Four o’clock in the morning in Midtown Manhattan was magical whether or not you had psychic powers.
With Holden worn out and exhausted, his mental shield was down by default. Even in the wee hours, a walk from Evolution, now shuttered and darkened, to Ninth Avenue to catch a cab, led to a million impressions slamming into him from all sides. He felt the horny drunk folks stumbling home, agitated third-shift employees, the slinky cold malice of someone dangerous scheming somewhere in the shadows, and a million other emotions ranging from resentment to heartbreak to unquenched excitement.
By the time they slid into the back of a cab heading to Holden’s apartment, he was wound tight and on the edge of the seat.
Was this what Nate felt like all the time? There was no way to know, but the question reminded Holden that Nate had never returned his call. Maybe he wouldn’t, and he’d ignore the message. Maybe he’d removed himself completely from the mess of the Community now that he was safely tucked away with his lover. But Chase was Nate’s brother too, and if he’d gone through so much to draw Nate across the country to help investigate Theo’s murder, could he really ignore his remaining bloodline?
A cool dry hand slid over Holden’s, jerking him out of the cloud of his thought. Ignoring the first instinct to pull away, he gave Six a startled look.
“What—”
The flood of impressions ceased as though someone had sheared off the connections. With them went the clatter of his thoughts. Astonishment washed over Holden.
“How did you do that?”
Six arched an eyebrow, looking like an asshole even though he’d just saved the last remnants of Holden’s sanity. “Do what?”
“Everything stopped.” Holden nodded at the window. “All of the impressions that have been battering my skull for the past few hours. As soon as you touched me, it stopped.”
“How do you know it’s me?”
Holden moved his hand from beneath Six’s and instantly winced as the onslaught rammed into him. Six grabbed his hand again, and it all faded away. He couldn’t feel Six’s emotions, but Holden could feel the power of the other man’s gift. It was like a blizzard whiting out all the noise and bringing the world to a standstill.
“That’s incredible,” he said slowly. “It almost feels like you knocked out my third eye, but I’m not . . . alarmed by it. I just feel calm.”
“I assume that’s a good thing?”
“Yes.” Holden exhaled and let his shoulders relax. “It is definitely a good thing.”
Six nodded, that glittering onyx gaze burning into the side of Holden’s face. “So I guess I should keep touching you, then.”
Another unlikely laugh burst out of Holden’s mouth. “Jesus, that’s the second time you’ve flirted with me tonight. Are you drunk?”
“No. Just horny.”
“One taste and you can’t get enough?” Holden asked, dropping his voice lower so the poor cabbie wouldn’t hear. “I like it when a man is needy.”
“I don’t know about needy, but I can’t get that blowjob out of my mind,” Six said with the exact volume you’d use while speaking over loud music in a club.
“Hush.”
“Why?”
“Because the cab driver will hear you.”
Six glanced through the Plexiglas divider. “So?”
“So . . . well, maybe he doesn’t want to hear us talking about sucking dicks.”
“Why would I care?”
Holden snorted. “Never mind. You can go back to flirting with me now.”
“I will, but all of the fun shit can wait until after you talk to me about whatever you wanted to talk to me about.”
“Ah. Right.” The amusement faded. “I may not be up for it after that conversation.”
Six nodded and kept running his thumb over Holden’s hand. “That bad?”
“Yes,” Holden said, looking out the window again. “It’s that bad.”
They were quiet the rest of the way to his apartment in Chelsea—a holdover from the days when it had been the gayest neighborhood in Manhattan. It wasn’t ideal to bring someone he didn’t fully trust to his one safe space, but always being on Six’s turf didn’t feel like the best course of action either. Although, with Six’s shield expanding and encompassing them both, the concerns about Six’s allegiances had temporarily faded away. For the first time in Holden’s life, he could not help but think voids were lucky if their heads were always this quiet. How much more functional would he have been as a youth if his mind hadn’t always been so cluttered? What would have gone differently if only he hadn’t grown up tailoring his behavior to the feelings—feelings he experienced as though they were his own—of the people around him.
