Once Ezah agreed to help me escape to Terra, he turned into a fierce male on a mission. He decided that right then and there was when we would leave while his family was distracted with Kol in his father’s living area. He didn’t allow me to bring a single thing with me, and all this suited me fine. I didn’t need anything. I wanted to be gone from Ealra, and I wanted it immediately.
We exited the palace a hell of a lot quicker than I thought possible, but as Ezah had grown up within the solid gold walls, he knew every shortcut imaginable, and he used that to our advantage.
“We have minutes,” he muttered lowly as we briskly walked by two guards who were bowing to either Ezah or both of us. “Once Kol realises you’re gone, and I am nowhere to be found, an alarm will sound and every patrolling warrior will be on high alert and searching for us. He will try to reach you mentally, but block him out.”
I gaped at him. “He never taught me how.”
“My father said he imagines a wall, and that puts a blockage from my mother hearing his thoughts, or projecting hers to him.”
I felt sick to my stomach with worry in case I failed with the blocking thing, but I imagined a large wall in my mind, and tried to focus on it. I felt even sicker as we neared a death vehicle. I didn’t hesitate like I thought I would have. Instead, I jumped into the front passenger seat and remained still as Ezah climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. I held my breath as the seat closed in around me, but when I realised it wasn’t going to crush me, I relaxed.
Ezah pulled out of the vehicle’s parking space, and within seconds, we were driving so fast, it made my stomach lurch in what felt like slow motion. We left the palace, and everyone in it, behind in a matter of seconds. I flung my hand over my eyes and wished for the journey to get wherever we were going to end.
Three or so minutes after entering the vehicle, it returned to sitting idle, and I was stumbling out of it, clutching my stomach before I vomited up my its contents. Ezah didn’t give me a moment to gather my bearings; he came to my side, gripped my arm, and pulled me towards a … spacecraft. A small spacecraft but definitely one that could do the job and get me to Terra.
“Move quicker,” he scowled.
I threw a glance over my shoulder and saw the lit-up palace off in the distance.
“I have been moving quicker,” I snapped at him, with my mouth with the back of my hand. “I’m lightheaded and feel like I’m going to be sick again. You drove too fast, and my body cannot handle it.”
“Because you’re weak!” he growled.
I surprised us both when I smacked him as hard as I could across his chest with my free hand, and for a moment, he paused mid stride, looked down at his chest then at me, and he did something that astonished me. He smiled and followed it up with a gruff laugh. Two things I would never have thought him capable of.
“I cannot believe you just struck me,” he said, shaking his head in clear amusement.
I didn’t get a chance to reply before he had us both moving towards the spacecraft once again. I came to a stop when he released me and jogged over to a closed control panel at the base of the craft’s hull. He placed his palm on the panel cover, and I wasn’t surprised to see that it opened. Ezah was a prince; he probably has clearance for everything. I stared at the craft when a hissing noise sounded just before a ramp lowered.
“Get aboard,” Ezah ordered. “I can hear guards approach on their patrol.”
I hustled forward.
“This is so unreal,” I said as I ushered up the ramp and came to a stop in the middle of the craft’s small bridge. “This is seriously crazy, Ezah. Are you sure you can fly this thing?”
I knew engines, not pilot controls, so if anything went wrong, I would be absolutely no use to Ezah. He grunted as he jogged up the ramp, and cleared it just before it closed behind him. It clicked shut with a bang, and it made me feel like what was happening was very final.
“Who do you think taught Kol how to pilot?” Ezah asked me, distracting me from the doubt that slithered into my mind. “He is not the only prince who holds the rank of shipmaster. He just won father’s favour to lead the mission to Earth on the Ebony to retrieve your females.”
I stood idle as Ezah moved about the narrow bridge—flipping switches, pressing buttons, and turning dials—before he sat on one of two large seats in front of a huge control panel. He nodded at the spare seat, so I moved forward and took it without hesitation. As soon as I sat down, the seat moulded to my body shape and locked me in place. The same thing happened to Ezah; only his chair moved with him as he tapped on a clear screen next to him. I gasped when writing I had never seen before filled the screen, along with diagrams showing different levels of what I assumed could be fuel for the craft.
