Chapter 11
THE first thing Landry said the following morning was that he wanted out of the hospital. He wanted to go home, he needed to go home, and when he demanded that I leave immediately and go get all of his things from his parents’ house, I thought he was kidding.
“Do I look like I’m kidding?” he snapped at me.
The needy, clingy Landry was gone. Landry on a tear because he wanted the hell out of the hospital, that guy was the one driving. I bailed, and as I passed the nurse’s station, I suggested that they get a doctor in there and get the man released before he made a king-sized pain out of himself. They had not seen a snit like the one Landry could throw.
Since Conrad had taken the rental car, I took a cab out to the Carter house. I called Chris and woke him up and told him I was on my way over. He was only halfway coherent, but still, he was there at the front door when I pulled up.
“Why’re you awake?” he asked me.
“Because Landry’s awake,” I said, trying to widen my eyes because I needed coffee badly. “And he wants his stuff because I’m pretty sure he’s going from the hospital to the airport. So if you want to see him before we go, if your mother does, she should—”
“My mother––” He yawned. “My mother’s gone.”
“What?” I was surprised. “Gone where?”
“On extended holiday,” he replied, moving aside so I could walk past him. Once he closed the door, he turned to me. “You want some coffee?”
“No, I…. What do you mean she’s gone?”
“Oh man, she’s not gonna stay here and have her friends look at her and think shit about her because my dad cheated with the maid. She left. She’s meeting one of her sisters in New York, and then the two of them are flying to Paris to stay with my other aunt, her other sister.”
“When will she be back?”
“I have no idea.”
“She just left without saying goodbye to Landry? I mean, she just got him back and now, what, she just takes off on him?”
He was squinting at me. “I dunno what you’re all upset about. My mom’s the one dealing with gossip and innuendo and everything else. She had to go.”
I was utterly gobsmacked.
“I’m sure she’ll be in touch with him.”
“But how does she know if he’s okay?”
“I’m sure Scott told her he was fine.” He was smiling at me. “It’s more of a ‘no news is good news’ kind of thing.”
“Don’t you care?” I was stunned.
“About what?”
“She left you too!”
“Yeah, but that’s because she’s cancer free, so I’m thrilled, and she’s been wanting to spend time with my aunts, and now she is, and so I’m doubly happy. So are Jo and Scott. And me and Jo are coming to see you and Lan for Thanksgiving and Christmas, right? I mean, that’s still on, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, of course, but—”
“What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is that your mother just left without saying goodbye to Landry!” I shouted, upset for my boy and the rest of them. What the hell? “She didn’t go say goodbye to him or hug him or tell him she loved him! She just left! I can’t believe she just left!”
“Why?”
“Because she didn’t even see him after he was kidnapped! She didn’t squeeze the crap out of him and gush all over him and kiss and tell him she loved him!” I railed at him.
“But she’s been sick.”
“So the fuck what? If my mother was sick, it would not keep her from coming to the hospital and sitting at my bedside and holding my hand and being the second face after your brother’s that I saw when I woke up!”
“Why are you comparing your mother with mine? I don’t get that.”
I just stared at him.
“She is how she is, Trevan. You’re not gonna turn her into June Cleaver, you know? It’s not her. She loves us, and for now she’s gonna love us from Paris. Nothing’s stopping us from going to her, and we probably will at some point, maybe after New Year’s, but seriously, the whole hold your hand when you’re sick bit, that’s never been her. We had the nanny for that.”
I left him then, walked downstairs, stalked through the gardens, and finally came to the guest house I had shared with Landry. I packed all his things, checked everywhere, missed nothing, moving fast in my anger-spurred frenzy, and then slammed out through the door.
When I returned to the living room, having walked back up the same long stairs to the immense panoramic-view patio, I found Scott there as well. He was dressed for work, I assumed from his tailored suit.
“Are you coming to the hospital to say goodbye to Landry?”
“I am.” He smiled, taking the duffel bag from me, leaving me with Landry’s garment bag. “And I’ll drive. I paid for your cab.”
“Thank you, you didn’t have to do—”
“I know,” he assured me. “I have to pick up my father this morning. He stayed at a hotel last night while my mother was still here, but he can come home now that she’s gone.”
I nodded. “Are they going to charge him?”
“Yes. They’re charging him with obstruction and being an accessory either before the fact or after, I don’t remember. I mean, I don’t expect him to do any jail time. I expect many hours of community service.”
I didn’t doubt it. He was a pillar of the community. How did you put a pillar in jail?
“So I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, okay?”
My eyes flicked to his. “That would be great.”
He smiled suddenly. “I’ll be sure not to bring any women that want to sleep with you along. I know Landry found that annoying.”
I sighed deeply. “I’m sure that—”
“No excuses, let’s just forget it.”
But he had brought it up.
“And you won’t bring your father,” I said flatly.
“No Trevan, you’ll never see my father again.”
“That’s how it has to be. He and Landry, that’s not gonna happen.”
He nodded.“Agreed. Shall we go?”
I reached for Chris, and he stepped in close and hugged me tight.
“Thanks for everything, Trevan. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it was for the best. We were all living a lie, we just didn’t know it. The truth was gonna come out sooner or later, and if it hadn’t been Landry, it would have been one of the rest of us.”
