Chapter 12

Henry

My mind drifts back to all the times I wanted to cross the line only to realize paper tigers kept me on the shallow end of the water. The fear really doesn’t ratchet up for the sake of the physical body. It does it for the mind and the soul because a woman burrows her way inside your heart before you can stop it.

And it’s happening right now. I want to throw caution to the wind.

I want Meadow with every breath in my body, even though I can’t help but hear my rational brain screaming for me to run. That my hard-fought safety is being compromised.

Nothing is said, not a muscle moves as Meadow straddles my straining body. Our chests barely rise and fall under the force of our breath. Silence thunders through the loft, no blaring taxis or screaming pedestrians spoil the perfection of the moment.

“If I could keep you here like this forever, I would.” I move to nuzzle the elegant column of her throat so I can inhale her scent. “I want to speak you like an oath, Meadow.”

“Mmm…” She moans, grinding against me in a way that only stokes the already blazing fire inside me.

“I’m not sure what–”

“Shut up, Henry.” She reaches between us and slowly, teasingly, unzips the fly of my jeans. I watch her hands with fascination. After a few seconds of the exquisite torment, I realize I can’t take the heat, so I allow my eyes to flutter shut and just experience the new sensations.

I can’t seem to sit still, so I brush my fingers through the silken strands of her hair, pushing it behind her ears. Meadow is so stunning, especially like this in the fading light. Riding my lap. Touching my zipper. Oh, my God… the moment her tiny hand clasps around my aching cock I feel reborn.

“Meadow, you don’t even know.” The words struggle to escape from my mouth. Every muscle tightens, a ripcord of pleasure and pain and redemption. There’s something about this woman that sees me for who I really am. I’m glad I waited to experience this with her. Part of me inherently knows that it wouldn’t be this way with anyone else. It would have been just sex.

This is more like worship of the body, mind, and soul.

I shift her on my lap so she’s sitting up more. I want to see deeply into her eyes. I want the lust and fire there to haunt me after she leaves. She strokes my cock with one hand and the other slips underneath my shirt. Her fingers stroke my ab indentations, and I hiss in a breath as my stomach flips over.

Meadow leans in and plants a sweet and gentle kiss to my lips in direct contrast the pressure of her hands. The warmth of her breath brands me wherever it touches.

“Henry, you smell good. You feel good.”

“I’m losing my mind,” I say as my hands caress her sides and then slide up to cup her full breasts. “I want to see you. All of you. Please take off that shirt.”

She smiles and tugs it over her head, leaving her stripped to the waist but for her lacy black bra. I put my index fingers in the top of the cups and yank, setting her breasts free for my hands and eyes. I suck in a breath at how gorgeous she is. The pale skin. The silky hair floating about her shoulders and chest in glorious waves.

“I’m not feeling so sane myself.” She stares at my hands as I mold the firm mounds as I might do to the clay. There’s nothing about her that I don’t want to discover, to touch, to taste. Her nipples form twin peaks as I caress them. Judging from her moans and breathing, I gather she likes it when I use a firmer touch. She’s easy to read, this tiny person. For that, I’m grateful. I’m feeling far less inept than I thought I would in this moment.

She steps off me only long enough to strip her pants and panties off with one smooth motion. All I can do is stare at her. She’s like a sculpture in a fine art museum. The perfect female form perpetuated in bronze. Meadow takes my hand and places it at the juncture of her thighs. I feel her slick heat, it calls to me like a siren’s song.

“Touch me, Henry.” She moves her core over my hand, showing me. “Like this.”

As I caress her, my lips find hers, and we kiss, our tongues dancing until I’m dizzy with a desire I’ve never known. It could be that all the blood in my body has pooled straight south, my cock throbbing and hardening to an impossible length.

“Don’t stop, Henry. You’re doing perfect. Just like… oh!”

I dip my fingers inside her, using my thumb to circle her clit as she grips my forearm. I might be a virgin, but I know about a woman’s anatomy. Porn was put on this earth for a reason.

