CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Katy
Six months later …
I looked out the window of my tiny studio. It was no bigger than a postage stamp, but it was mine. And at least I was by myself, with the solitude to cry my eyes out whenever I wanted.
Because I haven’t been okay since that fateful day at the hotel. Waking up with the men gone had been a shock to my system, my feet dashing around the room, flinging open doors looking for the alphas.
But they were gone. And gone gone, like they’d never been there. Not a single item a clothing left, every trace obliterated. My heart had sunk even as I dropped limply to the mattress. How could they do this? What was the meaning of their actions?
And with trembling fingers, I dialed their cells. But predictably, the numbers went straight to voicemail like the men were already in the air. So I dialed the only resource I had left. Helena.
But the woman didn’t even pick up the phone the first time, like I wasn’t important enough. Finally, on my third or fourth try, she answered in a cold voice.
“Hello Katy. I’ve been expecting your call. What can I do for you?”
I gaped at her.
“Well, have you heard from Mason, Trent and Nick?” I gasped. “They disappeared without telling me anything. I have their itinerary, and there are things that need to get done. They need me –”
But the middle-aged woman cut me off right there.
“No, they don’t,” she said shortly. “Alpha Prime has moved on and your services are no longer needed.”
I goggled again at the woman, my brain unable to process.
“I’m sorry?” came the gasp. “But how? I mean, they need me. They need fresh towels after every concert, they like that special soap from Italy –”
Helena laughed then, her red lipsticked mouth opening wide, showing off dangerous white teeth.
“Oh sweetheart, you’re so naïve,” she purred.
I stopped short.
“As in?” were my slow words.’
She waved her hand airily.
“They don’t need you,” she emphasized. “Alpha Prime’s been touring for years now. These guys have been on the road for longer than you can say boo. You think that soaps and towels are what made you special? Please, there are dozens of girls who can do that sort of thing.”
My mouth snapped shut.
“I’m sorry?”
Helena nodded airily again.
“That’s right, you’re not their first groupie cum personal assistant. They’ve got girls coming out of their ears, all desperate for a job with Alpha Prime. Trust me honey, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last.”
That made me stare then, the air disappearing from my lungs. No. It couldn’t be true, but cold reality smacked me in the face like a baseball bat full on the cheek.
“I see,” was my slow reply. “I understand.”
“Do you?” asked Helena searchingly. “Do you really get it? Because every girl I’ve recruited thinks that she’s the one, but that’s nowhere near reality. There’s no such thing as “The One” when it comes to men like Alpha Prime. So leave it okay? And don’t call me again. Your severance will be deposited shortly.”
And with that, the phone dropped from my fingertips, Helena’s face disappearing with a snap. Because oh god, but my worst nightmare had come true. Nick, Trent and Mason had done this dozens of times before. They hired personal assistants to act as their toys, enjoying the women’s bodies to the fullest extent. And then when it was all over, the women were tossed to the side, a nice check as a goodbye gift.
Oh god, oh god. I was that girl. The dreamer, the lover, the ultimate fan, giving my heart to them truly and deeply. And what was even worse was that there was another woman behind me. Another female, ready and eager to do their bidding, desperately in love with the men. Giving them her all sincerely all the while believing in the future.
Remembering that harsh conversation, tears overflowed and ran down my cheeks as I stared out the window of my tiny studio. Rain was pelting down, the entire world gray.
Behind me, the TV blared mindlessly. My favorite cooking show was on, filled with contestants who desperately wanted to impress the judges, just like I wanted to impress Alpha Prime.
Tears rushed again, but I blinked them back and forced myself to take a deep breath. Because things could be worse. Maybe my place was nothing but three hundred square feet, but I was able to afford it because of the money that I had saved working with Alpha Prime. That was something. Of course, eventually, my savings would disappear if I didn’t get a job, but that was the future. Right now, I had a home, solitude to do what I wanted.
Unfortunately, most of my days were spent crying. I’d told Mom and Dad that I was working on my novel, but the opposite was true. My laptop remained untouched, the lid tightly shut on my tiny desk. In fact, I hadn’t even plugged it in, morose thoughts of Alpha Prime constantly with me every minute of every day.
And shamefully, after the guys abandoned me, I tried everything I could think of to reach them, but it had been all for naught. They’d changed their numbers, and Helena had disconnected my small work phone. It sat in the corner of my little studio, a dead reminder of everything that I lost when they left me.
Suddenly, a chime interrupted my thoughts.
Ding!
