Let’s not think at all. Let’s just find strength in each other.

Lady Eloise of the Daffodil Fields

ELLIE

The Platinum Pearl looked dingy and worn in the midmorning light. I got out of the backseat of Kayla’s car, where I’d had to sit because her passenger seat was broken and didn’t move back far enough to accommodate my cast, and grabbed my crutches. My leg would be encased in plaster for another couple of weeks at least, but I could already feel that it was knitting together well. I hadn’t taken any pain pills in two days and only felt a dull ache in my ribs.

“You need any help?” Kayla asked, slamming her car door and coming around to meet me.

“Nope. I’m good. I’m practically an expert with these things now.” I held up one crutch before I brought it to the ground, limping to meet her.

As we walked past the Dumpster, I turned my head, not wanting to think about what happened behind it that night that seemed so long ago. It surprised me that it wasn’t the beating that brought me the pang of distress, but the memory of Gabriel’s sweet face above me in the hospital hallway, how beautiful he’d looked.

Gabriel …

I forced myself to move my thoughts from him. Thinking of Gabriel now would do me no good. After last night, it was glaringly obvious that I needed to get back to my own life, my own job. It was going to take a while to pick up the pieces, but I could no longer hide away from the world at Gabriel’s. It wasn’t fair to anyone. And certainly I was no longer welcome. No doubt Gabriel was as disgusted with me as I was with myself.

When Kayla picked me up, I’d been surprised to find Gabriel’s house empty when I limped outside, yet also relieved. I’d still felt brittle and ashamed, and I didn’t want to face anyone. I’d spent a restless night on Kayla’s roommate’s couch.

Kayla held the door open for me and then gave me a quick goodbye. “You sure you’re going to be okay? I’m sorry I can’t stay.”

I mustered up a smile. “No, I’m good. I can hang out here for a couple of hours until you’re able to come back.” What I hoped was that I could use the time to study up on mixing drinks, or if Rodney let me, get familiarized with the bar.

“Okay. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

“Thanks, Kay.”

I limped into the lobby and made my way to Rodney’s office. Just walking through the club put a sour taste in my mouth. I couldn’t help but compare this dim, dirty place with Gabriel’s beautiful home, which was so full of life and light. Suddenly, being here made my skin crawl in ways it hadn’t before. I forced myself to swallow the sensation.

When I knocked lightly on Rodney’s office door, I heard a barked, “Yeah?” and pushed it open with one crutch.

Rodney looked up from the paperwork on his desk, an expression of genuine surprise coming over his stodgy face. He leaned back in his chair as I limped in. “Hey, Rodney.”

“Crystal.” He looked me up and down before I took a seat in the chair in front of his desk. “How are you?”

I laughed a humorless chuckle. “Just great.” Thanks for checking in on me. Your concern was just heartwarming.

“You look like shit.”

“Why thanks, Rodney. As usual, your charm is overwhelming.”

“Just telling the truth.”

I licked my lips. “Obviously I can’t dance yet. But I was hoping I could do some bartending until I’m back in working order again.”

“We don’t need a bartender.”

“But I have to get back to work. I need the money.”

“That’s not my problem.”

I gaped at him. “I was attacked and brutalized by three customers on my way out of here.”

“Company policy says you wait for a security escort to walk you to your car. You didn’t follow it.”

I took a deep breath, telling myself not to get worked up. “I realize I overlooked policy. But you can’t be suggesting that this is my fault.”

He shrugged. “Might not be your fault, but the fact remains that I don’t need a bartender. And even if I did, no one wants a gimp serving their drinks. Buzz. Kill.” His eyes moved to my chest. “Even if you do have a decent rack.”

I almost laughed at the absurdity of him, but anger overcame me before a laugh could bubble up my throat. “You are truly just an awful human being, aren’t you?”

“I’m a businessman, sweetheart. And business doesn’t care about your feelings.”

I forced myself to remain still, my small, tight smile in place. “There must be something I can do until I’m healed up enough to perform.”

Rodney grabbed what looked to be a used toothpick off his cluttered desk and picked at his teeth as he surveyed me. “Shit, you can’t even sweep floors in your condition. I don’t have anything for you. Take a month or two off and come back when you don’t look like the crash-test dummy.” He laughed at his own joke. “I’ll see if I can find some shifts for you then.”

“A month or two …,” I sputtered. “You’ll try?” Fierce anger overcame me. “I’ve never once called in sick,” I yelled. “I’ve picked up shifts whenever I was asked, taken your abuse, watched you pick your ass and pretended it didn’t disgust me, and laughed at your stupid jokes. And you can’t find something for me to do here until I’m healed?”

Rodney’s face went hard, a tick starting up in his jaw. “Get out.”