She moans again, and I stiffen because, for a second, I think I’m doing something wrong, and she’s going to pull my hand away. Instead, she just guides me, moving it up and down faster. She’s a woman who knows what she wants. It’s hot as hell. An image of her touching herself flashes through my mind, and that just gets me even more turned on.

Her pulsing inner channel clamps down on my fingers as she rocks her hips. Meadow’s eyes flutter closed, and she throws her head back. “Is everything okay?”

She opens her eyes again. “It’s perfect. But I don’t want to come without you inside me.”

I shift positions. “Okay, can you lead? I want to do it exactly how you want me to.”

Meadow reaches down and grabs me in a firm grip, placing the tip of my cock at the center of her warm folds, gliding it through the moisture. She rocks her hips upward, taking an inch, and I think I might pass out from the sensation of heat and tightness. It’s like my cock’s being strangled inside a vacuum. Reaching down, she wraps her perfect hands around the remaining shaft, rubbing up and down a few times.

“Christ, Meadow. I’m seeing stars.”

White-hot desire I didn’t know existed rockets through me and some raw, primitive response explodes like a volcano of passion as she shifts her hips and takes a few more inches of me inside her tight body. A trickle of sweat travels from between my shoulder blades down my back. “Henry, take me by the waist.”

Her wish is my command, and my fingers almost touch as they circle her thin frame. “Now what?”

Her eyelashes flutter. “Impale me. As hard as you can.”

With a downward motion, I feel her pussy envelop me as she grinds her clit on my pubic bone. Her butt wiggles, taking every possible millimeter of me inside of her. Using her waist as a guide, I haul her up and drop her down again, rocking forward. My eyes glaze over, but I can’t stop watching my cock disappear inside her sweet body.

“Meadow, you feel so good.”

She moves to grab my hand and place it between us. I circle her clit with my thumb, pinching it between my fingers, and then circling again. I must be an apt pupil because that look comes over her face like she’s losing it.

And I did it. I feel like her hero.

“Fuck me, Henry. Hard.”

I groan as she covers my hand with hers. Her pussy tightens around me as she screams her release, her orgasm flowing over me in waves. I’m not far behind her. It’s all I can do not to roar like a lion as every single cell in my body fires with sensation.

Meadow flops over me and collapses in a heap on my chest. “That was wonderful.”

“Really?” It felt wonderful to me, but with all the crap you hear about women faking, and since this is my first time, I’m not really sure. But her pussy wouldn’t have contracted, pulling my own orgasm from me if she wasn’t satisfied, would it?

She smiles, still panting. “Really.”

I pull her close to me and plant a kiss to the top of her forehead. Before I want her to, Meadow pulls away and stands. I take the opportunity to stare at her body, feeling myself start to harden again. I wonder if she’d consider round two. Now that I know what I’m missing, I want to make love to her again.

The frown on her face sends a stab of regret rushing through my body.

“Did I do something wrong?” My spirits tumble as reality sets in.

“No.”

Fear shoots me in the face. “I mean, I could have just gotten you pregnant?”

She laughs. “No, I’m on the pill, silly. And I guess I don’t need to ask about where you’ve been. That’s why I didn’t worry about a condom. But if you do this with someone else, Henry, you need to wrap it.”

Someone else?

I look away because I feel like she’s trying to see into the depths of my soul to make sure I’m not making any assumptions. Her dismissal of what we just did hurts. It meant a lot to me, I just wish that she felt the same. A lance of fear penetrates, afraid that this time she’ll realize that I’m not even close to being what she wants. “Oh. I understand.”

And she walks away.

“Where are you going?” My heart races as I find myself breaking new ground. I hope she’s not leaving yet. As I look at her now, I realize I never want her to leave.

Something passes through her eyes, a secret female something I don’t yet understand. “To the bathroom?”

“Sure.” I follow her into the bathroom. At least I’m comfortable with my body even while my mind flashes white-hot dots of fear.

“Henry?” The way she says it with a slight tease to her tone makes me want to scoop her up and return to the sofa. Is that done? I realize I have no idea the protocol for post-coital virginity gifting. “Did you hear me?”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I’m shocked that she can speak to me in such a normal tone after what we just did. I can’t think of anything else besides the sensation of being deep inside her and how I never want to lose that feeling.

