Chapter Ten
Emi
“That was incredible,” I say for probably the tenth time as we arrive at a bar called The Pony. It’s my second time being here today, since Austin brought me here for brunch this morning, which I absolutely loved. I didn’t even obsess over how many calories I was consuming. Life feels a little freer when I’m with him, and I’m enjoying every minute I can. “How is it possible to be so graceful and so brutally violent at the same time?”
“You don’t even think about the skating part,” he says. “It’s as second-nature as walking or running when you’re on the ice. All your focus is on that puck and destroying anything in your path to get to it.”
I whip my head up to look at him. “Do you play hockey?”
“Yeah, I’m on the team for the fire department. We play against the cops and do exhibition games for charities, stuff like that. Nothing all that big, but it’s fun as hell.”
He shrugs a shoulder like it’s no big thing, but to a girl who just discovered the appeal of hockey players, it’s a very big thing. Images of this sexy man maneuvering on the ice in his bulky gear as graceful as any dancer I’ve ever seen floods my mind, and I’m worried I’ll start drooling. “I need the time and place of your next game. Please tell me it’s tomorrow. In the morning.”
Austin laughs and opens the door for me. “Damn, girl. Remind me to plan some playtime with you right after one of my games.”
Oh my God, yes. “Forget reminding. I’m not above begging.”
He stops me just inside the door, but when I look up, it’s not Austin’s face I see. It’s him. The man who takes me any way he chooses in the dark of night; the man who craves my pleas, demands that I beg for mercy, then denies them all the same. His fiery green gaze burns me from the inside out. My breath catches in my throat, and butterflies erupt in my belly. With nothing more than a look—this look—he makes my body yearn for his brand of careful brutality.
I accept that he has this power over me because I’ve learned that I have it as well. I can easily summon his beast, like turning Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde, with nothing more than a few chosen words—or in this case, the accidental mention of me begging—and he appears. My merciless villain ready to free me from the constraints of my sheltered reality.
Someone jostles him as they pass through the crowd. He blinks, and the spell is broken as he looks around, likely remembering where we are. “Come on, princess. We need to find the rest of our group before I say fuck it and take you home. Addie’ll have my balls if I bail on this, and I happen to like them right where they are.”
“Me too,” I say with a coy smile.
He groans—possibly from discomfort in his pelvic region, or maybe from disappointment that we can’t leave yet—and leads me across the room. The bar is a beautiful mix of modern and rustic. Very clean lines and minimal decor, but the floors and ceilings are all light woods, with the walls being a combination of light wood and maroon-painted cement blocks. More than a dozen televisions set to sports channels line the walls for visibility from every seat in the house, which are all filled with people wearing Chicago Blackhawks gear celebrating tonight’s 4-3 victory over the LA Kings.
We make our way up to the Pony Up Lounge on the second level that’s been reserved for Roman’s party. There’s another full bar and scattered tables with stools, and of course more TVs. But the best feature is the vaulted retractable roof made entirely of glass. Even though it’s not quite warm enough in mid-May for them to open it up, it’s still beautiful to look up and see the moon hanging in the night sky. About a dozen people are milling around by the bar, watching highlights of the game playing on Sports Center.
“Oh good, you guys are here!” Jane breaks away from the group and rushes over to us. “Addison is blowing up my phone asking when she can finally stop stalling and bring Roman in.”
Austin chuckles. “How’s she managing to text you if she’s stalling him?”
Chance, who looks like an actual Viking with his shoulder-length blond hair and massive size, comes up behind Jane and wraps his arms around her. He completely dwarfs the petite brunette, and yet they somehow fit perfectly. “I believe the plan was a blindfold and reverse cowgirl in the back seat,” he says with a smirk.
I laugh at the joke…then realize I’m the only one. “Oh, you were serious.” My eyes widen in shock for what seems like the hundredth time since meeting Austin’s friends. I don’t mean to keep acting like a virgin in a brothel every five minutes, but I’ve never been around people with virtually no filter who threaten each other as a way of showing affection. I’m not offended by any of it, I just need a small adjustment period, that’s all.
Austin chuckles and pulls me into his side. Chance smirks in obvious amusement until Jane smacks one of the trunk-like arms banded at her waist. “It’d be great if you could let the new girl think we’re semi-normal for a while,” she admonishes.
“Screw that, baby, we are the normal ones,” Chance argues. “It’s those vanilla people who are the real freaks. Right, Emi?”
I know he’s trying to throw me off again, but it’s not going to work this time. I’m hip to his game and I’m ready to play along. “As a reformed vanilla freak, myself, I couldn’t agree more, Chance.”