I stood up, grabbing my crutches. I wanted to hold on to the small amount of rage I’d mustered, but I just felt broken, defeated. I couldn’t hold on to anything—it all just slipped right through my fingers. And anyway, what else could I do? Beg Rodney? God, I’d rather die homeless. I turned and limped out of his office.

At the front door I remembered that I hadn’t cleaned out my locker and considered going back. But the only things in the locker were things I needed for the job: makeup, a few costume pieces, and several pairs of heels. I left them there, pushing the door open and stepping out into the bright sunlight.

Feeling drained of any energy I had walking into the Platinum Pearl, I sat down on the curb next to the door, pulling out my phone. I stared at it for a minute and then slowly put it away. The truth was I had no one to call. Kayla would come back eventually, but right now she was moving her stuff to another friend’s house. The girl she’d been living with had to ask her to move out when her sister showed up in town and needed a place to stay.

God, we were all just half-naked nomads, moving from one temporary situation to another. It was exhausting. And pitiful.

A truck pulled up next to me, blocking out the sun. I squinted up at the driver. George. Blowing out a breath, I pulled myself up and made my way to the driver’s side window of his truck.

“I didn’t expect to see you here, George.”

George tilted his head. “No, I don’t imagine you expect much at all, do you, Ellie?”

I blew out a breath, smoothing a few pieces of hair back that had escaped my ponytail. I looked off into the distance unseeing, feeling sapped of strength. Sapped of the will to be anything but honest. “No, I guess I don’t.” Never have. Never will. Hope is too dangerous.

“I take it things didn’t go well in there.”

“No, they didn’t.”

George was silent for a moment, looking off into the distance before focusing back on me. “Dominic’s moved in with me temporarily.”

“Okay.” I didn’t know how I felt about that. Didn’t really want to think about Dominic at all at the moment.

He cocked his head to the other side of his truck. “Want a ride?”

“Where to?”

“Home.”

My eyes lingered on George for a moment before I nodded slowly.

“Need some help getting in?”

“No, I can manage.” I went around the front of George’s truck, slid my crutches behind the front seat, and used the small step to help me climb up into the passenger side. He pulled out of the parking lot, and I looked over my shoulder as the Platinum Pearl grew smaller and smaller. Some instinct in my gut told me it was the last time I’d ever be there, and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. I really had no other employment options and virtually no skills that didn’t include my naked body. I leaned my head back on the seat and let George determine exactly what road led home.

We drove in relative silence, and I was glad because I was exhausted. I hadn’t slept more than half an hour the night before, and I took the opportunity to rest my eyes as the whir of the truck lulled me half to sleep. I was too drained to think of anything much at all and was grateful for the reprieve from my own desperate thoughts, grateful that the impact of losing my job on top of everything else seemed like nothing more than a distant worry … at the moment anyway. I knew the feeling was temporary, and so I took advantage of the calm it provided while it lasted.

When we pulled up in front of a small ranch house on a quiet residential street in Morlea, I looked over at George, confused. He nodded his head toward the house. “Come on. We’re not going in the house. Just the garage and I’ll leave it wide open. Dominic’s at work.”

“What are we doing?”

“Follow me.”

I got out of the truck hesitantly, grabbing my crutches and looking around at the tranquil, tree-lined street. A woman walked by, a small beagle on a leash trotting next to her. She smiled and called out a greeting to George, and he called back a hello.

George opened his garage and walked inside, calling my name. I approached tentatively and saw that it was a clean space, smaller than Gabriel’s, but with a similar work counter taking up the entirety of one wall, an old refrigerator humming in the back. In the middle of the space there was a punching bag hanging from the ceiling.

I stepped inside. “George, what are we doing?”

“I’m gonna teach you how to defend yourself.”

“From who? Dominic?”

George had been hitting the bag lightly but now dropped his arms, looking at me with an expression that spoke of disappointment, regret maybe. “Dominic’s not a bad kid, Ellie, not really, but yeah, him, too.” He sighed, looking older than I’d thought him before. “Not all men will take advantage of you just because they have the opportunity, but you gotta learn to spot the ones who might and then stay away. You got mixed up with the wrong crowd, Ellie girl.”

I made a scoffing sound in the back of my throat. “Life mixed me up with the wrong crowd.”

“I don’t doubt it. But life also brought you Gabriel.” He eyed me for a minute, and the way he was looking at me made me feel exposed in some way as if he understood more about me than he really had reason to. “Now that you know the difference, stay away from the wrong crowd.” He paused. “Even so, every once in a while, someone’s gonna surprise you, and not in a good way.” Right. Dominic. “That’s when you gotta know how to deck ’em so they don’t get up again.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to teach me how to fight?”

“Yup.”

“George, what’s that going to do?”

