Chapter Five
The day before Christmas Eve, Brianna spent most the day unpacking. Kaden forced her to take the day off, and the three of them situated themselves in their new home. Blair had a hand in decorating, making the place beautiful, yet it also made Brianna feel like an intruder in her own home.
Shiloh played in the living room with some of the new toys Kaden had bought her while he sorted through their belongings right next to her. Much to Brianna’s surprise, Kaden had taken to being a parent. If Shiloh was hungry, he fed her. If she wanted to play or to be held, he normally stopped what he was doing and did what she wanted to do. He even talked to her—mostly about Brianna—gaining her advice. She smiled, tears forming in her eyes.
Shiloh was becoming a daddy’s girl.
“Hey, I’ve got the pictures unpacked. Where do you want to put what?” Bree rounded the corner to see Shiloh in Kaden’s lap, holding a picture of her the hospital took.
“I don’t care. Shiloh, sweetie, you need to lay down for a nap.” She picked up her baby and started toward the room, her grandmother cleverly designed with a pink theme.
After situating Shiloh in the nice new bed, Brianna flipped the lights off and met Kaden in the hall. She closed the door and tried walking around him, though he grabbed her arm and pulled her back against the wall.
“Bree, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She tried jerking her arm away from him, but it didn’t work. He prevented her movement with his strength and his body. “Let me go.”
“Not until you tell me why you’re so mad. You practically jerked Shiloh out of my arms.”
“I’m not mad, and she needed a nap.”
“She was perfectly fine in my arms.” He brushed her cheek with his fingertip and she broke down. “Sweetheart, why are you so unhappy?”
“I can’t handle it. I’ve always had my independence, and I just feel like you, your family, my mother are all taking it from me. I’m not in control of my own life anymore. I feel like a stranger in my own home.” She wiped her tears, smudging her makeup.
He wrapped his arms around her. “Sweetheart, we aren’t trying to take your independence. I only want to make your life easier.”
She sniffled laying her cheek against his chest. “I like being in control, Kaden. I can’t handle stuff when it’s out of my control.”
He slid his hands down her back. “Fine. Just thump me on the head when I’m getting in your way.”
“Kaden, it’s not that I don’t appreciate it. I do. I’m just not use to having someone to share my responsibilities. I’ve gotten used to being on my own, and I’m set in my ways.” She pulled back, wrapping her hands around his neck and pulling down for her kiss.
This woman was possibly the most confusing woman on the face of the earth. One minute she’s pissed at him, and the next she’s kissing him. He didn’t like the pissed part, but the kissing part was really nice.
“We’re suppose to go to my parents for Christmas Day.” He pecked her cheek. “From what I hear, they have a whole room full of presents for Shiloh.”
She immediately retracted from him. “Great.”
“Bree, why do you hate my parents? You’ve known them all your life, and up until now, they’ve been like your second parents. What happened that changed your mind?”
She stepped away from him, walking back down the hall to the massive living room full of clutter and boxes. “Your mother threatening to take my daughter away for one thing.”
“Bree, she isn’t going to do anything.”
“Yeah? She likes to remind me all too frequently that her husband is the best damn family attorney in the whole fucking state of North Carolina. I wouldn’t stand a chance going up against him.” She threw a wad of paper across the room, not caring where it landed. “Forgive me for not being peachy with your family.”
He stood watching as she unwrapped small figurines and threw the paper wherever she cared. The last thing he needed right now was his wife—his best friend—scared of his mother’s threats. He didn’t need her constantly looking over her shoulder because she was afraid someone would snatch Shiloh and be gone. If anything, he needed her trust him much as he needed his next breath. But it didn’t look like he’d earn it anytime soon. No matter how many kisses or how many affectionate things he may say or do. She needed to feel safe with him, and ultimately he’d show her by making her daughter safe in his care.
“Do you not trust me?”
Left and right, she slung newspaper over her shoulder. “What reason have you given me to, Kaden? A lot’s happened in a year. Yeah, you’re still my best friend, but it’s not like it used to be. We can’t talk about things anymore, because our lives are intermingled.”
