CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Oh, hell no. I am not getting on that—that thing.”
“It is called a horse, Stephanie. And her name is Maria. Her bloodline has been on this island for almost as long as me.” James patted her shiny black coat. “She is my pride and joy.”
The mare turned her head and attempted to nibble on James’s white T-shirt.
“Mr. Rook, I wondered when you’d show up.” A man emerged from the barn. He had stunning sky blue eyes, tanned skin, and honey blond hair. It was Jerod, the resident cowboy. I’d seen him on the monitors, but in real life, he was much more spectacular. No wonder he’s on the top ten favorite fantasy list.
“Miss Fitzgerald, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said with a twang.
“Jerod, nice to finally meet you in person.” I held out my hand, balancing myself on the crutches by wedging them between my arms and body.
“Yes, ma’am.” He shook my hand, and I immediately noticed his rough leathery palms.
“Wow. You really are a real live cowboy,” I said.
He dipped his head. “Born and raised on a Texas cattle ranch.” He winked.
“How did you end up here?” I asked.
He looked at James, who nodded. “It’s all right. I have told her,” James said.
“About time,” Jerod replied.
I still couldn’t believe that James had orchestrated everything just to test me. I supposed I had suspected it all along. Nevertheless, it all felt surreal.
Jerod returned his attention to me. “I was a Texas Ranger, reporting to Samuel H. Walker.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know who that is,” I said.
“The co-inventor of the Colt revolver. I fought for Walker in the Mexican-American War,” Jerod said proudly. “We were captured by the Mexican army on April 28, 1846, during the Thornton Affair. The ones who survived the ambush were taken prisoner and later exchanged, but three of us escaped before that. We made our way to the Gulf of Mexico, stole a boat, and planned to get back to our side, but a storm carried us off, and I washed up here.”
“Jerod was nearly dead when I found him on the beach,” James said.
“So you saved him,” I guessed.
James nodded. “He’s been with us ever since.”
“That’s amazing.” Even more so, Jerod looked to be twenty-five, tops.
“It’s been a good life.” He patted James on the arm. “I ain’t got no complaints. Except if you don’t take Maria here out for her daily ride. She’s been yammering all mornin’.”
“I wasn’t aware that horses yammered.” I grinned.
James chimed in. “Like you, she doesn’t quit until she gets what she wants. And neither do I.” James slid his arms around my waist and pulled me in close. “So it’s either this or we go back to number one on my list.”
“Fa-fa-fine,” I stammered, knowing I was too close to giving in and making a decision I’d only regret later. “I’ll ride her.”
James released me. “Such a shame. For I long to ride something else altogether.”
I frowned. “I opened the door and walked right into that one, didn’t I?”
“Yep,” Jerod smirked. “Ya sure did.”
“Let us get the horses saddled. You may wait here,” said James, chuckling his way to the barn.
Jerod stared at me for a moment, studying my face.
“What?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I get it.”
“Get what?” I asked.
“When Mr. Rook got us all together to break the news last night, I thought he’d gotten kicked in the head by Maria. But cha know what? I get it. A man can’t live on bread and water alone.”
The guilt inside caused me to look at my feet. “I’m sorry.”
“I sure the hell ain’t. It’s a blessing to wake up every day doin’ whatcha love and helpin’ people.” He held up his rough palm. “Now, I git that some folks might think I’ve lived the life of a sinner, but I know in my heart that the world is a better place because I chose to love and not kill. James showed me the way.”
The more passionate his speech, the thicker his twang. It was charming, actually.
“So now that you won’t be able to renew your lease, so to speak, how do you feel?”
He shrugged again. “I always knew it couldn’t last forever. Not when the cost is so high. It’s never sat well with me.” He scratched the back of his head. “But yanno what, Miss Fitz? That Mr. Rook has been like a father, brother, and best friend. I couldn’ ask for more.”
