The sound of cabinets being slammed causes me to groan in irritation. My eyes reluctantly open despite Ollie’s warm body nestled against me encouraging them to stay closed. For a moment, I gently stoke her shoulder blade, her arm, and the side of her face.
I never thought my whole life would be found in another person. I never imagined someone would give themselves to me the way she has. Hell, I never imagined I could.
After a gentle, chaste kiss on her forehead, I slip out of her grasp, grab a pair of yard work shorts and head downstairs to remind my big brother to have some goddamn manners.
As I round the corner at the end of the stairs for my kitchen, I begin to scold, “Did you get so drunk you forgot the warning I gave you on my way out? I specifically said no-”
My voice instantly stops.
“Mornin’, Ford,” Carol Ann greets from where she’s sitting at my wooden table near the patio doors.
No…There’s no way this woman is sitting in my dining room. This is a dream. A bad one. A goddamn nightmare, but not real. Not at all. She may have the same perfectly sun kissed skin and the same smoldering light brown eyes….and she may have the always perfect make up and the dirty blonde hair I used to run my fingers through, but she’s just a hallucination. A very unwanted figment of my sleep deprived imagination.
I give my face a good scrub hoping to wake up.
“You’re not going to say mornin’ back? Where are your manners?”
Reluctantly, I let my attention drag itself back to the woman who walked out of my life six months ago.
Six months ago. It’s been six months. Not a phone call. Not a text. Not a fucking word. Six months…The best six months I’ve ever had in my entire fucking life. Six months I needed to move on to what I really wanted in life.
On a heavy sigh, I lean my body against the counter edge I’m closest too. “What the hell are you doing here?”
She blows the steam away from her coffee. “Really? No good mornin’?”
“No.”
“How about a ‘good to see you, Carol Ann’?”
But it’s neither of those things. It’s not a good morning with her here. It’s not good to see the face that couldn’t think twice about mine. It’s not good to be staring into eyes I could never truly trust. The only thing good right now is the fact the love of my life is passed the hell out from a night coming so many times she lost count.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I fold my arms across my chest. “And how the hell did you get in?”
“I came to see you.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?”
“What else could I possibly mean, Carol Ann?”
“I don’t know! You’re always the one talking in circles.”
“No. That was you. You were always the one who couldn’t say what she really wanted to say. You were the one who always made excuses and took our arguments in exhausting circles.”
“This is not a good way to start a Sunday, Ford!”
“You started this fight!”
“You did! Why can’t you just greet me like the gentleman you are supposed to be!”
I grit my teeth. “Why, Carol Ann? Why are you here?”
“What the hell are you doing here?” Ollie’s voice croaks unexpectedly from behind me.
My head snaps around to see a look of betrayal I can’t handle.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Carol Ann growls back defensively.
Both women turn their attention to me, and I shake my head in an irate fashion.
I knew it. I knew life was going too well not to be disturbed.
“Ford,” Ollie quietly calls to me.
Innocently, I state, “I had no clue she was here.”
She tugs the shirt I had been wearing the night before closed tighter. “Then how the hell did she get in?”
“With my key.”
Carol Ann’s words land like a ton of bricks on my shoulder.
That she failed to leave behind. Took every fucking thing else. Gave away my goddamn hog yet somehow managed to remember to keep the key to my house. The one place she always seems to find herself back at….
“You still have a key?” The defeated sound in Ollie’s voice expands the knot in my throat.
“This is my home, hon,” Carol snaps nefariously. “Of course I do.” I’m not given a chance to comment. “Now what the hell are you doing here?”
Ollie weakly sighs, “Leaving…”
Without waiting for anything else to be explained or declared, she bolts back the direction she came.
Instinctively, I yell, “Ollie wait!”
I give Carol Ann a frustrated glare and take off after Ollie. By the time I enter the bedroom she’s somehow already yanked on her jeans along with her bra.
“Ollie-”
“Why does she still have a key, Ford?”
“I-”
“Has she had one this entire time?” She pulls out a t-shirt from her bag. “Has she been using it?”
The accusation stuns me.
Ollie tugs the gray Nintendo shirt on and continues to attack, “Have I really just been the rebound girl this whole goddamn time?”
“N-”
“Just some…thing for you to sleep with until she was ready to use her key again?”
“No-”
“Until she was ready to just let herself back into your life again? Until she came to her senses and realized how amazing you really are, which is something I knew after just five fucking minutes with you! It didn’t take me over a decade to appreciate that!”
Her mouth increases in speed barely giving me a moment to catch up.
“Was I your ego boost? Was I just your favorite toy in the city while she was waiting here at home? Was I some sick twisted reminder to you that you actually are a decent human being who deserved love? Did you ever even love me?”
Anger surpasses all rational responses, “Are you seriously fucking asking me that question? Are you honest to God standing in my goddamn bedroom knowing what that woman put me through and accusing me of cheating on you?”
Her own fury flares ferociously. “Are you honest to God standing in your goddamn bedroom telling me you magically forgot she had a key?”
“Yes!”
“How?!” Ollie shouts. “How is that fucking possible? Did she give you back the apartment key?”
“Yeah, it was on the counter top.”
“And at no point at seeing it did you ever stop and wonder about your house key? The place you actually loved and lived? Are you honestly telling me during all these months, you never once thought about the fact she had a fucking key?! That maybe you should get the locks changed! Or maybe Ford, just fucking maybe…you knew she had a key, you let her keep the key because you knew she would come back. That part of you wanted her to come crawling back. That part of you…hoped she would. So you could be together again. So you could have the perfect country life with cows and chickens and turkeys and eighteen babies like you always pictured you one day would!” Ollie snatches up her shoulder bag. “I’m going to get Princess Pinky.”