“You can trust me, Bree. I’ve always been honest. I’ve been there for you during the hard times. I’ve—”
“Stop right there before you piss me off royally.” She turned, holding her hand up. “You ran when I told you I was pregnant because you weren’t ready to be a dad. You didn’t bother to call, or ask about me during the nine moths before and after I carried and delivered your child nor did you even want to talk to me when you saw me at the restaurant the first night we saw each other in eighteen months. Don’t you dare say you’ve been there for me during the hard times because you have no idea how hard raising a kid solo is, not to mention my ill mother. I worked fourteen to sixteen hours a day and still barely had enough money to pay all my bills. Necessities, Kaden. It’s not like I had a credit card full of items that I purchased on a whim. I’m talking doctor bills, utilities, rent. As far as I’m concerned, you got off pretty damn easy, and if your grandfather hadn’t have died, I don’t think we’d be having his conversation right now.”
Kaden couldn’t hold in his own temper. “So you got what you wanted. A house you don’t have to pay for. Utilities you don’t have to pay for. Insurance you don’t have to pay for. I take care of Shiloh when I’m home even though I have boatloads of work to be done. And dammit, yes, I did run when you told me you were pregnant, because I knew that in all the years I’d been fucking women, left and right, you were the only one I bent my rules with. I never in a million years ever forgot a condom. Never, Bree. I knew it was my baby, and I knew I wasn’t ready. If I’d have come back then, I would have proposed because I couldn’t stand to see you alone. You try to act like a badass, but deep inside, you’re scared shitless and, babe, we’re in that boat together.”
She scoffed. “Why’d you forget the condom, Kaden? Spare already used from your wallet? If I remember correctly, you did have sex with some other girl that night. What was her name, Bethany?”
“You know what, Bree. You stay on your side of the house, and I’ll stay on mine. Before you know it, the year will be over and we can get back to our normal lives again.”
He stormed off, pissed that he let her get to him. Pissed that she knew all the right buttons to push at all the right times to get the reaction she wanted. But not for long. She didn’t want him in her life, then he’d stay out of her life. Period.
* * * *
Spending time with the Riggens family was pleasant on all accounts except for Kaden’s behavior. Ever since their little battle in the hallway yesterday, he hadn’t so much as acknowledged her existence. And she also noticed he spent less time around Shiloh. Whatever caused his foggy mood, she refused to let it ruin her daughter’s first Christmas.
“So, Tim told me you and Kaden were looking to put Shiloh in a childcare facility.” Blair cornered Brianna in the kitchen, as she poured more wine for herself. “I know a few places that are excellent for children’s education. A friend of mine sends her daughter to one, and she’s mastering four different languages.”
Brianna resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “We’re just looking for something to take the stress off my mother keeping her everyday. Kaden is going to watch her at night when he’s home, and I’ll have her in the mornings, but we’ll have to have some extra help a couple days a week. My mother’s been great about helping, but I don’t want to be a burden to her.”
Blair was amused. “You don’t like to be a burden to anyone, do you, Brianna?”
“I like my independence, Blair.” She grabbed a few chips and shoved them in her mouth, very unladylike.
Blair sipped at her wine, watching as Brianna picked at the chips and dip. “Are you and my son using birth control?”
Brianna sucked a chip down her airway and started into a harsh round of coughing. Kaden walked in just as Blair started patting Brianna’s back. Without saying a word, he brought her his beer, and she gratefully grabbed it and took a long pull from the bottle.
“What got you all choked up?” His hand slid down between her shoulder blades, forcing her to take a breath.
“Nothing. We’re just having a little girl chat.” Blair smiled, patted her son on the shoulder, and exited the room to mingle with the other thirty family members.
He watched Brianna as she drank again from his beer, then hand it back to him. “I take it my mother was at her best?”
“She’s trying to kill me.”
“What’d she say?”
“Let me just say the only thing she was short in asking was what position we used during sex.” Brianna grabbed his beer and tipped it back again. Alcohol didn’t solve anything, but she sure as hell couldn’t handle this sober.
“I need this more than you.” He grabbed his beer and downed the last of the bottle in one gulp. “Why the hell were you talking about sex?”
She shrugged. “She’s your mother.”
“Well, she sure as hell doesn’t need to know about my sex life.” He glared at her and added, “Or lack thereof.”
“We made an agreement.”
“That only a virgin would make.” He rolled his eyes. “We’re about to open presents.”
