I turn and storm back into the bedroom, and begin to get my suitcases and things together.

Fuck this. I don’t know where I’m going, but I do know I’m getting away from him.

I can’t fucking believe it. Nobody else could hurt me the way he does.

I hear the shower turn off and become suddenly panicked. He won’t let me leave. I need to get out of here. Quick!

I glance around the room and do a hurried check to make sure I’ve collected everything I need, and then I open the door and run out into the hall. I start to make my way to the elevator.

The door opens behind me. “Bridget!” he barks.

I scrunch my face tight and run harder. I can hardly see through my tears. Oh, God, please let this nightmare be over. Ben chases me, but I keep running until I get to the elevator. He grabs me and holds me in his arms tightly.

“Let me go,” I cry as I pound at his chest.

“I can’t,” he whispers into my hair, holding me tight. “I love you. Let me explain, please. Just come back inside and let me explain.”

“Get away from me!” I sob against his chest, howling-to-the- moon-type sobs wracking my body. How can he be this person? How can I be in love with this person? “You can’t explain this, Ben,” I whisper. “There is nothing you can say to me that will make this better.”

His eyes hold mine, and he brushes the hair back from my face as he tries to think of the right thing to say. “Give me one hour. Neither of us has slept in over twenty-four hours. You’re not safe here alone tonight.”

What? It’s not safe?

Fucking hell, this is one messed-up situation.

I glance back up the hall, towards our room. I do want an explanation, although I know it won’t change anything. But if I don’t get answers now then I may never get them, and I know I will regret not hearing him out at some point in the future. I’ll go back for my safety only. Screw him. There is no excuse he could possibly ever give me.

I pull out of his arms. “Fine. You have one hour, then I leave.”

I walk back to our room and he follows, falling in line beside me. It’s only then that I notice he’s wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist and he’s still dripping wet.

“Where are your clothes?” I snap.

“On the bathroom floor.”

I roll my eyes and my tired, bitchy streak is starting to take over.

We get to the door and he scratches his head.

“Open the door,” I tell him.

“I don’t have a key.” He tries the door handle, but it’s locked.

I look at him, deadpan. “You closed the door without getting the damn key?”

He raises his eyebrows, his face serious. “I was preoccupied.”

“What kind of spy are you? Maxwell fucking Smart?”

A trace of a smile twitches on his face.

I point at him. “Don’t you dare think this is funny, or you will find yourself at the bottom of the stairwell with a broken neck,” I growl. “I’m not even joking, Ben.”

He holds both hands up in surrender. “I’ll find a key, and then I suggest you eat and sleep, because you need to calm down.” He looks up the hall as he thinks.

I narrow my eyes. “No. What I need is to be in love with someone fucking normal.”

He bites his bottom lip as he tries not to smile.

Shit. I just admitted I was in love with him. Shut up, shut up, shut up. “I’m leaving in an hour, so while you stand there doing your fucking cutesy towel routine the clock still ticks, asshole.”

This time he can’t hold it, and a broad smile crosses his face.

I drag the suitcase up to the door and sit down on top of it. “Hurry up. Go and find the damn key,” I huff as I fold my arms over my chest. “If you’re more than ten minutes, I’m leaving.”

“Fine.” He exhales as he looks down at himself.

I have to bite the inside of my cheek to hide my smirk. If I were a decent person, I would go find the key. Too bad I’m not.

“What are you waiting for? Go!” I snap.

I watch him walk down the hall with a white towel around his waist, and I glare at the floor.

Stupid prick.

He comes back moments later with a key. He unlocks the door and I walk in, while he brings my suitcase in and closes the door behind us.

I sit on the bed and fold my arms again. My anger is bubbling inside of me.

“So, Ben…” I fake a smile. “Please explain to me what the hell happened here tonight.”

He exhales before he begins to pace at the end of the bed. I wait as he pulls himself together, and finally, he replies.

“I work for UNI.”

I stare at him for a moment

Huh? Wait…what? I can hardly focus on what he’s saying because I’m just so tired. “The… what?” I frown.

“United Nations Intelligence.”

I frown. “You work for the government?”

He nods carefully. “I work in the Special Forces Elite Squad.”

“What? ” I screw up my face. “Squad? How many people are in this squad?”

“Twenty-four.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. Unfuckingbelievable.

“What you do for UNI?”

His eyes hold mine, and he lifts his chin, as if steeling himself for my reaction. “I take care of national security risks.”

I raise my eyebrows. “And that’s code for killing people?”

“Yes.”

I glare at him. “Wow.”

“I signed a contract three months before I met you.”

I frown again, not understanding. “A contract?”

“You sign on for a five-year contract, just like you do with the army.” He shakes his head. “It was an honour to be offered this position.”

“An honour…” I gasp. “Killing people is not an honour, Ben.”

“Protecting civilians is an honour! ” he snaps, losing control. “I’m a soldier first, Bridget. Not all wars are fought on the front line,” he yells.