I had no idea; I was just guessing about what Ezah was doing because if I didn’t think about what he was doing, I’d think about what I was doing, and I couldn’t allow myself to give in to doubt. Kol lied to me one too many times, and this final lie, about him being promised to another, was my tipping point. I wasn’t meant to be loved or to love in return. I was meant to be on my own … nothing could truly hurt me when I had no one to care about.
“Hold on,” Ezah suddenly said as the craft roared to life. “Ascent is green.”
I frantically looked left to right for handles, but there was nothing for me to grab.
“Hold fucking what?” I screeched.
Ezah laughed. “The rest of your stomach contents.”
I was sucked backward against my seat as the craft suddenly lurched forward and flew down what looked like a wasteland through the viewing pane, but Ezah quickly pulled on a control handle that lifted the nose of the craft and took us up into the air. It was only then, as we ascended towards the heavens, that I realised I wasn’t breathing. I greedily sucked air into my lungs and groaned when a dizzy spell struck and caused my eyes to roll back.
“Nearly there,” I heard Ezah say, his voice rough. “One more minute until we leave atmo.”
Ezah’s voice fell away, and I felt like my body was swaying from left to right, but when I lazily blinked open my eyes, I saw that while my chair was perfectly still, it was the craft that was moving left to right. I gasped when the view through the viewing pane changed, and I was not looking up at space; I was now entering it.
I jerked my gaze to Ezah.
“Did I pass out?” I asked him, my breathing laboured as I took slow, deep breaths.
“Yes,” he griped. “You missed a transmission from Kol.”
I froze. “He knows?”
“He knows.” Ezah confirmed. “He is also coming after us.”
I felt like I would be sick.
“Ezah, I don’t want to go back.”
“I know,” he growled. “I told him that, but he was not rational enough to do much more than tell me, in detail, how he would kill me.”
I stayed mute, my throat suddenly unable to form words.
“He has reached the edge,” Ezah continued. “My father informed me I was to be withheld for severe judgment when we are apprehended.”
When we were apprehended.
“What do we do?” I asked him, my eyes wide. “Did you lie when you said you could get me to Terra?”
The muscle in Ezah’s jaw rolled back and forth as he tensed.
“I can get you there … I just can’t outrun my brother and the Ebony. This craft is just a maintenance shuttle used to bring our miners to and from nearby planets when they go to harvest minerals.”
I was at a loss for words.
“I … I did not think this through, Nova.”
I looked at him. “Yeah, Ezah. That makes two of us.”
I was so fucked.
Kol would catch us and then take me back to the palace and probably put me under house arrest. I would probably face charges of some sort with the Revered Father and Hailed Mother. I technically aided Ezah in stealing a shuttle craft and left their planet without their permission … not to mention bailing on their son and leaving him to reach the edge over my decision.
“This is so fucked,” I said, and not a second later, I burst into tears.
“Nova,” he mumbled. “Do not cry.”
“Why not?” I asked, sniffling. “I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, Ezah. I know leaving Kol is wrong; it’s cruel to abandon him when we’re mated for life … but I felt so hurt, so angry over his decisions. When I feel those emotions, I run. Running is all I know … it’s the only fucking thing I’m good at.”
“He lied to me so easily,” I continued with a shake of my head. “How can he truly expect me to believe I’m his fated mate when all he does is lie?”
The craft suddenly lurched.
“Ezah!” I gasped. “Are you sure that you can fly this thing?”
“This is very important,” Ezah almost growled as he tapped on the control panel, stood from his chair, moved over to me, and placed his huge hands on my shoulders. “When Kol is intimate with you, or just standing close by looking at you. Does something happen to his face?”
I raised a brow. “His eyes glow.”
Ezah sucked in a startled breath then stumbled back away from me like I had the plague, and during his stumble, he lost his balance and plonked right down onto his behind, drawing a wince from me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, unsure why I was concerned for him.