He was right. Brendan Arnold wanted money. It had been promised to him, and his father would have made good on his word eventually, but not in the timeframe that his illegitimate son was counting on. He had been holding out for something that was never coming, and had Landry never shown up, then it would have been Scott or Christian. Why Jocelyn wasn’t ever a consideration had come out the night before. She, apparently, had been the only one ever to give Brendan the time of day. He liked her, so he wasn’t ever going to kidnap her. It was amazing.
The whole thing had come to a head because of the money, yes, but also, it was simply too much to bear after a lifetime of being kept a secret. Brendan Arnold had needed to be recognized as Neil Carter’s son. I could only imagine what it must have been like to see your father right there in front of you but never be able to just run up to him and hug him without permission. It had to have been like a knife in his heart.
“Trev?”
I realized my mind had been drifting, and came back to the present, where Chris was standing there looking at me. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m gonna call Landry now, but I’m sorry, I just don’t think I can go back to the hospital. Are you pissed?”
“No,” I assured him. “You were there last night, all night, until the hospital staff kicked you out, just like Jo. You were there, I know you love him.”
He nodded. “I do, and I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, okay?”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
His smile was bright as I turned to Scott, who was standing with the front door open, ready to leave.
“I’m surprised,” I said as I walked beside him toward his black Jaguar, “that there weren’t reporters at the end of your drive when I got here.”
He grunted. “My father has friends in the district attorney’s office—he’s a generous campaign supporter—so the report of his arrest and arraignment wasn’t released until this morning. I suspect they’re going to start converging soon, and I have men meeting me at his hotel, and my assistant is taking care of security for the house and grounds as we speak. It’s probably best you and Landry are leaving today. It’s going to be a circus around here.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “Did you fuck the maid?”
I looked at his profile, saw the muscles in his jaw cord; he was more upset than he sounded. “No, but I’m still sorry.”
“I’m sorry Landry’s name will be included in the media dump.”
“It’s okay. If we see any reporters when we get home, I’m sure Landry will use it to his benefit from a marketing standpoint. Buy the kidnapped guy’s jewelry, you know?”
He chuckled and ended with a sigh. “I’m so sorry for all this,” he told me.
“Did you fuck the maid?” I threw back at him.
There was a snort of laughter and then a rare smile. “No, I didn’t either.”
“So see, neither of us is to blame.”
“No, we’re not,” he said as he turned at the end of the drive. We passed three news vans on the road.
“Excuse me while I make a call,” he said.
I listened as he spoke to his assistant, Candace, on speakerphone in his car and explained that they needed the security now. She assured him that they were on their way and she had already called Chris and told him that and advised him not to open the front door.
“Thank you,” he told her.
“Of course,” she said softly. “I’m at your father’s hotel in the lobby. I’ll see you soon.”
When he hung up, I told him that Candace sounded hot on the phone.
“She’s even better in person,” he informed me.
“And?”
He scowled. “She’s my assistant, and I, unlike my father, actually respect the people who work for me.”
I couldn’t argue with his logic.
At the hospital, I was happy to find Jocelyn already there, and, surprisingly, Hugh. Landry was talking to them, and when Scott came in, he lifted his arms for his brother. Up to that point, I had not thought that Landry and Scott were close, but the hug they shared said different. They spoke softly together, and I moved away, giving them their privacy as I faced Jocelyn.
“So.” She nodded, her eyes glistening with tears. “Thanksgiving.”
“Absolutely,” I said, reaching for her.
She hugged me tight, leaning heavily.
“Thank you for being here for Landry. Now that he and his father are done and with your mom basically bailing on him, you and Chris and Scott are all he has.”
“My mom didn’t bail on Landry, she left her life here. She’ll be back.”
They were all making excuses for her. “Its fine, like I said, he has you guys. It’s more than enough.”
“He doesn’t give a damn about us,” she told me.
“That’s not—”
“Yes it is.” She was adamant. “And you know it is. He cares about you, he loves you, I can see the difference, I’m not stupid. But if we work on him, if Chris and Scott and I show him that we’re constant, I think we can eventually change his mind. Don’t you?”
“I do.”
Her smile was huge.
After Scott left and Landry went into the bathroom to shower and change, Hugh went to get him and Jocelyn some coffee.
“So what’s with that?” I asked her, tipping my head after her husband.
“You know, I’m not sure,” she told me. “I called him last night when I got home just to warn him that he might have reporters skulking around his brother’s place where he’s been staying, and he just showed up back at our condo and we talked all night.”
“You did?”
“Yeah.” She smiled at me. “I thought that we were done, you know? I mean, we’ve never been…. I’ve always loved him, but I’ve never been in love with him like you are with Landry and he obviously is with you. We’ve always been buddies, but not—”
“Not honest.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, nodding.
“But now?”
“I don’t know. We talked two years’ worth in one night and then—” She paused and shrugged, blushing. “You know.”
“Oh.” I arched an eyebrow for her. “You guys worked it out, huh?”
“Oh God,” she moaned, face in her hands. “I mean, my mother’s life is falling apart and everything that happened and Landry and the kidnapping and this whole thing where I know we’re gonna be dragged through the mud, but… I mean….” She looked up at me. “He wants to trudge through it with me. How the hell do I deserve that?”
“Maybe you were looking for something Hugh wasn’t providing, with Marc?”
