Sean

Glass orbs hung from the ceiling in the secluded dining area at Uchiko, bathing the long, rustic dining table in a faint orange glow. And I wondered for the millionth time, what the fuck I was doing here.

I spent nearly every evening holed up in my house, but tonight, I’d agreed to go out to dinner with the guys. Drea, Trevor’s assistant, came along for the ride, eagerly accepting the invitation to join us after she’d shown up at band rehearsal with some contracts for us to examine concerning a mini-tour Caged was doing in Tennessee.

Yeah, I knew it was a setup. Trevor had admitted as much when I sent him an angry text. But, I was here now. Trying to make the best of it. Unfortunately, I was distracted.

Anna had sent me a message after she picked Willow up from her parents’ this afternoon. Apparently, she’d had a minor asthma attack, and though Anna assured me that it was the result of a cold, I remained unconvinced.

Sneaking my phone from my pocket, I texted Anna as a line of servers filed into the room carrying trays of sushi and Sapporo beer.

How’s Willow’s cough? Is she running a fever?

When I got no response, I set my phone down and met Drea’s soft brown eyes. Trevor was right; the girl was pretty. A real fucking knockout. Dark, glossy hair. Creamy sun-kissed skin. Pouty, natural lips.

All wasted on me since my dick didn’t even twitch.

“Sorry about that,” I said, discreetly shifting my leg to dislodge Drea’s hand from my thigh.

“Don’t apologize. I know how it is.” She smiled, revealing a hint of her straight, white teeth. “I dated Danny Amado when I was in college. He was always busy too. Interviews, fans.” She waved a dismissive hand. “All that stuff.”

“Amado?” Cameron piped up, lifting out of his chair to peek over Lily’s head. “The football player?”

Grinning, Drea glanced over the array of sushi, transferring two lonely pieces onto her plate. “The one and only.”

Cameron’s eye narrowed to slits. “Didn’t Amado desert the Cowboys for the Patriots?”

“Hell yeah, he did.” She snorted. “He’s not going to get a Super Bowl ring in Dallas.”

Gaping, Cameron stared a hole in the side of Drea’s head as she nibbled on her cucumber roll.

“Ditch her,” he mouthed before sinking back into his seat.

I rolled my eyes, and a moment later my phone lit up. I dove for it.

“Shit,” I muttered, dismissing the text from Cameron repeating his request.

I didn’t respond because I had no intention of taking things further with Drea. At least, I thought I didn’t. But at some point, I’d have to try the dating thing. And the sex thing. Though, the prospect of doing either with anyone but Anna turned my stomach.

“Problem?” Drea asked, knocking me from my thoughts.

Forcing my lips to bend as her wandering hand found my leg again, I said, “Not really. My daughter has a cold, and she’s on her way . . .” Home. I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Two months after Anna’s move, and I still wasn’t comfortable with the label, so I amended, “She’s out of town with her mother.”

Drea paused, a piece of sushi halfway to her lips. “You have a child?”

“Yep. Willow. She’s almost four.”

Setting down her chopsticks, Drea wiped her mouth and then picked up her glass of wine. “I didn’t know you had a child. Your bio says you’ve never been married.”

She checked my bio? I was going to kill Trevor.

Chewing slowly, I worked the tension out of my jaw. “Nope. Never been married.”

Drea pondered this for a moment, then shrugged and took another sip of wine. “Well, accidents happen, I guess.”

Lily dropped her fork, snapping her focus to my date. A hush fell over the table as Cameron, Christian, and Melody followed suit. Even Logan tore his attention from the brunette perched on his lap to scowl at Drea.

It took me a second to react, a long second where I thought about some woman, some nice girl, dropping that little bomb on Willow. Because, honestly, wasn’t that what this was all about? Finding someone worthy of meeting my kid someday?

Shoving to my feet, I tossed my napkin on my plate.

Drea’s eyes widened when I bent within an inch of her pretty face. “Willow wasn’t an accident.” I smiled in sharp contrast to the venom lacing my tone. “She’s a gift.”

Drea’s voice rose up from behind me, calling my name, apologizing as I slipped through the glass partition and into the main dining area. Busting out of the front door, I looked around for my Range Rover, and laughing to myself, I walked over to my old pickup truck. Yeah, I wasn’t ready to move on. There was something sick about driving the ’85 Chevy to a date, even if Drea came in her own car.

I slid behind the wheel, shaking my head. The fucking heap of junk even smelled like Anna, like peaches and hot summer days.

Yanking the column shifter into reverse, I glanced over my shoulder to check for traffic. Noting the amber glow pouring from the window in the back of the restaurant, guilt collided with my urge to drive off. My southern manners took over, and I grabbed my phone from the ashtray to contact Drea and smooth things over.

As I swiped my finger over the screen, a text from Anna appeared.

She’s good. No fever.

A picture of Willow asleep in her car seat accompanied the message.

Relaxing into the cracked vinyl upholstery, I replied: Don’t text and drive.

