“I don’t love him. I can’t. I won’t.”

I came earlier than we’d planned. Kate had been nervous about talking to Daz, and she hadn’t hidden it very well. I wanted to be there for her. Even though I was confident he’d be cool about it, I knew just having the discussion was going to be a strain for her. When it was done, I wanted to be there for her.

Instead, I’d wandered up to hear her say that being with me felt like a betrayal.

I’d heard her sink into her head when Daz told her it was okay to move on and love someone else.

I’d heard her say those words that I felt like a fucking knife through the heart.

“I don’t love him.”

I looked into her eyes. They were big, red, and wet with tears. I’d seen them that way too many times. It was a different experience feeling like I’d caused it.

“Lee,” she whispered, her voice broken.

Intentional or not, I’d played a part in that, in the fact that she looked completely shattered as she stood before me.

I’d pushed.

I’d told myself I wasn’t going to push, and I’d done it anyway. It had been gentle, but not enough to keep her from that place. I should have left her alone.

Even if part of me had known from the start that I was going to fall in love with her.

“I can’t.”

Maybe she was right. Maybe she was just too scared to try.

It didn’t matter.

“I’m sorry.”

She blinked. Once. Twice. Her mouth opened to speak, but she didn’t say anything, just stood there.

“I knew from the start that this might be where we ended up.” Her head started to shake a little. She didn’t want to hurt me, I knew that. This had to happen, though. “I told myself not to go after you at all, to just leave you alone. You’d been through enough, and trying to push you into more than you were ready for wasn’t fair.”

“Lee… I…”

“I won’t.”

I shook my head, and she closed her mouth. I wanted to kiss her. Fuck, I wanted it more than my next breath.

I wanted a lot of things I couldn’t have.

Or maybe it was just one thing.

“But I couldn’t resist you,” I went on. “I was a lost cause from the start. So I decided if all I did was lay my cards on the table and let you make the choice, I’d still be doing right by you. I just had to be happy with whatever you wanted.”

I looked at her standing there. I heard those words again and again. This isn’t what she wanted.

Suddenly, I remembered that first day she came into Sailor’s Grave, the conversation I’d had with Jess.

“Look, I know I’ve given you a lot of shit about your thing for her, but have you really thought about this? I remember when they lost him. She was a fucking wreck for a long time. And honestly, I have my doubts that she’s come that far from that. I worry—”

I cut in there. “I know. I know there’s no chance. I’m not expecting anything different.”

“I’m not saying that. Maybe she will be ready to move on, and you’re an ass, but you’d be a good guy for her to do that with. I just don’t want you to…” She shrugged.

“Latch on way too soon and get my heart pulverized?” I provided.

“Kinda.”

“Trust me, I know all of that. I can’t say I’m not feeling a shit ton of pull her way, but I’m not going to get attached unless there’s something concrete to attach to.”

There I was, my heart a pile of fucking dust.

And worse, it’d destroyed Kate in the process.

“I fucked up. I let the fact that I was falling in love with you distract me and make me selfish. That night you came to me, I knew deep down you weren’t ready, but everything I wanted was right in front of me, and I wasn’t strong enough to say no.”

She took a step toward me. The single step I took back nearly killed me right then and there.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, hoping she understood that I meant that down to my soul. For everything I’d already done, and for what I had to do right then.

She let out a sob, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.

Her left hand.

The one that still had his rings on it.

“I love Joel. I promised. I told him it was just him. It has to be just him.”

I hoped someday, for her sake, that wasn’t true. I hoped she found a way to let go.

But right then, it was my turn.

“Goodbye, gypsy.”

* * *

He left.

He heard me say those things, and he left.

What did I do?

Go after him, Katie.

I couldn’t.

It was what I wanted to do. I wanted to run into that lot and throw myself in front of his car to stop him if I had to.

“I knew deep down you weren’t ready.”

He was right, wasn’t he? Those things I’d just said, that was all the proof he needed.

“What are you doing, Kate?” Daz pressed. “Go after him.”

God, the Larson boys.

“I can’t,” I rasped.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he demanded. “You want to. I can fucking see it. Don’t let him walk away like that.”

Another time, I’d want to laugh at Daz—the former consummate player since before he even had that name—being the one demanding some big romantic gesture.

Right then, every piece of me was too much in tatters to even begin to remember how to laugh.

“I have to,” I answered instead.

“Kate.”

I turned to look at him, so much like his brother. Not just in looks, but in that never-hesitate-to-act attitude.

“He was right. I wasn’t ready. I can’t go after him until I am. I owe him that.”

I had to let him walk away, even if it killed me.