I crinkled my nose. My brain hung up on the word cost. Really, James’s entire family had to die in order for that lagoon to do what it did, but that wasn’t what he seemed to be talking about. He’d said “is” and not “was.”
“Yeah. The cost. How have you managed to live with it?” I asked, fishing.
“I guess it all goes back to the day I signed up for the Rangers. I knew the risk and it was mine alone to take. I wudda kicked anyone who tried to talk me out of it. So I guess it’s the same thing. Let each man, or woman, make their own choices.”
Whatthewhoa? We weren’t talking about James’s family being slaughtered. So then what price did he refer to?
Before I could ask, he dipped his head. “If you don’t mind, I’ll see what’s keeping Mr. Rook.” He turned and walked away.
Less than a minute later, I heard heated rumbles erupt from inside the barn. I stepped closer, trying to listen in, but my crutches and clumsy steps made it impossible to sneak up.
“Ah, Stephanie,” said James, emerging with Maria in a shiny brown saddle, “your mare is ready.” He held out his hands and then laced his fingers together. “Are you ready?”
I nodded yes, though in that moment, it dawned on me: Something still didn’t feel right.
“You have been awfully quiet,” said James as we strolled along the beach on our horses, the sun high in the sky and the afternoon breeze whipping through our hair. James’s horse was a tall white stallion named Tony. My horse, Maria, kept trying to go her own way, in the direction of any leafy plants.
“Just enjoying the view.” I gazed out over the calm turquoise waters.
“How is your foot?” he asked.
“Fine.” I left my bad foot dangling from the stirrup, which seemed fine as long as the horse didn’t bolt.
“Let’s not play games, Stephanie. I overheard your conversation with Jerod.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. And I am very disappointed that you still seem suspicious after everything I’ve told you.”
James pulled his horse to my left, but I didn’t look at him. Instead, I continued gazing to my right, out over the never-ending stretch of ocean.
“Dammit, woman. If you have something to ask, then ask. But I don’t have time for this bullshit.”
Woman. Huh. I swiveled my head in his direction. “Then maybe you should come clean and tell me everything.”
“I have.”
I hissed out a breath and shook my head. “Yeah, like you had sex with me and then told me you’re dying. You mean like that?”
James looked down at his hands gripping the reins, looking completely at home on his horse. “That was not how I’d planned on things going. But understand, Stephanie, the need to be with you was—is overwhelming. So, yes, I should’ve told you what was happening first, but I am still just a man—flawed and apparently very susceptible to my feelings for you, the woman I’ve been waiting my entire existence for.”
If that wasn’t romantic, I didn’t know what was. And I couldn’t lie, his words speared me right through the heart. Nevertheless, James was right. A part of me still didn’t trust him. Maybe I never would, but who could blame me? He was a man cloaked in secrets, and I’d known it the moment I laid eyes on his gorgeous face.
Searching for my words, I listened to the crash of the small waves hitting the beach. “All right.” I looked at him. “What’s the price you pay for the lagoon, James?” If he looked away, then I’d know he was lying.
But James wasn’t looking at me to begin with. He held his gaze on the stretch of beach ahead. “The price is different for everyone, I suppose. Some find that restarting one’s life anew isn’t as easy as they’d thought.”
“In what way?”
“To begin, you must cut ties with everyone you know—close family, children, friends. But I believe the biggest price is living on while they do not.”
“So the price is missing them?”
“I can’t speak for everyone, but yes. This is generally the biggest challenge. Which is why I always spend time with my VIP guests, preparing them for a journey that may extend their lives by sixty to seventy years. Afterwards, I make visits to check on their welfare or they come to the island. I am here for them until the very end—if they need someone.”
“So when you say ‘until the very end,’ do you watch them…”
“Die. Yes, if they need someone.”
“Why?” I asked. “I mean, that’s kind, but isn’t it hard?”