“What have I done?” he said, aloud.
I blinked. “You tripped and fell. It’s not that big of a deal. You’ll be okay.”
“We must return to Ealra right this—”
“What?” I cut him off as I tried and failed to jump to my feet because of the damn grabby chair. “No! You said you’d bring me to Terra.”
Ezah got to his feet and stood to his full height of hu-fucking-mongus, towering over me with ease.
“That was before I learned that you were my brother’s fated mate.”
I slapped my palm to my forehead. “I thought we agreed that Kol is a liar?”
“He cannot lie about being your fated mate when the glow in his eyes shines bright, Nova,” Ezah said and surprised me by kneeling before me and taking my tiny hands in his large ones. “Please, forgive me. I have committed a crime.”
I had no idea what was happening, but I was confident that Ezah was starting to lose it.
“What crime?” I demanded. “What are you talking about?”
“Taking a Maji’s mate away is punishable by imprisonment but taking a Maji’s fated mate? I will receive death for such an act, and it is no more than I deserve.”
My heart sunk to the pit my stomach.
“No,” I said, squeezing his hands. “No, you won’t be killed. You’re a prince.”
“And I stole another prince’s fated mate away from him,” Ezah replied, the words sounding choked as he spoke. “I thought I was helping him. I thought I was saving my brother the pain of a mate loss. You’re human ... tiny, weak, and vulnerable. It is only matter of time before you die on Ealra, and I do not want my brother to feel the pain that I do.”
I shoved down my instant reaction to defend my species because there was a much bigger problem at stake … Ezah had a mate that died?
“Ezah, I’m not Kol’s—”
“You are this fated mate,” he growled in annoyance. “Our eyes only glow when we find our fated mate.”
I froze, and not because he scared the shit out of me, but because I could see in his eyes that he was telling the truth. It was the same look Kol had in his eyes when he told me I was his fated mate.
“Almighty,” I whispered, feeling like I had been sucker punched. “What have I done?”
“Not you,” Ezah said firmly. “Me. I have done this.”
“Only because I begged you to,” I countered.
Ezah set his jaw. “You begged me because I instilled doubt in your mind about Kol.”
“Not everything you said was a lie, Ezah,” I almost shouted, furious with him for taking the blame entirely on himself.
“What was truth?” he demanded.
“Kol was intended to another and never told me!” I snapped.
“Ah!” Ezah growled with a wave of his hand as he pressed something under the seat of the chair so it released me. “He was never going to mate Keeva, and we all knew it. She did too. She just agreed to be his future intended to get our mother to stop bothering Kol about finding a mate.”
“Wh-what?” I stammered.
“That intention was make-believe, and it was never binding because both Maji did not want it.”
I stared at Ezah for all of two seconds before I flew at him, my arms swinging in rage.
“You made me believe he had a true intention to this female. You made me—”
“I made you doubt your mate, your bond, and your place by his side,” Ezah finished for me as he grabbed my hands, halting them from connecting with his face. “I made you do this, Nova. I was as horrible to you as I could possibly be to a female on purpose. I am truly sorry.”
“But why?” I asked, now crying. “Why did you do this?”
“A mate loss,” he rasped. “I couldn’t bare for Kol to suffer it. I believed because your bond is so new, I could make you leave, and in time, Kol would … move past you. I do not know why I thought of this. I know how matings work, and how unbreakable a bond is, but my worry for my brother made me think irrationally.”
“You’ve suffered a mate loss?” I asked, my throat hurting from crying.
“Not a true one, but something very close,” he replied, releasing my hands from his grip. “My intended female, she was … she was killed by a stealth beast on an outing with me not long after my sister was born, and the pain I feel is as strong as it was the day I watched her die.”
I lifted my hands to my mouth.
