Chapter Nine
Gracie
“Right there, right there, don’t stop,” I pant, rocking back into his thrusts. Hudson moves with the surety of a man who knows exactly how to please a woman. I feel his thumb skim across my back opening and he growls out a curse.
Tonight we’ve gotten more inventive with new positions and I’m amazed at how different it can feel—so, so deep when I rode him, and now with him behind me again, I feel incredibly full.
Hudson’s fingers dig into my hips as he pulls me back on his cock. I can feel him thicken inside me and I know he’s close. It only fuels my own desire for release. I want to be right there with him.
I reach between my legs and begin to rub my clit, very much wanting to join him in the fun. He pushes my hand away and begins using his own to massage me in tight circles. “That’s my job,” he whispers, leaning forward to plant a kiss between my shoulder blades. “You just concentrate on coming, baby.”
It’s so incredibly sexy how completely he takes ownership of my body. With that thought, I begin rocking back against him faster. His fingers are still moving over my clit, but his other hand is planted on the bed beside mine. I reach over, wrap my fingers around his large thumb and squeeze. Our secret language from so long ago that I’m sure he’s forgotten by now. But it soothes me, helps feed the craving in my heart. Makes me feel even more connected to him.
“Baby, you look so sexy riding my dick like this.” His voice is strained, and I let go, bucking wildly into his hips and coming harder than I ever have in my life.
“Fuuuuck,” Hudson growls behind me, pumping into me in deep, uneven thrusts as he comes right along with me.
All of my muscles are trembling as he carefully lifts me up, pulling me close to his chest. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t support my body weight right now; I’m thankful to be folded into his strong arms.
As fantastic as the sex is between us, I think the after-part is my favorite. This cozy peace. When he holds me tight and our hearts gallop together until finally our breathing slows. Sometimes we make small conversation, and sometimes we’re just quiet—in the moment together.
But tonight, as I lay here in his arms, a sinking feeling grows in the pit of my stomach.
I feel a lot more for him than I should, and now this is it. The end of the road for us. What was I thinking? Despite Melanie's warning, despite my own constant scolding, I hadn’t been protecting my heart. I only meant to give him my body, but somehow, he took all of me. And I don't know what I could have done to stop it.
Blinking back tears, I climb out of his bed and pad barefoot into the bathroom.
After splashing cool water onto my cheeks, I look up at my reflection. The apples of my cheeks are flushed and my hair’s a disaster. I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked. And that’s exactly it. I’m fucked. I’m falling in love with a man I can never have. A single tear slips from my eye and rolls slowly down my cheek as I stare in the mirror, like I'm watching someone else's heart break.
“Gracie?” Hudson calls from outside the door.
“Just a minute,” I say, relieved that my voice sounds calm. Wiping away the tears, I gulp down a deep lungful of air and unlock the door.
As I stride past him, he chuckles and grabs me around the waist. “Where do you think you’re going?”
I stop and spin to face him. He must see something in my expression, because all the humor in his face fades. “What’s wrong?”
My lower lip trembles. “Nothing. I need to go home, that’s all. I mean, we’re done, right? Three times. You took my virginity.”
A crease appears between his brows. “Hey, I didn’t take anything. We shared this. And it was fantastic.” He places his hands on my shoulders and gives them a squeeze. His pep talk reminds me of a coach preparing a down-and-out player to return to the big game. But this was never a game to me, and I can never go back. Not to his bed, not to the warm safety of his arms. I feel shattered and hollow. And so incredibly alone.
“Right. And now we’re done.” My voice is cold and emotionless. But it needs to be. I hadn’t been protecting myself before, but that changes starting now.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his tone softening as he watches me.
This whole situation is made all the more awkward by the fact that we’re both still naked. .
“I’m fine,” I say, crossing the room and stepping into my underwear as a stray tear escapes. Damn it. Trying not to let him see, I wipe it away with the back of my hand.
“You’re not fine.” He takes my hand and leads me back to his bed, which looks like a bomb went off in it. The blankets are scattered everywhere and the sheets are tangled. The pillows got kicked to the floor over an hour ago. We sit down on the end of the bed and I stare down at the floor between my feet. “Please tell me what you’re thinking,” he presses gently. “Do you regret this?”
