Sitting in the waiting room at Poppy’s doctor’s office reminds me just how far I am from a life of love, babies and picket fences. I’m not even sure I want it or am cut out for it, but watching these women in various stages of pregnancy with significant others at their side caused a deep longing within me that made it hard to look at them. So, I did what any self-respecting woman in the throes of denial would do, I got lost in a murder mystery on my e-reader. Yeah, murder and gore would help me get over this temporary insanity.

I kept my eyes on the digital page, refusing to look up at any of the couples in the midst of their happily ever after, until Poppy stood in front of me with her big belly and a content smile on her face.

“Ready to head out?”

I nodded. The reason I took her this morning instead of Blake was because the time had come for us to start shopping for wedding dresses. “Yep, did you make your next appointment?”

“Yes, Mom,” she said with an affectionate roll of her eyes and followed me to the elevator and back out to my sedan that was quickly growing uncomfortable for her growing midsection. “You should have driven my car,” she complained.

“Then you would have had to pick me up and drop me off and since your arms can’t reach the steering wheel, that would have been difficult.” Never mind the fact she was supposed to be taking it easy.

The bridal boutique was tucked in a corner on a small side street, making it easy for large bridal parties to get in and out easily. Brides by Design was a small shop filled with wedding dresses for every body type and budget, but it leaned more towards the high end for brides with money to burn. It was beautiful and simple, and the two shop girls were ready to hop to do Poppy’s bidding.

“We’ll get a few out to get you started,” the older of the two women said, her black hair pulled back into an understated bun that matched the simple peach sheath she wore.

“Great. We’ll need you to bring the dresses out, because, as you can see, she’s under orders to stay off her feet as much as possible,” I told her in a tone that would brook no arguments from anyone. We had a few hours to ourselves before Lacey and Maple arrived, and I was determined that today we’d find her a dress so I could scratch another item off my list.

Both women left to look through dresses using the list of specifications Poppy handed them while we sat and waited for about fifteen minutes before the first few dresses were brought out. They were all beautiful but they weren’t right for Poppy. “So, how are things going with Luke?”

Normally we’d talk openly about these kinds of things, but there was an edge to her voice that gave me pause. “Good. We’re both still alive.”

She sighed and turned to me after dismissing a halter dress as too ‘hoochie mama’ for her liking. “I’m just worried. There’s clearly something going on between you. And don’t say it’s nothing, I can tell. Besides all that, Blake told me.” Arms crossed she looked like she’d just won the argument. “I’m worried.”

“Don’t. We’re having sex and that’s it.” It was under control. Mostly.

“Come on, Tal,” she sighed impatiently. “You know how he is, doesn’t do commitment, dates a different girl every month”

“I know Poppy, okay? I know all that. I know what he’s like, and I know that it seems he’s like Frederico, because on the surface, he is. But he’s not. And even if he was, it doesn’t matter because I’m not doing anything but sleeping him. And enjoying it, all right?”

“But-,”

I cut her off because I was tired of this conversation. “You know Poppy, if you were so concerned, maybe you should have thought about that before throwing us together nonstop for the months on end.” We finally had two dresses she didn’t absolutely hate, so I helped her up and tasked an assistant to help her when I caught a glimpse of Lacey and Maple at the door. I fixed another bright smile on my face and opened the door. “You’re just in time girls, after more than a dozen dresses we only have two for the bride to try on.”

Lacey and Maple both looked around in awe. “We’ve got it covered,” Lacey assured me.

“Yeah, she’s a pro,” Maple assured me as she looked around, searching. “Is this the kind of place that serves booze while you shop?”

I motioned for the other shop assistant to start the champagne which I provided last night, because despite the ten thousand dollar dresses in back, this was not the type of establishment that served booze while happy brides shopped.

“She’s trying on a dress now, so get comfortable.”

We all sat and watched as Poppy, slowly, came out and modeled two of the dresses. Both were beautiful, but not quite right. But more dresses were brought out, and there were a few more to her liking, she seemed to be getting excited. I kept my distance from Poppy, upset with myself for letting her words get to me. It didn’t matter, not really. She’d been my best friend for most of my life, but it was all changing. I was happy for her, but it was changing, the one thing we’d always wanted—family—she now had. In spades. A fiancé with a baby on the way, plus two extra siblings, she had family coming out of her ears. Soon the time we spent together would become less frequent, and then it would fade to no time at all.