“I am so sorry, Ezah. I cannot imagine what you have gone through,” I wept. “I have lost all my family, and I know that pain will never go away, but it does gets easier to bear. But I cannot fathom the thought of losing Kol. I know I’m not Maji, but I love your brother with all my heart. It is why this whole thing hurts so much. I want him to love me like I love him, and not just because this fated mate business means he has to.”
“Nova.” Ezah frowned deeply. “A male’s body does not decide a mating, a male’s heart does. If a male decides to bite a female and give her his essence, it’s because his heart decided it before his head did. The body reacts to what it finds attractive, and the heart reacts to what it can grow to love … You have much to learn about the people, little one.”
Tears streaked my face, and before I knew it, I was hugging Ezah tightly.
“Take me back to him,” I pleaded. “Please. I’ve messed this up terribly, and I need to make it right.”
Ezah gently patted my back. “I will.”
When we separated, Ezah got to his knees and closed his eyes.
“Thanas, forgive me,” he rasped, his head bowed. “I have purposely caused my brother and his female great pain. Pain I had no right inflicting.”
I froze to the spot the second I realised Ezah was praying to Thanas out loud.
“Please,” he whispered. “Please end my life. I only cause turmoil and pain; the people would be better without me. Please, I … I am not a strong male. I cannot live without Kovu… Is she okay? Is she with you? Does she know how broken I am that I could not save her?”
No one answered Ezah. Instead, more tears freely flowed down my cheeks in response to his words as I watched the fiercest Maji I had ever met break in front of me.
“Why are you sp-speaking aloud?” I stammered.
Ezah kept his head bowed.
“I hoped if I spoke aloud, He would hear my prayer clearer.”
My heart broke in two.
“Ezah,” I whispered. “I forgive you.”
He sucked in a breath and looked up at me with misted eyes.
“No,” he rasped. “I do not deserve your forgiveness.”
“Tough shit.” I sniffled. “You have it anyway.”
“But why?”
“Because I relate to you,” I told him.
He widened his eyes. “How?”
“I could not save my family.” I swallowed. “My two cousins were attacked by augmented humans and bled out in my arms, and my other cousin, as well as my father, died of sickness in my arms. Nothing I did saved them, and I believe that Almighty blames me for it. It is why I walked alone for so long in heartache.”
“But you did not cause your cousin’s injuries or make your father and cousin sick.” Ezah frowned.
I blinked down at him. “And you did cause the injury that killed Kovu.”
He shook his head. “I’m a male, Nova. I should have saved her or died trying.”
“Listen to yourself,” I pleaded, dropping to my knees, too. “If you knew of the beast’s presence, you would have acted and saved her. It was an animal that took her, not you, Ezah.”
He squeezed his eyes shut for just a moment before he opened them and focused on me.
“You should not forgive me or be so understanding … I do not deserve any of this. I have not been kind to you.”
“It doesn’t matter. You are my brother-in-mate, and I will love you like a brother,” I said with assertiveness. “Let Kol and anyone else try to break through that, and they will quickly find out that I protect my own.”
Ezah’s eyes glazed over with unshed tears. “You would truly claim me as your family after what I have done?”
“I would … I have. You’re my brother-in-mate, Ezah. You’re my family.”
A single tear fell from his right eye and splashed onto his cheek. He widened his eyes as he lifted his hand to his face, and rubbed at the tear streak with his fingertips. He stared down at the wetness on his skin in shock, and it made me laugh.
“I take it you’re not used to crying?” I joked and wiped my tear-streaked face.
He frantically rubbed at his eyes as he shook his head.
“I have never,” he said with assertiveness. “Not in my entire life. I don’t even think I wept at birth.”
I was surprised by the laugh that erupted from me.
“Never tell that I cried,” Ezah pleaded. “I will never have my honour restored.”
His dramatics tickled my funny bone.
“I promise, I’ll never say a word.”
Ezah raised a brow. “Not even to your mate.”
My mate.
I winked. “Not even to him.”
“You’re a kind female, Nova.”
I flung my hands over my ears when a soul-crushing wail filled the craft. Ezah jumped to his feet, pressed on the control panel, and then returned to me, lifted me up, and placed me back in the grabby chair. He retook his seat and hollered, “Hold on.”
