Enough.’ Surt extended his arm. From his open palm, fire spiralled and elongated until he was holding a curved sword made entirely of white flame. ‘I am annoyed now. You will all die.’
‘Gods’ galoshes!’ Blitz stammered. ‘That’s not just any fire giant. That’s the Black One!’
As opposed to the Yellow One? I wanted to ask, but the sight of the flaming sword kind of stifled my will to joke.
Around Surt, flames began to swirl. The firestorm spiralled outward, melting cars to slag heaps, liquefying the asphalt, popping rivets from the bridge like champagne corks.
I’d only thought it was warm before. Now Surt was really turning up the temperature.
Hearth slumped against the railing about thirty feet away. The unconscious pedestrians and trapped motorists wouldn’t last long either. Even if the flames didn’t touch them, they’d die from asphyxiation or heat stroke. But, for some reason, the heat still didn’t bother me.
Randolph stumbled, hanging off my arm with his full weight. ‘I – I … hum, umm …’
‘Blitz,’ I said, ‘get my uncle out of here. Drag him if you have to.’
Blitz’s sunglasses were steaming. The brim of his hat was beginning to smoulder. ‘Kid, you can’t fight that guy. That’s Surt, the Black One himself!’
‘You said that already.’
‘But Hearth and me – we’re supposed to protect you!’
I wanted to snap, And you’re doing a great job with the MAKE WAY FOR DUCKLINGS sign! But what could I expect from a couple of homeless dudes? They weren’t exactly commandos. They were just my friends. There was no way I’d let them die defending me. As for Uncle Randolph … I hardly knew the guy. I didn’t much like him. But he was family. He’d said he couldn’t stand to lose another family member. Yeah, well, neither could I. This time I wasn’t going to run away.
‘Go,’ I told Blitz. ‘I’ll get Hearth.’
Somehow Blitz managed to hold up my uncle. Together they stumbled off.
Surt laughed. ‘The sword will be mine, boy. You cannot change fate. I will reduce your world to cinders!’
I turned to face him. ‘You’re starting to aggravate me. I have to kill you now.’
I walked into the wall of flames.