“I don’t even know where to start.” I take a drink from the bottle, relishing the cold liquid going down my throat, wishing like hell it was something stronger. Something that would give me a little more courage than what I have right now. Being honest is hard, laying yourself bare is hard, and doing it in front of the person I hurt the most in the process of me finding myself? Damn near unbearable.

“Start from the beginning.” He also takes a drink, before sitting the bottle in between us on the bed of the truck. “Why did you accept my proposal?”

That question is easy to answer. “I loved you, and you were everything to me, my home was with you, and I thought it was what I was supposed to do.”

“But what changed?”

“Me,” my voice is small, choked and for the first time I’m telling him the truth. “The resentment I didn’t know I was feeling at the time started to bubble at the surface, and I realized I couldn’t marry you without finding out who I was first.”

“You resented me?” His voice is crushed, I mean fucking crushed and I feel like the biggest bitch in the world, but at the same time we’re finally talking things out. Things are finally being said that should have been said back then.

“I did,” he deserves this truth. He deserves for me to lay it all out on the line for him.

“Tell me what started it.”

My voice is soft and thick with tears as I start, because in these moments I’ve realized just how selfish I’ve been, what a brat I was. “In January, you started making plans for us, after you’d accepted your scholarship to Alabama. I felt like I was being told what to do. There was never any consulting me on what I thought about the situation. You didn’t ask me what my plans were, or if I was okay with moving away, and looking back I realize I could have spoken up.”

“You could have.” He nods, his voice so full of regret it legitimately makes me ache. “You could have told me anything. Life and relationships are about compromise, but we weren’t good at that back then, were we?”

“I wasn’t good at speaking up back then, I wasn’t good at being the person who told others what I wanted. Instead I rebelled. I began to resent you.” Tears start building behind my eyes, making my voice thick. This hurts, going back to all those feelings I had leading up to us leaving Willow’s Gap hurts. None of my decisions were easy, and the way it makes me feel isn’t good. “Because you knew exactly what you wanted and you were going for it. I should have been the person to stand beside you and be the support system you needed.”

“Shit,” he says as he breathes deeply, throwing his head back, scrubbing his hands over his face. He lets out a frustrated growl that’s much like a wounded animal. “The same could be said for me, Mal. I had no idea you were resenting me, because I couldn’t see past all the cool things that were being thrown my way. I didn’t think about you or what you wanted. All I wanted was to take care of you and have you be proud of me.”

“No you didn’t,” I agree. “But you’re not a mind reader either, and I should have explained to you about my fears. About how nervous I was to be leaving my family, to be traveling to a place where you would be the only person I knew. My mom wouldn’t be up the road a few hours. What if we got into an argument? Where would either one of us go when we needed to cool down? My biggest fear? What if we got there and you found someone better than me.”

“There’s never been better than you. Not in the ten years since I last had you.” His eyes are amazingly clear as he speaks to me. “It’s not easy to admit that, but it’s the truth.”

“That wasn’t my only fear though. I worried about what if you got hurt. What if you lost your scholarship? What would I do if it was put on me to support us? I wasn’t sure I could do it. You needed somebody strong, Slater. I wasn’t strong.” I shrug. “The only way I had strength was if I leaned on you for it. I had to find my own strength, had to find out who I was as a person, and unfortunately I hurt you in the process.”

“I get it now,” he says, grabbing my hand in his. Looking into his dark eyes, I can see he does. There’s an understanding that’s never been there, a relief in the way his shoulders set that lets him take a deep breath. “But I wish you would have let me help you work through it.”

“Back then that felt like such a weak thing to do. It was better to have you hate me than help me. I know it sounds so stupid now,” I laugh, almost choking on the sound, emotion strangling my voice. “But that night, it made perfect sense.”

We’re quiet for a few minutes, both trying to process what I’ve said. When I can’t take it anymore, I ask the question that’s burning at the back of my mind.

“Where do we go from here?” I ask him quietly, knowing only he can make this decision.

He’s silent for longer than is comfortable for me, but I know he’s weighing his options. He hasn’t gotten as far as he has in his career without knowing what it is he wants and not letting anything stand in his way. Running a hand over his stubble-covered jaw, he turns to face me. “The way I see it,” he starts, and I give him my full attention, because he deserves it, “is I’m stuck here until around the new year. Depending on how my recovery is going, I can rejoin the team for more intensive rehab in Birmingham, or I’ll stay here to finish up the program I’ve started. It doesn’t look like you’re going anywhere either.”

“Nah, can’t really.” I give him a small smile. “I gotta figure out what the fuck I’m gonna do.”

He laughs, throwing his head back. “Gotta say, I like this version of you that isn’t scared to voice her feelings.”

My laugh answers his as a smile plays on the edges of my lips. “Had I been like this as a teenager, we might not have broken up.”

