Chapter 30
Mimi was meandering along the beach when her phone began to ring. Dragging it out of her shorts pocket, she pressed answer and said happily, ‘Hey! How are you?’
‘You first,’ said Lois. ‘It’s peeing down with rain here. Tell me it’s not cold and miserable where you are.’
‘I’m wearing a T-shirt and shorts,’ said Mimi. ‘And Ray-Bans, because the sun is so bright it’s hurting my eyes.’
‘Oh you lucky thing,’ Lois sighed.
‘I know.’ It was the end of March and winter was over in Puerto Pollensa. The visitors were returning, the town was readying itself for the summer influx. ‘Why don’t you come over for a visit? I’d love that. You’d be so welcome, honestly. I can’t believe it’s been three months since I last saw you.’
‘Well it hasn’t been three months since we saw you.’ Lois sounded cheerful. ‘We see you every day. I mean, I know I’ve said this before, but it’s just so brilliant. What have you started?’
Mimi said, ‘I know, isn’t it mad? I’ve turned a monster into a national treasure without even meaning to. It was a complete accident.’
‘But a brilliant one. And thanks for the offer, but I can’t come out just now; I’m kind of busy here. Quite a lot going on.’ Lois paused and took an audible breath. ‘Actually, I’m moving out of Fox Court.’
‘What? Why?’ Shocked, Mimi stopped dead in her tracks. ‘I thought you and Felix were doing OK. What’s happened?’
‘Oh God, it’s going to sound so stupid, but I just really need a break from that place. And a break from Henrietta with her snarky comments and her disapproving stares. It’s meant to be our home but it’s still hers too, and if she was lovely everything would be fine . . . but she isn’t lovely and nothing’s ever going to be fine. And all Felix does is try to smooth things over, because he just wants an easy life. He’s used to her being the way she is, and most of it goes over his head. I want him to stick up for me and tell his mother she’s an evil old bag, but he won’t. And that’s what’s getting to me.’ Her voice rising, Lois blurted out, ‘I can’t put up with it any longer, I just can’t. Last week that bloody cat of hers was sick in the hallway and I didn’t see it. I slipped in it, fell over on the parquet floor and bashed my good leg. And d’you know what Henrietta said when she came to find out what had happened?’
‘No . . .’ Mimi braced herself; it clearly wasn’t going to be good.
‘She told me I should have jolly well looked where I was going. So I said if her cat was sick it was her job to clear up the mess. Then she said Truman was never ill so if he was sick now it was probably because he’d eaten something I’d left out. Meaning that it was basically my fault all along. That was her answer. And then she stalked off leaving me flat on my back like an upturned beetle. Didn’t even try to help me up. Seriously,’ Lois wailed in frustration, ‘I can’t cope with her any more. And there’s no way she’s ever going to leave Fox Court, which means it’s up to me to do the honours. So that’s it, I’ve had enough. I’m off.’
‘Oh no!’ Mimi was shocked but not altogether surprised. ‘I wish I was there to give you a big hug. What does Felix have to say about it?’
‘Oh who knows? I can’t bear to listen to him any more. He pretends to care, but does he really?’ She exhaled noisily. ‘Maybe he’s secretly relieved, glad to be getting rid of me at last, what with all the trouble I cause. God knows, Henrietta must be over the moon. I’m surprised Fox Court isn’t covered in bunting.’
‘And how are you feeling?’ said Mimi, because it was impossible to tell over the phone. Lois might be putting on a brave front, but this was her marriage they were talking about; she had to be upset.
‘I don’t even know how to feel right now. It might turn out to be the best thing ever. Maybe I’ll be relieved too.’
‘And where are you going to go? Oh no, will I even see you when I come back?’ What if Lois was moving to London, or up to Edinburgh, where her parents lived? Mimi realised with a jolt how much she’d miss her if she were no longer there.
‘Don’t worry, you’ll still see me. I’m only moving into the Latimers’ place on Church Lane.’
Relieved, Mimi said, ‘You’re staying in Goosebrook?’
‘Why not? It’s easier. I know everyone.’ Lois paused. ‘When Nancy Latimer mentioned that they were spending the next three months in New Zealand and were looking for someone to keep an eye on their house, it just made sense to volunteer. I can live there while they’re away, and it’ll give me and Felix a chance to see how things go. After three months we’ll have worked out what has to happen next.’
‘Oh, I hope everything does work out.’ Mimi was also aware that the unspoken reason for staying in the village was because Goosebrook had become Lois’s security blanket. Everyone who knew her was used to her scars and injuries, the way she now looked. Having to endure the stares and whispers of curious strangers was what she hated most.
‘One way or another it will,’ said Lois. ‘Maybe having a break is just what we need. Apart from anything else, it’s going to feel like a holiday getting away from Henrietta.’
She was bringing that line of conversation to a close. To change the subject, Mimi said, ‘Well good luck. What else has been happening while I’ve been away? Anything exciting?’
‘OK, let me think. Did Marcus tell you he’s got himself a gorgeous new boyfriend?’
‘Whaaaat?’ Mimi almost dropped her phone. ‘Are you kidding me?’
‘Yes, I’m kidding.’ Lois snorted with laughter. ‘We keep hoping it’ll happen, but no joy so far.’
‘You got my hopes up there for a moment.’
‘Sorry. Ooh, I know what else has happened. Cal and Della have broken up!’
