Sera
Late that night
I stand at the edge of the diving board, bouncing slightly with the wind. I’ve been standing here for a long time, staring into the pool, contemplating whether or not my so called “life” is worth living. I love my life, I do, but I loathe what’s to become of it. Ivan’s wife? Or worse, Deena’s wife? I’d sooner shoot myself in the head. How could my father even contemplate imprisoning me to that life? Maybe I should bear Ben’s child. No one would want to marry me then. My own father would be forced to disown me.
I toy with the handgun in my hand. It’s heavier than I thought it’d be. I took it from the kitchen counter on my way out here. I don’t plan on doing anything with it, I just…I don’t know. I guess I wanted to see if I had what it takes to pull the trigger in the off chance that I’m married off to a Giavanni.
I don’t think I do.
After my parents left for New York, I walked—no, I ran—to Naomi’s place. She wasn’t home, naturally, but I knew where she kept her spare key. I spent a long time there, waiting for her, but she never showed up. After I called her a billion times, she got back to me with a simple text saying she’d call me later because she was out with the girls.
And I was alone.
I’d never envied her more than I did when I read that text. She’s free to do whatever, whenever. She’s free to marry whoever the hell she wants and I’m…well, I’m me. A pawn to be married off in the name of family.
When I came back, no one was home, no one beside Luca, but even he had somewhere he needed to be. I went to the guest house to talk to Ben, but he was still out running my father’s errands so, for the first time in my life, I was free…and yet, I’d never felt so isolated.
“Sera?”
My lips twitch as Ben’s voice echoes around the backyard, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Come inside.” The diving board I stand on bounces and vibrates as he inches onto it. I hear him shuffling toward me. “It’s starting to rain.”
I tilt my head back and tiny droplets of rain patter over my face, growing larger and harder by the second.
So it is.
The diving board begins to bend, lowering me closer to the pool’s surface, the nearer he gets to me. I peer over my shoulder, ignoring droplets of water that cling to my lashes, and my heart skips a beat at the sight of his face. Relief and worry paint his expression, a beautiful mix on him.
Ben Campbell. The only part of today that I don’t completely loathe.
I sigh and, suddenly, today doesn’t feel so overwhelming. “Unzip me.”
In the glow of the pool, his jaw tightens with impatience as his stare flickers to the gun in my hand. He doesn’t want to unzip me. He wants me to hand over the weapon and go inside, but he doesn’t open his mouth. Instead, he reaches for the zipper of my little yellow dress and drags it down. I lower one arm and the sleeve slides off, then I switch the gun in my hands and do the same with the other.
“I don’t want to get the dress ruined,” I say, letting the dress pool at my feet, parts of the fabric falling into the water anyway. The cool spattering of rain lands on my shoulders and my bare breasts. “I think you like this yellow one.”
“Fuck the dress, Sera. Burn it. I don’t care, just don’t…” I flex my fingers against the gun as he speaks. “…just don’t hurt yourself.”
I slowly turn around and Ben—always the gentleman—keeps his stare on my face, not my chest.
“Why not?” I ask, tilting my head. “I don’t want to marry Deena. Or Ivan.”
“And you won’t.”
I see the promise in his eyes, the good intentions, but the problem is Ben doesn’t know a damn thing about this way of life. About family, and honor, and deals. I was trade meat the second I was born. My father knew it. My mother knew it. And there’s nothing Ben can do to change that, not even if he stepped up to marry me himself.
“I don’t have a choice, if my father decides it.” I extend the gun to Ben. “I wasn’t going to do anything with this, anyway.”
I don’t have the courage. Cautiously, he reaches for the gun and quickly snatches it out of my hand before emptying it of its bullets and stuffing it into the back of his waistband. I look at his hand as he extends it to me with caution, as if I’m standing on the edge of an eight-story building.
“Let’s go inside.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t come to the pool just to look at the water.”
I jump off the diving board and crash into the water, kicking my legs to move to the far side of the pool.
When I come up for air, I peer at Ben, who stands on the board, his hands planted firmly on his hips. “Aren’t you tired?” he shouts. “I’m tired.”
I shake my head. “Go to sleep. I’m going to swim for a little bit.”
Sighing, he glances up at the sky before lowering himself to sit on the board. I swim over to him and tread water to his left.
“I got you what you wanted from Walgreens.” He reaches into his back pocket for a small packet. “And I never want to do it again.”
“That bad, huh?”
I catch the words “emergency contraceptive” before he tears into it and pops a pill from its seal. Moving over to the diving board, I grab the edge and lift myself up, opening my mouth. I stick out my tongue.
