Chapter Twenty-Six
Annika
I don’t really notice anything as I stare out the car window. Everything is a blur. It kind of mirrors my thoughts because that’s what they are right now—a blur.
All this time, I’ve been wanting to know who this Ron guy was, wanting to help put him behind bars, wanting to get justice for myself and maybe hoping for a little revenge.
Now that the ball is rolling, now that it’s beginning to happen, I’m frozen. I can’t move forward. I can’t go back. I’m just stuck.
Jaxon’s on the phone next to me. I think he’s talking to Germaine, based on the conversation I’m not really listening to. It’s more like white noise as my thoughts run at a rapid pace.
Will I have to testify before the Grand Jury? Will the jury believe the evidence? Is this Ron guy dangerous? Are his friends? Do I need to warn Lauren?
“Nah, dude, we’re okay.” Jaxon turns on the blinker. I’m not sure where we’re going. I don’t care. I’m content to just drive. It means I don’t have to think too hard. “We’ll be back tomorrow.” Jaxon chuckles.
I love that sound. It makes my whole body feel warm. “I’m serious, man. We need some time to process through this, ya know? It was kind of a shock. We need to be alone for a bit.”
My ears perk up. I don’t really know what he means by alone time, but it finally registers where we are as he pulls into the parking lot of a hotel. Not a run-of-the-mill motel, but a swanky hotel. Sometimes I forget that he comes from money, and when we end up places like this, it surprises me.
“Yeah, dude, if we need anything, I’ll call. I promise. Yeah. Thanks for checking in. I’m sure we’ll need you later, but we’re doing okay now. Okay. Bye.”
He drops his phone in the center console and turns to look at me. “How you doing, baby?” he asks gently.
I lean my head against the head rest and look at him. “I don’t really know,” I admit. “I think maybe I’m still in shock. Is that possible?”
A small smile crosses his face. “I think I would be surprised if you weren’t in shock right now. That was a lot of information to process.”
I bite my lip as I think about everything Detective Bellerini told us. It wasn’t only me. It’s not only me. There’s another girl. Another girl who became a victim to that asshole. Another girl who is living the consequences of his actions. And that’s just the one they know. Are there more? Are there more girls out there?
“I wonder if,” I begin and then pause. I’m having a hard time forming coherent sentences. My thoughts are too jumbled. “I wonder if anymore girls are going to come forward once this hits the news.”
Jaxon brushes the hair off my forehead. “Probably. But that’s good, right? That means more evidence against him. Maybe more charges. We want him to have as much time behind bars as he can get.”
“Yeah.” I nod absentmindedly and then realize I haven’t talked to Lauren yet. “Oh shit. I need to call my roommate.” Looking around the car, I realize I don’t know where my phone is, but apparently, I don’t need to.
“I already texted her.”
“You did?”
“When we first got in the car. I didn’t want her to worry.” He pulls my phone out of the door pocket next to him and hands it to me. “I texted her from your phone. Told her that I was taking you away for the night. I hope that’s okay.”
“Yeah, it’s fine.” I take my phone from his outstretched and clap it tightly to me, then look out the window again as more thoughts race through. “I don’t want to tell my dad,” I whisper.
Seeing the emotion on my face, Jaxon puts his hand on the back of my neck and squeezes reassuringly. “I know, baby. I know. And you still don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
I shake my head. “No, I have to. My dad’s going to see your name in the paper, and he’s going to put it together. Can you imagine if he pieced it together without it coming from me?”
Jaxon chuckles and the sound centers me somehow. “We’ll figure it out. Maybe you can send him a letter or something. Something to tell him you’re okay and he doesn’t have to worry.”
It’s actually not a bad idea, and I tell him as much.
Forcing myself to fully re-engage, I look around. “Why are we here anyway?”
He shrugs. “I didn’t feel like going back to campus. I love Germaine. He’s the best roommate a guy could ask for. But I just…I felt like we needed to process this together. It’s been you and me from the beginning, and I wanted us to have some time. So we’re here.” He gestures with his hand like he’s Vanna White or something. “We’re going to get some room service. We’re going to wear fluffy bathrobes. Maybe we’ll sit in the Jacuzzi whirlpool tub. You can leave your underclothes on if you must.” I quirk a smile. He always knows how to make me smile, even when things are tough. “And we’re going to just chill for the next twenty-four hours.”
“Twenty-four hours? We have class in the morning.”
“You’re honestly going to try and convince me you’ll be able to concentrate on those classes right now?”