“But there’s no excuse for cheating.”
“No, but there’s reasons for cheating. You’re just supposed to tell the person you’re with before you act on them.”
She sighed deeply.
“Unless, you know, you’re a sex addict or something and need to seek professional help.”
She swatted my arm. “I am not a sex addict!”
“Well then, yeah, you fucked up, but maybe with some counseling, some forgiveness, some great make-up sex, you guys can get through this. If that’s what you want.”
“Ohmygod, I want,” she said, suddenly breathless. “I was so dispassionate at brunch that day, but the reality, once Hugh left, of him being gone—Jesus, Trevan, I didn’t know it was going to feel like that. I’m such an idiot.”
“Only if you don’t recognize the truth and only if you do nothing about it.”
She nodded furiously, and Hugh reappeared with coffee for the three of us.
“Awww, shit man, you’re a fuckin’ saint.”
He waggled his eyebrows at me before he put an arm around Jocelyn’s shoulders and drew her close to his side. “So, Thanksgiving, Jo says?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, watching her eyes fill. “Thanksgiving.”
WHEN it was just me and Landry again, later that afternoon, waiting for the doctor to release him, he put his hands on my face and looked into my eyes.
“What?”
“You know, I don’t need my family to love me; I have you and your family for that.”
“Yeah, but your mother—”
“You are the only one who loves me unconditionally; you’re it, and you can never stop.”
“Of course not,” I assured him, my voice bottoming out.
His smile made my stomach hurt.
I didn’t understand Cece Carter running away, taking a vacation like her family had not come apart at the seams, but Landry reminded me that as nice as she was, as warm, as kind, she was also the woman who had let him walk out of her life for eight years. She was not as emotionally invested in her children as my mother was in me or my sister.
“But that doesn’t make her a bad person,” he told me. “It just makes her different. You can’t judge her based on your mother.”
“This isn’t what you said when this all began,” I reminded him. “You said she didn’t care about you, didn’t love you, and that’s why you didn’t want to even come.”
“And I was wrong,” he confessed. “I forgot what she was like, and I blamed her and my father for the separation, but the truth was it was just as much my fault as it was theirs. You can’t get blood from a stone, you know? All my life, I was searching for more. I needed more, and I wasn’t even sure what that was before I met you. But now I know that what I needed was to feel love, to hear it, taste it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean your family—Jesus, Trevan, I get mauled every time there’s a get-together at your mom’s place. Your uncles make me sit by them, your aunts drag me into the kitchen and make me taste food, your cousins make me play baseball in the street or show me their new videogames or try and shock me with what they posted on their blogs. Your mother makes me play Escoba with them, and I’m still lost most of the time.”
I chuckled, my hands closing around his wrists, and stared into the gorgeous blue-green eyes that I loved.
“At your grandparents’ place, your aunts ask me to help in the kitchen, your grandmother sits and shows me her photo albums, and everyone includes me, and they’re loud about it, and they grab me and hug me… it’s amazing.”
I nodded. My family, on both sides, they all loved Landry Carter.
“I’m accepted and loved and no one gives a shit that I’m gay. The only thing they see when they look at me is Trevan’s partner. I’m the same as a wife or a husband. I’m just a part of the family to be loved and pushed around and told to get ice because no one else remembered to get it and we were the last ones there.”
I nodded, too choked up to speak. He loved me, he loved my family… what the hell else could I ask for?
“God!” he yelled suddenly, letting me go, hopping off the bed, starting to pace again. “Seriously! I want to go home!”
I went to the nurses’ station to find out if anyone knew when the doctor would be in. Landry was very close to just leaving. They promised they would page Dr. Han again.
He was fuming when I returned. “I have a life to get back to.”
And he did. He was overdue to be leaving. He had wanted to be out of Vegas that morning, Sunday morning. In his original timeline, he was supposed to be on a plane instead of sitting in a hospital room. What was worse was that he was being kept from going, and Landry caged was never a good thing. Since Detective Baylor had given us the okay to leave town, he wanted to bail.
When the doctor finally came in twenty minutes later, I thanked him profusely.
There were a few quick questions for Landry, and then, finally, he was discharged. He was walking out the door as I thanked the doctor, grabbed his garment bag—he had grabbed his duffel—and ran to catch up with him at the elevator.
Downstairs, I put him in a cab and we were on our way to McCarran Airport.
“You okay?” he asked me, worried, like I was the guy who had been kidnapped and not him. “You don’t seem like yourself.”
But I couldn’t talk, so I grabbed him instead and held him close, kissing his cheek as I shivered beside him. “I just wanna go home.”
“We’re going,” he assured me. “Everything’s okay. But we might be there a long time depending on what flight we can get on.”
“It’s fine.”
“You just want to hang out at the airport?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I just wanna be right there, ready to go.”
“Okay, baby. I like that plan too.”
I would be better once we were on the plane and gone. If I never got back to Vegas it would be too soon.
WE ENDED up spending the entire day at the airport, walking around, eating, but mostly just talking which was nice. Landry and I never ran out of things to say to each other, and I told him about Gabriel and his family and he told me about Koa wood that he was thinking about having shipped from Hawaii. We bought magazines and made out in a bathroom stall, and shared ice-cream. It was a great day of hanging out. Getting on the plane was sort of anticlimactic.