Twelve hundred miles away, Mimi heard the words and felt her heart launch into a gallop. She watched two birds fly overhead in formation before veering away from the water’s edge. Cal and Della, no longer together. Unless . . .
‘Is this another joke?’
‘Nope, it’s the real thing. Cross my heart. All over. Heard about it last night. Which means Cal’s back on the market,’ said Lois. ‘So that’s a bit exciting, isn’t it?’
‘Why did they break up?’ Did her voice sound normal? Mimi couldn’t begin to tell. Had she even said the words in the right order?
‘Oh, no one knows.’ Lois put on her mysterious voice. ‘That’s what makes it so interesting. I can’t wait to be nosy and find out!’
It was ironic that after months of working hard to present CJ Exley in the best possible light and conceal the less attractive aspects of his personality from the world, Mimi’s greatest PR success had come about by reversing that plan.
And then, even more cunningly, by reversing that reversal.
It had all started completely by chance. Mimi had returned to Puerto Pollensa on 2 January, the day before Cal, Della and their two girls had flown home from their skiing holiday in Austria. A few days after that, having organised baby Alice’s passport, Willa and CJ arrived at the villa along with Alice and an absolute ton of luggage, because CJ couldn’t stop buying toys, clothes and baby paraphernalia for his beloved new daughter.
Mimi stayed put in her apartment, the one that had once been occupied by Willa. Willa and her belongings moved into CJ’s master suite and decorators were hastily hired to turn one of the other bedrooms into a fairy-tale nursery. And now Mimi had to work harder than ever to keep CJ at his desk when he really didn’t want to be there, because all he cared about was his newly formed family.
But contracts had been signed and needed to be fulfilled; major publishing houses around the world were waiting impatiently for the next book and it had to be written. The only way to ensure it happened had been to turn Alice into her father’s reward system. Each time CJ hit his targeted word count, he was allowed to see his daughter for ten minutes.
The first video had come about entirely by chance. With CJ in his office and the sound of muffled epithets leaking through the closed door, Mimi said to Willa, ‘Take your bets, then. What’s he going to say when I ask him how he’s doing?’
Willa, who was cradling Alice in her arms, said promptly, ‘He’s going to call you an evil witch. And he’ll probably threaten to sack you, too.’
‘I think he’ll tell me it’s my fault it’s all going wrong, and demand a bowl of Twiglets.’
They both knew him so well. Mimi took out her phone and crossed the living room. She knocked on the door of CJ’s office, switched on video recording and said into the camera, ‘OK, here we go, into the lion’s den. Brace yourselves.’
‘Bring me a whisky,’ CJ barked as the door creaked open.
‘How’s it going?’
‘I hate you. Nothing’s right and it’s all your fault.’
‘Oh CJ, it can’t be that bad.’
‘It’s worse. Get me some Twiglets too.’ He glanced round at her finally. ‘Oh for crying out loud, are you filming me? Whaddaya have to do that for? Go away.’
‘How many words have you written?’
He held up a single foolscap sheet, covered in his terrible handwriting and multiple crossings-out.
‘One page, so that’s two hundred words. You need to do better than that. Get yourself up to five hundred words,’ Mimi said calmly, ‘and then you can have your Twiglets.’
He shot her a murderous look. ‘Get out. And don’t you dare send that video to anyone or you’re fired.’
The next day, having persuaded him to change his mind, Mimi had posted the clip on YouTube and linked it to his social media accounts, where it had promptly been shared and retweeted worldwide, evoking more responses in one day than all his previous posts had attained in total.
The grumpy, tetchy reality of CJ Exley had captured the attention of millions of people in a way that no carefully crafted interview portraying him in the best light ever had. Mimi began filming him daily, inviting viewers to guess in advance how many words might have been written and which choice new insult he might come up with, before posting the latest video on his website. The lucky winners would then have their names included in CJ’s next tirade of abuse.
Everyone loved getting involved, the viewing figures for the videos continued to spiral upwards, and requests for TV interviews with the literary world’s favourite curmudgeon came flooding in. When CJ was flown over to the US to appear on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, he shook his head at the audience and told them they were a bunch of hysterical shrieking harpies who needed to get a grip. Which just made them shriek all the more.
And sales of his books rocketed.
Was CJ effusively grateful to Mimi for all she’d done for him?
Of course he wasn’t. Not one bit.
But she knew that deep down he was pleased it had happened.
And now the time had come for her to move on. Having inherited none of CJ’s character traits, Alice was proving herself to be a smiley, placid baby who slept well and seldom cried. Willa, Mimi knew, liked to keep busy and had been increasingly eager to get back to work. The morning Mimi switched on her work laptop to type up the two thousand words CJ had written the day before only to find them already typed, she knew it was time to let go.
‘Sorry.’ Willa was apologetic. ‘Couldn’t help myself. I just miss doing it so much.’
‘It’s fine. We always knew I was only here for a while.’ Mimi held out her arms to take Alice. ‘Let me have a cuddle with this one. I’m going to miss her so much.’
‘You can come out and visit us whenever you want. Can’t she?’ said Willa as CJ joined them in the kitchen.
‘Does this mean she’s abandoning us?’ CJ mimed horror, but there was laughter in his eyes; they’d clearly already discussed the situation.
‘I’m like Mary Poppins,’ Mimi told him. ‘My work here is done. I’ve sorted you out, turned you into a decent human being, and now I’m going to let you carry on without me.’
‘More like that scary one with the giant tooth.’ CJ ducked out of the way before she could hit him. ‘Nanny McPhee.’