“Stop saying that!” I shouted. “There is nothing for me to hold!”
Ezah laughed as he turned the ship around and surged us back towards Ealra. We didn’t make it very far away from the planet. If anything, it looked like we were just grazing the atmosphere.
“Planet fall in five, four, three, two … one.”
I screamed as heavy pressure sat on my chest, and thanks be to Almighty that it only lasted for a few seconds before it disappeared.
“Sorry,” Ezah shouted moments later. “I needed to enter the atmosphere quickly before the Ebony broke through it. I’ve relayed to the Ebony that we’re returning.”
I didn’t have time to think of facing Kol, my heart was in the pit of my stomach until the shuttle touched back down on Ealra close to ten minutes later. I looked at Ezah when he came to my side and released me from my seat before helping me to my feet. I was a little shaky on my legs, but after a few deep breaths, I could stand on my own.
“This will happen fast,” Ezah said to me as the ramp of the shuttle began to lower. “Do not mourn me if he kills me. I deserve his wrath.”
What the hell?
“Stay back and do not interfere,” he then said to me, his tone leaving no room for bullshit.
I looked at him as he walked a few feet in front of me and frowned. “What do you mea—”
“Ezah!”
I almost jumped a foot in the air when an uproarious bellow echoed throughout the craft when the ramp finally lowered. I sucked in a breath when a male barrelled up the ramp and clashed with Ezah, spearing him up against the wall of the shuttle. And that male was my mate.
“Kol,” I screamed as he bared his teeth and went for Ezah’s throat. “No!”
Ezah managed to avoid Kol’s teeth, and it allowed me get in front of Kol. I pushed him with both of my hands, and when he didn’t move, I kept them on his chest.
“He is your brother!” I shouted, hoping to break through the madness that had hold of him. “Your brother!”
His eyes weren’t his own. They weren’t violet anymore. They weren’t glowing, and they were jet black. At that very moment, he was no longer the Kol I knew and loved.
“Nova!” I heard a roar.
I recognised the voice as Mikoh’s.
“Help me, Mikoh,” I screamed, still trying to push Kol backwards. “Help restrain him until he calms.”
I saw Mikoh come up behind Kol, but the second he reached for me, Kol turned on him like an animal. He roared, turned, and speared Mikoh to the ground. Ezah instantly went to Mikoh’s aid and speared Kol off Mikoh and to the ground. I was screaming the entire time, and when Killi, Aza, and Avri sprinted up the ramp, I had never been so relieved in my life.
I nearly collapsed when Killi helped Mikoh to his feet, and Avri moved me behind him but then they didn’t move or make a move to stop Ezah and Kol from fighting. They just stood and watched them like Kol wasn’t trying his best to kill their brother.
“Stop him!” I screamed, smacking my hands on Avri’s back.
Killi jerked his gaze to mine, and the pain I saw in them made me gasp.
“Ezah’s life is in Kol’s hands,” he said, and the emotion in his voice shocked me. “Ezah’s crime is punishable by death, so if Kol kills him, it is his right.”
“No, no!” I cried. “He has reached the edge; he would not want this if he was in his right mind.”
Killi looked back at his brothers, and he clenched his hands into fists, but he didn’t move. I looked from brother to brother then at Mikoh. They wanted to stop Kol; I could see it on their faces. Their loyalty to their laws prevented them, but it didn’t prevent me.
I rushed around Avri before he had a chance to stop me, and I beelined towards Kol and Ezah.
“Stop!” I begged.
Kol didn’t stop. He punched Ezah over and over and over. I had no choice but to jump on Kol’s back to try to stop him. My action worked instantly, and Kol stilled over Ezah, not moving a muscle, but I could feel that his entire body was tensed. He stood very slowly, but didn’t move away from standing over his battered older brother.
“If you kill him,” I said into Kol’s ear, “you’ll have to kill me too because I asked him to take me away from you.”