“It’s going to help you see that you don’t have to take it. I think, Ellie girl, that you’ve been taking it for a long, long time. Am I right?”

“What choice have I had?” I muttered. I didn’t know what to make of this man standing in front of me.

“Maybe not many good ones. I’m going to open up the options for you here. Come on.” He bent down and picked something up and threw them at me. I caught them against my chest with one hand, looking down. Boxing gloves. The whole situation was ludicrous.

“I’m on crutches.”

“Are you able to put a little weight on your leg yet?”

The doctor had said I could start trying and I had, but not much. Mostly just when I needed to balance, like now, I supposed. “A little,” I admitted.

George nodded. “Toss the crutches aside for now. The bag will steady you if you need it.” He nodded to the gloves. “Go on, put ’em on. The secret to throwing a good punch is putting your chin down so your arm comes out straight. Come on.”

I put the gloves on slowly and then limped into the garage, where George stood holding the bag steady. I laid my crutches down and stood, balancing on my good leg and the toes of my casted leg. Cautiously, I tapped the bag. “I suppose you taught Gabriel how to throw a punch.” I thought about Dominic’s nose spraying blood, the look of incredulity that had passed over his expression, the hurt. I almost grimaced as the moment I’d been trying not to think about came back to me in vivid color.

“Yup. Taught both the boys. Told them you only throw a punch for two reasons: if someone hits you first, or to protect the honor of a woman.” Huh. I hit the bag a little harder.

“That’s it. Give it a good blow, Ellie. Show it who’s boss.”

I laughed lightly, doing as George said. We spent the next ten minutes with him instructing me as I hit the bag harder and harder, being careful of my ribs, careful not to jostle myself in a way that would set my healing back. As I hit the bag, a feeling of powerful satisfaction surged through me. I felt … strong, or like I could be. Maybe.

George stilled the bag, smiling broadly at me. “All right, then. This is a good start. You come back once a week and we’ll make a prizefighter out of you yet.”

I laughed again, nodding as I removed the gloves. “Okay, George.”

“Good.” He studied me for a moment. “Now it seems to me you need a job.”

I stiffened. “You have a job for me?”

“It’s not real exciting. But you might have noticed we need someone to answer the phone at the quarry showroom. Right now we pick it up when we can, otherwise it goes to voice mail, but that’s not working out real great. We had someone working the front desk a few months ago, but she quit to watch her grandchildren full-time. Just haven’t gotten around to hiring anyone else. Seems like we’d both be doing each other a favor if you could stand the boredom.”

I chewed on my lip. “I don’t have any experience answering phones.”

“You can learn.” You can learn.

At his words, nervous flutters started up in my belly. Still, it was nice that someone had faith in me. When was the last time that had happened? I couldn’t remember. It felt good. God, it felt good. I nodded. “Okay. Thank you, George.”

He smiled as we walked back to his truck. “All right, then. Take another week to heal. You can start next Monday at nine. Sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” I climbed up into George’s truck and glanced over at him as he started the engine. “George, Dominic works there and—”

“You won’t have any problems with Dominic again.” George’s jaw hardened slightly. He looked over at me pointedly. “Okay?”

I nodded. “Okay.” I considered him, his strong profile, deeply tanned skin with white creases where his laugh lines were, making it obvious he smiled big and he smiled often. He had a thick head of gray hair and the brightest blue eyes I’d ever seen. He was a handsome man. A kind man. The sort of man I’d dreamed would open the door of that ugly little house the day my mama and I had knocked. “Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked before I’d thought better of it.

He shot me a quick glance before looking back to the road. “Because I trust Gabriel, and he deserves to be happy.”

I tilted my head, considering his answer. Yes, yes he did deserve to be happy. But in George’s answer was the implication that my happiness was connected to Gabriel’s. I wasn’t sure if that was true, and I wasn’t even sure I wanted it to be true. It seemed like a type of responsibility I shouldn’t be trusted with.

“You don’t have to call his home your home if you don’t want to. You can leave again. It’s your right. But not that way—without a word or a goodbye. He deserves better.”

I nodded, looking down at my hands in my lap, picking at my fingernails. “I know.”

We drove toward Gabriel’s house, my nerves increasing the closer we got. I started fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. How was he going to react to my being back? I hadn’t even said goodbye to him, had just disappeared. George was right; Gabriel deserved so much better. Better than me. And yet I was still so deeply hurt about what Dominic had told me about Chloe. He’d been a friend to me in a way no one else ever had. Maybe that’s what I needed to focus on—a friendship with Gabriel. He wanted Chloe, and really, how could he not? And she was clearly attracted to him and thought the world of him, as well. So what if I had more intense feelings for Gabriel? I could put those aside and focus on what was best for him. I could. I would. I kept repeating it to myself as we drove, hoping I’d convince myself by the time we arrived.