CHAPTER 38

It’s Friday and the night of the homecoming game. My mom does my make-up and lets me wear one of her shimmering gold designer gowns from her days as a model. Tonight is when they crown the king and queen and I need something glamorous. Something fit for a queen.

When I’m dressed, my mom tells me how beautiful I am, and I know we’re both thinking about Mika.

I have to be crowned queen tonight. It’s like Mika said, it’s not just for me, it’s for Mom, and for her too.

I spend the first half of the homecoming game with the rest of the girls on the court waiting for half-time, when we’ll all be presented and the king and queen will be crowned. We all smile and compliment each other, but there’s a tension between us, especially between me and Libby.

Libby and I have always been competitive in a way that Dre and I haven’t. It used to be fun, like a way to push ourselves. Recently, it’s had more of an edge to it, and I can’t help remembering the dodgy stuff Libby’s done over the years. Not just hooking up with Dre’s date at the dance, but also copying homework and just being kind of bitchy. Fleetingly, I wonder why I hang out with her. But I remind myself she’s Libby Carter and I’m Reiko Smith-Mori and, together with Andrea and Zach and everyone else, we make up the crew, and of course we hang out together.

The wind blows, ruffling my curls and sending goosebumps dancing down my shoulders. I shudder in my gold dress. The stadium lights are so bright, and harsh. I hear the buzzer go off, signifying the end of the quarter, and I know it is almost time for the presentations.

We’re playing a football team from some high school in the Central Valley, and their side of the stadium is almost empty. No one wants to go to a rival team’s homecoming game. But our side, the home side, is spilling over with people. Everyone is wearing the school colors of blue and gold, and cheering.

Koji is somewhere out there with my mom. My dad is already waiting on the field with the other parents of the court, getting ready to escort us down the red carpet during the half-time show.

Before I left the house, Mika kissed me on the cheek and told me I looked beautiful. “You’ll win,” she said, eyes wide. “You have to. You are too beautiful not to. How could anybody beat you?”

I don’t feel beautiful right now. I feel cold and alone. I wish Mika were here.

Then someone calls my name and it’s time to get in the cars. There are five of them: vintage convertibles which will drive slowly around the football field, so that everyone in the stadium can see the court. We go in pairs with the boys in the front, and the girls on top of the trunk of the car, skirts spread wide, smiling and waving, like real princesses.

Seth and I are in the same car. “So adorable!” the other girls squealed when we saw the running order. And at first I thought so too. I thought it would make me relax. But…

He barely glances at me, even when one of the girls says, “Doesn’t she look beautiful?” He just nods like a wooden soldier as he slides into the front seat.

I wonder if being beautiful is enough.

I wonder if I’m enough.

The car rumbles to life and we start to make our way slowly around the stadium. I wave and put on my brightest smile.

Seth stares stonily ahead until we are in front of our friends. Then he does smile and wave. But he looks awkward. I can tell he’s nervous. And I want to comfort him, so I lean forward and put my hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him.

He shrugs me off, still waving, still smiling awkwardly, and I jerk back up like I’ve been burned.

I turn my smile up even brighter. So bright that every single person in the stadium can see it. So bright that I’m surprised they aren’t shielding their eyes. Seth’s not going to ruin this for me. This moment is bigger than him.

I will shine.

As we slow to a crawl, I hear Maria Chavez introducing court. We’re the fourth car in the five-car procession, so our white convertible idles as she introduces Megan and Peter, Zach and Libby, Kelly and Tony − the people in the first three cars. And then it is our turn.

The cheering rings in my ears. We pull in slowly, in front of the red carpet leading to the stage. The carpet is lined with cheerleaders, football players, and all the kids on student council, who have planned everything.

My dad steps forward, beaming, and holds his hand out to help me off the back of the car. Seth has already gotten out of the front seat and is standing next to his mom, waiting to walk down the red carpet with her. I stand next to them as everyone else goes down the red carpet with their parents. Zach is with both of his moms, and the crowd roars their approval.

I keep my eyes on Seth. I wonder if anyone else can see the twitch in his jaw, and I realize he’s nervous because of how much he wants this. And that surprises me. When did Seth start caring about homecoming? Maybe it’s more than my luck that he wants to rub off on him. Maybe it’s my life. The thought scares me.

Then it’s our turn and my dad takes my arm, and we walk together, in perfect time. We wave like real royalty. He’s grinning from ear to ear, his smile even brighter than mine.

“This is so exciting,” Dad murmurs in my ear. “I’m so proud of you.”

For what? For being beautiful? For being popular? For being alive? For being me? I hate that I have these thoughts going through my head right now. I hate that I’m getting anxious when I should be celebrating. But Seth’s behavior has thrown me.

“And this year’s homecoming king and queen are…” Maria Chavez shouts, “ZACH GARCIA AND REIKO SMITH-MORI!”

A confetti cannon goes off, showering us all in hundreds of tiny, brightly colored stars.

I smile, but I’m more relieved than happy.

I had to win this.

I had to prove that I’m the best.

That I’m the Reiko everyone expects me to be.

The Reiko I need to be.

As everyone starts clapping and shouting and whistling, Zach and I step forward. He’s still in his football uniform, still sweaty from the game. He takes my hand, and I can feel Seth’s eyes on me, and I’m surprised his stare doesn’t go all the way through me.

Libby and Kelly and Megan are there too, all clapping and smiling, but their eyes are sharp as well. I’m surprised by just how sharp Libby’s eyes are.

Zach leans down, and kisses my cheek. “Too bad we aren’t going to the dance together tomorrow night, huh?” he whispers in my ear and I smile back at him.

Then we raise our conjoined hands up high before taking a bow, like we’ve done something worth bowing for. Then we walk back down the red carpet, and it feels like the ceremony has lasted for ever, but it must have been less than ten minutes since I got out of the little white convertible.

And I keep smiling.