Chapter Twenty-Three

EMMA

Have you ever tried studying when all you can think about is the broken heart that beats regardless within your chest? It’s pretty much impossible. I haven’t retained anything in three weeks, which is proving to be detrimental to my studying schedule. Graduation is in two weeks, my exam is two days after that and all I can think about is Tucker.

Not if I can fucking help it.

His parting words to me. Since that night, I haven’t heard from him. Not a phone call, not a text, not even a little morning hello. The only thing I’ve received from him was a note on the counter two days after our fight saying he’s been sent to Pittsburgh for another training project. He wasn’t sure when he would be back. He asked me to water the plants and be sure to eat my daily amount of vegetables.

That was it.

Since then, nothing.

I know I ended everything, but after his parting words, I thought maybe there was some hope, maybe he could get past his demons and fully embrace me. Us. But three weeks of radio silence has tamped down that hope, straight into the grave that is Tucker and Emma.

“Uh hello, earth to Emma.” Adalyn snaps her fingers in my face. “Are you going to say hi?”

“What?” I look away from the sentence I’ve highlighted five times to see Logan standing at the end of our table. “Oh, uh, hey, Logan.”

“Hey.” He looks to Adalyn and then back to me. “Think I can borrow you for a second?”

Since I have yet to actually retain what I’m reading, I’m thinking a little break in the monotony of studying might do me some good.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Want to go get some coffee at the kiosk?” he asks.

“Sure. Adalyn, do you want anything?”

“Caffeine dripped from the coffee bean’s teat. Ask if they have an IV.”

“I take that as a dark roast, black.” She nods and focuses all her attention on the books in front of her. That should be me. Single focused.

Should.

As we walk to the kiosk, we’re both silent, making this outing a little awkward. We order our drinks and while we wait, Logan finally breaks the ice by knocking his foot playfully against mine. “I don’t think we’ve ever been this quiet around each other.”

“I don’t think so either.” I nervously laugh and then sigh. “Listen, Logan, I’m sorry for getting so defensive—”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so bold in my assumptions. You were right, I didn’t know you two as a couple and I never should have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Our order is called out and instead of going back to the library, we sit on the bench. Adalyn’s coffee is piping hot so we have some time to spare.

“So, how’s it going with you two?”

My eyes sting as I hold back the tears that have wanted to fall every second of every day whenever I think of Tucker. “It’s not going,” I answer, my throat choking up on me.

“What do you mean? Did you break up?” I nod. “Oh shit.” Logan wraps his arm around me and pulls me in close. “I’m sorry, Emma. Please tell me it’s not from what I said.”

I shake my head. “No, I think what you said actually held some weight.”

“Really?” He doesn’t sound happy, more sad than anything. What the?

“Yeah. I don’t think he was ready to really hand his heart over. I don’t think he was using me as a distraction. I do think he cared for me, but I could tell he wasn’t ready, and honestly, I don’t think I’m strong enough to wait around for him to love me.”

“Do you love him?”

I lean my head against Logan’s shoulder as a stray tear falls down my cheek. “Yeah, I do. I don’t think there was any choice in the matter for me. My soul connected with his and I fell for him.” I fell hard. “Despite knowing the whole time there was a roadblock between us. I just thought we’d be able to get over it. But I was wrong.”

“Did you break up with him?” I nod. “Were you protecting yourself?” I nod again. “So where does he stand in all of this? What did he say? Did he accept the breakup and move on? Or did he put up a fight?”

That night has been on replay in my head for weeks. I can see it playing out so easily, remember everything said. The sound of his voice as he shut my door, the hope I felt . . . The hope then squashed by his silence.

“It seemed like he was putting up a fight. I didn’t think he’d accept my decision, but I haven’t heard from him in weeks.”

“What do you mean? Don’t you share a house?”

“He’s been in Pittsburg training for three weeks.” My voice hiccups on me.

“Oh.” Logan is silent, taking a moment to process what I said. He brings his coffee to his lips and takes a drink before saying, “But he sounded like he wasn’t giving up?”

“That’s how it seemed when I broke things off. But I haven’t heard from him. I think it’s over.” And admitting that hurts more than when I was trying to save my heart.

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“Logan. I’m not going to be wishful here. If he cared, he would have contacted me by now. I’m done.” It hurts to hope. I stand and brush my bottom off before turning to him. “Ready? Adalyn is going to be pissed if her coffee is cold.”

“Yeah.” He holds his coffee and Adalyn’s as he puts his hand on the small of my back for a brief second, guiding me toward the library. “I don’t think you should throw in the towel just yet.”

“You’re sweet, Logan, but I’m not holding on to any hope.”

“I think you should.”

“Why are you pushing this? According to Tucker, you want to fuck me, and would have sworn you would have swooped in by now,” I tease, but I’m also curious to hear his answer.

“He thought that, did he?” Logan asks, a smile to his face as he takes a drink of his coffee. “Then I did my job.”

“Did what job?”

“Made him feel threatened. Jealous. That right there tells me there is still hope, Emma. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t have cared about me. But he cares.”

“You made him jealous on purpose?”

He loops an arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. It’s funny how with Logan, when he does that, I feel cared for by an older brother. When Tucker kisses me like that, I feel treasured. No. I felt treasured. “I have to make sure my girl is taken care of. You’re my best friend, Emma, and only the best man deserves you. So if I have to act territorial to see if he’s willing to piss a circle around you, then I will do just that.”

“Oh my God,” I laugh. “You’re such an ass.”

“A caring ass.” He winks over his coffee cup. “I expect the same kind of treatment from you.”

I poke him in the side, putting a little distance between us. “Just you wait. Once you meet the girl for you, I’m going to make sure your life is a living nightmare.”

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad.”

“He got defensive about you.” That causes Logan to throw his head back and laugh. “It’s not funny. He was really convinced you wanted to sleep with me.”

He continues to laugh, drawing the attention from others around us. “Oh that’s great. Man, Emma, he really fucking likes you because I wasn’t even that bad.”

I huff as I walk into the library. “I can’t believe that’s something guys do.”

“Only the smart ones looking out for their girls. Now, tell me in detail everything he said about me.”

I point my finger at him. “You’re a dick.”

“Come on, just give me a little something.”

“No.” We get to the table where Adalyn is studying and sit down. Logan hands her the coffee and she breathes it in before taking a long swig.

“Oh, that’s good.” She glances between the both of us. “Why are you laughing, did I miss something?”

“Logan was pretending to like me in front of Tucker to piss him off.”

She takes another sip. “Oh, I know.” She fist-pumps Logan. “Well-played. You really got the old jealousy bug ticking in his bones.”

“You knew?” I shout and am quickly hushed by people around us so I whisper, “You knew?”

“Of course.” She shrugs her knowledge off. “Classic best-friend move made by a guy. He couldn’t have executed it any better.” They laugh at my expense.

“I hate you both.” I cross my arms over my chest and try not to pout. “Not like it helped anyway.”

“He still hasn’t talked to you?” Adalyn asks, confused. “Not even a text?”

“Nothing.” I bite the inside of my cheek, willing away the tears that threaten to fall.

The silence is killing me. I miss him. I miss his rough, sleep-ridden voice in the mornings, his work clothes that cling to every last inch of muscle on his body. I miss his kisses, his strong arms wrapped around me, the way he would whisper in my ear, igniting my entire body. And mostly, I miss his heart that seemed to care deeply for me.

I shrug, putting on a brave face. “Maybe it’s for the better. I may have a job panning out in Boston. Maybe a new city is just what I need.”

A fresh beginning, something far away from the place I’ve recently called home. `