Brianna stared at him as he dumped the empty bottle in the recycling bin. If Kaden was going to treat her like dog shit along with the rest of his family, what was the point in her being here? He should have taken Shiloh to be with them and left her at home. At least then she wouldn’t have felt like crying, just like she did now.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked turning back to her.
“No matter what I do, nothing ever pleases you. I come here because it’s freaking Christmas to be with your family, and you’ve got a rod stuck up your ass about something. Your mother isn’t any better, and it seems the more I try, the less I’m liked.”
She poured herself a glass of Chardonnay, hoping the wine would help ease her nerves. First thing after the holidays were over, Brianna pledged to make an appointment at the spa. Her Christmas present to herself would be a massage.
He came to her and took the glass away from her lips. “Look at me. You’re the one who made it crystal clear that you didn’t want anyone’s help. You don’t want me around for anything but Shiloh, so I gave you your wish. Nobody forced you to come here, and nobody is treating you like dog shit. If you didn’t have a chip the size of Texas on your shoulder, maybe you’d relax and have a good time.”
“Where’s my baby?” Brianna’s vision blurred from her tears as she stared into Kaden’s eyes.
“Stop it, Bree. Nobody’s making your life a living hell but you.” He set the glass to the side, bracketing her body with his arms. “Our baby is with my father, who is showing her his old Civil War collection. She’s perfectly fine, and everyone loves her. Are you coming in the living area to open presents or not?”
“Fine.” She sniffled, ashamed tears came to her eyes. Kaden huffed, wiping them away with his thumbs.
“I plan on leaving after we open presents.” He pressed his lips to hers. “I just hope we can fit all of Shiloh’s toys in my car.”
“I hope they’ll all fit in our house.” Unable to prevent it before it happened, she wrapped her arms around his waist. “Are you really pissed about the sex thing?”
He kissed her again, more thoroughly. “We’ll talk about it at home.”
After making their way back to the living room, Kaden made a noticeable effort to include Brianna in everything. If she hadn’t known the situation, she would have guessed that they really were a legitimate couple. He held her hand, sat by her side, and even hugged her to him time and again while the kids enjoyed opening their presents and making a mess with the wrapping paper.
Each Riggen took special notice to Shiloh, playing with her and loving her. Brianna watched as Kaden’s niece Jenny helped her with her presents and then showed her how to play with them. His sister Kristy sat close by with Shiloh in her lap, helping her young daughter show the small child how the toys worked. Naturally, the one Jenny and her family bought was the coolest.
“So, Brianna, what exactly is it that you do now?” Gregg sat with his glass of scotch propped up on his knee, as he relaxed in his favorite leather recliner.
“I’m a waitress at the Heavenly Host restaurant.” She hadn’t so much as said the words as Kaden pressed his lips to her temple.
“Really. A lot of my acquaintances eat there when they come to visit. I’ll have to tell them your name and to make sure they leave my daughter-in-law a big tip.” He winked, and she smiled.
She always liked Greg. Compared to her father, the man was a saint, and calling any lawyer a saint was a major compliment. Although any time she needed to be bailed out of something whether it be legally or otherwise, Greg was always the one to count on. Unlike his wife, who was totally the opposite of him.
“You mean Kaden is making you work, instead of staying at home with that precious baby?” Jade asked stuffing her nose in their business once again.
“Kaden is not making me do anything.” Brianna felt his grip tighten on her arm. “I like working.”
She stuck her nose up and started playing with her own child, who look like a mixture of a moose and a raccoon. Greg seemed pleased that she handled herself well and wasn’t after his son for the money. Blair was another story.
“Parenting is a full-time job as well, Brianna. You benefit so much from being at home with your children.” She picked up the Shiloh, as if making a point and continued. “I wouldn’t give anything for the years I spent raising Kaden, Kristy, and Kevin at home. Children after all are only this age for a very short time in life. They grow up so quick.”
“Mom,” Kaden said in warning.
“Kaden, it’s true. Being a stay at home parent is beneficial on both parts.”
“Yes, and a working parent is beneficial as well on both parts.” Kaden turned and molded his body around Bree. “Bree is a wonderful mother, and Shiloh couldn’t be a better baby.”
She knew what he was silently saying to his mother, and thankfully, she got the message. Was it going to be this way for the rest of their marriage? Kaden’s hand slid to Bree’s thigh, and she tensed, wondering if this was such a great idea in a house full of family and children. She quickly covered his hand with her own and leaned against him, as if nothing was wrong. Relationships—even when fake—were so complicated.