Oh right. The sound of the timer on my phone jolted me from my daze. With slow steps, I stumbled into the bathroom, my feet like wooden posts.
Time to see for sure instead of just wondering.
And there it was. On the counter, the white stick beckoned to me, the packaging laid out on the counter. I had never taken a pregnancy test before, but there was a first time for everything.
Because it’d taken me a while to realize. After months of eating my way through the sorrow—cupcakes and lasagna and ice cream—I finally realized I'd skipped a few periods. It wasn’t just one or two, either. Missing menstrual cycles due to stress wasn’t uncommon, but a significant period had gone by. I had gained a visible amount of weight, too, but I’d chalked that up to the constant snacking.
Plus, my cycle had never been regular. Yet it had been too long for my period not to come, at least five months this time. And curiously, the weight that I had put on wasn’t distributed evenly like it usually did when I gained. Instead of heavier arms, thighs, and abdomen, this time it all went to my stomach.
And tellingly, there’d been the morning sickness.
One morning at my parents’ house, I'd rushed out of the kitchen, the vomit rising up quickly from the smell of whisked eggs. The vomiting had been going on for a while, but Ethel didn’t know about it. When I came back, my mother looked down at my expanded belly and put a hand on my arm.
“You might want to take a pregnancy test, sweetheart,” she said gently. “I think your rock stars left you with more than a broken heart.”
I stumbled back from shock. “N-no. I don’t need to. Don’t say that.”
“Did you use protection with them?” she asked. Her usually merry brown eyes turned serious.
Even though she was the last person I usually got embarrassed in front of, my cheeks turned bright red.
“What do you mean?” I stammered. “Why would you even think that?”
Ethel smiled gently at me.
“Sweetheart, I’ve known you for almost twenty years now. I know when my daughter’s in love, and I know when she’s had her heart broken. It’s only natural, a pretty girl like you with three dominating rock stars. Now, have you thougth about taking a pregnancy test?”
I gasped. Ethel knew? Or she’d guessed? Oh god, this was another layer to the nightmare. I thought my mom believed that I was a virgin.
But give the fifty-year old woman credit, because she’s more perceptive than she appears. So I nodded, swallowing heavily with pain.
“Okay, I will,” was my whisper, barely audible over the scrambling eggs. “Will do.”
“Good,” Ethel said, turning back to the pancake mix. “Do that first, and then we’ll discuss next steps, sweetheart.”
But even as I moved about the kitchen helping my mom, my thoughts wouldn’t stop. I cursed myself internally, feeling so stupid. Helena had sent me birth control, but remembering to take it was not my forte. I would often look at the sleeve of pills and realize that I missed two or three days by accident, and hurriedly rush to pop one in my mouth. But was that enough? It didn’t seem so.
Reading my mind, Ethel spoke gently again.
“It's okay, my Katy. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together. You know your father and I will always be here for you.”
She was half-right. Dad would have a heart attack and demand the name of the boy who’d knocked me up. No way could I ever tell him it was three grown men who were responsible. The details were too sordid and obscene, Bernard would pass out from the truth.
But my mom was understanding.
“No matter what, Katy,” Ethel reassured me again with a long hug. “We’re here for you.”
So a day later, I bought the pregnancy test.
My hand trembled as I looked down at the white stick again. The pink lines were as clear as they were on the box, telling a tale that brooked no doubt.
I was pregnant. Just as suspected.
Disbelieving, I stumbled back. The cold sink dug into my back and stopped me from crashing to the bathroom floor. Quick breaths rushed through my lungs, one after the other—faster and faster.
Oh god. I was going to pass out, but that wouldn’t be good for the baby.
So my fingers dug into the hard edge of the sink, knuckels turning white with determination. I forced myself to calm down. If I passed out, I would hit my head. I could hurt the baby. This wasn't just about me anymore. There was more to the world and to my very existence.
I was truly pregnant. I was going to be somebody's mother, in a matter of months in fact.
Oh god! What next?
But all my plans were in disarray now. Because after Alpha Prime left, I got this studio and signed up for a few creative writing classes at the community college. There was a strict budget to make my money last as long as it could. But with a baby, the cash would be gone in a snap.
“Get a job to keep that money trickling in,” my dad had recommended.
I wished I’d listened to him when he said that. Because who would hire a pregnant woman now? One who lumbered this way and that, her enormous belly like a giant beach ball?
The direction of my life suddenly changed forever. But a fluttering in my stomach distracted me from my thoughts and I touched my belly.
My belly. My baby.