This wasn’t me being dramatic or melancholy, it was just the truth as I saw it. Already our Friday night dinners were now a family affair, and I didn’t begrudge Poppy our greatest wish, I just wish it didn’t mean I was getting pushed out.

But I was. Slowly, but it was happening which meant it was time for me to start thinking about my future. “I think this is it,” Poppy declared of the sweetheart neckline with the beaded bodice and princess skirt. “But we won’t do any alterations until a week after the baby is born.”

I scribbled the notes in my tablet, scheduling the fitting for six weeks from today, exactly one week after she was scheduled to go into labor. I felt better once I slipped into assistant mode. That was my role here today, more than as the maid of honor. More than best friend. “Okay. I had them pull all the bridesmaids dresses that match your color scheme, so choose.”

Lacey and I tried on about ten different dresses, all in varying shades of green. I tried each one on and modeled them, giving almost no opinion on any of them. This was her big day, so I’d wear whatever she wanted.

“This one looks great!” Lacey modeled a mint green dress that flattered her figure and her coloring.

“What do you think, Talia?”

I gave my best smile. “It’s great. Perfect.” She didn’t look convinced, but she was too tired to argue. “Now the mother of the bride.”

Maple took great pride in her coveted position, and enjoyed her moment in the spotlight, twirling in every dress which she wore like a dream. If Maple wasn’t the greatest woman alive and the closest thing to family I had in my life, I’d hate her for looking so damn good at her age.

“Well?”

“Forest green looks gorgeous on you Maple.” I hugged her, smiling down at her beaming face.

“Thanks, sweetie. Wait until Fred sees me!”

“Poppy might not be the only one walking down the aisle soon,” I whispered and kissed her cheek as I guided her back to the dressing room. That much was true, Fred was a smart man, and ever since he’d gotten Maple to agree to a date, he hadn’t left her side. He was a rarity, a good man. “Okay, are we all ready to go?”

Everyone nodded, and we filed out of the store into a little huddle. “We should have lunch,” Lacey declared excitedly. “Talk about the bachelorette party and accessories and stuff!”

Poppy and Maple were excited at the prospect, but not me. “You guys go on and have a good time. I have plenty of work waiting for me at the office. Lacey can you get Poppy home?”

“Of course I can! I always wanted a sister to boss around,” she said and winked, looping one arm through Poppy’s and the other through Maple’s, Lacey herded them towards her car.

Poppy pulled away and came to me, eyes uncertain and worried, and instantly I felt like the worst kind of friend.

“Are we okay, Talia?”

I smiled. “Always.” We would still be friends, it would just be a different kind of friendship than we had before. More hands-off and from a distance. “Go on, enjoy your day. You found a dress!”

Her smile was dim and I hated that, but, I did have a lot of work to do. “I did!”

“That’s a good thing Poppy. Be happy.” I gave her a quick hug and walked her to Lacey’s car before taking off and heading back to the office.

Today was the first Friday in about a decade that I hadn’t shown up for what was now family dinner at Poppy and Maple’s place. After dress shopping I felt too raw and vulnerable to sit around a crowded table and pretend everything was all right. So I decided to head to the burlesque club where I used to work as a dancer, but now occasionally consulted as a coach and choreographer. Dancing had been my dream for most of my life, at least until my best friend inherited an outdoor sports apparel company and asked if I could help her out until she got on her feet.

Two years later and I wondered if I’d ever be able to leave.

But I wasn’t thinking about anything too taxing tonight, nothing other than whose shimmy was off and whose booty needed more shake in it, that was all. I watched the girls dance, most of them much younger, perkier and more flexible than my twenty-nine years, slightly jealous that they were still up on stage fighting for their dreams. It wasn’t a way to earn a real living as an adult, I got paid more as a choreographer than I ever did as a dancer, but I never loved anything more. I sipped my martini and lost myself in the moves and the music, the sexy costumes, lights and the sexy pouts they all sported.

I checked my vibrating phone just to make sure there were no work emergencies I was missing, even though everything in me resisted being tied to the damn thing nonstop. It was Poppy this time, but everyone had called and left at least one message. Lacey and Maple had called and texted, multiple times. I didn’t want to deal with it right now, so I shoved the phone back in my purse, down to the bottom and hoped I wouldn’t regret that move later tonight.

