The moment the words left his mouth, Balen knew he’d made a mistake, but it was too late to call them back.

Autumn tensed.

All he wanted to do was take her pain away, and there wasn’t much he wouldn’t have done or said to make that happen. Now that he knew the whole story, it made so much more sense—the mistrust, the self-doubt…the enigma that was Autumn Harris.

Until now, he hadn’t fully understood why she hadn’t taken a lover in the two years since her divorce, or why doing so now was such a difficult step for her. No doubt the alcohol had loosened her tongue, and it bothered him to think that if she hadn’t been drinking, he may have never learned the truth.

Unable to have children. Wow, that was a heavy burden she was carrying. And he could see how some women might falsely attach feelings of inferiority to infertility, even when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. In Autumn’s eyes, she associated her inability to have a child with her husband’s affair, and Balen knew from experience how emotionally damaging it was to be cheated on.

He leaned back far enough to cup her beautiful face and tipped her chin. He dried her cheeks and met those oceanic eyes he swore he could drown in. “Autumn, you are any man’s dream come true. You’re sweet, and fun, and feisty—and so beautiful. Don’t let one stupid asshole define you. And besides, not every guy wants to have kids.”

“Do you?”

She caught him off guard with her question. Balen wasn’t sure at what point the hypothetical question started taking on a whole other hypothetical possibility. What was she saying? Was she asking him if there was a chance for a future with them? And why did the idea of it send his pulse racing and his chest filling with an emotion he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before? It scared the shit out of him just as much as the thought of losing her did.

“I don’t think so. At least not right now. My lifestyle isn’t stable enough for a family, and I don’t see that changing in the near future.”

“Alex wouldn’t even consider adoption.”

“I think we’ve already established your ex-husband is a jackass.” There was no humor in her laugh, just a lot of sadness. “But I tell you what, if I did ever want kids, I would never let your situation stop me from having a future with you. And any guy who did doesn’t deserve you.” Aw, hell. He hadn’t meant to make her cry again. He sucked at this. “Shit.” Balen exhaled a frustrated sigh and dragged his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No. Don’t apologize.” She swiped her hand over her cheeks. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. You know, it’s going to be hard saying goodbye to you.”

Two more days. That was all that remained of their time together. He wasn’t ready to let her go, nor was he ready to hand her his heart. Before he could do that, he’d have to come clean with his own secrets and he didn’t trust her not to walk away. And if by some miracle she didn’t, what kind of a life could he offer her? She thought he was a beach-bumming surfer who lived a life footloose and fancy-free when that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. He traveled all the time and was buried in commitments. Between competitions and sponsorships, he was gone more than he was home. Autumn didn’t exactly strike him as the kind of woman who would be all right with his career that was more like a lifestyle. How would a woman who struggled with issues of trust feel about wave runners hanging all over him? It didn’t matter that he discouraged the behavior, it still happened more than he cared to admit.

Trying to pursue a relationship with Autumn was a recipe for disaster. So then why the hell was he letting himself consider it? Consider telling her the truth?

He didn’t know what to say to her confession and he didn’t trust himself not to make her promises he couldn’t keep. She’d been hurt enough. The last thing she needed was him breaking her heart too.

“Autumn—”

“You don’t need to say anything, Balen. Really. I just wanted you to know I’m going to miss you. That’s all.” She reached across his lap and grabbed the remote off the end table. Her soft breasts pressed against his arm and then all too soon they were gone as she settled back into her spot beside him and un-paused the movie.

He sat there in silence, staring at the screen, unable to focus on anything other than the woman snuggled in next to him. The light tropical scent of her shampoo was intoxicating…so much more than any amount of rum. It wasn’t long before her head began to fall back, resting in the bend of his shoulder. When he glanced down at her a little while later, Autumn’s eyes were closed. In the soft, flickering light of the TV, he watched her sleep. The tightness in his chest became a sharp, painful pinch.

Two more days.

Bending down, he pressed his lips to the top of her head and whispered, “I’m going to miss you too, Autumn.”

* * *

Balen woke with the worst cramp of his life. He unfolded his leg from the awkward angle on the couch and stretched. That was when he realized he had a lot more room to move than when he’d fallen asleep. He lifted his head and cracked open an eye to find the blanket Autumn had been wrapped in spread over him. And she was gone.

Despite trying to crowd his six-foot-four-inch frame onto a five-foot couch, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so well. In fact, he wished she was here so he could have wrapped his arms around her and gone back to sleep. Where did she go? Had she woken in the middle of the night and left him for the comfort of her own bed?