Would he have been more autonomous? Less dependent on approval? Less pleasure seeking? Less attention seeking?
Would he have learned to be satisfied with himself instead of always trying to shift the energy around him?
He didn’t know, but he did enjoy this quiet.
Without speaking, Holden led Six into his fourth-floor walk-up with their hands still linked. Six’s fingers were damp when Holden shut the door, and they were left in the darkness of the entryway, a sliver of moon tracing up the narrow hallway and the glint of their eyes in the shadows of the door.
It was time to stop clutching Six like a lifeline and accept the return of rushing thoughts, fear, and worry into his life, but Holden couldn’t bring himself to do it. With the silence in his head and in the apartment, Holden could hear Six’s quickening breath and the clicking sound of him swallowing.
Six was nervous. Holden couldn’t sense it, but he could tell. And that realization set his own heart racing. How could a simple touch make this embodiment of masculinity nervous? They’d only held hands, and already Six was on edge.
Holden pushed Six against the wall. With their hands still linked, he pinned them over Six’s head and pressed their bodies together so tight he could feel everything. The hard lines and muscle, a faint waver of resistance falling away in favor of ragged inhales and an erection that dug into Holden’s thigh. Without the invisible antenna of his gift picking up signals from everything around them, every touch was intensified in a way Holden had never experienced. He felt anchored to the world. To Six.
After an uncharacteristic hesitation, he brought their lips together. The type of kiss you gave in the shadowy corner of a Sunday school, tentative and secret. He was giving Six an out he didn’t take.
Instead of turning his face and breaking the hold on his hands, Six leaned into the kiss with a groan. He sought Holden’s lips in the darkness and claimed them with a fierce neediness, sucking Holden’s lower lip into his mouth, then licking at it until he could explore the wet warmth inside. There were no practiced tongue strokes—just the hungry exploration of a man who’d gone without intimacy for way too long.
Holden released Six’s hands to dig his own fingers into that thick dark hair. It’d loosed from its knot, and now hung around his face wildly. Holden wished he could see it, and Six, without it being held back and controlled.
Their hearts pounded against each other, chests pressed just so in the exact spot to make it possible, and Holden wondered if he would have ever noticed that connection without the shield curtaining this escalating make-out session.
“You feel good,” Six said against his mouth.
“Then touch the rest of me.”
The command earned instant compliance. One of Six’s large hands cupped the back of Holden’s neck, while the other slid down between them. Six might have been unpracticed, but he seemed to know what he wanted. He went right for the belt, then the button and zipper, and had Holden’s pants sliding halfway off his ass so he could palm it. The hard squeeze caused heat to pool in Holden’s gut, and the way Six’s fingers dug in so tight they rubbed against Holden’s hole nearly weakened his knees. So, he was an ass guy. Holden was willing to bet his virgin handler was also a top.
“Tell me what you’ve been fantasizing about.”
“Fucking you.”
“I like that fantasy,” Holden breathed, jutting his hips against Six’s. “How do you fuck me?”
“What do you mean?”
“What position are we in?”
Six’s fingers squeezed tighter, as though the question had jolted him. “You’re on your hands and knees. I hold on to your shoulders and pound your ass while you jerk yourself off.”
“Mmm.” Holden licked Six’s lower lip and sighed with pleasure when Six chased him, desperate for more. “Is it rough? Gentle? Slow?”
“I try to go slow, but I can’t. Feels too good, and . . . I want it too bad.”
“What do you want?” Now it was Holden’s breath coming faster. He wondered if Six realized the effect his words were having, or if he thought this exchange of information was a matter of utility—What do you expect from this?
“I want to slide in you so deep and fuck you so hard that you stop thinking about the fact that your goddamn empath abilities don’t work on me. I won’t stop fucking you until you’re no longer capable of smirking, of smart comments, and the coherency to keep reaching out with your gift. Because I can feel you trying. Every time.”
“I can’t help it. Until you shielded me, I didn’t realize how automatic it is.”