LANDRY was very concerned with the smell emanating from the refrigerator when we got home early Monday morning, just after nine.
I went to make sure the radiator was on because you could hang meat in our apartment.
“Gross,” he mumbled from the kitchen. “I think the oranges are moldy.”
He was fine. He had been on the phone with both the women who worked for him, waking them up, I was sure, but they were both so happy to hear his voice that it didn’t matter. He was asking about sales and how some new piece was selling and how the fall promotion was going. The man had been kidnapped, his life had been turned upside down and inside out, and he was perfectly fine. He was actually very interested in going out for breakfast with me as well as others, having called Javier and Dave, Jeff and Tim, and Russell and whoever the flavor of the month was.
“They might not be able to, babe,” I told him. “It’s Monday morning, after all. Everyone has to work.”
This was not a consideration, and I was certain once I explained to everyone, they would change their plans to be there for him.
“I’m dying to see the restaurant Gabriel’s setting you up in,” he said happily, dumping what was dirty into the hamper and hanging up what was clean. “Is April excited? I bet she’s excited. I bet she can’t wait to quit working at the bank and start training her staff and thinking up menu items. Oh honey, I’m so psyched for you. Your restaurant dream is finally coming true! We have to celebrate and have a huge party as soon as your mother gets back from visiting your aunt.” He sucked in his breath. “Oh my God, did you call your mother and tell her the good news? Does she know that her—”
“Jesus, Landry, could you shut the fuck up?”
“What?”
His brain and his mouth were going a hundred miles an hour.
“Trev?”
I took his face in my hands, staring at him, studying him.
He was looking at me like I was nuts. “Baby, are you okay?”
“I am, but how can you be?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Landry.” I choked on a breath.
He started laughing, and I shoved him down onto the couch. “You’re not—”
“Love,” he said with a giggle, sitting up, “I understand that to you this is weird. I mean, I was kidnapped and held for ransom, and I had a SWAT guy on top of me when I heard them fire the shots into Brendan, and I should be freaking out, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I should be a puddle on the floor.”
I nodded.
“Because I’m fragile, I break easy, and I break a lot, right?”
What was I supposed to say? “I’m just worried that—”
“I’m gonna fly apart.”
“Yeah.”
He nodded and bit his bottom lip before he made a face at me like he’d bitten a lemon. “Yeah, I’m not gonna do that.”
I flopped down into the overstuffed chair beside the coffee table, just staring at him.
“Listen, I know your life has been a little surreal over the past week, but really, my life used to be like that all the time. Everything changed constantly. I mean, my father traveled for work every week, my mother had so many social engagements I never saw her, and us kids, we were so heavily scheduled that we never even saw each other. I saw our housekeeper, our nanny, our chauffeur, but between school and sports and activities and friends… I didn’t have the kind of life you had. Once I left, once I left that life and came here for college, between working all the jobs I needed and friends and then parties and guys and everything else I was into—it was the same. It was a big blur. So what you have to understand is that only within the past two years, only since I’ve been with you, has there ever been a routine in my life. You are the only constant I’ve ever had. Do you understand that?”
I didn’t, not really.
“So we’re fine? I have my routine back, and I’ll go to work tomorrow. I’ll come home after that and make you dinner. When you get home, you’ll tell me about your day, I’ll tell you about mine, and it’s all good. I’m good. All that crazy that we just went through, all that shit, I can shake that off easy as long as this, this right here, doesn’t change. This, us, can never, ever, change. Do you understand?”
I stared at him.
“Do you?” he asked again.
“Yes.”
He smiled at me. “Good.”
I watched him get up and walk to the bedroom. After a minute, he poked his head out.
“I was thinking that when I see Dr. Chang tomorrow, when I go have her check me out like Dr. Han said I’m supposed to, maybe I’ll have her recommend a therapist for us to see and maybe make an appointment. I prefer going to somebody’s office instead of going to a clinic, and I know that’s sort of elitist of me, but that’s how I feel, okay? I mean, you just got a promotion; I actually have health insurance… let’s get somebody good to tell our problems to, okay? Or, you know, my problems.”
I just stared at him.
He giggled.
“Lan––”
“Oh c’mon, I’m not stupid.” He grinned at me, his voice low and husky. “There really isn’t anything wrong with you, but I am a little too fucked-up possessive sometimes. I can own that now.”
“What brought this on?”
“When I was lying on the cot in that hunting cabin, I got really scared that I wasn’t going to see you again.”
I got up and was across the room fast, grabbing him tight, crushing him against me, holding him so I’d know he was really there with me.
“And I thought,” he said softly, “that if I did get to see you again, I would commit myself to being the guy you really deserve.”
“Landry, you’re better than I deserve.”
“You’ve got that backward,” he assured me, snuggling against me, taking a deep breath. “But as long as you think so, I’m happy. The thing is, I know I can be a handful, but you just press on like it’s normal, and you never freak out like everybody else in my whole life has. It makes you different, and so because I want you to stay, I want to change some so you will.”
“No matter what, I’ll never leave you, you know that.”
“But you might if I scare you bad enough or do something really stupid, so before that happens, before I lose it, I wanna talk to somebody.”
I bent my head forward, and we stood there, foreheads pressed together, noses touching, quiet and just breathing each other’s air.