Tears fill my eyes. “And this is what soldiers do?” I whisper, shocked at his detachment.

He drops his head. “I do what needs to be done. All soldiers do.”

I stare at the carpet as a clusterfuck of emotions run through my head, but somehow I stay silent.

I have no words. What do you even say to this?

My blood starts to run cold, as if someone has me on an intravenous ice drip. All the warmth and love I felt for him is being slowly frozen in time.

I can feel it as it happens.

It’s fucking breaking my heart. My nostrils flare as I try to control my tears.

“I left you before because I didn’t want to involve you,” he continues. “I didn’t want to have to lie to you every time I got a new assignment.” He drops to the bed beside me. “I didn’t want you to be at home waiting for me, in case I never made it home.” He gently tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear.

My vision blurs, and the lump in my throat begins to really hurt.

“I did what I had to do, Bridget. I owed the army—they looked after me.”

What the fuck!

I stand up, filled with outrage. “Bullshit. You owe them nothing!” I cry. “What about what you owe me?” I shake my head, as words fail to explain my feelings. “You absolutely broke my heart five years ago—”

“I broke my own, too,” he interrupts as he stands, sensing that he is losing control.

I push him hard in the chest. “You lied to me in the Sydney airport. Just yesterday, you told me you were going home to tie up loose ends, yet you knew you were coming to Prague to kill someone. What would have happened if you’d gotten yourself killed? I wouldn’t even know about it.”

“Yes, you would. You would be the first to know,” he fires back.

“How the hell would I?” I scream.

“You’re listed as my next of kin.”

I drop to the bed and shake my head. Dear God.

He watches me.

I look up at him. “How deep is your deception, Ben? How can I trust anything that you have ever told me?” I frown as a painful thought runs through my mind. “Is your name even Ben?” I whisper.

“Yes, of course it is,” he says softly as he takes my hand in his. “I just want to start my life with you.” His eyes search mine. “I just want to be a normal person in Sydney with you. I left all this behind.”

My eyes fill with tears because I want to believe him. I so desperately want to believe him.

He shakes his head. “I’ve taken indefinite leave.”

“Why?” I whisper. “Why didn’t you just leave completely?”

“Because if things don’t work out with us…” His voice trails off.

“What?”

“If things done work out with us, then the army is the only home I’ll ever know.”

My heart sinks and my eyes fill with tears. God, what a mess. He thinks the army is his only home.

I drop my head and stare at the carpet again as I swipe my tears away angrily.

This is fucked up.

Suddenly, my exhaustion kicks in. I’ve been worrying myself sick for thirty hours straight. I can’t take any more. I feel overwhelmed and fragile.

I can’t deal with this. I have no idea what to make of any of it.

I want to leave, but I have nowhere to stay and it’s late at night.

I tear back the blankets on the bed and I climb in. “I haven’t slept in thirty-eight hours. I’m hungry and I’m furious with you. I’m leaving in the morning,” I tell him.

“Let me get you some food,” he says softly.

“I don’t want fucking food.”

He stays silent, afraid to speak.

“I’m going to sleep,” I announce.

He smiles softly, as if relieved, and he nods. “Okay, angel.” He comes over to kiss me, but I turn my head.

“Don’t,” I snap.

He grabs my hand and squeezes it, and I close my eyes. “I don’t like you.” I sigh sadly.

“That’s okay, Didge.” He brushes the hair back from my face. “As long as you still love me.”

I move my head away from his hand. “Don’t push your luck, Ben. Those men aren’t the only ones who want to kill you tonight.”

He smirks as he gets up, walks over, and flicks the lock on the door. His eyes find mine across the room. “I’d die happy in your arms.”

I shake my head into my pillow. “Cut it out. If you say one more sweet thing, I will end you.”

He goes to get in the other side of the bed.

“Don’t you dare get into this bed with me,” I growl.

Honestly, I don’t want him anywhere near me at the moment.

His face falls, and I pull the covers up around my shoulders and close my eyes.

I’ve had enough of today.

That’s it. I’m out.

I wake in the dimly-lit room to the sound of a trolley outside in the corridor. What time is it?

I frown and sit up to look around the room. Huh? Where’s Ben.

Oh there, I see him.

Curled up on the floor.

His head is resting on a cushion from the chair and he has no blanket. He’s fast asleep on the carpet, lying across the doorway.

Why is he asleep there? It’s an odd place to sleep. Then it comes to me.

Oh, no.

He’s asleep across the doorway so I can’t leave without waking him up.

I get up, go to the bathroom, and come back and sit in bed and watch him in the darkness.

I notice an extra blanket on my bed, and I screw up my face as my sadness takes over.

He got the spare blanket and put it on me, while he slept on the floor without one for himself.

Damn you, Ben. Put yourself first, for once.

I hop up, grab the blanket, and put it over him. He stirs but doesn’t wake.

I get back into bed and take out my phone to text Mum and Tash.