A photo of a half-eaten burger popped up ahead of Anna’s response: I’m not. Stopped to pick up dinner.

My fingers itched, and I longed to tell her how I’d like to share that burger and then eat her for dessert, but instead, I tapped out: Be careful. I love you.

Wincing, I pressed the back button, and my stomach knotted as the endearment disappeared one letter at a time, leaving only the safe, appropriate reply.

I squinted as the dome light flickered above my head.

Logan hopped onto the seat. “If you’re trying to get some pussy,” he hitched a thumb over his shoulder, “you might want to take the girl next time.”

“That pussy comes with too many strings.” Sighing, I pushed the door open. “But I’ll go back in an and apologize.”

Logan snickered. “Don’t bother. You’ll ruin Lily’s fun. She wants to show that girl the door. And probably the pavement.”

A loud voice drew my attention, and when I turned, I spotted Drea hustling across the parking lot with Lily close on her heels.

“Go back to trolling the benches for a basketball player!” Lily shouted as she veered right and stomped toward my truck. Heads bowed, Cameron, Christian, and Melody skulked along behind.

“Stupid bitch,” Lily muttered as she ground to a halt at my open door.

Cameron slipped an arm around his girl. “It’s football, darlin’,” he corrected, and when Lily glared up at him, he kissed the tip of her nose. “Drea dates football players.”

“She probably eats them for breakfast too,” Melody piped up, glaring at Drea’s BMW as she whizzed past us. “What the hell were you thinking, Sean?”

“He wasn’t thinking with his head,” Christian interjected. “Not the big head, anyway.”

Two sets of narrowed eyes, one green and one blue, both female, swung in my direction. Lily looked fiercer at the moment, but Mel was kind of scary in general, so I didn’t discount her solidarity with the petite blonde in Cameron’s arms.

“Climb on up here, Veronica,” Logan said, patting his legs when the brunette ambled up. “This is going to be good. Lily’s about to rip Sean’s balls off. Melody’s going to supervise. She’s a doctor.”

We all watched in stunned silence as the girl negotiated the step on the side of my truck. Sliding into Logan’s lap, she gave us a ditzy smile, then peered up at her knight in shining armor and asked, “Who’s Veronica?”

A laugh ripped from Cameron’s chest, snapping the tension. And even Lily, in all her righteous indignation, couldn’t hold back a snort.

Logan’s lip twitched as he ran his palm from the crown of the brunette’s wavy hair to the sun-lightened ends. “You are.” He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”

Anyone else would have gotten a slap. Or at the very least a vicious retort.

But Veronica merely smiled, tucking closer to Logan’s chest. “Nope.”

Logan shifted his amused gaze to Lily. “Carry on, Lil.”

Stifling another bubble of laughter, Lily shook her head. “I just . . . I can’t. You ruined it.”

Christian shifted his weight, propping his chin on Melody’s shoulder. “We left four hundred dollars’ worth of dead fish in there,” he said. “I’m fucking starving. Where are we going to eat?”

Staring out the window at the Frost Building jutting into the night sky, its glass façade reflecting all the lights of the city, my chest squeezed painfully. Our once tiny hometown swelled its borders, but out of a million people, I felt the loss of only two.

“Let’s get burgers.” I smiled through the ache. “I’m buying.”

Two hours later I was stretched out in the booth at the What-A-Burger on Guadeloupe, watching through the smudged window as Lily, Christian, and Melody climbed in Cameron’s SUV.

“Do me a favor, sweetheart,” Logan said to Veronica as he handed her his keys. “Go warm up the car. I gotta talk to Sean for a minute.”

Brows scrunched, Veronica looked down and ran her thumb over the Mustang logo on the fob. “It’s ninety degrees.” Batting her puppy dog eyes at Logan, she smiled hesitantly. “You want me to put on the heater?”

I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood while my best friend sighed patiently. “It’s just a figure of speech.” Logan smiled. “Just, you know, wait in the car.”

Veronica grabbed her milkshake, which Logan promptly took from her hand. “Not in the Mustang, darlin’.”

She shrugged, then wiggled her fingers at me and slid out of the booth.

“Dude.” I snickered, watching her flounce to the door. “I think Veronica is a little slow.”

Slumping in the corner of the booth, Logan tucked his arm behind his head. “No man, she’s a little fast.” He waggled his brows. “Which is why she’s going home with me. What’s your excuse?”

Collecting garbage from the table, I tossed the mess onto the tray. “Excuse for what?”

“Dina, the ice queen in the Beamer.”

“Drea,” I corrected. “It was Trevor’s idea. He figured I might want to give a regular girl a chance.”

Snorting, Logan slurped his chocolate shake. “That wasn’t a regular girl.”

“Yeah, well, she’s not a groupie.”

A smirk lifted Logan’s lips. “You’re right. She’s a star-fucker with an agenda. Which is worse than a groupie. At least Kristin is upfront about what she wants.”

“Who the hell is Kristin?”