“Okay, no. Good point.”
“Come on. Let’s get our relaxation on.”
Jaxon makes quick work of checking in, despite not having a reservation. It’s amazing what you can get accomplished when you have a black AmEx card. A girl could get used to that. But only on special occasions. We wouldn’t want to be greedy.
When we finally make it to the comfort of our room, I’m astounded by how beautiful it is. Maybe it’s nothing special, but to me the palette of greys and blues is calming, comforting. There’s a giant king-sized bed in the middle of the room and a small sitting area off to the side. It’s not massive, and it’s not overly ornate. But it’s exactly what I need.
I feel myself calming, knowing we’re isolated from everyone we know. It doesn’t matter what’s happening in the outside world. Doesn’t matter if the news has already broken. No one can get to us here. And I realize how exactly right Jaxon was. How he knew exactly what I was going to need before I did. It makes me appreciate him so much more.
The flip side, though, is there’s nothing to distract us. Nothing we need to concentrate on. Nothing that needs our focus. Which isn’t necessarily a good thing. All there is to do now is think about the information overload and what’s coming in our future.
“So,” Jaxon claps his hands together, jolting me out of my spiraling thoughts. “We can order a movie. We can order food. Hell, we can even order some baggy clothes from the gift shop downstairs.” I realize, we don’t have any clean clothes. We might have to take advantage of that credit card after all. “Today is all about you and what you need. What do you want to do first?”
I weigh my options, but there’s only one thing I can think of. “I really want to take that bath you were talking about.”
“Works for me.” He walks to the bathroom, calling out to me over his shoulder. “Do you want it really hot or lukewarm. I can make it however you want, babe.”
“The hotter, the better.” I follow him into the large bathroom. It’s good sized with a garden tub, and I’m thrilled to know I can soak for as long as I want to. But I don’t want to soak alone.
As he turns on the water, chattering mindlessly about things I’m not paying attention to, I start peeling off my clothes, slowly and in spite of my lack of confidence. I completely disrobe until I’m standing naked behind him.
“Okay, the bubbles are going. I think that’s hot enough for you—” He turns around and freezes when he sees me. I watch as his pupils dilate, and it gives me a thrill to know he’s turned on. I was wondering if he’d still want me, even after all of this. Again with the ridiculous thoughts, but I can’t help it. Seeing him react to me gives me some of my confidence back.
“Holy shit, Annika,” he breathes.
“I don’t want to just take a bath, Jaxon. I want to take a bath with you.”
He licks his lips and swallows hard. I know he’s conflicted—wanting to make sure of my intensions.
“I need this, Jaxon. I need to know I’m still desirable. I need to know…I need to know I’m not broken.”
Holding my gaze, he says the words that make my heart swell. “You’ve never been broken to me.”
Slowly, walking up to him, I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over his abs and his chest. He finally moves and helps me get his clothes off. Before I know it, he’s standing naked in front of me for the very first time.
I can’t help but peruse his body with my eyes, and to my surprise, he’s very definitely turned on by me.
My gaze snaps up to meet his, and he blushes. “Told ya. It has a mind of its own. I have no idea why sometimes he works quickly and sometimes not.”
Smiling back at him, I take his hand and lead him over to the tub. We climb in, him sitting behind me, my back to his front, and he wraps his arms around me, kissing me on the neck.
We sit there, soaking in the water, not speaking. There’s nothing to say. Right now, we just have to lean on each other. So that’s what we do.
He begins peppering kisses down the back of my neck, and I feel the goosebumps rise. I slide my hands up the back of his calves and up his thighs as high as I can get them. That’s when his hands begin to roam too.
“I want this to be right, Annika,” he whispers in my ear and a stray tear rolls down my cheek.
“I want it to be right too,” I admit. “But the only way that’s going to happen is to push through the first time. You know as well as I do that the first time will be hard. The last thing that was inside me was…was him.”
“Oh baby,” he whispers in my hair and holds me tighter.
“I need the last person inside me to be you.”
He understands that it’s not just an invitation, but a request. His hands begin to peruse my body again. I close my eyes and concentrate on staying relaxed. Staying in this moment right here, with Jaxon, no one else.
When his fingers tug on my nipple, a gasp comes out of me.
“Was that a good sound or a bad sound?” He’s so concerned, it makes my heart swell.
“It was a good sound. Keep doing that.”