“I’m never gonna take pills or shit like that, I just won’t, but maybe I can learn to get myself unfixated when I do that or realize that you being a nice guy and people wanting to touch you really has nothing at all to do with me.”
I smiled, so content with him there.
“I know you, I trust you, and so I need to stop being such a spaz.”
“I don’t love the jealousy, but I love you enough to overlook it.”
“Yeah, I know, but you shouldn’t have to. I mean, what the fuck?”
I chuckled, kissing his nose before letting him go.
“And you’re gonna go with me? To the therapist?”
“Of course,” I assured him. “You know I will.”
“And tomorrow at lunch, will you take me to see Kady’s old restaurant?”
“I will.”
“And can I go with you when you tell April the good news?”
“Yes, you can.” I smiled at him because he was getting so excited and lighting up, just glowing he was so happy.
“You know I’m sorry for everything that happened, right? I mean, I’m sorry about Benji and Adrian, but that guy Kady, he was bad news, so I’m glad he’s not around to try and hurt you.”
I nodded.
“I just, out of all this shit, I feel like we’re still us, you know? We’re Trev and Landry, and we’ll always be okay because we always have each other.”
“Yes, we will,” I told him.
“Yes, we will,” he repeated before he released a deep breath. “Now seriously, I need to eat. I’m frickin’ starving. Get in the shower; you reek. I’ll start making calls.”
“What?”
He nodded, wincing. “You smell, but you’ve gone almost two days without a shower, it’s really not that surprising.”
“Nice.”
He shrugged as I turned toward the bathroom.
“I’ll hurry.”
But he wasn’t listening; he was already on the phone.
BREAKFAST was nice. Our friends all gushed over Landry, kissed the boo-boos on his face, and told him how brave he’d been and how strong. They were all in awe of him, and he ate it up—the looks on their faces, the way they all had to touch him, and of course, the hugs and the petting. Landry loved to be smothered in open displays of affection. He was basically floating on cloud nine.
Back home, I told him to go take a nap, but he didn’t want to. I told him if he did that I would watch his shows instead of mine that evening. Since his were all frou-frou girl shows and I watched the History Channel, he was cackling as he went to lie down. I was sure the snickering was what it sounded like when you made a deal with the devil.
I was right, though, he needed to sleep. I didn’t want to leave in case he woke up, so I called for deep-dish spinach pizza, his favorite, and had it delivered. He woke up yelling for me, which he did sometimes.
“Hey,” I soothed him as I walked into the room. He looked so good with soft eyes, bedhead, and his face flushed with heat from being under the down comforter. He was just staring at me, mouth open, like a fish. “You okay, baby?”
There was no change, no signal that he heard me, no sign of life, and I started to get a little worried. “Love?”
“I had a dream about Robbie Stone’s party.”
“Robbie Stone.” I took a breath of relief. “What made you think of him?”
“You guys used to be friends.”
“Yeah.”
“But you stopped being friends because of me.”
“No,” I assured him, even knowing it was a lie. Robbie and I had absolutely parted ways over Landry Carter.
“Yeah, ya did.”
“We didn’t, but who cares.” I wanted to move on. “Tell me why you were dreaming about him.”
“Not about him, about that party we went to.”
“Okay. Why?”
“I dunno.”
But I had an idea. It was the last time the man had felt powerless, and being kidnapped had reminded him. “That was right after we started dating.”
He nodded.
WE WENT together, like our fifth time out as a couple, and Kent Jeffries, a guy I had never liked, came up to us as we were standing with Robbie and his date for the evening, some underwear model who was walking around in leather chaps and nothing else.
“Did you know that your boyfriend gave me a blowjob?” Kent said to me instead of hello or kiss my ass or anything else.
And it wasn’t that I couldn’t handle people saying crass, lewd, crude, or obnoxious things to me, it was more that he said it to purposely embarrass me and make Landry feel cheap. I was instantly furious, and I had that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Kent smirked at me. “And he wasn’t even that good.”
“Oh yeah?” Robbie scoffed. “When was this, stud?”
“I dunno, like, what, a month ago at that party at Drake’s.”
The same infamous party where I had seen my boyfriend on his knees as well.
“Oh.” Robbie laughed, slapping Kent’s face gently. “That’s where you were.” He looked at Landry. “I knew you were in the back givin’ head.”
I grabbed Landry’s arm and walked him away, through the lounge, and out onto the patio of the club. There were tiki torches everywhere and those portable heaters, because it was October in Detroit and it was cold outside. I didn’t stop until I got to a dark corner. I pushed him up against the wall and stood in front of him. He wouldn’t meet my gaze, so I tipped his head up with my fingers under his chin. I was surprised at how wary he looked, his fox eyes, wild and bright and angry, staring at me.
“Look,” he started defensively. “If you’re pissed that—”
“Shut up,” I cut him off, and those eyes of his got huge. “I don’t give a shit what you did before I took you home.” My voice was low, and there was a chill to it that I didn’t want him to think was directed in any way at him. “It has nothing to do with me.”
He nodded slowly.
“All right?”
His eyes searched my face. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“You sound like maybe you’re not.” His voice was cautious and hopeful at the same time.
“Because I’m so fuckin’ pissed at Kent that—” I couldn’t even think straight. “—that I just wanna walk back in there and break his fuckin’ face!”