My mate growled, and I could hear the pain that was wrapped up in it.
“You don’t want this,” I sobbed as I kissed his neck. “You don’t want to kill your brother over a mistake. This was a mistake, and I’m so sorry. Please, come back to me.”
Ezah, who was dazed and injured so badly I feared he would never recover, tried to stand, but Kol snarled, placed his foot on his chest, and pinned him to the ground. Ezah slumped on the ground as blood poured from his mouth, nose, and forehead. His face was already swollen beyond believe.
“Kol,” I said firmly into his ear. “Look at me.”
I slowly slid down his back until my feet touched the ground. I kept my hands on him and applied pressure to his arms, turning him to face me. He was breathing heavily, and his eyes were still jet back. His teeth were bared, and he looked absolutely vicious.
“Come on, big guy,” I hummed. “Come back to me.”
I lifted my hands to my breasts, and Kol’s eyes instantly locked on my movements. I pulled the material down, exposing my bare breasts to him. I hoped that sex with me would become his primary focus, and that I could pull him back from the edge with my touch.
Kol snarled, reached forward, and pulled my body against his. I could feel his hardened length against my stomach, and when he suddenly hiked me up his body, I wrapped my legs around his waist and gasped when he latched his mouth onto my exposed nipple.
“Get Ezah”—I hissed when Kol’s teeth grazed me—“out of here while I calm him. Now!”
I heard movement, and when Ezah groaned in pain, it made Kol snarl. He released my nipple and made a move to turn his head in Ezah’s direction, but before he could, I leaned in and latched my lips onto his neck, and I bit down. Kol’s focus quickly returned to me, and when I heard the ripping of fabric as he adjusted me against his body, I knew his instinct was driving him crazy with need to claim me.
I looked over his shoulder and saw Killi had Ezah over his shoulder and was descending the ramp with Aza, Avri, and Mikoh following behind quickly. I breathed a sigh of release but gasped when Kol reached between our bodies and plunged his fingers into my body. I wasn’t wet, so the action made me wince. Kol paused, growled, and removed his fingers and brought them to my clit instead.
“Oh!” I gasped and arched my back as pleasure gripped me.
Kol purred in response and returned his mouth to my nipple. He licked and sucked one before showering the other with same attention. It didn’t take long for my clit to pulse to life, and my pussy to clench as it wept with need.
Sh-shiva.
“I’m here,” I whimpered to him as his voice broke into my thoughts, his fingers on my clit sweet torture. “I’m here, Kol.”
Need. You.
“You have me, sweetheart. You have me.”
His fingers moved down to my entrance and dipped a finger in. It slid in and out easily, to which Kol growled in approval. I lifted my head and stared at his face as he fumbled with his pants and freed his cock with a groan. I focused on his eyes, and while they were still dark, they were no longer black as darkness.
Come back to me.
He growled as he gripped his cock, lined it up against me, and thrust forward. I cried out as he filled me in one fluid motion, and he roared in response. My back was suddenly pressed up against the wall of the shuttle as Kol’s adjusted his grip on my hips, spread his legs, and fucked me so hard, it quite literally took my breath away.
It felt good, it felt really good, but the pressure building in my core didn’t feel as good as it previously had, and I knew it was because my mind and heart wasn’t in it. This sex was not about my pleasure; it was about letting Kol’s instincts completely overtake him so he could come back from the edge and think rationally.
I cried out as an unexpected orgasm slammed into me, and I gripped Kol tightly when he tensed seconds later before his tipped his head back and roared. His hips jerked in violent motions as he came, and came hard. I pressed my forehead to his, making sure I kept myself as close to him as I possible could so all his senses were filled with me. My eyes were open, and I was staring at his closed ones with worry.
It took a couple of moments, but when Kol blinked he eyes open, I whimpered when I found them to be back to their beautiful, glowing, violet self. I cried, buried my face in Kol’s neck, and held him as tightly as I could. We remained that way for a few minutes, holding each other and not speaking. I pulled back to look at him when his softening cock slid from my body.