“It’s second nature for you,” Six agreed. “But when I’m inside you, I want your second nature to be slamming back on my cock.”
An anguished moan slipped from Holden, and he attacked Six’s mouth with another kiss. This was definitely a man who knew what he wanted even though he’d never had the opportunity to act on those desires. It was a real shame, but Holden was happy to open the door to every sex act Six wanted to try. They might not fully trust each other when it came to the Community, but that could be put aside in the bedroom. This was just about them.
Holden stopped playing with Six’s hair and used his hands for more useful purposes—getting Six’s pants down. “Do you jerk off while you think about fucking me?”
“Yeah,” Six said, his voice scraping out thick and low.
“Do you say my name?”
A shudder went through Six, and it was the most glorious thing Holden had ever felt. The fact that he was capable of making this powerful, unflappable man unravel was everything that was good and right in the world. Maybe the only good and right thing that was left.
“Sometimes.”
Holden wrapped his hand around both their dicks and slowly stroked. “Will you today?”
Six’s groan penetrated a moment that had previously been so quiet it’d felt like a secret. “Yes.”
“God,” Holden whispered. “I’m trying to keep this light and fun, but you being blunt and no-bullshit is turning me on.”
Six’s chest quivered with a low throaty laugh. “I thought it usually pissed you off.”
“Oh, it does. You piss me off in general. But I like that you tell me exactly what you want.”
“Good.” Six stepped away from the wall. “Because I want to have sex with you before someone calls one of us and screws up my chance.”
It wasn’t said with the certainty of a precog, but there was enough reality in it to ward Holden off this back-and-forth and drag Six toward his bedroom. Once they were inside, and he was guiding Six onto his bed, they both shed their shirts. Within a few seconds of impatiently disrobing, they were naked on the bed and completely wrapped in each other. They should have been on a fast track toward Six losing his V card somewhere in Holden’s ass, but they couldn’t stop kissing. Six cradled the back of Holden’s neck and worshiped his mouth until Holden’s dick was throbbing with a need for contact.
Holden went back to stroking them both as he lost himself in Six’s searching kisses. He enjoyed the stunning contrast between his usual psychically-infused sexual encounters and one that was enclosed in a protective bubble where there was nothing but physical touch and the taste and smell of another man.
“You ready?”
Six nodded and pulled back just enough for Holden to grab condoms and lubricant from his side table. Six put on the condom with trembling hands, while Holden rolled over to get on his hands and knees. One of those cool dry hands slid over his ass and up along his spine before repeating in a firm caress.
“Lube will let you slide in easier.”
“I know. I’m not completely oblivious.”
Smiling, Holden cradled his head in his arms. “Well, if all you’ve watched is porn . . . they don’t always show the prep.”
The click of the bottle uncapping was followed by a low hiss of breath. Holden craned his neck just in time to see Six slowly pumping his dick to smooth the lubricant over the thick length. He’d hunched forward with all that hair curtaining his face, although it was still possible to see his parted lips. His arousal was undeniable, but Holden forced himself to zero in on other things—the tightness in those shoulders, the harsh breathing, and hands that wouldn’t steady no matter what Six did.
“Hey,” Holden said quietly. “I know this is weird because you can’t feel how badly I want you, but I do. It doesn’t mean I trust you or the Community—” Six glanced up with a puckered brow “—but I can separate that enough to enjoy a thorough ride. Even if we’re enemies tomorrow, I won’t regret this unless you think you will.”
Six’s tongue swept over his lower lip and he, once again, did one of those quick scans of the room. Searching for a camera or a witness or a sign from God. Whatever reassurance he was seeking must have been found because he flashed one of those brief tight smiles.
“I want this.”
“Good.” Holden cradled his head in his arms again and dipped his back lower so his ass was at just the right position. “Fuck me.”
Usually when Holden bottomed, he used his empathy to dive into the man inside of him so he could experience both sensations—being breached and being enveloped by a tight ass. There were times when he got so lost in the decadent rain of impressions that sex became dreamlike, unreal. Later, he’d have a hard time working out what he’d felt and what the man inside of him had felt, and it wouldn’t matter because he’d gotten off.