“You promise you don’t care?” he asked me, and I could hear the catch in his breath, the crack in his voice that let me know he was terrified.
“Yes, baby.” I took a deep breath, trying to make my voice soft as I put my hands on his face and looked into the dark blue-green eyes. “Never doubt it.”
“’Cause it’s gonna keep happening.” His voice rose, getting more guarded and more defensive with each syllable he uttered. “I mean, I’ve slept with so many guys that there’s no way that we won’t keep running into—”
I pinned him to the wall when I leaned in and kissed him. It was one of those moments where I just knew I could lose him right there if I screwed up. There was no recovering if he felt for even a second that I thought he was trash. He had to know that to me, he was everything I could have ever hoped for.
His hands were like claws on my zippered roll-neck sweater, he was holding on so tight.
My body pressed to his, my knee wedged between his thighs, I broke the kiss and bent to the side of his neck at the same time my hand went up under the skintight silk shirt he was wearing to the button of the low-rise jeans. I didn’t work it open, just ran my fingers over his flat, smooth stomach, teasing, letting him anticipate what I wanted.
He shuddered against me. “Trevan, please,” he moaned.
I leaned back and looked into his eyes, which were swimming with tears. “You’re mine,” I told him, kissing each of his eyes before I looked at him. “No one gets you anymore; no one touches you anymore. Right?”
He nodded, and I felt his heated breath fan over my face. “Put me up against this wall.”
“No.” I shook my head. “No one sees you but me. No one hears you but me. All of you, your skin, your smell, your cum, all of it is mine, and especially your voice when you scream my name.”
He looked indignant all of a sudden, and I almost broke down right there. If the man was annoyed, he was good. “I don’t scream.”
I just stared at him. “You’re kidding.”
“I don’t.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I don’t,” he insisted even as his head bumped against my shoulder, his face buried there as his arms wrapped around me tight.
“Fine, you don’t. I love you.”
“I know you do, and I’m so thankful.”
“Don’t have to be thankful, it just is.”
“I could thank you in the car,” he said evilly, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “If you park, I’ll blow you.”
“How ’bout I blow you in the car,” I offered, both hands taking hold of his tight firm ass.
“Oh God, Trev, stop teasing me. Just take me home and fuck me.”
“Are you sure we can leave?” I pretended to be uncertain, biting my lip for effect. “I mean, coming to this party was your idea. I didn’t even want to show up and you gotta work early in the morning, but you were like, he’s your friend, we should go.”
He laughed at me. “Yeah, we can bail.”
We walked back through the lounge together, me leading, Landry behind me with a hand fisted in the back of my sweater. I sent him to get our coats, and when I turned to look for Robbie to say goodbye, Kent stepped in front of me, laughing, barring my way.
“You know, Trevan, you—”
My anger came roaring back. “Fuck you, Kent,” I spat at him, instantly furious all over again.
His jaw clenched as he put a finger in my face. “Listen, Trevan—”
“Just stay the fuck away from me and don’t even look at Landry,” I cut him off.
I got the two-finger poke in the chest then. “Fuck you, Trevan. I—”
“How come all you got was a blowjob, Kent? You weren’t good enough for him to fuck?”
“You conceited prick.” His face was starting to splotch red.
“You don’t get fucked much, do ya, Kent?”
He shoved me.
“Oh sorry, I forgot about the rent boys. You gotta pay to play, huh?”
Second shove, harder this time.
“I bet you gotta pay a lot.”
“Fuck. You.”
I laughed at him.
“You sonofabitch!” he roared and hit me.
I let him because my father always said the other guy had to be allowed to throw the first punch. You got in trouble if you started it, just like you did when you were in the fourth grade. The cops always questioned witnesses and asked the same question, “Who hit who first?” So he caught me under my ear, half on my jaw and half on nothing. With my adrenaline pumping, I didn’t feel anything. I heard my father’s voice in my head, instructing, and I raised my left hand to protect my face, dropped my right shoulder, and came straight up. I got him under the jaw, which was more luck than anything else, and he went down hard. People don’t sink slowly to the floor like they do in the movies, they just drop instantly. I had to step back as his face landed on the toe of my hiking boot.
“Oh shit,” I heard Robbie swear behind me.
“What the hell happened?” Landry asked, coming up behind me, his arm wrapping around my neck.
“I dunno,” I said with as much astonishment as I could manage. “He just came at me.”
“What?” Robbie yelled, crouching down beside Kent, who was already stirring. “You’re so fulla shit, Trevan.” He looked up at me. “What’d you do?”
As I shrugged, the bartender vouched for me, as did three women crowded around the bar, Robbie’s friend Dan, and some other guy I didn’t know. They had all seen it; Kent had thrown the first punch, attacking me without provocation. When the manager and the bouncer showed up, they told Robbie that Kent would have to leave the club. Attacking me would not be tolerated. They asked if I wanted them to call the cops. I said that getting him out was good enough. They seemed very relieved.
Kent was surly when they got him to his feet, and he shouted at me as he was escorted from the club. I waved just to be a dick. He lunged like he was coming after me, but the bouncers were big. There was no way he was getting anywhere near me.
Landry put an arm around my abdomen, breathed against my ear. “What’d you do?”
“Me?” I was the picture of innocence.
“Trev.”
“I dunno what you mean.”
He chuckled low and kissed the side of my neck. “It was over; why would you bait him?”
