Kara
I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sat at home crying my eyes out with a bottle of wine and a tub of ice cream. What a typical chick response to something that upsets us. I want to call Zoey, I feel like I really need to talk about it with someone but at the same time, I feel like talking about it is the last thing I want to do. Reid sent me a text a little while ago, but I couldn’t make myself respond. I feel like such a shitty person for just leaving him at the bar. It wasn’t something I had intended to do, but I couldn’t sit across from him and talk about the baby he’s having with another woman. It feels like a piece of my heart has died. I have been in love with Reid longer than I care to admit, and I always dreamed that one day we might end up together, but that was just a fantasy. The reality of the situation hits me like a sucker punch to the gut. He’s going to be a dad. Molly will have something tying them together forever and I feel so selfish when I think that she has the one thing I wanted for myself, Reid’s first baby. I shouldn’t be making this about me, but I just can’t help how I feel.
Instead of texting Reid back or calling Zoey, I decide to put on a chick flick and get lost in somebody else’s fictional problems. I put Dirty Dancing into the DVD player and pour myself another glass of wine. I send a quick text to Liam asking if he can open up for me in the morning. It’s not normally his early shift, but when I tell him something came up, he’s only too happy to help. With that settled, I sit back and watch Baby and Johnny.
Waking up, I realise I’m still on the couch and I must have fallen asleep watching the film. The DVD player has turned itself off and I look at my watch to see it is 11:15 p.m. I get up and pad softly up the stairs to my bedroom. I don’t bother getting undressed, I just crawl into bed and pull the blanket up to my chin. Snuggled in my cocoon, I feel safe from the outside world. I set an alarm so I’m not too late in to work, then I drift off to sleep.
***
Walking into work, I see Liam serving a customer and I smile at him as I make my way over. Once the customer has left, I ask if he wants a drink, then make my way to the coffee bar. I make my way back to the counter and hand Liam his cup. He smiles and nods in appreciation.
I busy myself with restocking some of the shelves and tidying the ‘mom and baby’ room. That brings on thoughts of last night and of Molly, then inevitably Reid. But it needs tidying and I can’t leave it with toys and books strewn across the floor, so I get on with it, and then I take my lunch break.
I walk to the local deli for a bite to eat. There’s no way I’m going to Madison Avenue, even if it’s the best food around for miles. And going to the pub is out of the question too, because I don’t want thoughts of Reid clouding my mind. I know I need to text him and apologise for leaving so abruptly. I’m aware it wasn’t the most mature way to deal with things, but I did what I felt I needed to do at the time.
The air is crisp today and I pull my jacket closer as I walk. My head is in turmoil as my thoughts betray me. With nothing else to distract my mind, I guess it was bound to happen.
When I get back to work, I am lost to my own thoughts and I get the sense that Liam knows something is up. I can’t talk to him about it, it’s not my place to tell him somebody else’s business. So, I fake a smile for the rest of the day and don’t really relax until closing time.
I’m closing the store alone when I realise how selfish I’m being. I’ve spent all day making this about myself, about how I feel. But I have no right to do that. This isn’t my life, my baby, my decision. It’s about Reid. I guess I’m allowed to mourn the loss of what we could have had together, but I can’t keep thinking this has anything to do with me whatsoever. I need to be a good and supportive friend to him in all of this.
I get home and check my phone. No missed calls or texts. I can’t help but feel a little disappointed, but I guess I need to make the first move and apologise for the way I behaved. I send Reid a quick text;
Kara: I’m really sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have left without talking to you. You didn’t deserve that. I’ve been a shitty friend, but I want you to know that I want to make up for that.
I get a response faster than I expected, almost as if he’d been waiting patiently for me to realise I’ve been such an ass.
Reid: You have nothing to be sorry for and you aren’t a shitty friend, Kara. You’re the sweetest, kindest person I know. It was a hard position Molly put you in. She had no right to do that. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry she did that to you.
He’s sorry? I don’t know what he has to be sorry for. This isn’t his doing. I can’t help but feel mad at Molly for putting this on me. On him. If she had been a mature woman, she would have got in touch with him herself. I know she said he’d ignored her calls and texts, but if that had been me, I would have gone to his house and made him listen to me.
Kara: If you ever want someone to talk to, I know you have Jason and Liam, but I want you to know I’m here for you.
I go to make myself a coffee and hear my phone chime with another incoming text.
Reid: Could we meet up to talk tonight?
I wasn’t expecting him to want to meet so soon, but I can’t deny him. I offered to be there and I will be, so I text him and tell him he can come round to talk. I think it would be better to talk in private than somewhere strangers can overhear. I’m nervous about what he’ll have to say. I know I’ve apologised, but I still feel like a shitty friend for barely speaking two words to him, handing him a scan, and making a dash for it while he was in the toilets. I just saw my escape and I took it. How pathetic does that make me? But I will make it up to him, whatever that takes.
I’m sat watching some mindless TV when there’s a knock on the door. I freak internally for a moment before pulling my big girl panties up and opening the door.
“Hi,” Reid says softly as I move to the side to let him in.
“Hi.”
I walk ahead of him into the kitchen and ask what he wants to drink. When I’ve fixed us both a cup of coffee, I walk into the lounge with Reid close on my heel.
“I’m sorry about last night, truly.”
“Don’t be silly,” he admonishes me.
“Really, Reid, I wanted to talk to you, but I felt under immense pressure and didn’t have the words to say.”
“It’s okay, seriously. Let’s forget about that and move on.”
He takes a seat on the armchair that’s at an angle to the couch. I perch on the couch with my feet tucked up underneath me. Facing him, I drink in his handsome face. He has chiselled features and the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever looked into. Looking into them now, I’m not sure what I’m seeing. His face seems to suggest he’s lost in thought and I wait for him to speak.
“I’ve spoken to Molly. We rowed a little. I told her she had no right to put you in that position and made it known that she should have come to me directly.”
“She said she couldn’t get hold of you, that you never answered calls or texts.”
“That’s another thing, Kara. She never called me, not once. And I never got any texts either.”
I’m shocked that Molly lied. I know Reid’s telling the truth. Not just because I want to believe him, but because I know he’s an upfront, honest person, and I just know he wouldn’t lie about something so important.
“Well, I don’t get why she’d lie to me and get me to pass the picture along. I should have told her no and that she should give it to you herself, but she started crying and I felt sorry for her.”
“She’s a manipulative bitch, that’s why. I’m sorry to be blunt, but that’s exactly why she did it. That’s one of the reasons we didn’t date for long. She would tell little lies, thinking I wouldn’t notice, or that I wouldn’t pull her up on it.”
“How long did you date for?”
I guess that’s not really any of my business, but I can’t help being curious.
“A month, maybe. It was a while back now. She seemed like a pretty cool chick at the time. But as more time passed, I realised who she really was.”
We talked for a little while longer about Molly and the baby. He told me they weren’t getting back together, that it wouldn’t be a healthy environment to bring a child up in. Molly had been pissed at him that he wouldn’t be there for her, but he’d told her that he would be as supportive as he could; he’d go to scans, doctors’ appointments, everything she needed. He said he’d help her decorate the nursery and buy all the things the baby would need. I couldn’t help but smile because my friend was willing to step up to the plate.
I asked when he was going to tell Jason and he said he was going to take the bull by the horns and tell him as soon as possible. He stayed a while longer and I felt much more comfortable than before he’d turned up. After he’d gone, I felt lighter somehow.
I decided to get an early night, hoping that sleep would come easier than it did last night.