This time was different.
When Six parted his cheeks and pushed inside, Holden felt the burn of his ass stretching, the mild discomfort of that large dick impaling him, and then the thrill of being completely full. His mouth dropped open, gaping against the satiny sheet below him, but he only released a guttural sound. There was a rawness to this that he’d never experienced before, and it twisted him up inside until he was desperately trying to drag his dripping cock against the mattress.
“Fuck, that’s so good,” Six whispered. “Feels too good. My God.”
“Move,” Holden managed. “Give me more.”
Six thrusted experimentally, a delicious in-out that had Holden’s eyes rolling back. Impatient demands tried to burst from his mouth, but he swallowed them and rocked backward, silently encouraging Six to give him the hard fuck he’d promised. He was rewarded with a moan so loud, he didn’t think it could have come from the wall of muscle at his back. Milking Six’s cock with his ass proved otherwise. Six moaned again, louder this time, and again ran his palm over Holden’s back before returning to his plump ass cheeks.
“You look so good like this.”
“I know.”
Six brought his palm down in a firm crack over Holden’s ass. He only got to enjoy the sting for a single heartbeat before Six rocked his hips for another deep thrust. It lit Holden up from the inside out, washing over him like a glorious shower of pleasure, and intensifying each time he was filled. Holden gave up on pithy comments and coherent thinking, and rode back on Six. He reveled in pleasure that sent starbursts exploding behind his eyelids with every pounding entrance into his ass, and started laughing in delirious ecstasy when Six grabbed his shoulders.
His grip was hard, violent, demanding, and utterly perfect when he used the leverage to yank Holden back onto his dick. There would be bruises later, but right now Holden reveled in the crudest fuck he’d ever had, one that was also turning out to be the most consuming. There was no higher power at work, no metaphysics or magic, just the senses that linked Holden to this world. And to Six. The iron length of a man sliding in and out of his hole, the ball sac slapping against his ass, the burn of his hamstring as he spread his thighs wider for more leverage to slam backward, fingers bruising his skin, and the dampness of the sheet against his face from his sweat and saliva.
“Can I come on you?”
“Jesus, yes.”
Six ripped himself from Holden’s body and within seconds of him removing the condom, hot jets of semen splattered onto Holden’s ass and thighs. He didn’t know what was more erotic. The feeling of that sticky fluid all over him or Six’s wild cries as he released. And then, as promised, there was a hoarsely uttered, “Holden.”
An urgent desire to see Six’s face took hold of Holden. He flipped onto his back and jerked himself off while gazing up into those heavy-lidded eyes. Six was still stroking himself slowly, working every drop out of his piece. He looked like a work of art with his long hair damp and messy and the moonlight illuminating his heaving chest.
It didn’t take long for Holden to come, but when he did, the world seemed to blur around him as awareness briefly went away. When it returned, Holden was gasping and moaning, and he was completely covered in semen.
“My God. You’re incredible, Six. I can’t believe those people kept you isolated for so long.”
It was a thoughtless statement, but suddenly the quiet that had covered them since the cab ride was gone. The hum of vibrations from the world around them closed in on Holden. Most of them were dim except for a single glow of warmth and pleasure and happiness that was emitting right . . . from Six.
Holden’s postorgasm daze vanished. He pushed his elbows against the bed to halfway sit up, but before he could even finish the motion, the shroud returned and all was quiet again. He thought at first that he’d imagined the connection. One look at Six proved otherwise. He’d sat back on his haunches, still panting, and was gazing at Holden with open astonishment.
“Holy shit,” Holden whispered. “I felt you. I fucking felt you.”
“I felt you too,” Six said hoarsely.
“What does it mean?”
“I don’t know, but I have to tell you something.”
Holden did sit up this time. “Tell me.”
Six bowed his head, took one last long, deep breath, and then glanced up again. “I’m not Community.”
Holden’s brows snapped together. “Then what are you?”
“I’m Ex-Comm.”