“I am so sorry,” I said, trembling. “So, so, so sorry.”
“Nova,” he rasped. “Did I hurt you?”
I shook my head. “No, sweetheart, you made love to me. You did not hurt me.”
He looked terrified.
“Ezah?” he choked. “Did I—”
“He is well,” Mikoh’s voice shouted from outside. “Surkah is here with him. Welcome back, my friend.”
I felt the tension flee from Kol’s body but not entirely.
“You left me.”
My breath caught in my throat.
“Yes,” I whispered. “I did.”
“You’re my mate,” he said, firmly. “You do not leave me, not ever.”
“I won’t,” I swore. “Never again.”
“Why?” he asked, his voice tight.
I wept.
“Ezah didn’t want you to suffer a mate loss. He feared, because I’m human, that I will die and leave you. He thought he was helping you, so he instilled doubt in my mind about you with your fake intention, but it all just got way out of hand, and before we both knew it, we were flying away from Ealra. We quickly realised what we were doing, and we talked and set each other straight. We were wrong, we know. I’m so sorry.”
Kol stared at me as I spoke, and when he slowly lowered me to the ground without speaking, I feared he would go after Ezah again, so I wrapped my arms around his waist. He put his arms around my shoulder, and when I felt him kiss the crown of my head, I relaxed and let him go. I stood still while he tucked himself back into his pants, and then readjusted my clothes to cover me as best as he could with the rips he made.
“I lied to you repeatedly, so I played a big part in making you run. I know that’s what you do when you’re scared.”
Slowly, I nodded.
“You explained what a fated mate was horribly to me, Kol. You made me think you only wanted me because of my body.”
“I told you it was more than that!” he countered angrily. “You just didn’t listen.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I’m sorry. I wish I could take it back.”
“We’re mated, Nova,” he said firmly. “For the rest of our lives, you are mine and I am yours.”
“Yes,” I gushed. “I want that more than my next breath.”
“I’m glad to hear that, but I am going to give you what you previously asked for.”
I froze. “Which is what?”
“Space,” he answered, and it sounded like it was difficult for him to say it. “You requested to have space from me, and I’m going to give it to you. What I did was wrong. I kept another thing from you when I promised I would not. I know I hurt you, I felt your pain, and if what you need is space to … clear your mind and return to me with no more anger and worry, then that is what I am going to give you.”
My heart stopped.
“I don’t want that,” I choked. “I don’t want you to leave me.”
“I’m not leaving you,” Kol replied. “I never will, but right now, things are bad for us. You do not trust me to tell you truths, and I do not trust you not to run from me again.”
My heart beat a mile a minute.
“What will space do for us?” I questioned.
“Time for thought,” Kol answered. “We need this. I know he played a bad role, but my rage and fear at finding you gone sent me to the edge, and I nearly killed my brother this night because it that, Nova. My brother.”
I gnawed on my inner cheek.
“You’re right,” I said. “You’re totally right.”
“When you know you are ready to be together,” Kol said, his voice rough. “You come to me.”
“I won’t see you at all until then?” I asked, already hating this set-up.
“If you request to see me, then you will see me, but I hope you take the time you need to trust me once again. Now that I am thinking without fear of losing you, I know your trust will not return overnight like mine will not return overnight for you. For both of us, this will be a good thing.” He exhaled and shook his head. “I hope it will be because I’m going against every single instinct in my entire body, against everything I’ve even known, to make this possible.”
I pressed my forehead against his chest. “Okay, I’ll … I’ll come to you when I’m ready.”
Kol hugged me to his body. “I love you, shiva.”
I swallowed down a whimper.
“I love you, too.”
I was surprised when Kol released me and walked away from me. He headed down the ramp of the shuttle and out of sight without so much as glancing back at me. He was serious. We were taking time away from one another and giving each other space. When I felt like I was ready to put this shitstorm behind us, I would go to Kol … The only thing that now plagued me was what if it took a while for that to happen?
How long was too long for Kol to wait for me?