The day started turning toward night, and they still had an hour-long drive to the small city they called home. Shiloh fell asleep in Greg’s arms and, when handed over to her father, seemed more at peace than if she was in her own bed at home. Bree could see why. Kaden’s arms created a sense of security. Did we get everything, babe?” Kaden grabbed Shiloh’s jacket and began stuffing her arms inside the sleeves, while she slept soundly against his chest.
“I think so.” She grabbed her own coat, slipping it on, and prepared to take the baby so Kaden could put his on.
“No. I got it.” Like a pro, he slipped one arm, then the other in the sleeves without so much as moving the baby.
“You drive careful, sweetie.” Blair kissed Kaden’s cheek, then the baby’s. “You’ve got an extra special bundle with you.”
Brianna wanted to roll her eyes though she didn’t. She smiled, grabbing Shiloh’s bag to look busy. This night was the most uncomfortable night she’d lived through in quite sometime.
“Brianna, it was good seeing you.” Blair grabbed her shoulders and pulled her forward for a hug. “You take care of my son and my grandbaby, okay?”
“I’ll do my best.”
Brianna couldn’t get out the door fast enough, and once safely inside the car and on the road toward home, she finally allowed herself to breathe.
“My family isn’t that bad.” Kaden said observing his wife’s behavior.
She tried not to glare, but her expression evidently gave her mood away. “Kaden, between telling me I should be at home to raise my child to my job sucks to asking me about my birth control—what part of that isn’t that bad?”
He drove in silence for a while, and she finally gave up expecting him to answer. “Why did you kiss me today when you were mad? Why did you wipe away my tears and kiss me?”
“Because I wanted to. You may know all the right buttons to push and let me tell you, you push them well, but you are still my best friend, and I do still care for you.” He shrugged in the darkened car. “You’re also one hot, sexy wife of mine, and even though we agreed to a marriage of celibacy, you didn’t say anything about kissing.”
Brianna looked down at her slinky little black dress, the only thing in her “before” wardrobe that would still fit her. She had only lost twenty of the thirty pounds she gained during her pregnancy, and a good ten were left all around the lower half of her body. Her size two was now a six, though her bra size went from a B to a full C. Take the good with the bad, she supposed.
“Whatever,” she mumbled, staring through her window.
“Brianna,” Kaden reached across the consol, sliding his hand along her thigh. She jumped, then pushed him away.
“Please, Kaden. I don’t need a series of praises to raise my self image.”
“Bree, you’re beautiful.” Instead of sliding his hand back to her thigh, he slid his hand to cover hers and squeezed. “Why don’t you believe me?”
“Kaden, drop it. You don’t see what I see. You only see what I let you see.”
“So? Show me everything.”
“No way!”
“Brianna.” He took the exit ramp that led them home and stopped at a red light.
“Look, drop it okay. I’m tired, and I want to go home, take a bath, and get some sleep. We have tomorrow to ourselves, and then my mother wants us to go to her family the day after Christmas.”
“Fine.” He took the route of shortest distance to their house and parked next to her car in the garage.
Without a single word, Kaden grabbed Shiloh from the backseat and headed for the door. Brianna started unloading the toys, trying to keep her mind from repeating and wondering about Kaden’s words. Beautiful was the women he used to date. She didn’t resemble them in slightest, so how did he draw up that conclusion other than being like her mother and only saying that because she was her daughter. Men didn’t openly say women were ugly if they wanted to keep their balls.
Kaden slipped behind her and slid his hands along her waist. She jumped with a startled gasp, moving to the side. She dropped the toys and grabbed her chest.
“You scared me.”
“Why are you so jumpy?”
“Because you scared me.” She grabbed for the toys again, but Kaden stopped her turning her to face him.
“Leave them. I’ll get them in the morning.” He leaned forward and fully prepared herself for his kiss, though when it came it wasn’t where she thought it’d be.
He pressed a hot kiss to the pulse beating at her throat, his tongue doing a small sweep, tasting her skin before sucking lightly. She tilted her head, giving him better access to press more kisses, which he did. After the day she had, the last thing on her mind was sex, yet with Kaden so close, it quickly became the first.
His hands slid to her hips, his mouth finding its way back to hers. “Do you still want to talk about the whole sex issue?”