“The guests who’ve swum in the lagoon over the many centuries may have paid a lot of money, but they remained alive because of me and the choices I’ve made around this island. I feel responsible for them until their time is up.” He gave me a look. “And no one should ever die alone or afraid.”
Given his childhood, I could understand why Rook, I mean James, didn’t like to see people afraid in their final moments. “So you’re there for them.”
He nodded.
“And before they go, how did you get them to keep it all a secret?” I would think that eventually, the guest, or anyone who’d swum, might tell a friend or something.
“I really have no way of verifying that they do; however, we’ve managed to remain in the shadows of the world for over two centuries.”
“So then how do you find the VIP clients?” I asked. Because James had been charging one million dollars to take a swim, and not a lot of people had that kind of money sitting around.
“Obviously, the island itself and the resort are not entirely a secret. Some guests come to us for our standard package and it is clear they are not in good health. We do background checks, find out if they are worthy of living another life, then we offer them the service if we think they can afford it. Not everyone qualifies, however. One must have lived an exemplary life dedicated to something noble.”
“Such as?” I asked.
“Raising children, caring for others, fighting for a better world in their jobs—there are many ways.”
I nodded, thinking that through. “Women only?”
James smiled. “No. Not women only, but because of our fantasy services, few men pass through. Most of them start as employees. After five years, we must decide if they are candidates or we must let them go.”
“Because they’ll notice some of you aren’t aging.”
“Yes, but you will not have to worry about any of that, Stephanie. After I am gone, you will run the island free of this burden. No secrets.”
After he is gone. The idea made my soul feel heavy and dark. “I never said I wanted to run this place, let alone own it.”
“Why?”
“Because everything here reminds me of you. And Cici. I just wouldn’t be able to deal with that.”
“Ah. I see.” James nodded pensively. “Well, speaking as someone who has more than one lifetime of memories, some not so beautiful, I can tell you that it does get easier. The pain dulls. And perhaps, at some point, you might find the memories of the ones you’ve lost to be comforting.”
I shrugged. I couldn’t imagine being comforted when right now everything felt raw.
“So, have I convinced you?” James asked.
“About what?”
“To let go and trust me?”
I wanted to. Really I did. “There’s just one more thing I want to know.”
“Yes?”
“How long?” I asked.
James’s jaw tensed. “If I tell you, it will only make it more difficult. You’ll be staring at the clock, thinking about a point in the future instead of spending each moment with me. Here. Now.”
“I understand that.”
“And you still want to know?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
He looked ahead. “About seventy years ago, I met a woman—a guest who came to us with a very unique fantasy.” James glanced at me with a subtle hardness in his eyes. “She had been a prisoner in a concentration camp during World War II and lost everyone.”
I felt my skin crawling with dread. I could only imagine what a person in her situation might want. Revenge. Justice. To erase the horrors stuck in her mind.
James continued, “She wanted to see her entire family one last time. She wanted to hug them and tell them that she loved them.”
“That’s all? She didn’t want to make those people pay for killing them?”
“No. She simply wanted to surround herself with the love of her family—her husband, children, and parents—one final time.” James’s expression turned icier. He wanted to hide his emotions.
“Were you able to give her that wish?” I asked.
“We were not equipped at the time. But after she left, I fell into a dark place. Here was a woman who had endured the unthinkable, and her idea of paradise was being surrounded by her family. Her children. I realized that my life was hollow and always would be because of my obligations to Father Rook and this island.”
“So why didn’t you quit?”
“I did. I gave up. I stopped swimming in the lagoon. I resolved to die. It took less than a month before I was too weak to leave my bed.”
A month. Only a month. What the hell? That was not enough. I needed more! My heart began thumping out of control. “What changed?”
James glimpsed at me. “You.”
“Me?”
“The thought of you. As I lay there preparing to let go, I saw this flash—this image of me walking with a woman, holding her hand. We were laughing and talking, but there was this ease about us. It was happiness.”