The men erupt with laughter, and Jane winks at me in approval. “Come on,” she says, reaching for my hand, “let’s get a drink before the guest of honor arrives, and then I’ll introduce you around.”
We head to the bar with the guys following behind, and that’s when I notice the odd wording on the large banner. “It’s not Roman’s actual birthday?”
“No,” Jane says, “that’s in November. Addison sometimes celebrates half birthdays.”
Chance points a finger at his girlfriend. “Hey, don’t knock that girl’s half-birthday presents.”
Jane rolls her eyes as Austin fills me in. “Addie sent Romeo the Handyman over to Jane with the excuse of it being her half-birthday present. He fixed her broken pipes—literal and metaphorical—and the rest is history.”
My gaze bounces between the three of them. “Something tells me that’s an extremely abridged version of the story.”
“Very abridged,” says a handsome man dressed in a custom-tailored suit. “But she’ll have to tell you another time because I need an introduction before my partner gets here.”
His eyes roam over my body quickly then return to study my face with blatant appreciation.
“Back off, Coop.” Austin’s tone makes it a clear warning despite the smile and handshake that follows. “Emi, this is John Cooper, Roman’s law partner at their firm. He’s a good guy with a nice set of teeth. Hopefully that doesn’t change by the end of the night. Coop, this is Emi DeLuca. She’s a professional ballerina. And spoken for.”
Spoken for. Equal shots of happiness and regret flow through me at hearing those words. The idea of Austin considering me his makes me almost giddy. Like we’re in high school and he’s just given me his letter jacket to wear as proof that we belong to each other. But the reality is that I can’t be his, and in a few short months, I’ll be spoken for by someone else.
The interest in Coop’s eyes vanishes as though it never existed, but he shakes my hand with the warm affection of a long-lost friend. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Emi. Welcome to the group, we’re happy to have you.”
“Thank you, I’m happy to be here. So, I’m curious, what’s your stripper-name-with-an-R?”
Coop almost chokes on his beer mid-sip as Chance and Austin laugh. “I don’t have one. I’m one of the few people here who isn’t a P4H dancer.” Shit! Will I ever stop embarrassing myself around these people? My cheeks are on fire as I rush to apologize, but Coop brushes it off with a good-natured wink. “Don’t worry about it. I’m actually taking your assumption as a huge compliment.”
I feel better once Austin puts a glass of wine in my hand and I’ve taken several large sips. Jane’s given us all the warning that Addie and Roman are on their way into the bar and instructions on what to yell as soon as they enter the room. We don’t have to hide or jump out from behind anything, but apparently Addie has promised pain of death if we don’t get the surprise right, and I don’t doubt that the woman will follow through on her threat.
I had a lot of fun at the game with the girls, but I haven’t quite figured Addison out. Jane is sweet and a bit of a geek. She’s been completely dialed into making me feel comfortable and welcome around her friends, often apologizing for their crass behavior.
But Addie is another animal entirely. Her personality is big and bold, to put it mildly, and I can see why Roman calls her wildcat and she’s known as the Honey Badger in her attorney circles. There’s no way I’d want to face her in court, or anywhere else for that matter.
Addie enters the room first, which gives us our cue to collectively shout, “Happy half birthdayyyyyy!”
Of everything I’ve learned about Austin’s friends so far, surprisingly, I find that I relate to Roman the most. He’s serious and respectable in his daily life, always mindful of the professional image he portrays. And though that’s a part of who he is, it’s not the only one, and as Ruthless he gets to be that other part of himself, without judgement or fear of recrimination. I get that. It’s the same reason I have Raven and needed to find a way of letting her out without damaging my reputation.
If Roman is like me, he hates surprises—it makes me feel off-balance to not have control over any given situation—but if that’s the case then he’s handling this like a pro. He’s smiling indulgently at Addison as she wraps her arms around his neck and peppers his face with “half-birthday kisses.” Even if he hates surprises, I have a hard time imagining anything shaking that man. As soon as Addie releases him, he starts to make his way around the room, smiling and greeting his friends with her by his side.
“They complement each other well,” I say to Austin, nodding at them. “Like their differences balance the other out. He’s kind of stoic and she’s more…um…”
“Obnoxious?” He laughs when I’m unable to come up with a different adjective on the spot. “It’s okay, she’d be the first one to admit it. Yeah, that’s our Addie. She’s a little crazy but she’s also fiercely loyal to her friends, and you’re right about them as a couple. They’re a perfect match. I couldn’t ask for a better woman to love my friend.”