“I didn’t.”
“Of course you did. Why?”
I took a quick breath so I wouldn’t yell. “He shouldn’t have said a fuckin’ word about you.”
“You’re very protective.”
“You’re mine.”
“And I love that, I do, but you cannot go around defending my honor.”
“The fuck I can’t.”
Robbie, who had followed Kent and the bouncers outside, reappeared, grabbed my arm, and walked me over to the couches. He shoved me down on one of them and waited.
I sat there and looked up at him as Landry took a seat beside me. “What?”
“You’re going to have a bruise on your face.”
“Probably.”
“Christ,” he grumbled, shaking his head. He was staring at me like he had something to say, stalling for whatever reason.
“I’m gonna go get some ice,” Landry said, quickly so I had no time to argue with him before he was gone.
Robbie watched him leave, and then his eyes were instantly back on me. “You’re so stupid,” he snapped at me, his voice changing to a sharp whisper as he gestured after Landry. “He’s pretty, Trev, I’ll give you that, but to move him in like I heard you did, what the fuck, man?” His face said even more than his words about how distasteful he found the whole idea.
“He belongs to me,” I told him.
“Are you fuckin’ kidding?”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” he groaned loudly. “The man is a piece of fluff; there’s no substance there at all. And for you to waste your time and energy on him is just so fuckin’ ridiculous I don’t—God! You’re such an idiot!”
“Are you done?”
“He’s not good enough for you,” he half shouted at me. “You deserve someone better!”
“There’s no one better, and if you’re my friend then you accept him just like everybody else has.” I smiled at him. “C’mon, man, my mom’s crazy about him, you will be too.”
“I can’t,” he said seriously. “I can’t watch you throw your life away on trash.”
“Okay,” I told him flatly, because I knew right then, at that moment, that we had ceased being friends, because he obviously didn’t know me at all.
“I’m back,” Landry announced before he sank to his knees on the couch. He slid into my lap, his long legs folded on either side of me as he straddled my hips. “I got some ice, baby.”
I smiled up at him as he put the sealed Ziploc bag on the side of my face, his other hand on my cheek, his fingers stroking my skin.
The way he was looking at me—his eyes so soft, the gentle, careful way he was touching me, the caressing sound of his voice—was all a little much, as my adrenaline had died down. I shivered hard.
“You all right?” He shifted in closer to me, his legs tightening.
I slid my hands over his thighs, loving the feel of him. I forgot all about Robbie, and when I looked up for him, he was gone. But that was okay. It didn’t matter. I was in love with Landry Carter, and my real friends, the ones who shared my life with me, they understood, they got us together, and even if it had started out as something they were unsure of, they trusted me and my judgment.
“Let’s go home,” I told him, hands on his face, his beautiful face, as I bent him toward me and kissed him.
“Whatever you want.”
So I pulled Landry along after me and then put my hands on his shoulders and steered and pushed him all the way out of the club. Outside on the street, I draped an arm back over his shoulder before I eased him in against me.
“Ask you a question?” He smiled at me as we walked.
“Sure.”
“You love me, huh?”
I grunted because it was a stupid question.
“Did you love anybody before me?”
“No.”
“And if I die, will you love anybody after?”
“You won’t die,” I said flatly.
“But if I did.”
“Only you, Lan.”
He nodded, pleased with the answer. “You promised, right, the night we met. You’re gonna love me forever.”
“Yes. I promised.”
We were silent then before I realized he was humming softly, and I turned to look at him.
“So, what’re we gonna do when we get home?”
I just looked at him.
He blushed and it was so cute, and other people might have thought he was sweet and innocent, but between the bedroom eyes and the hint of a smile, I got that he understood me and where my brain had gone.
“If you’re lucky, I’ll let you out of our bed before the weekend,” I told him.
“Who says I wanna be?” He chuckled and the sound made me sigh.
I was so in love with him. I told him.
“I know,” he said smugly. “I love you too, Trev.”
“TREVAN?”
I looked back at Landry in the present. “Sorry, I was thinking about that party, since you brought it up.”
“No one ever fought for me before you.”
“I know,” I said, reaching for him, putting my hand on his cheek. “I got pizza. Go wash your face, wake up a little, and come out and eat.”
“I don’t wanna eat,” he said with a sigh, staring at me, at my mouth.
“Yeah, but you need to, come on.” I got off the bed and started for the door.
“You always think you know what’s best.”
“’Cause I do,” I assured him.
He grunted, but he did as I told him.
I had set the table and put a piece of pizza on each plate and poured some Chianti because he liked it. As I moved around the kitchen, I heard him behind me. Turning, I saw immediately that the slumberous look in his eyes had been replaced by something purely predatory.
“I like those brown jeans,” he told me.
“Thanks.” I smiled at him. “What’re you doing?”
He was standing there, leaning against the counter, just watching me.
“Just admiring my stuff,” he replied casually; the mischievous grin was very sexy.
“So I’m your stuff, am I?”
“Yessir.”
“Come sit down.” I chuckled because God, he was cute, and if I didn’t know that he had to be hurting from all the bumps and bruises and scrapes, I would have attacked him.
I was turning off the light over the sink when he walked up behind me and put his hands on my hips.
“You need to eat,” I breathed out.
“Oh, you took that breath.”