“Really?” he asks, giving me one of those famous “Ben” looks—the one with the furrowed brows and crinkles around his troubled eyes. He disapproves. Ben always disapproves.
I wiggle my eyebrows and he places the pill on my tongue with a sigh.
I swallow it, happily. “Thanks for that.”
“Waste of money, if you ask me.”
“I didn’t ask you,” I say. “Come in. The water’s nice.”
“I’m good.”
Not taking no for an answer, I snag him by his shirt and I pull him into the pool. He curses as his large body breaks the surface, kicking his legs.
“Jesus Christ, Sera,” he snaps. “You couldn’t give me time to get my jacket off at least?”
I shrug, reaching for his shoulders. I curl my fingers around his jacket and push the soaking fabric halfway down his biceps. He treads water effortlessly as he shrugs his way out of his jacket and lets it sink to the bottom of the pool.
“Happy?” he asks and I smile at him.
He looks good wet. I like the way his hair shimmers with drops of water, flattening out his usual spiky, disheveled style. Above us, the clouds open up and the spattering of rain turns into a steady shower. The raindrops shimmer like diamonds in the glow of the pool as they descend before disappearing into the water.
“Do you swim topless often?”
“Only when I’m home alone.” I laugh, inching closer to him. “I like to sunbathe naked too.”
Swallowing, he averts his dark eyes across the yard.
“Are you blushing?” I tease, touching his chest.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
His black button up shirt clings to his well-defined torso. I like touching him. I like the way he keeps his face so neutral, not betraying a single emotion. Ben Campbell has two personalities. Sometimes he’s courteous and polite, the perfect guy to bring home to your mother. Other times, he’s ruthless and reckless, filled with aggression and passion. I think of him as a masterpiece, a collection of intricate patterns that morph the longer you look at him. He’s a complex human, that’s for sure.
“Can I ask you a question?”
His eyebrows pull in and he settles his gaze on my face. “Preferably not.”
“Do you like me?” I ask anyway, wrapping my legs around his waist so I no longer have to tread water.
I feel him tighten as I move my arms to bring my torso closer to his. I drape my arms around his neck and he still manages to keep both our heads above water.
“Do I like you?” He nods, averting his eyes. “Sure. I like you. You’re a good girl.”
“No.” I squeeze him tighter. “Do you like me?”
I imply everything in my tone. Do you like me romantically? Sexually?
Ben takes his time to answer my question and his face, the face that so easily masks his emotions, betrays him as he ponders.
“Yeah…” he mutters after an eternity. “I like you.”
Grinning, I brush my lips against his mouth, kissing him gently. He allows it, even reciprocates with his full lips, but he cuts it short, using one hand to unwrap my legs from his body.
“But I’m a lot older than you, Sera. You have your whole life to—”
He cuts his sentence short and I go back to treading water as Ben moves away from me, retreating underneath the diving board, like I’m some kind of sick animal.
“Deena is a forty-six-year old man,” I point out, swimming closer, and it occurs to me that I’ve never asked Ben his age.
His skin is fresh, a little weathered in some places, but it only adds to this rugged appeal he’s got going on. I just assumed it’s from his time in the army.
“How old are you?” I ask.
Ben grips the diving board in his hands and stops kicking his legs. I grab the other side and hang in front of him.
“You don’t know how old I am?”
I shake my head. “Twenty-seven? Twenty-eight?”
He smirks. “Thirty-two.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I pull myself closer to him, letting go of the board. “I don’t mind your age.”
“Good to know.”
He moves away, swimming backward toward the steps. I notice, as I swim out from underneath the diving board, that the rain has stopped.
“Why are you running from me?” I demand, placing my feet against the bottom of the pool and standing up. The water laps at my ribs, my nipples instantly hardening in the cold breeze. “You’ve known my age for weeks and last night you still—”
“—I don’t want to talk about last night,” he snaps, sitting on the stairs, his lower half still submerged in water.
I fold my arms across my chest. “Because you’re embarrassed?”
“Because it will never happen again.”
I flinch. Never? “I thought you had a good time?”
“I did.” He pushes five thick fingers through his hair, sending water spraying in different directions. “I did, but…I don’t think I like where this is heading.”
I lower my head and peer into the water. He doesn’t have to explain it. I know exactly what he means. This doesn’t end well. We can never date each other. We can never have a normal relationship—not that a relationship is something I’m chasing.
“Sneaking around is not how I envisioned my love life at thirty,” he admits. “Yeah, it’s exciting for you because I’m the older guy your parents would never, ever approve of, but I’m the person who’s supposed to protect you, to stop you from doing what you’re doing. I’m not supposed to be the guy who runs out and buys you morning after pills because I couldn’t control myself—because I couldn’t keep my word to your father.”