“You’re close with her, too, aren’t you.” It’s not really a question. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s a definite connection between them. “I mean, I know you’re close with Jane, too, but you treat her more like a kid sister. With Addison, it seems different somehow.”
Austin drags a hand over the stubble on his jaw, slams the rest of his draft beer, then takes my hand and leads me away from the crowd. Suddenly I’m overanalyzing things at warp speed and imagining every possible scenario that’s about to occur, from him telling me that I’m totally crazy to telling me that he and Addison have a love child no one knows about because she’s being raised by a distant aunt across the country and holy shit maybe I am crazy.
I have no idea where all that came from. Normally my thought process is fairly logical, but at the first hint of something being off, I went all Girly 2000 and let my emotions run away with my brain. Emotions, I might add, that I’m not allowed to have. Shit, shit, and more shit.
“I was going to wait to tell you this later, but I just need to rip off the Band-Aid and get it over with.”
“Maybe I should get another glass of wine if it’s that bad,” I say, forcing out a light laugh that feels more like a brick in my stomach. Because whether I’m supposed to have feelings for him or not, I can’t deny that I don’t want our time together to be over yet. I’m not ready to give this up. I’m not ready to give Austin up.
He steps in close and brings my hands up against his chest. “That’s the thing,” he starts, “what I have to tell you isn’t bad at all, which is why I want you to know. But I’m not sure if you’ll see it the same way.”
“There’s only one way to find out.” I stare up into his beautiful green eyes, willing him to be honest with me about whatever it is. The one thing I’ve been able to count on with Austin is his unabashed ability to be completely open with me.
“Until recently, Roman’s sexual proclivities almost always involved ménage. The two-guys-one-girl kind.” He exhales before saying the rest, like he’s purging it from his body. “And oftentimes I was the other guy.”
“Ooh, kink—” I cut myself off as I realize what he’s trying to tell me. “Oh, you were with him and Addison.”
“It was only in the beginning, until Roman finally got smart and stopped sharing her.”
“Okay,” I say, trying to wrap my brain around the fact that the man I’m currently in a sexual relationship with was in a prior one with that gorgeous blond bombshell across the room. “So, it’s the same as still being friends with an ex-girlfriend. I get it.”
“No, it’s not the same at all. That’s my point. Even though I was with them physically, I was never more than a tool for Roman to give her more pleasure than he could by himself. Addie and I never had any kind of investment in each other emotionally. Not as anything more than friends, I promise.”
“It doesn’t matter if you did, Austin. It wouldn’t even matter if you were still involved with her. I don’t have any rights to you.” I lower my eyes to where he’s still holding my hands to his body. My chest feels tight, and the words are like ash on my tongue. “This isn’t anything serious, remember?”
“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” he says, his voice a low rumble as he uses a finger under my chin to lift my gaze to his. “I’m not trying to push you for what you can’t give me, and I know I don’t have any claim over you, despite what I told Coop. But you feel free to claim me all you want. I’m yours for as long as you want me, Emi.”
I do want him. I want him more than I should and more than I’m able. I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything at all. Rising on my toes, I fuse my mouth to his, pouring my desire for him and what we have into the kiss. Oblivious to the turmoil swirling inside me, he anchors a hand on my neck and one at my back and kisses me like we’re the only two people in the world.
“Does this mean we’re cool?”
Austin smiles against my lips, then turns his head to acknowledge Addison, who’s clutching her hands in front of her chest with a hopeful look on her face. “You could’ve given me more time to seal the deal, Addie.”
“I’m sorry, I totes hate to cockblock you and all, it’s just that Roman’s whining about not seeing you and I was hoping you could keep him occupied because the second half of his surprise is almost here, and I wanted a chance to talk to Emi because I really don’t want her to hate me, so I need you to move along, and at least two of those things are true.”
Still unsure whether she’s intentionally being funny, I bite the inside of my cheek to stop the giggle trying to escape. Austin doesn’t have the same concern and laughs with abandon, making me swoon where I stand. I love it when his dimples pop into his cheeks and the crinkly lines frame his dancing green eyes. “That sounds about right,” he says before pressing a gentle kiss to my lips as he brushes my cheek with his thumb. “We good, princess?”
I nod and give him a reassuring smile. “Go on. I’d hate to see Roman cry at his half-birthday celebration.”
He winks at me, then saunters off in the direction of his friends, and I’m left with a happy Addison, who claps her hands like a little kid about to get ice cream. “Okay, so you don’t hate me, right? Because there’s nothing between me and Austin. I’m utterly, madly, head-over-ass in love with Roman. The cowboy’s all yours.”