She storms by and I reach out for her. “Ollie-”
“Don’t Ford,” the tears sticking to her tone are unmistakable. “Just…don’t.”
Ollie vacates the room leaving me in a reeling mess.
Is she right? Did some tiny part of me expect for Carol Ann to come back here? To try to make things work? Did some teeny tiny part of me actually hope she would? Why? Because it’s so fucking familiar? Because we’ve done it for so long? Because it’s so…routine? Why didn’t I get my key back sooner? Why didn’t I change the locks?
Further frustrated with my own stupidity, I dart out of my room, down the stairs, prepared to run out after her except another surprise greets me at the door.
Mama’s look of unhappiness causes me to cringe. “Runt…why’s my future daughter in law a bawling mess?”
The chance to explain is ruined as quickly as it was before.
My mother’s eyes narrow and her plate filled hands start shaking. “The devil is alive…”
“Mama,” my voice tries to steady itself.
“Ford Bradley Shaw, there’s about to be dust in the wind if your ass doesn’t explain to me right the hell now why that insult to God’s green earth is standing next to your kitchen.”
I start to answer when her tangent continues.
“Did she stay here last night?”
My mouth twitches again.
“Did she interrupt this morning?”
“I-”
“Because I swear Runt I will-”
“Mama!” My voice booms.
It successfully snaps her out of the hate filled ramble.
When our eyes lock, I question, “With all due respect, why are you here?”
“Big Foot and Blake were placing bets on when you and Ollie would be out of bed based on an apparent ass kicking threat that was made along with a public display of affection that would make the average sinner look like a saint.”
“Who’s phrasing?”
“Mrs. Mueller. Apparently, she witnessed you two going at it in your truck at a stop light. Needless to say she wanted it known Jesus does not approve of your behavior.”
The memory kicks the corner of my lip upward until an undesired scoff shoves it back down.
Mama points a harsh finger at her. “You are trespassin’ and contrary to the boys’ belief, I shoot twice as well as their Pop. And I swear on my Daddy’s grave I will not miss you.”
Carol Ann’s gasp causes me to encourage my mother to exit. “Look, I need to talk to her. Can you…Can you go convince Ollie to stay? She went to get Princess Pinky.”
Mama hums her disapproval and shoves the plate at me. “I’m not a miracle worker, but we’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank me by recommending I dig an eight-foot grave for what the devil dragged in.”
“They bury people at six feet,” Carol Ann snips.
“Well aware sweetheart, and I plan to stomp you down the other two.”
“Please go,” I instruct.
Once Mama is successfully out the front door, Carol Ann sighs, “I don’t understand why she’s never liked me.”
Turning around I pin her with mocking expression. “Not at all?”
She folds her arms across her chest.
“Could be because you’ve been running out on me since when we were sixteen?” I take the same action with my arms. “Could be because I have wasted almost half my life chasing after you, waiting around on you, always…forgiving you. Maybe she doesn’t like how you didn’t appreciate me? Or maybe she hates your hair style. I don’t know.” With a shrug, I bite, “What the hell are you doing here, Carol Ann? This isn’t your home. It hasn’t been in a long time.”
“That’s not true, Ford.”
“Yes. It is.”
“No. This will always be home,” she meekly argues from her position across the room. “Come on, Ford. We both know, no one…and I mean no one will ever love me like you do.”
The words tug at strings they shouldn’t.
“Daryl was no different than any other guy I would date when I…just needed some space.”
“Space?” I growl. “When you needed some goddamn space?! You were constantly cheating on me, Carol Ann? How the hell did you need space?”
“I-”
“No,” my voice viciously bites. “I don’t fucking care. Whatever reason you’re here, whatever conclusion you think you’ve come too, I. Don’t. Care.”
Her face falls to bafflement.
“We’re done, Carol Ann. Permanently.” All of a sudden, an epiphany slaps me like a splash of cold water in the middle of dead sleep. “I think the only reason I didn’t take that key back from you was so I could look you dead in the eyes and tell you that. Truth is Carol Ann, a huge part of me hates you. Everything about you. How you treated me. How you cheated on me. How you constantly left me and wanted me to change because you never thought I was good enough for you.” A small smile slides onto my face. “The tiny part that doesn’t is thankful you did what you did because it brought me Ollie and she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”
For the first time I can recall, tears seem to fill her eyes.
“You need to leave, and I need to go make things right.” I take a couple steps back towards the door and open it to usher her out.
Her jaw trembles as she snatches her purse off the long dark wood coffee table. “Ford-”
“Keep the key,” my arm braces itself against the frame, “to remember us by. The apartment is gone next week, and I’m having the locks changed here first thing tomorrow.”
Carol Ann stomps her high heel covered foot in objection. “For-”
“Goodbye, Carol Ann.”
She rushes off towards her car at the same time Ollie’s peels off the property.
Defeat swiftly overpowers the momentary pride I felt kicking. My hand gives the back of my hair a good ruffle as I let out a deep breath into the chilly morning air.
Unlike when Carol Ann would walk out of my life, I plan to put up a fight. Ollie may be upset, she may not want to talk to me or deal with me right now, but things are not over. I’m not giving up on her. I’ll never give up on her…Or us.