My blue-eyed, dark haired baby. He or she would look like Nick, Mason and Trent. Their genes were strong and anyone looking at my child would see their reflection. I would know it, too. They would forever be stamped in my memories.
And suddenly, the tide of my thoughts turned. Amid the panic and shock, suddenly happiness began to trickle in. A small rivulet at first, but slowly gaining steam and becoming a wonderful gush.
Because I wanted this child. I wanted this reminder of my love for the three men, the months that had been the best time in my life. Maybe it was unrealistic, silly, and nothing more than the hallucinations of a pregnant woman. But suddenly, a feeling of well-being flooded my soul, surrounding my heart with a balm.
Because now I’d have a piece of Alpha Prime for the rest of my life. Their child. A precious reminder. A beautiful baby girl or boy, smiling back at me with dimpled cheeks and clear blue eyes.
But right. Nothing was so easy. I needed a plan.
Unfortunately, my mind was a blank. Sniffling still, I wiped away the tears that kept falling and walked back into the main room of my tiny apartment. My mom would want to know, and Ethel would be full of ideas. Phone in hand, I dropped down onto the couch, and jumped when my bottom landed on the remote.
Rock music suddenly filled my little studio. A choke left my throat as blood rushed in my ears. Because Music TV was playing a familiar song, “Katy Baby” live.
Slowly, my eyes found the screen and it was true. Alpha Prime filled the small monitor, panning in on those rock hard bodies and handsome faces. My pussy tingled, and yet for the first time, there was a strange sensation of peace. These men weren't mine. They had never been mine, and no matter what I thought and no matter what they told me, Nick, Mason and Trent didn’t belong to me.
A red tag flashed at the bottom of the TV. Live at Madison Square Garden, it read.
Oh my gosh, Alpha Prime was in town? Right here in New York?
I gasped again and choked on my own breath. My men were in town. Salty tears gushed down my face and into my mouth. Snot ran down my nose and my entire body prickled with heat and then cold.
They're actually here.
Happiness rushed through me, but then also sorrow. Because the men weren’t mine. They were performing for a crowd of screaming fans, giving it their all under the hot stage lights while clearly oblivious to their growing baby.
My baby. Our baby.
I forced myself to look again. On screen, the guys were sexier than ever. Trent prowled the stage in tight jeans, his bare chest soaked with sweat and a snarl on that handsome face. The screaming crowd couldn’t get enough of him.
Nick was equally gorgeous but looked like he didn't care about what he was doing. Careless with just the right amount of cool. Gorgeous and predatory at once.
Just behind them, Mason beat on the drums like a man on a mission. His usually happy face was set in a scowl, but nothing could hide the perfect planes of his face and the broad shoulders behind the cymbals.
They were in New York. I could go see them if I wanted to. Ask them why they left me the way they did. Maybe I could even tell them about the baby.
I bit my lip.
No, that wasn’t the right thing to do. They were done with me, remember? Leaving my form gasping in the dirt, like I wasn’t good enough.
Plus, I’d just had my Come to Jesus moment. I was okay with it now. I’d live because the most special gift of all was growing in my belly.
Except my conscience stirred then. Because what kind of woman would I be if I never told these men about their child? If the baby was the most precious person to me in the world, then wouldn’t they want to know as well? After all, she was part me, but also part them. Didn’t they deserve to know?
I paused for a moment, biting my lip. On the one hand, I wanted to keep the baby to myself because it was less hassle. Life would be hard financially for sure, but I’d live. Many single moms raise happy, successful children and I was determined to do my best for the little darling.
On the other hand, every child deserves to know their father, right? Or their fathers, plural, in this case? At some age, the questions would start. Who was he? How did you meet him? And worst of all, why didn’t he want me?
That’s what turned the tide. Because I didn’t want my child to think that he was unwanted. This baby was a blessing in every way, and I wanted to give him the chance of knowing his fathers so long as they were amenable.
So with a determined chin, I turned towards my closet. It’d been a long time since I’d worn anything more than stained sweats, but it was time to do better, both for myself and for the baby growing in the belly. There was an A-line number, floral and sweet, that would do the trick. It would cover my growing belly, masking my pregnancy for a little while at least.
Because I was going to see Alpha Prime. My lovers, the light of my life, even after this difficult time.
Nick, Mason, and Trent. I could taste the names on my lips, so close and yet so far at once. And although I should have been trembling with fear, instead my heart leapt in anticipation because in my heart of hearts, I still loved them. Yes, the passion had run high, but the four of us were more than that. We had experienced something real and genuine … and I knew I wasn’t the only one who’d felt it.