“I’m going to the bathroom. Alone.”

“Oh, I’ll wait for you outside.”

I yank on my clothes, unsure of myself and wait for her on the sofa.

“Miss me?” She wraps her arms around me and steals a kiss.

I caress her face. “Meadow…”

“Yeah?”

“No woman has ever… I don’t know how to say it but…”

She sighs and lets go of me. It’s almost like a punishment for being too intimate with her. “Henry, you don’t have to say anything. I’d better take off.”

I don’t understand. “You’re not going to spend the night?”

“I wish I could, but…”

“Meadow?” I follow her toward the front door in the low light. There are only embers left in the fireplace. The air smells like sex and apple pie. Feelings course through me that I don’t understand and can’t explain. All I know is that, even though I’ve never felt them before, I never want them to end. “Please don’t go.”

“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about anything.” She puts on her panties and bra casting a worried glance in my direction. I still don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. She seemed so satisfied with me. Is she one of those girls who fakes and then gets pissed and resentful about it? Her lips purse into a perfect oval that just draws attention to how kissable they are. “It’s best to get some space between us right now.”

I frown, feeling that strange gaze of hers on my body. A layer of anticipation weaves through the air around us. I have to push her so I know why she’s running. “What do you mean?”

Once she’s fully clothed, she tosses her arms wide. “About this. About us. I don’t know what came over me. This was a mistake. You’re my client. I never mix business with pleasure.”

“But you can’t go.” Watching her standing there, waiting for me to say something revolutionary does something to me. There’s nothing sexier than a confident woman who knows what she wants. Even if what she wants is not me. I feel something deep inside my body pop, then unravel, chipping away at my insides like a hacksaw. She needs to stay, and I’ll do anything to make that happen. I throw caution to the wind. “Meadow, I love you.”

“Shut the fuck up, Henry.”

There’s pain in her voice, but I also hear the grit behind it that indicates she’s more than just angry with me for saying something so rash. Her lovely expression twists into a contorted mess of anger and awe.

“Huh?”

“You’re mistaking orgasm brain for love.” She zips up her pants. “After orgasm, the body floods with oxytocin, the bonding hormone. You just think you love me. You don’t even know me. Don’t worry, kiddo, it will fade faster than you want it to.”

Just because she doesn’t feel like broaching the subject doesn’t mean she should be able to bully me into staying silent. It pisses me off. “I know what I feel, and it doesn’t have anything to do with that.”

“You’re not getting it. Whenever we come, our brains send a signal to the rest of your body to bond with our lovers. It’s not love. Not by a long shot.”

I shake my head, refusing to believe her. “That’s not it. I do love you.”

She takes a step back. “Henry, you can’t be serious.”

“I’m in love with you, Meadow. I don’t need more time to figure it out. You swept into my life like the chorus to my favorite song. I think I fell a little in love with you the first time the elevator doors slid open, and I saw you standing there.”

She holds up a hand. “Stop saying shit like that.”

“I’m just telling the truth.”

She mumbles something under her breath. “Love is a myth. There is no love. Okay? Lust, sure. Desire, no problem. Nothing else.”

“But…” I blow out a breath, feeling her erect a solid wall between us. One that my foot itches to kick through before it can seal any tighter.

She steps into her sandals. “Henry, you’re an amazing guy. I like you. I want to get to know you better. But I don’t want to hear you say another word about love.”

“But–”

Her eyes flash at me. “If you say it one more time, I’m not going to teach you every trick I know about fucking. Kapeesh?”

“Okay.” I concede but only because I know that pushing her harder will only push her away.

I’m not the only one afraid.

“I’ll see you later.” She kisses me on the cheek, and the moment she steps away, I feel the loss. I still don’t want her to go yet.

I force myself to smile, but I know my expression doesn’t contain any happiness, only a shadow of regret. “I had fun, Meadow.”

“Me too.” Meadow steps onto the elevator and then, with a flirty wave and a smile, she’s gone.