“True, but the question remains, should we give us another shot?” He reaches over, grabbing my hand in his, pulling me so that I’m within arms-length. With his other hand he cups my jaw in his big palm. His brown eyes are dark, his face no longer smiling. “What do you want, Mal? I scared you so much before you ran. What do you want, sweetness?”

I duck my head, but he pulls it back up as he slides his fingers along my jawline, cupping my chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Don’t shy away from me. I just got done tellin’ you I like your directness. Be honest with me.”

Swallowing roughly against the sudden tightness in my throat, I take in the man sitting beside me. He’s bigger than I remember, muscular in ways he never was as a teenager. The angular set of his jaw is more pronounced than it was back then. His hair is lighter with age and a little longer than he ever wore it back then. The stubble on his cheeks and chin give him an air of dark mystery that’s sexy as fuck. Sliding off the tailgate of the truck, I stand in front of him, settling myself in between his open thighs. There’s a chorus of frogs and crickets in the background, and fireflies give us a show as heat lightning flashes off in the distance. My fingers grip his cotton t-shirt over abs that are so tight they should be illegal. Standing up on tiptoe, I pull that cotton toward me, making him scoot against the metal.

“I want you, I want us, and I want to try again. If we fuck it up this time, then we know we tried, but I’m not okay with wondering what if anymore, Slater. We’ve both changed, and maybe we’re old enough to do this together now. For some reason we were brought to the same place, at the same time, with no foreseeable way out. What were the chances?”

He angles his head down to mine. “Slim to none, sweetness.”

“Exactly.”

I angle my head opposite of his, wanting desperately to take a kiss. To see what he’s learned over the years.

“I love this.” He moves his finger up to my nose, flicking the small diamond I have there.

“My one act of rebellion.” I grin. “You tell me I’m not colorful, I say fuck you and get a nose ring. Always kinda wanted one.”

“It’s sexy as hell.” The tone of his voice drops lower.

“Know what else is sexy as hell?” My tone is just as low as his, an awareness creeping between us.

“What?” He uses his other hand to reach up into my hair, cupping the back of my scalp with his palm.

“Your full lips. Were they that full when we were teenagers? Did I just not appreciate you enough, cause damn, Slater. This mouth of yours.” I reach up, rubbing his bottom lip with my thumb. His tongue sneaks out, grabs hold and draws my thumb into his mouth, sucking lightly.

“Yeah?” he asks, after he lets go.

I’m at a loss for words, my core clenching, my nipples hard at just that small touch. “It’s just everything.”

And with that, I thrust up on my tiptoes, grab hold of his shirt, and fuse our mouths together. Our first kiss in ten years is a mating of sorts. Giving and taking on both our parts. The battle is a push and pull as our tongues glide together, as our fingers grab for purchase. Panting, scratching, biting, and a wildness like I’ve never felt before ensues as he moves his lips from my mouth and smears them down my neck. Opening my eyes to the dark sky, I see that lightning again, feel the breeze pick up, and feel the rain start to fall on my skin.

There, on a hot summer night, next to a lazy flowing creek, in Northern Georgia, we’re cleansed of all the hurt we caused each other. Baptized by the memories washing over us like waves of our past washing out to shore on the Gulf. Forgiven for the lies we spoke to each other and saved by the grace of what could possibly come.

Never, in the ten years since we parted have I ever felt more alive, and as he pulls his lips from mine, I breathe easier than I have since the day I left Willow’s Gap.

“Mal.” I breathe deeply, inhaling her shampoo as I bury my face in her hair. “Goddamn, I’ve missed you.”

Those words slip out before I can stop them. One thing I can’t do is stop touching her, running my hands along her body, pushing her clothes around here and there so that I can feel bare patches.

Her green eyes meet mine, and I see the pain there, see that she’s been feeling the same type of things I’ve been feeling. Her bottom lip quivers. “I missed you too. I tried not to, told myself that it was all my fault. That I deserved to miss you.”

“You gotta forgive yourself, Mal. I forgave you a long time ago.” I pull back, running my hands up and down her neck, cupping her jaw, not able to believe she’s here with me right now.

“Did you really?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “Didn’t know it at the time, but I did.” I blow out a breath. “Doesn’t mean I was ever able to truly give myself to another woman, because nobody was or is you. But yeah, Mal. I did forgive you. Didn’t realize it until recently, but maybe that’s part of growing up, ya know? I wouldn’t be able to be here with you now if I hadn’t forgiven you.”

She extends to her full height, hooking her arms around my neck. “Then I’m gonna work to forgive myself, and I’m looking forward to getting to know the grownup you. Letting you in so that you know who I am now. Finding out new things about each other. This could be a lot of fun.”

Resting my hands on her hips, I lean in, kissing her softly on the neck. “Ready to get to know the grownup you too. Game on, baby,” she giggles. “Game on.”