“What about it?” She pulled his mouth back to her sealing off any answer he threatened to give. Thank goodness, he didn’t try too hard.
He pulled her to him, pressing his hands into the plump flesh of her behind. His erection was hard against her stomach, his mouth doing wonderful things to hers. She wound her arms around his neck, and he took that as a cue she wanted and needed more. He lifted her in his arms and started walking toward the door.
“Kaden, this is just a one time thing,” she said breathlessly. “And I’m not on the pill.”
He grinned, sexy and seductive. “You’re nervous.”
He had her there. The last time they did this, she could blame the alcohol, though she remembered just about everything. Now, she had nothing to excuse her behavior, especially if it turned out wrong again.
“You’re cute when you’re nervous.” His mouth sealed against hers as he kicked open her bedroom.
His mother conveniently picked out a king-sized bed for them to share, though the one night they had spent together in the house Kaden had slept in the spare bedroom while she took over the huge bed. Separate beds wasn’t something they agreed to, but sharing wasn’t either.
He laid her on the soft mattress made of expensive foam, pressing her against the bed with his body. No sense in wasting time, she thought trying to accommodate him. But all he did was kiss her, thoroughly and passionately, as if he would die by taking his mouth away from hers. He’d drank whiskey tonight so maybe he would be the one that was drunk this time.
Finally, when he tore his mouth away from hers, he sat back looking down at her. “How do you take this thing off you?”
With the look in his eyes, she knew he was seriously thinking about ripping it, so she quickly grabbed for the knot at her waist and began to undo it. She couldn’t feel self-conscious about any of this. She couldn’t. Kaden wanted sex, and she was his wife. Some ignorant part of her said she should be the one to give him what he wanted.
“I haven’t lost all my baby weight,” she blurted her fingers trying to pull at the knotted fabric.
“You had my baby so I don’t give a damn.” He pushed her hands aside and tried tackling the knot himself. “And even if she wasn’t my baby, I still don’t give a damn.”
Finally he pulled the fabric out of the knot and pulled the dress completely open, unveiling her satin and lace panty set. His eyes went molten in the pale light. She knew them to be desirable emerald color, with a spark of mischievousness, but right now, in the heat of passion, they were black and full of nothing but lust. No man had ever looked at her that way, not even the men she claimed she loved, not even Kaden during their first drunken romp in the sack.
“Brianna,” he breathed, kissing her mouth. “You’re so beautiful.”
Tears pricked her eyes. He was good, she gave him that much. Looks alone could seduce any woman he wanted, but his words made it more pleasurable. He knew what to say and just the right time to say it. The more he talked, the more she feared she loved him.
“Hey,” Kaden, pulled back just as the tears rolled down her face. “What’s wrong?
“Nothing.” She tried smiling at him, but a sob came out. Embarrassed, she covered her face with her hand, hoping if she couldn’t see him, he couldn’t see her.
Within seconds, he rolled to his side and wrapped his arms around her. He held her tight, pressing small kisses to her face while his hands stroked her back. She felt like a fool for crying yet again in front of him. Crying was all she seemed to do lately.
Kaden didn’t say any more but held her tight and refused to let her go. She came so close to saying it. So close to telling him she loved him. It’d never be just about sex, or about the baby or about anything else ridiculously thought up in her mind. She fell in love with him the night they created Shiloh, and she still loved him now. Even after everything, she loved him through it all.
“You want to tell me what I did to lose you?” he mumbled against her hair. “We were going pretty good until I said you were beautiful. What happened?”
She closed her eyes forbidding the L word to leave her lips. “I have too much on my mind.”
“Bree, we all have shit on our minds. Why are you nervous to be with me again?”
Because I’m afraid of falling in love with someone that will leave me in the end. She kept her comments to herself though, refusing to answer his question. Finally, he gave up waiting for a response and rolled to a sitting position on the side of the bed.
“I’m going to take a long, cold shower.” Without waiting for a response or adding more to his statement, he stalked out of the room.
She knew she screwed it up. He was now, more than ever, more sexually frustrated than all the males combined on the planet. She led him on and didn’t complete their actions. No, instead she cried like a little virgin for the fear of falling in love. Yeah, they were both sexually frustrated, though she wanted more of a commitment than a few nights with sweaty sheets and limbs entwined.