I want to tell him no, but the truth is, part of me does. If I knew how absolutely miserable I’d feel after it ended, I don’t know if I would have agreed to this. When I registered on those dating sites, it wasn’t just to lose my virginity; it was to find someone I could date, maybe even see a future with. But Hudson isn’t that person. I should have kept that in mind from the beginning. “I’m not sure,” I start. “I mean, for you to be my first … it’s what I’d always wanted. But now that it’s over, it just kind of … sucks.”
He doesn’t say anything, but when I glance over at him, his jaw is set firm and I can see his pulse pumping in his neck. I have no idea what he’s thinking. Crap, I said way too much. I just admitted I've always wanted to fuck him. Great...now he's going to think I'm obsessed with him. Not that that's far from the truth.
I open my mouth to tell him never mind, I’m just going to go home. But instead I start rambling like I always do when I’m nervous. “When you suggested these three lessons, I was so happy, but now I’m feeling sad that it’s over, and I’m sorry because I know you don’t do relationships.”
He exhales slowly, audibly, in the otherwise silent room.
I’m sure he’s about to shoot me down, tell me all the reasons why we can’t be together. My brother would never allow it, or I’m too young for him, or he might just agree with me that he’s not looking for a relationship.
But instead of doing any of that, he rises to his feet and begins pacing across his bedroom.
Then he stops abruptly and looks down, seeming to realize that he’s still naked.
He grabs his boxer briefs and puts them on. “This is too important of a conversation to have naked.” He smirks at me.
“S-should I get dressed?” I ask.
Shaking his head, he steps close. “No, you’re perfect the way you are.”
He stands directly in front of me and lifts my chin, holding my cheek in his large palm while his thumb skims along my skin. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the sting of his words. I’m sure he'll try to let me down easy, but it still feels …
“You’re right. I don’t do relationships. I’ve never found the appeal. But these past few nights with you have been incredible. So even though I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to relationships...I’ve always wanted you too. And now that we’ve started this, the last thing I want to do is stop.”
I blink my eyes, sure I just imagined what I heard. “What are you saying?” A few hopeful butterflies are already waking up in my stomach.
“I'm saying, let’s do this. We owe it to ourselves to at least try and see where this goes. We have a great time together. In bed and out of it. And I’m sure as fuck not ready to let you walk away and date one of these dickheads from that website.”
I giggle, delirious happiness bubbling up inside me. Until my thoughts drift to my brother. “What about Hayden?” I frown, chewing on my lip.
“You let me deal with that.”
Somehow the knot of worry in my stomach eases. I have no idea what will happen next, but I trust Hudson. I always have. And if he says he can take care of it—take care of me—then I believe him.
I fall into his arms and we share sweet, tender kisses and even sweeter words. My thoughts still darken whenever I think about what my brother’s reaction to all of this will be. But Hudson is here for me. Whatever the future holds, he's on my side.
“You want to try Sebastian’s again?” Hudson asks, placing a kiss on my forehead.
I chuckle. “I’m not ten anymore … we don’t have to go for ice cream.”
“I know. But our last date got cut short. And I want to take you out...in public. With me. Hold your hand and feed you bites of dessert.”
“What if we see Hayden again? Are you going to disappear on me?” There’s a worried note to my voice, no matter how cool I’m trying to play this new relationship thing we’re navigating.
He sits up, pulling me up with him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
If Hayden saw us out together, reeking of sex, he’d punch Hudson in the face. Not that Hudson couldn’t defend himself, but still, it’s not a scenario I care to dwell on. But I see in his expression that Hudson’s set on this idea. Maybe he just wants a do-over, to paint some good memories over the awkward one from a few days ago.
“Can I borrow a T-shirt?” I ask.
“Of course you can.”
Thirty minutes later, we’re once again standing in line for ice cream cones. But the atmosphere couldn't be more different than last time. Hudson holds my hand the entire time we’re in line, and when he leans down to place soft kisses against the back of my neck, murmuring that he loves seeing me in his T-shirt, I almost melt into a puddle. Our date is happy instead of bittersweet, openly affectionate instead of secretive. The future is all spread out for us to choose from, like the ice cream flavors in their big inviting tubs, every option bright and sweet. Everything this transition means—leaving the bedroom and acting like a couple in public—is nothing short of a dream come true.