Christ. Exactly like the dream I’d had last night of the two of us. But how?
James continued, “And I knew that when the time was right, when it was meant to be, I would meet this woman. I would not die never knowing what it is like to love another person so deeply and passionately.”
I fell speechless. How could we have the same dream?
“At the time,” he added, “I could not see her face, Stephanie. But the moment I saw you, I knew. I knew it was you I’d been waiting for.”
I forced myself to continue looking at him while my heart and soul spiraled like a powerful tornado inside my body. How could I ignore it any longer? I felt what he felt. I felt that connection. And as painful as it would be to lose him, it would be more painful living the rest of my life having turned my back on him.
I pulled back on the reins to stop my horse, so he did the same.
“Stephanie,” he said, “I tell you this story because it answers your question about how much time we have. But I hope you will also see that it doesn’t matter. I would have given it all up for merely one day, one hour, one minute of being loved by you.”
My eyes teared, knowing that what came next wouldn’t be easy. “Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
“Yes. I accept your proposal. I will stay with you until the end.”
James dismounted and then grabbed my arm, sliding me off my horse and easing me to the ground. “Say it again.”
“Yes.”
“Excellent. Because the question was ‘Will you marry me?’”
“You’re not serious,” I said.
“I am. And you’ve already said yes. You can’t take it back.” His grin stretched from ear to ear, making it nearly impossible to push back.
“We don’t have much time, and I’m not sure I want to spend it planning a—”
“This is Rook’s Island,” he argued. “We are prepared to make any fantasy come to life in a matter of hours.”
At this point, marrying him would be symbolic. I’d already agreed to stay by his side and watch him meet his maker. It was insane, irrational, and frightening. But it was what my heart wanted and that made it all feel right.
“Yes. We can marry,” I said.
James dipped his head and placed a soft kiss on the side of my mouth, threading his strong hands through my loose hair. “I love you, Stephanie.” He kissed the other side. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
He covered my mouth with his, and the kiss was anything but gentle. His lips were demanding, his body language filled with hunger.
He slid his arms around my waist and pulled me tightly into his frame, allowing me to feel the hardness between his legs.
I let out a muted moan. His taste, the feel of his warm body, the sweetness of his breath created a vacuum in my mind. All I could feel was my need for him. Nothing else.
He broke the kiss and turned to grab the pack on the back of his horse. “Here.” He pushed it into my hands. “You carry this, and I will carry you.” I took the pack, and he scooped me into his arms, heading inland.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“You will see.”
He carried me through the lush jungle along the path for several minutes. Then the trail turned into a sharp incline, but James barely broke a sweat.
“You’re really strong for such an old man,” I said, smiling.
I could see the happy gleam in his eyes, and I had to admit, nothing felt better.
“Just wait until we reach the top. I’m going to show you how strong when I fuck you senseless.”
My body exploded with heat, thinking of the way he’d taken me last night. I couldn’t begin to articulate how sensual he’d been.
Once we got to the end of the path, James gently put me down. There was a small cliff below us, butting up against the beach. And with the slight elevation, we could see the endless array of colors, ranging from deep turquoise blue to an iridescent green, of the Atlantic.
“Wow,” I said, the warm wind whipping against my face. “This view is amazing.”
“I won’t argue.” He gazed at me hungrily.
I would never get enough of this man. Not of those lips. Not of those pale blue-gray eyes. Not of that smile or how I felt when we were together.
James laid down a gray blanket and placed the small basket to the side.
“You really are the man—perfect location, perfect view, perfect romantic words.”
“Perfect woman at his side,” he added.
“That was corny, but a good one.” I hobbled over, closing the gap between us. “Kiss me.”
He tilted his head to one side and tucked a lock of my long dark hair behind my ear, but he didn’t kiss me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I changed my mind. I am definitely not going to fuck you. I’m going to make love to you. Slowly.”