Logan tipped his chin to the brunette waiting patiently in his ’69 Mustang.

Following his gaze to Kristin/Veronica, I said, “Maybe I want a little more than a quick fuck. Ever think of that?”

Pushing upright, Logan clasped his hands in front of him on the marred Formica table. “But not with Anna?”

In the past two months, I’d endured Lily’s disapproving gazes, Cameron’s gentle prodding, Christian’s transparent analogies, and now this. I wasn’t up for it.

“Anna’s gone. We’re not together. She’s Willow’s mom, that’s it. Get the fuck over it.”

Logan cocked a brow. “I will if you will.”

The schizophrenic bastard was standing on my last nerve. Logan had thrown the match on the gasoline that burned the house to the ground, and now he wanted to sift through the charred remains for survivors.

Yeah, no.

“I have.” I smiled through clenched teeth. “Hence the almost date with Drea.”

A dry laugh spilled from Logan’s lips. “If you were over it, you’d be begging Veronica to call a buddy. You ain’t over it.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Challenge lit his pale blue gaze. “All right then, let’s go find you a real date. The kind you don’t have to buy dinner or worry about seeing in the morning.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t pay for sex, asshat.”

“Yeah, you do. Right here.” With lightning speed, Logan’s arm shot out, and he tapped his fist against my chest, right over my heart. “You paid for that last go around with Anna-baby in bones and flesh. And you still let her walk away.”

“I didn’t let her. She just did it.”

“You’re right.” Annoyance bled into Logan’s tone as he pushed to his feet. “You couldn’t stop her from leaving. But you’re a fucking coward for not chasing her down.”

Glaring, I crunched an orange wrapper in my fist. “You can’t catch someone if they don’t want to get caught.”

Logan took in my silent fury with a furrowed brow, which quickly faded to indifference. “I get it. You’d rather play daddy on your terms than put in the fucking work.”

Incredulous, my jaw dropped open. There was nothing easy about my situation. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Grabbing the tray of garbage, I hopped to my feet, but Logan blocked my path.

“I know you’re still hedging your bets. Anna gave you the perfect opportunity to step up.”

“I did step up.” My voice rose, drawing the attention of a handful of patrons. “If you’ll notice we’re not in Europe. I didn’t sign on for the fucking tour so I could be here for Willow.”

I stepped around him, but he followed, like a shark circling the water.

“That’s right,” he growled as I dumped the leftover french fries in the trash. “You’re here for Willow. You get to take her to your mansion two nights a week while Anna does the heavy lifting in Waco.” Laying a firm hand on my shoulder, he continued, “And when you get tired of daddy duty you can jet off to one of those mini-tours we’re negotiating with a clear conscience. Sweet gig. Where do I sign up?”

Knocking Logan out of the way, I headed for the door. “Go play with your little friend. I’m driving to Waco tomorrow to check on Willow.”

I stomped to my truck with Logan close behind.

“Make sure you don’t wear out that hand!” he called as I slid behind the wheel. “We got a show this weekend!”

Flipping him off, I threw the truck into gear and peeled out of the parking lot.

As I sped toward the freeway entrance, the Caged disc pounding from the speakers, I skipped to the last track, the one I never played. The opening riff for “Crimson Pain” echoed in the cab.

You wrap me in strands of crimson pain. All my screams cried in vain. I’ll never escape, I’ll never be free. Your crimson pain, always coming for me.

The melancholy lyrics filled the God-awful silence in my head where my beat used to reside. Years of practice, and I could play anything by heart, but I couldn’t compose anything new. Not since my last night with Anna.

Bypassing the turnoff for my house, I continued down the winding road. As the last notes of Anna’s anthem faded to nothing, I pulled into the parking lot of the Oasis.

Sliding past a group of patrons lingering inside the doors, I headed for the bar, and I dropped onto a stool facing the large wall of glass.

A few minutes later, sipping my Jack and Coke, I stared at the twinkling lights from the houses on the other side of the shore. Anna’s monument stood in the center, a burnt-out bulb in the otherwise pristine strand.

“You look like shit,” came a familiar voice. With a smile in her tone, Darcy plopped onto the barstool beside me. “Want some company?”

Meeting her gaze in the large mirror behind the bar, I lifted my glass to my lips. “Are you working tonight?”

Motioning to the bartender, Darcy held up two fingers. “Just got off.”

She swiveled in her seat, legs brushing mine as she handed me the shot. My attention slid from her face to a scrap of lace peeking from the plunging neckline of her blouse. And then I shifted my focus to the glass in my fist, examining the red stained liquor.

“Fireball whiskey,” Darcy said.

I smiled. “Crimson pain.”

A laugh tripped from Darcy’s painted lips. “I guess you could say that.”

I threw back the shot. “I just did, sugar.”

Darcy tilted her head, searching my face. “You want seconds, Sean?”

I knew she was talking about more than a drink, and with the whiskey warming my insides, whispering promises of oblivion, I shrugged.

“Sure. Why not?”