Balen tossed the covers aside and swung his feet onto the floor. He sat there a minute, forearms braced on his knees, and took a deep breath before scrubbing his hands over his face, trying to wake up.

What the hell was he thinking? What was she thinking? Did Autumn wake up in his arms and panic? He told himself he didn’t want to risk waking her last night to justify what had truly been nothing more than the desire to hold her. He’d crossed a line. Shit.

Shoving to his feet, Balen shuffled into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee before heading to her bedroom to apologize. He softly rapped his knuckles against the door. When she didn’t answer, he knocked a little louder. “Hey, Autumn. You awake?”

No answer.

He tried the knob and found the door unlocked. Balen counted it a good sign that she hadn’t locked him out. Slowly pushing it open, he asked, “Autumn? You in here?” He poked his head inside. The room was empty, her bed made, and the bathroom door hung open. Where the hell was she? Her cell was on the nightstand, so she must not have gone far. He stepped into his bedroom to throw on a T-shirt and pair of board shorts before heading outside to go look for her.

There was a strong breeze coming in off the water, the briny air still holding that early morning freshness. It wouldn’t be long before the oppressive heat claimed another day. Balen scanned the beach, but it didn’t take him long to spot her down by the water. He headed toward her and then stopped when she raised her arms, palms pressed together as if she were praying. With grace he didn’t realize she possessed, Autumn lifted her leg, bending it into a figure four and bracing her foot against her inner thigh. She held the pose for several seconds before straightening it back out and contorting her body into a pose that seemed inhumanly possible.

His dick shot so hard at the sight of her ass in the air and her head literally between her legs, that he became lightheaded from the lack of blood supply to his brain. Holy hell. She’d mentioned she did yoga, but she never said she was that good. This was hot as hell. Balen hung back, not wanting to disturb her and enjoyed the show. Every movement was graceful strength, lithe beauty…

He’d always considered yoga a yuppie exercise performed by rich housewives who wanted to feel good about themselves before heading to Starbucks for their venti latte. Now he kinda felt like a pretentious prick. He’d never watched anyone so good actually do yoga before. This...this was pure art, and he had a front-row view of the sweetest ass he’d ever seen. Thank you, God, for spandex.

The flexibility and control it took to twist and contort herself into various poses was astounding to watch. It was absolutely, without a doubt, the most erotic thing he’d ever seen. His imagination went wild, picturing all the ways he wanted to take her, the positions he’d put her in as he buried himself deep inside her. If Balen thought he wanted Autumn before, seeing her like that put a whole other level of ache in his groin and fire licking through his veins.

He exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, and the expulsion of air was more of a pained groan than actual breathing. What would she do if he marched down the beach, tossed her over his shoulder, and carried her back to her bedroom to act out the fantasies playing through his mind?

It was still early, the beach was mostly empty except for the morning joggers, and even they slowed their pace to stare. She seemed oblivious to the attention, solely focused on her meditation. What was she thinking about? Could it be him? He hoped so, and how egocentric was that? Just because she seemed to be all he thought about didn’t mean the same was true for her. Then again, what if she did? He knew she wanted him. The desire reflecting in her eyes when she’d been on her knees for him had rocked his world. So what was he waiting for? Why was he hesitating to seal the deal? Was he that worried about breaking her heart? Or perhaps it was his own he was protecting.

It didn’t matter how many women he’d fucked before her, something soul-deep told him that if he took Autumn to his bed, neither one of them would ever be the same again. Was he ready to take that risk just for sex? Even if it would be mind-blowing, out-of-this-world, incredible sex? The jury was still out on that one, but he was hedging his bets that the verdict would be yes when his cock bucked impatiently as he watched Autumn lift one leg, take hold of her foot, and extend it straight in the air. Holy. Shit.

Balen’s feet were moving before he even realized he’d set them in motion. His steps ate up the sand as he headed down the beach with a single-minded purpose his lust had yet to reconcile with his heart. But somewhere, deep in his subconscious, he’d always known this was going to happen. Autumn had been his inevitable conclusion the moment she’d stepped off that plane. The only question was how long would he continue to deny it?

She must have caught his movement in her periphery because she swung her head toward him and lost her balance, dropping her foot and stumbling to catch herself. “Balen, what’s the matter? Is everything all right?”

No. No, it wasn’t. But it would be in short order. Any words he could have said were lodged in his ash-dry throat. Then, maybe they were past all that, because the flush in her cheeks told him she knew exactly what he wanted. He watched it bloom, the rosy hue spreading down her throat to the swell of her delectable breasts spilling out the top of her sports bra.