I step forward, lifting my eyes to him. “We started before my father came into the picture.”
“It was a one-night stand,” he counters, pissing me off.
It might have just been a one-night stand to him, but it was more than that for me. It was an act of freedom, the first time in a long time that I’ve made a decision for myself for a change. “Yeah, and now it isn’t.”
“You should stay away from me, Sera.”
“I should.” I move closer, placing one foot on the bottom step. “But I’m not going to.” I slip right into his lap, pressing my chest against his, my lips twitching when he makes no effort to fight me off. “I’m glad you came into my life. You’re the only one I can truly be myself around.”
Smoothing my hands over his chest, I brush my mouth against his, kissing the corner of his lips. He doesn’t pull away and I shiver as the wind continues to blow, inciting goosebumps all over my body.
“We could be great together,” I utter, toying with his top button.
It opens and I move to the second, then the third, exposing his beautiful, tan chest. Like mine, his skin is covered in tiny, cold little goosebumps, but neither of us seem to be affected by the weather.
“Or we could be a disaster,” he grumbles back, watching my lips with hooded eyes.
For a man as strong looking as Ben, he sure doesn’t hide that women—or perhaps a particular woman—is his weakness. I crush my mouth to his, sliding my tongue inside. He kisses me back, his hands flying to my body, touching me all over. I break this kiss with a groan as he palms my breasts and kisses my neck, devouring every inch of it.
“We can make this work…you and me?” I sigh, raking my fingers through his hair as he noisily sucks at my breasts. “We could run away together. See the world.”
Exhaling, he pulls his mouth from my skin and slides his forehead against mine. “Sounds like something two crazy people in love would do.”
“We could fall in love along the way,” I say, grabbing at his sleek belt buckle. “Stranger things have happened.”
“I suppose they have.”
Ben leans back, bracing himself with his elbows on the final step behind him as I undo his belt, lower his zipper and pull his pants wide enough for his hard, thick cock to spring free. My breath hitches as it juts up at me, standing so proudly. Licking my lips, I lean forward, pushing it between my legs. Groaning, Ben sits forward and reaches around me, pulling my pathetic, lace panties to the side and pushing my lower back with the other hand. I bite my lower lips and settle gently against the very tip of him, preparing to take him inside. Only he forces me down with a loud grunt, roughly shoving his cock inside of me. I gasp in euphoric shock, arching my back and digging my nails into his chest, drawing blood.
Ben kisses me and, surprisingly, it’s a much slower pace than what I was expecting. I close my eyes as he smooths his hands up my body and into the nape of my neck. Just like that, my body enlivens with erotic sensations. He kisses me harder, then, making slow movements with his hips that force the tip of his cock against my cervix. It’s uncomfortable and absolutely amazing all at once.
I’m ready for him to unleash on me, to take me places only he’s been able to take me, but a ringing in the distance pulls us from our lust-induced stupor.
“Shit.” Ben curses. “That’s my phone.”
“Where is it?”
He grabs my hips and slips out of me. “On the grass. I thought I was going to have to dive in after you.”
I swing my leg over him and move to the left, sitting on the step as he rushes from the pool, stuffing himself back into his pants. Dripping wet, he answers his cell just in time and removes the empty gun from his waistband.
“Hello? Marco, hi.”
I roll my eyes and adjust my underwear, covering myself up.
“Yes. Everything is fine…she was swimming. Now? Now she’s inside. Yes. All right…okay.” He hangs up and rakes his fingers through his hair. “Your father is at JFK, getting ready to board his flight back here.”
I shrug. “Okay?”
Ben taps his phone in his palm, blowing air out of his cheeks. “Put your dress back on, Sera. Go to bed.”
Exhaling, I drop my head back and look at the sky. I want to protest him, but what’s the point? I stand up and ascend the stairs, clenching my body to protect myself from the cold. It doesn’t work, obviously. I ditch my dress altogether and head toward the house, bypassing Ben on the way.
“You’re not going to take your dress?” he shouts after me and I wave him off, too embarrassed to collect my things.
It’s funny how that works. How sex has a way of making you so vulnerable and the smallest thing becomes such a big issue. Eleven feet out from the back door, my teeth begin to chatter and being in the water is something I start to regret.
“Well, well, well,” I freeze with a gasp as Deena and two of his men come out of nowhere. He sneers at me, his ugly face contorting in anger and absolute delight. “It’s no wonder Ben Campbell came to your rescue. You’re his little whore.”
I take a minute step back, shielding my breasts. Deena storms forward and I scream, turning my body. “Ben!”
Wham! For a split of a second, my skull feels like it cracks in half…
…then darkness swallows me.