Sex with Diego was always amazing, but this was by far my favorite part—when the smoke had cleared and we were lying half under the sheets. My marriage had been dead for so long, I’d almost forgotten how much I loved—and needed—this quiet, gentle cuddling in the afterglow. There was a lot to be said for the warm, solid presence of someone who still wanted to touch me once the orgasms were over.
Tonight, we’d landed with Diego on his back and my head on his shoulder. His fingers absently stroked my hair, and I had my arm draped over his stomach. For the longest time, we were quiet and still, and I savored every minute of it.
After a while, he reached up and dabbed at the side of his neck. When he inspected his fingertip, I realized he’d been checking it for blood.
“Still bleeding?”
He shook his head. “No. Sometimes they bleed for a while, but this one stopped.”
“Good. And it really doesn’t hurt?”
He shrugged. “It stings a bit, but it hurts a lot less coming out than it did going in.”
I shuddered. “Jesus. You seem like you’re used to that happening.”
“I am. It creeped me out the first few times, but eventually, it stops being such a big deal. Especially now that it doesn’t happen so often anymore. Since, you know, most of the pieces are gone.”
“And no one’s worried they’ll get into your bloodstream or something?”
“And pierce my heart?” He laughed, shaking his head. “Nah. I mean, I asked if that was a risk, and the doctors didn’t think it was anything to worry about.” A smirk played at his lips. “I tried to talk the docs into giving me an arc reactor like Tony Stark. You know, just to be safe.”
I smirked. “What did they say?”
“They gave me some Motrin.”
I barked a laugh. “Ah, good ol’ vitamin M.”
“The arc reactor would have been so much cooler.”
“Damn budget cuts.”
“Right?” Diego chuckled. “Seriously, though, it’s no big deal.”
I frowned. “And it doesn’t bother you? With your, uh . . . with your past?”
“Not anymore, no.” He touched the spot on his neck again as if it might’ve sprung a leak in the last minute or so. Then he shifted onto his side and, when I faced him, laid his arm over my waist as he gazed at me. “It used to be bad, but it’s gotten better. So I guess . . .” He chewed his lip. “Maybe that means there’s hope of me getting over all my shit with the military.”
“Maybe. Has that gotten better? The whole picture?”
Diego nodded slowly. “It’s still hard. The military is still, you know, a sore spot. But I want to be with you, and being with you means being with the military.”
I clasped his hand in mine and brought it up to kiss his palm. “I want to be with you too, as long as it’s not stressing you out.”
“It’s not.” Diego smiled. “I thought it would, but . . . it’s really not.”
“Good.” I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “If, um, you are feeling better about all of it . . .” I hesitated. “You can say no if you want to, but there’s a party coming up. The Hail and Farewell for the outgoing CO from our supply ship.” I raised my eyebrows. “If you want to, I’d love to have you as my date.”
To my surprise, Diego smiled. “Do I get to damage your uniform afterward?”
I laughed. “Baby, you can rip it to shreds if you promise to fuck me like you did tonight.”
“I’ll do that anyway.”
“Then you can do whatever you want to my uniform.”
His smile turned to a devilish grin. “I like the sound of that.”
I chuckled, but my humor faded quickly. “All joking aside, are you sure about this?” I stroked his hair. “Going to the party?”
Diego swept his tongue across his lips as he nodded. “Yeah. I want to be with you. I need to make peace with you being in the Navy.”
I held his gaze for a moment, not sure what to say. As much as I loved the idea of showing him off to the people I worked with, I didn’t want to push him. “You don’t need to make peace with it overnight. If you’re not ready—”
“Mark.” He took my hand and kissed my palm, raising goose bumps all the way up my arm. “If I’m not ready for a dinner party, then I don’t have much hope of being ready for anything. I’ll be fine.”
I hesitated, but finally nodded. “All right. Just . . . say so if you’re not fine, okay?” I brushed his hair off his forehead. “We don’t have to stick around if it’s too much.”
“I’ll be fine,” he insisted, and kissed me.
When we broke that kiss, I whispered, “How did you say it in Spanish? Feliz . . . something?”
Diego smiled. “Feliz año nuevo.”
“Feliz año nuevo.” Then I frowned. “Doesn’t sound nearly as good when I say it.”
He laughed, curving his hand around the back of my neck. “No worse than my English sounded when I was first learning. You’ll get it.”
“Yeah? Are you going to teach me to curse too?”
“What?” He snorted. “Why do you want to learn to curse?”
“Mostly so I know what you’re saying when we’re in bed.”
Diego burst out laughing. “How do you know I’m cursing when we’re fucking?”
“I can’t imagine you’re reciting a chocolate chip cookie recipe.”
Another laugh. “I might have to try that.”
“Oh God.” I rolled my eyes. “Just what I need.”
Still grinning, he said, “Maybe I’ll translate for you one of these days.” He ran a finger up my arm. “I kind of like letting you fantasize about what I’m really saying.”
I laughed. “That sounds like a cop-out.”
He flashed a toothy grin. “Uh-huh. Call it what you want—you know it’s hot.”
“Yeah, you’re right. It is.” I brushed my lips across his. “Everything you do is hot.”
“Oh yeah?” He slid a hand down my side. “Everything?”
“Uh-huh,” I murmured as he nudged me onto my back. “Everything.”
He made a quiet sound that seemed to be both a huff of laughter and a breathy moan, and then he kissed me. As we tangled up again, my mind kept wandering through our conversation and him accepting my invite. I still wasn’t completely sure if that had been a good idea. Maybe it had been too soon to throw that out there? I couldn’t wait to walk into that party with him, but only if he really was okay with it. So far, he was. If he changed his mind, then I was perfectly happy staying home. I was perfectly happy doing anything as long as I was with him. Whether we were making out and turning each other on like we were doing now or trash-talking over a couple of beers and a football game. I just liked being with him. Full stop.
I understood why my active duty status had been a deal breaker at first. Hell, the more he told me, the harder it was to believe he’d thought twice and decided it wasn’t a deal breaker. That he’d stuck with me this long when the Navy had worked him over so hard, and that now he was willing to go with me to a Navy function.
Was I pushing too hard? Was this going to blow up in my face somehow?
Diego moaned as he stroked my hair, and we rolled again so I was on top of him. The warmth of his arms around me and his leg hooked over my hip made me dizzy, but not enough to completely drown out my thoughts.
I didn’t have a great track record with relationships. Truth was, I had no idea what I was doing.
I don’t know how to make this work.
I pressed a kiss behind his ear.
All I know is that I want it to.
And that I love you.