He plays with my breasts, tugging on my nipples and rubbing them with his palms. One hand finally runs down the length of my stomach and when he gets to where I really want him, he stops.
“You have to help me out here, babe,” he says. “It’s your body. You need to be in control.”
Tears are flowing freely now, but they’re not tears of fear or sadness or embarrassment. They’re tears of love. Of such overwhelming love, my heart could explode.
I take my hand and grab his, moving them down so his fingers brush my clit. Gently, I move our hands until he’s rubbing circles in my most sensitive areas. My breathing hitches, and I can feel myself building. But this is not what I want. This is not what I need. I need him inside me. Any part of him. I need him to take the past away.
I tug on his hand again and our fingers move down farther, guided to my opening. He takes that as his invitation and pushes two fingers inside me. He groans as I clench around him, letting my body take over, doing all the work.
I can feel his erection digging into my lower back, but he makes no move to further this along, content to just let me feel. He merely follows my lead.
As his palm continues to brush my clit, I increase my upward thrusts. It takes only seconds before I cry out, reaching up to thread my fingers through his hair, as my orgasm overtakes me. It’s strong and intense. The first orgasm I’ve had in months.
Coming down from the high, he continues to kiss me softly, but suddenly I feel such desperation for him, I can hardly stand it.
“Jaxon.”
He continues to pump his fingers in and out. “Hmm.”
“Jaxon, I need you inside me.”
“I am inside you, baby,” he says, still not letting up.
“No, I need you inside me. Now.”
He stops his ministrations and pulls his fingers out of me. “Babe, I had no idea this was even on the table today. I don’t have any condoms.”
“I don’t care. I don’t care about any of that. I just need you inside me, Jaxon. I need it,” I plead, tears coming harder now, and I’m desperate to make him understand. Desperate to be a normal girl again. A normal girl who can have sex with her boyfriend without freaking out. I’m desperate to get the first time out of the way so that every time from here on out, the memory I have is of Jaxon. The memory I have is of the man I love, not the man who tried to take everything away from me.
“Baby.” His voice is calm as he tries to talk sense into me. “We’ll get there, honey.”
“No, you don’t understand.” Turning around, I straddle him, ignoring the water that spills over the side. I grab his face between my palms so he has to look me in the eye. “You don’t understand. I need this. I need this so I can be okay. I need you inside me. Nothing between us. No barriers, no obstructions, nothing. I need it to be just us.”
I can see how conflicted he is, and in the back of my mind I understand completely. I’m asking for something really stupid. I am asking for him to take a huge risk. I know the risk I’m taking by not having safe sex. But in this moment, I don’t care. Nothing else matters. My entire life was upended, and I’ve been doing well, but right now, right now I need him to make it all go away. The only way he can do that is by giving me this.
He takes a deep breath and brushes my cheeks with his thumb. But then he nods.
“Really?” I ask in disbelief.
“Yeah really. Come on.”
We climb out of the bath and he takes the time to dry me off with a big fluffy towel. Then he guides me into the bedroom and over to the bed. Taking my hand, he pulls me to him, and still naked, our skin still glistening from the water, he kisses me senseless. His tongue invading my mouth. His hands exploring my body. And I’m all here. Nothing is going through my mind except the way he is making me feel. The way he’s making me want.
When he lays me on the bed and pushes inside me, I gasp with the feeling of fullness.
“Open your eyes.” I immediately obey. “I don’t want your mind going anywhere it shouldn’t. This is me. You and me. Always.”
I nod and hold his gaze as he moves again. Soft gentle pushes to start with, and when I match him thrust for thrust, he begins plunging harder and faster. Until finally he looks me right in the eyes and says, “I love you, Annika.”
I dig my hands into his hair and pull him to me, kissing him hard. “I love you too,” I whisper against his lips, almost immediately feeling stars explode in my brain. I throw my head back and moan, enjoying the feeling that overtakes me.
Seconds later, Jaxon tenses and says, “Oh fuck. Oh fuck you feel good. Fuuuuuuuuuck!” He pushes one last time. Our hips practically locked together and right now, it’s like he’s taken everything dirty inside me, and made it clean again.
He collapses onto me, his head on my chest. We lay quietly as I run my fingers through is hair.
“I mean it, Annika,” he says after a while. “I love you, so, so much.”
I hug him tighter and kiss the top of his head. “Good.” Relaxing back into the bed I quip, “Who knew I’d ever fall for a Cowboys fan.”
He chuckles before his breathing evens out and we fall into a deep, restful sleep.