“I did not.” I swallowed hard, trying to get myself under control. He had been taken from me and I wanted to feel that he was well and whole, and if I could bury myself in him, hear him cry out my name, I’d know he was as okay as he said he was. Without the physical joining, I wasn’t sure.
“You did,” he insisted, hands sliding up under my T-shirt as I closed my eyes against the onslaught of desire that swept through me. I would not attack my boy; he was too fragile.
“God, Trev, I love the feel of your skin, warm and silky under my hands,” he whispered, “and I love it when you shiver.”
“Lan,” I rasped.
“Yes, love?” he asked as he tugged the T-shirt up over my head, balled it up, and tossed it onto the counter.
“It’s late,” I said without much conviction. “You’re exhausted, and you need to eat.”
He kissed down the side of my neck to my shoulder, then back to my ear, nibbling the lobe as he popped the top button of my jeans and moved to the zipper. “We can eat later.”
My head fell forward as I leaned over the sink. “Jesus, how does this happen so fast?”
“What’s that?”
“You just put your hands on me… it’s amazing.”
“Is it?” he teased me.
“Landry,” I said, trembling under his touch.
He slid his hand under the waistband of my briefs and down around me, drawing my hard, already leaking cock out so he could stroke me gently, firmly, as he kissed between my shoulder blades. “Maybe you like me a little.”
“Landry,” I moaned, pushing in and out of his hand, loving the feel of his fingers, the tug, the slide.
“Take these off,” he asked, pushing on my jeans.
I followed directions, shucking them off, kicking them away from me.
“Spread your legs.”
I heard the snap of the bottle right before cold, slick gel slid between my cheeks. He had brought it with him, intent on this seduction. I moaned as I felt the hand pushing me down, and I leaned farther forward, widening my stance to give him what he wanted and what I suddenly craved.
His finger breached me, sliding easily, and I moaned loudly as he touched my gland.
“You don’t get to always say what I need,” he told me, his breath in my ear, hot and wet. “I know what I need, Trev, and I need to show you that I’m okay. I need to feel you around me, holding me… I need you.”
I gasped as he added a second finger, pushing, stroking, scissoring even as his left hand fisted around my cock.
“God, your ass is so beautiful,” he told me, and I felt his cock rub over my crease. “Tell me it’s mine.”
“Yours,” I managed to get out, lifting up even as I felt the head slide between my cheeks.
“Oh God.” The husky moan was torn from his throat as he pushed into me. He instantly gave up stroking my shaft, instead grabbing hold of my hips and pulling out only to drive back in deeper and harder, the pain exquisite with the sharp edge of pleasure before the heat spread and became a throbbing heartbeat of want.
I tried to lift up, but his hand shoved me back down, and I knew from the grunts that accompanied the thrusts, the groans that followed the retreat, that he was watching his dick slide in and out of my ass.
“Is it good?” I asked, so close to coming, teetering on the edge of it as I milked my cock, rougher with my body than Landry ever was.
“Oh fuck yeah,” he growled, clasping my left ass cheek hard, his nails digging into my skin before he abandoned his hold on my right hip and grabbed the other cheek, pushing them roughly apart. “You’re so tight, Trev, you should see your hole suck me in. God, I’m gonna come just looking at you.”
I felt my balls tighten, and I knew I would give anything if he could just not stop what he was doing. I pushed back into him, bracing my hands on the edge of the sink, letting my head drop down between my arms.
The sound that came from him was like a cry and a moan and like crowing all together, my submission totally doing it for him. He pounded into me, harder, deeper, and I lost myself as I came, splattering the cabinets and the floor as I called his name.
“Oh fuck, Trevan,” he hissed out, my muscles—I knew because I could feel it—fisting around him tight, clasping hard, my orgasm making me want to hold him still as my release sent chills through my body.
He bucked forward, jolting me as I shuddered with aftershocks. When he suddenly froze, I felt him come, pumping me full of hot, thick liquid until it was running down the insides of my thighs.
“Trevan,” he said, collapsing over me, giving me his weight, knowing I could hold us both up.
It took long minutes before the shuddering stopped, before I could lift up, before he eased out of my body and I sagged forward against the counter.
“Baby,” he whispered, and I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder.
Straightening up, I turned to him and he lunged, his arms going around my neck as he clung to me, his face pressed into my throat.
I hugged him tight, petting his hair, my other hand locked around his back.
“I didn’t hurt you.”
“You never hurt me,” I assured him.
“I used to.”
“But not in so long.”
“You promise?”
I nodded.
“I just wanted you to see that I’m okay. You know that now.”
I did.
“And I needed you.”
“I hope you always will.”
“Jesus, Trev—” He took a halting breath. “Of course I will. You’re the one. You’re the one who’s not fucked up. You’re the one who’s gotta keep loving me and never stop.”
“I’ll never stop. I promise.”
He nodded fast and we separated, just staring at each other.
“You’re covered in cum,” he said.
“You’re all sweaty.” I grinned.
“We should take a shower.”
“The pizza’s cold already.”
“It’s okay, baby.” He sighed, taking my hand, tugging me after him, leading me out of the kitchen. “That’s what the microwave is for. It’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked. “Everything? You’re so sure?”
“I’m sure. As long as I’m looking at you, I’m sure.”
And really, I was exactly the same.