“No, Addie, I don’t hate you. I’d like us to be friends,” I say genuinely. I still might not be sure how to take her all the time, but I am sure that while her personality is a lot more over-the-top than I’m used to, her heart is big, and her intentions are good. And I think I like her even more for the fact that she’s completely the opposite of anyone I know. Nothing will ever be dull with her around, and that’s exactly what my life has been missing.
“Perfect! I told Janey we were going to be just like the Three Musketeers.”
“Wow, Austin gets himself a ball and chain and suddenly I’m replaced?”
I turn around to a smiling familiar face. “Raquel,” I say, surprised to see the girl I nicknamed Bambi outside amateur night at Cardinal Sin.
She squints a little, trying to place me. “Yeah, how’d you—” Her eyes grow big. “Raven? Oh my gosh, you’re Austin’s girlfriend? That’s so cool!”
“No, I’m not—”
“Holy shitballs, nobody move,” Addie orders, then she yells loud enough to be heard over the music. “Janey, stop making goo-goo eyes at Thor and get your cute butt over here.”
Jane leaves the bar and joins us, cosmo in hand. “What’s up?”
“Emi is Raven.”
Jane looks perplexed for a few seconds, then gasps. “The dancer you told me about at Cardinal Sin? Oh wow, I wish I could’ve seen you that night, Emi. Addie told me you were amazing.”
I think my cheeks are literally on fire. It’s not every day that your new friends realize they watched you rip most of your clothes off and dance like a sex-crazed maniac around a pole for a room of horny men and a mountain of singles. Not that I took the money, but that’s beside the point at the moment.
“She was, and Austin was drooling all over himself, and I was totally shipping them, and I even named them Ravstin, but now we can call you Emstin because you’re so together. Let the record show I totally called this, which obvs means I’m psychic. Recognize, bitches!”
“So your real name is Emi. That’s beautiful.” Raquel performs a sneak attack hug, proving to be just as sweet as I remember her. “I’m so happy to see you again, I can’t even tell you. If it hadn’t been for you, I don’t know if I would’ve gone through with dancing that night. Are you dancing at the next one? Then Jane and I can see you in action.”
“Um, I’m not sure.” I didn’t even realize that I missed this month’s amateur night until just now. Usually I’m itching to let Raven out of her cage by the time the next one rolls around, but I haven’t even thought about it. The play sessions with Austin have kept her depraved needs well-fed. “Can we keep this between us, though? No one really knows—”
“That you have a kickass stripper alter ego?” Addison finishes for me. Smiling at me, she says, “Don’t worry, girl, we have some experience keeping that particular secret.”
Jane and Raquel nod in agreement and promise not to take an ad out in the Tribune about my less-than-respectable hobby. Relief washes over me, but there’s one more thing I feel I should clear up. “Also, for the record, Austin and I— We’re not…well, we shouldn’t have a combo name, you know what I mean? It’s not like that.”
Addison snorts. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, hon.” She links her arm through mine, then tips her head to where the guys are all hanging out by the bar. “Come on, ladies. We don’t want to miss the look on Roman’s face in a few minutes.”
“What happens in a few minutes?” I ask, walking with the girls.
She tosses her blond waves behind her shoulder and smirks. “I become the best girlfriend in the history of ever.”
As soon as I reach Austin, he pulls me into his side and kisses my temple. “Everything okay?”
It does crazy things to my insides the way he checks in with me. It’s not always with words—he’s gotten very adept at reading my body language and reacting accordingly—but whether we’re eating lunch, acting out fantasies, or watching a movie, he’s always very in tune with me.
I beam up at him and slip my arms around his waist. “Everything’s great.” I’m rewarded with that dazzling smile I love so much, and then he introduces me to Liam, who’s another P4H guy and also the best friend Raquel told me about who hadn’t been thrilled with her stint as an amateur stripper. From the way I see him looking at her when he thinks no one’s watching, my suspicions were right. That boy has it bad.
A minute later, Roman’s second surprise walks in: all twenty-two players of the Chicago Blackhawks, led by Addison’s cousin, Sam Larsen, who brought a hockey stick that eventually got signed by every member of the team. It’s mass chaos that puts any case of fangirling I’ve ever seen to shame. We drink and dance and shoot more tequila than is healthy, but by the end of the night, both of Addison’s predictions have come true: she is dubbed the best girlfriend in the history of ever, and I admit—if only to myself—that Austin and I are indeed temporarily…together.