Chapter Twenty
Andrea
Libby loved the baby shower we’d thrown for her and during the course of the day, she revealed that she and Mason were expecting twins. It was wonderful news and I couldn’t have been happier for them if I tried.
They deserved every good thing that came their way.
It had been three weeks since the night that had changed my life irrevocably.
Three weeks of long, endless days and even longer nights in which often, sleep eluded me. But things were getting better. At least, I thought they were. My counselor told me that our sessions were going well and I had to admit that they were making a difference—however slight.
I didn’t flinch all the time now when I passed a stranger in the street and I’d long since stopped crying and feeling sorry for myself.
Strangely enough, the actual act was the easiest thing to get over, what was harder to deal with—the constant feeling that it had been my fault. That I shouldn’t have gotten into the car with him. That I should have had more sense.
After Libby had opened her presents and everyone had settled in for a discussion about baby names, I went out onto the back porch to get some peace. The view was incredible from up there and made me feel incredibly small.
Life was starting to get back to normal for everyone now. People weren’t living with the constant threat of a nameless, faceless man with the power to rip their world apart at a moment’s notice. Hunter was out of the hospital and was healing from his wounds.
He would need to have a few skin grafts, but otherwise, he was doing well. The men who got him out were fine and no other brothers had been inside the clubhouse during the fire.
Ethan told me that Joey McAllister had been charged with his brother’s murder and poaching the deer. The live animals had been given back to Marty Holden.
Soon enough, people would start to forget what had happened. Not me. I couldn’t forget.
I’d only been outside for a few moments when Libby came out.
“Do you mind if I join you?” she asked.
“Of course not.”
I think I would have preferred some time alone, but it was her house and I never would have been so rude as to tell her that I didn’t want her company.
She sat down beside me, leaned back against the wooden slats of the cabin and stared ahead of herself in silence. There was snow on the mountain tops and the smell of it hung heavy in the air. We’d be getting some down on ground level soon, I expected. I liked the snow. It was clean and pretty and I’d always felt that there was a sort of innocence about it.
I was just getting used to the peace and quiet and the pleasure of sitting with someone in a silence that neither of us felt the need to fill, when Libby spoke.
“Did you know that I was raped?” she asked in a casual tone that could have been reserved for talking about the weather.
My head snapped up and I stared at her, mouth agape.
She nodded. “Brandon did it. Of course, he was my boyfriend at the time, even though I’d tried so many times to leave him. I don’t know if that makes it…”
“No,” I said cutting her off. “The fact that you knew him is irrelevant. It doesn’t make it any easier to bear. Rape is rape. Period.”
She nodded. “I know, but of course at the time I thought that if I’d been nicer to him, or if I hadn’t argued with him or made him so angry…”
I lowered my head, relating her words to my own situation.
“Which is why, of course, I know exactly what you’re thinking now. It’s what all victims of sexual abuse or rape think, but I can assure you that it isn’t your fault.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “But what if it is?”
“Okay,” she said. “Let’s clear this up. Why do you think that?”
I heaved a sigh. “A few weeks ago, when I was supposed to be under guard, I went out with Serena and I…I went home with someone.”
Libby frowned. “So? You can’t honestly think you deserved what happened to you because you slept with a man or two. Not all rape victims are virgins, you know. I wasn’t. Do you think I deserved it?”
“What? No! That isn’t what I mean.” I sighed. “Ethan came to my house the next morning and he said that if I carried on acting the way I did, something bad was going to happen to me. Well, he was right, wasn’t he?”
Libby sighed. “And if Ethan remembers saying that to you then I’m pretty sure it’s eating him up inside. He never meant that this would happen to you, Andrea. He was just looking out for you. He was worried about you. This was the last thing he would have wanted.”
“I know that. I just keep thinking that if I didn’t get in the car—if I hadn’t trusted Marcus…”
“Do you know why you did that?” she asked.
I frowned. “Why?”
“It’s because you’re a good person who always likes to see the good in other people. I know that from personal experience. You see, when I first moved to Creede, you were the first person to offer me friendship.
“You didn’t know me—you didn’t know anything about me, but you chose to trust me and you welcomed me into your home and into your circle of friends.
“You did that because that’s the type of person you are. You’re warm and trusting. That’s not a fault, or a weakness, it’s one of your strengths.”
I cleared my throat, but the lump there wouldn’t subside.
“And that’s how I know you’re going to be okay,” she said.
I lifted my head, met her gaze and whispered, “How?”
“Because you’re a good person who deserves good things to happen to you. And they will happen to you, you’ll see, in fact, they already are.”
I scrunched my brow together. “What do you mean?”
She lifted her lips into a half smile, but the emotion didn’t reach her eyes. “When I was raped, I was so alone. I didn’t have anyone I could talk to. Not one person. But you do. You have friends and family and you have Ethan. And let me tell you something for nothing. That man loves you. I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at you.”
“Things have been awkward between us, since…”
Libby nodded. “I’m sure they have. But they’ll get better. You just need to learn how to open up to him. You can’t bottle things up inside because they’ll fester. You have to let it all out. Talk to him. Let him help you.”
I nodded. “I’ll try.”
“And then, one day,” she said, patting the bulge of her belly which had grown much larger over the past few weeks. “A day will come when you realize that you haven’t thought about what happened to you once. You’ll realize that you’re happy and that you don’t have to think about it ever again, if you don’t want to. That’s when you know that you’ve truly healed.”
“When will that be?” I asked.
She shrugged. “It’s different for everyone, but it will happen. You’ll heal and you’ll survive and you’ll be perfectly happy.”
She leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead then got up quietly and went back inside to the party.
As I sat there, staring out at the magnificent view, I knew that she was right. I would heal and I would survive and the things that had happened to us would only make Ethan and I stronger.
And one day, just as she’d said, we would be perfectly happy and perfectly content together.
I might have to take a long, windy road to get to that place, but get there I would.
In the weeks since the attack, Ethan had been by my side every moment that I’d needed him and I’d come to realize that he always would. I could count on him and I knew that with him in my life, supporting me and loving me, I could grow into the woman that I was always supposed to be.
The End