I stand in the middle of the room like a man who’s lost his way. I might not be experienced in the physical traits of love, but I know what I’m feeling. I really do love her. I don’t know shit about orgasm hormones, but I know exactly what’s in my heart.

I sit down on the couch and pour myself another glass of wine. I look out of the window, feeling like an idiot. I should have kept it to myself. I swallow the Bordeaux like it’s water. Why did I just make the rash and unusual decision to spew my true feelings?

Maybe if I kept my fucking mouth shut, she might have stayed the night. I imagine how beautiful it would have been to make love to Meadow over and over. There are so many positions I want to try, and I would love to please her, to kiss her all over, to taste her. Maybe next time.

If there’s a next time.

Shit.

I detest the thought of never seeing Meadow again. But I know it happens. The city is full of strangers who hook up for the night and then disappear. And in a place with millions of people, odds of randomly bumping into someone are less than zero. Maybe after my show, she’ll disappear from my life without a backward glance.

And that will break my heart

I pour myself another glass of wine. I love everything about Meadow… her smile, her sense of humor, even her sarcastic lip. But it hurts me when she says there’s no such thing as love. Maybe I’m the guy to show her she’s wrong. Or maybe not. What if I end up with my heart broken trying to prove it?

I sit up and drink the rest of my wine. Now, I’m more than buzzed. I’m halfway drunk. I stand up and stub my toe on the corner of the couch. “Shit!”

Throwing caution to the wind, I pick up my cell phone and call Meadow. Listening to the phone buzz in my ear, I stand there hopping on one foot to relieve my throbbing toe. I’m preparing myself for her voicemail when, all of a sudden, she answers, “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

A long pause causes my stomach to flip over before she says, “Who is this?”

I’m mortified. Did she really just ask that? Has she forgotten about me already? “Meadow, it’s–”

“Henry, I’m just kidding.” Each word is said crisply, like I’m the target of her teasing. And I am.

My spirits fall, and I set the wine glass down on the marble countertop so I’m not tempted to throw it. “Not funny.”

“Would it kill you to lighten up a little? Part of life is about having fun.”

I smile against my will, glancing out the window to the darkening sky. It kind of resembles my heart in this moment. Who says they don’t believe in love? If it wasn’t for love, there wouldn’t be anything positive in this world. Love is all there is. It’s why we’re here. To love and be loved. At least that’s what The Beatles say.

Not like I really know.

Fuck.

“That depends.”

Her voice is soft now. “On what, exactly?”

I answer her question with one of my own. “When can I see you again?”

“I have an opening in my schedule in about six weeks.”

She’s not going to give me an inch in this. I can see I’ll have to convince her. I’m capable of doing that, I know I am. Ever since I met Meadow, self-confidence has been infiltrating my being in a way it never has before. I’m going to pull out a chair and invite it to stay a while. “That’s another one of your jokes, right?”

She laughs, the sound causing my dick to twitch. “You’re starting to catch on.”

“Yeah, I guess. So, seriously, what do you have going on this weekend?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

Even though I’m a little scared of rejection on the inside, I don’t hedge at all when I say, “Yes. Absolutely.”

“Your confidence is kind of sexy.”

“It is?” Score one for confidence.

“Sure. And that’s not the only thing that’s sexy about you.”

I grin, feeling new to this whole sexy banter thing. But I can’t deny how much I like it. The pinging back and forth flows over me, bringing new sensations in its wake. “There’s something else I want to tell you.”

“What?”

“I know you don’t want me to talk about love.” I say the words and I mean them, but they still cause an ache deep inside because I’m feeling stifled by her.

“Here we go with that again–”

I cut her off before she can really work up a head of verbal steam. “Don’t worry. That’s not what I was going to say. I just wanted to let you know that I like you. Am I allowed to say that?”

“I like you too, Henry.”

“And something else…”

“Yes?”

“I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Same here.”

When I hang up the phone, I feel so happy I could dance across the floor. I can’t believe that this amazing, beautiful woman has come into my world. When I woke this morning, I was a virgin. Now, I know what it feels like to make love. Best of all, I know what it feels like to make love to Meadow.