He stepped up to her, pulled that hot little body against his, and kissed her with all the finesse of a derailed freight train. She momentarily tensed, seeming caught off guard by his aggression. Did she honestly not know what she did to him? How much he wanted her and the torture he’d been through for days trying to fight it? Whether she realized it or not, she wanted this. And after everything she’d confessed to him the night before, it was clear that she needed it. She needed to know there was nothing about her that wasn’t perfect—that she was all he wanted. And he feared all he would ever want again.

She returned his kiss as he plundered her mouth, devouring her taste, her scent. He’d finally reached his breaking point. If he didn’t get her back to the villa right now, he was going to give those joggers a show they wouldn’t soon forget. Slipping his arm around her waist, he lifted Autumn up. A bubble of laughter escaped her throat as her beautiful limber legs wrapped around his waist, holding him tight as her arms twined around his neck. “You seem like a man on a mission,” she teased as he wasted no time carrying her back up the beach.

Autumn was about to discover exactly what that mission was. His steps ate up the sand with long, determined strides. He could feel the reckless need in her kiss, her little tongue tangling with his, her teeth impatiently nipping his bottom lip when he had to stop kissing her to see where he was going.

Her mouth moved to the side of his neck, latching onto the skin stretched over his chaotic pulse. He felt each sucking pull as if there were an invisible cord connected to his cock. He loved the way she cranked him up. The only other thing that had ever made him feel this alive was surfing, and Autumn had become his own personal ocean.

Balen opened the front door, pausing long enough to kick it closed. He was through the living room, down the hall, and in his bedroom when Autumn whispered, “Balen, wait… I need to take a shower. I’m all sweaty.”

He lowered her to his bed and slipped his fingers into the waistband of her spandex, pulling her bottoms down her long, toned legs. “Don’t bother. You’re about to get a lot sweatier.”

Something flared in her vibrant blue eyes—excitement, and maybe a little trepidation as he took a moment to admire the view of her flawless ivory skin before crawling over her. He reached for her top but she was already slipping it off. His mouth watered at the sight of her pale pink nipples just begging to be kissed. He dipped his head, taking one turgid peak in his mouth and teased his tongue over the pebbled tip before sucking hard enough to draw a startled gasp from those kiss-swollen lips.

She whispered a throaty, “yes…” Her back arched, silently begging him for more. He gave her other breast equal attention until she was writhing beneath him. The fiery thatch of curls at the top of her sex teased the muscles low on his stomach as she worked herself against his ridged length. His board shorts rode down his hips, exposing the head of his shaft, already saturated with her arousal.

He kissed his way back to her lips and Autumn’s tongue immediately dove into his mouth, her hands slipping into his hair. Her legs parted farther, one hooking around his low back in an invitation he couldn’t refuse. Balen tugged his shorts down and kicked them off, his dick springing free and connecting with her hot, wet center. It took every last bit of his self-control not to drive his hips forward.

Condom… The warning echoed in his lust-drunk mind like an afterthought. Shit, he needed a condom. Or did he? The tempting thought briefly flickered through his mind. He wanted to feel her hot, silky sheath gripping him without any barriers between them. He wanted to feel her stretching to accommodate every inch of him as he buried himself deep inside her. His cock pulsed in agreement. The tension coiling at the base of his spine made his balls ache.

At the intimate contact with her moist center, Autumn tensed, her body going rigid beneath him as if she just now realized how close they were to this finally happening—and maybe having second thoughts about doing it. Sensing her hesitation, he swallowed back the groan of protest rising inside him. Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against hers and took a few deep breaths, grappling for control as he whispered, “Do you want me to stop?”

He hardly recognized the strained, throaty rasp of his voice. He wasn’t sure how he was going to find the strength to do it if she said yes. He was pretty sure his heart quit beating and his breath seized in his lungs as he waited for her answer.

He could feel her little heart hammering against his chest. Her arousal was undeniable, but that wasn’t the problem—that had never been their problem. Autumn’s issues went deeper than the physical. She had an emotional bridge to cross and the million-dollar question was, would she be willing to cross it with him? Lord, he hoped so.

“I don’t want to stop.”

Thank fuck.

“I want this, Balen. I want you. It’s just…” She let the thought trail, seeming to change her mind about whatever it was she’d planned to say.

He pressed a kiss between her wrinkled brows before leveraging himself up on an elbow so he could put a little more space between them. “What is it, Autumn? What are you worried about?”

Her eyes met and held his. He could see the uncertainty swimming inside them, he just never would have guessed the reason for it.

“It’s been a long time for me, Balen. And you’re umm… Well, you’re…not small.”