I sit and watch Ben as my mind starts to tick over. I’m his next of kin.

I’m the person he cares about the most. I didn’t realise it, but for all these years he’s been just as connected as me.

I lie back in bed and stare at the ceiling for half an hour as my tears run down into my ears.

I’m beyond devastated. We could have been so good together.

Next of kin stand by their family, but I can’t stand by this. I can’t stand what he does—I can’t stand what the army has done to him. They’ve brainwashed him into hero-worshiping their institute.

“I’m a soldier first, Bridget.”

The army has been his family up until now, and I get that, I really do… but just when he comes back to me, I find out about this?

Why didn’t he just tell me? I put my head in my hands.

Because he knew how you would react, I tell myself.

He knew that I would leave him.

Sadness fills me. He’s missed out on so much and sacrificed so much for his country.

Am I really going to leave him now?

I take out my headphones, plug them into my phone, and go to search through my playlists. I need to think.

I put on some background music to drown out my thoughts.

I listen to the lyrics. Who sings this song? I’ve never heard it before.

I look it up and find it’s by Zayn and Sia, and it’s called ‘Dusk till Dawn’.

I smile sadly. It’s fitting that I should listen to it now.

For half an hour, I sit and stare at Ben on the floor all alone. For half an hour, I search my soul for an answer as to what I should do.

For half an hour, I listen to this song on repeat.

Things have gone wrong—really wrong—all along for Ben.

He left me because he was trying to protect me.

He does what he does because his country asks it of him.

He didn’t know that they were going to come back.

He didn’t know that I would get dragged into this.

If I’m his next of kin, then I should start acting like it.

I walk over and watch him for a moment. Without a thought, I drop down and lie beside him on the cold, hard floor. I get underneath the blanket and wrap my arms around his broad chest.

I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn, baby.

You’ll never be alone.

“I’m here, baby,” I whisper. “I’m here.”

* * *

I stir, and feel warm arms around me from behind. I turn in a rush to see my girl on the floor asleep with me. My heart sinks. I take her into my arms and hold her tight. I kiss her hair and close my eyes. Everything with Bridget just feels so right.

Last night I had to keep her here at all costs. She shouted and cried, and I could do nothing but watch her, petrified that she was going to rush out the door and leave me.

I couldn’t ensure her safety last night, but I need to now.

I exhale as I try to steel myself for what I’m about to do. I’ve walked away from her once before, and I’ll do it again if that’s what it takes to ensure that she’s safe.

I stare at the ceiling above us and listen to her breathing peacefully as she sleeps. Who knew such a simple sound could be my medicine?

The Holy Grail of happiness is having Bridget asleep in my arms.

It’s back.

That dreaded feeling.

I think back to last night and what could have happened if they were, in fact, after me instead of the target. Would they have killed her if she got in their way?

I’ve never dealt with rogue agents before. I have no idea what to expect here, but I know it isn’t good, whatever all of this is.

I owe Bridget my life… in more ways than one.

I need to get back to Washington and find out what the fuck is going on.

She rustles in my arms, and I know it’s time—time to let her go.

I close my eyes and hold her for one minute more, and then I stand and walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I take a shower and dress. I then lift her into my arms and place her back on the bed, gently covering her body with the blankets.

She’s exhausted. “Sleep, angel,” I whisper as I kiss her forehead and lie down beside her. I watch her as I lean up on my elbow.

Her honey-brown hair is splayed across the pillow. She’s still wearing her clothes from last night, too tired to have changed into her pyjamas. Her dark eyelashes fan out across her perfect olive skin. My eyes roam down to her chest and her small hands. Unable to help it, I take her hand in mine.

“I can’t be with someone who does this, Ben.” That’s what she said.

I close my eyes, filled with regret.

This is why I didn’t tell you. I never wanted you to find out this shit about me.

She’s not going to accept it. She never will.

Why would she?

She stirs and her eyes slowly open. I smile softly. “Morning,” I whisper.

She looks at me, her brow furrowing before she glances around the room. “Ben?” she whispers.

“I’m here.” I squeeze her hand.

“Please tell me that I had a really bad case of jetlag and that was all a nightmare.”

I smile sadly. “I wish.” I swallow the lump in my throat.

She cups my cheek in her hand as her eyes search mine. “What’s going on?” she whispers.

I drag my eyes away from hers. I can’t stand that she can sense how I feel.

“Nothing.”

Get up. Get up and do it.

I inhale as I try to make myself get up off the bed. Finally, my body concedes and I stand.

“Talk to me,” she pleads.

“We should go out for breakfast, angel.” I fake a smile.

She frowns. “I want to talk about last night.”

“And we will. But you have to eat first. You’ve hardly eaten for days.”

She lies still for a moment, as if contemplating my offer, until she finally stands and disappears into the bathroom.

I zip up my bag and pull it close to the door. It will save time later.

This time will hurt more than the last—I know it already. This time it’s goodbye… forever.