The show was spectacular, and as proud as I was of how flawlessly the first show had gone, I was feeling too restless to stick around and congratulate them. Another night I’d buy dinner and drinks, but tonight I just wanted to get some food and veg out at home.

An hour later, I walked inside my little apartment with a burger and salad, changed clothes and made a pitcher of sangria before I settled myself and my food on the table. In front of the television. My new best friend. I was halfway through my burger when the door-bell rang. It took me half a second to decide to ignore it, because the only person who would stop by unannounced was Poppy, and she was in no position to do it.

The bell rang again, so with a groan, I got up and went to the door. Luke. I should have realized. I opened the door and scowled. “What are you doing here?” I was suspicious immediately because this was unlike Luke, which meant he was up to something.

“I missed you at dinner,” he said honestly.

I doubt that. More likely the truth was that he was horny, and I lived a few blocks away from Poppy and Blake. “Sure, you did.” I rolled my eyes and his mouth kicked up to the right in that sexy, boyish way of his. It was irresistible, but I was determined to resist.

“You busy?”

“Yep. Finish my dinner and catching up on my cooking shows.” I didn’t cook much, but I’m sure if I ever ventured into the kitchen for more than vermouth or fruit, I’d kick ass from all the tips I retained.

His smile grew brighter as he pushed in, past me and into my place. “Sure, Talia, I’d love to join you.”

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“No,” he said, turning and pressing a finger to the tip of my nose. “But you want me to.”

I didn’t comment, because he was right. As much as I didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to want him, I did let him in. “So, I want your body and you know it, big deal.”

He dropped down on the sofa, still grinning as he crossed his legs on my coffee table. “Good because I want your body too.”

“I know,” I told him and dropped down beside him. “That’s why you’re here.” He was going to deny it, I knew he was, but I didn’t want to hear any words that would try to convince me otherwise, so I climbed into his lap and put my lips to his, hoping like hell he loved the taste of turkey bacon cheeseburgers.

Three seconds. That’s how long it took for Luke to relax under me and accept my kiss, kissing me back, but slowing the kiss to a less frenetic speed. I wanted it faster, but he kept it slow, teasing his tongue along the length of mine, tracing the shape of my lips with it. A slow tease meant to torment, and it was working.

Damn, him.

And then everything exploded all at once. It was hard, from both of us, he rammed up into me each time I slammed down onto his erection. There were no words this time, just silence and incoherent pants and moans, the sounds of both of us scrambling for more pleasure.

Luke’s hands were everywhere, but when they cupped my breasts, squeezing and kneading before gliding up to the nipples, I was done. Pleasure rolled through my body in waves as an orgasm finally erupted in a loud, shuddering moan. I collapsed on his chest, listening to his racing heart while his hands gripped my hips and fucked me, holding me as close as he could while he shot his pleasure into me.

“Ah fuck, Talia! Shit you’re always so tight.” He kept grunting, saying dirty things in my ear as he tortured me with slow strokes. So deep I didn’t think he’d ever get that piece of himself back. Head thrown back over the couch, muscles pulled tight as his orgasm shook his body and stole his energy. Jaw clenched, he jerked each time my fingers brushed up and down his chest. “Shit, babe.” I shivered as his mouth and tongue worked my neck, my earlobe.

“That was great,” I told him and tried to stand, but deciding to roll to his side and give my legs a chance to get blood circulating again.

“I knew you wanted me to come in.” His words were smug and I knew if I opened my eyes and looked to him, he’d be wearing a matching grin. “Why didn’t you come to dinner? Poppy says you always come.”

“I had a few things to take care of.”

“Is it us?”

And now I was getting annoyed. I smacked the sofa and pushed myself up. “There is no ‘it’ Luke. I had shit to do, so I skipped out on dinner to take care of it.” I didn’t bother to tell him there was no ‘us’ either, given what he was like, it seemed redundant. “I’m going to clean up.” I took my time, needed to clear my head of all the sex hormones raging through my body, hormones that sometimes made me believe there was more to our sex, than sex.

There wasn’t.

It was a trick. A surge of hormones. A lifetime of wishful thinking. By the time I got myself together enough to face Luke, five minutes had passed and I felt as ready as I could with shaky legs.

Not that it mattered, when I got back to the living room, Luke was gone.