My mind turned into a swirling mess as his head plunged and his lips pressed to mine. I opened my mouth to him, allowing his tongue to slide and dance with my own. I couldn’t recall ever being kissed like this before, not even by James himself. Every stroke of his tongue, every kneading movement of his lips, had his heart and soul poured into it. This was what it felt like to be given a kiss from a man who loved you with everything he had.
Oh God, I don’t want to lose him. But I couldn’t afford to think like that. I had to force myself to stay present and to drink in every delicious moment.
I let my fingertips float over the round firm mounds of his chest and down to his stomach before latching on to the hem of his T-shirt.
I pulled up and removed his shirt, quickly returning to his mouth and kisses. I could sense the desperation in him now, the consuming need to join our bodies. I felt it, too.
I removed my own shirt and lay down on the blanket. He kneeled and slid my shorts off along with my panties before doing away with the rest of his clothes.
James stretched out by my side, tilting the length of his body toward me, pressing his erection into my hip. His hand then began stroking and wandered slowly while I lay there watching, brushing my fingers through his soft hair, enjoying the feel of his warm skin pressed to mine.
No one had ever touched me like this and made me feel so utterly consumed by them. I tried not to think about missing this after I watched him grow old in a matter of weeks. I couldn’t allow myself to go there.
James placed his hand between my legs and began gently massaging my throbbing bud. My breath caught and then escaped with a hard whoosh. He began kissing his way down my collarbone, my breasts, my stomach, each kiss bringing him lower. My body tensed in anticipation.
I glanced down and James smiled up at me, a devilish look in his beautiful nearly translucent eyes. Not breaking eye contact, he placed a kiss over my aching c-spot. I threw back my head and grabbed fistfuls of blanket. He flicked his tongue and ran it up and down over the sensitive skin, then down to my already aching entrance.
I moaned softly. My nipples turned to hard points; my arms and legs trembled with ecstasy.
“I love touching your body, Stephanie. I love the way you taste. I love the sound of your voice.”
“Then don’t stop,” I panted, wanting more.
He kissed his way up my stomach, leaving a trail of sensual tingles, and laid himself between my legs. The head of his rock-hard shaft nudged at my ready entrance.
“Tell me now if you don’t want this,” he said, staring intensely. “I know I’m asking for a lot.”
He was asking for the impossible—my love, my commitment, and my consent to let him try to get me pregnant. But I couldn’t walk away. I think maybe I knew it from the moment I arrived on the island.
“I said yes, and I meant it. But don’t think I’m going to give up hoping for another miracle: you living a long happy life with me.”
“You can’t spend your days wishing for something that will never happen, Stephanie. I am here now. You are here now. You have to make that enough.”
My eyes teared. I didn’t want to cry in front of him; it didn’t seem right to let him watch me suffer.
“I’ll try,” I said solemnly.
He kissed me slowly and then pushed his hips forward, sliding his cock deep inside. His heat radiated into me, through me, igniting so much more than my sexual arousal. Still, I savored the feel of his hard velvety shaft gliding in and out, the weight of his body, the sound of his breathing as our kisses became more feverish.
I opened my legs wider, needing more of him, to get him closer. He felt so right. With our rhythmic movements, I lost track of time, of the blue sky above, of the jewel-colored ocean below. I forgot where we were or when. There was only him, me, our bodies moving together.
After what felt like hours, his pace quickened, and I felt my body climb toward a release that would break me into a thousand pieces when it hit. I rocked my hips faster and dug my fingertips into the firm mounds of his ass, coaxing him to fuck me harder.
His pace turned to a ravenous hammering, and then James let out a deep, masculine sound somewhere between a roar and growl. His hips pushed hard, driving his cock as far as it could go, triggering an explosion inside me. My walls contracted around him, milking his cock for every drop of cum. I moaned so loudly I could hardly recognize the sound coming from my own mouth.
“Ohgod,” I panted. “Please don’t stop.”
As the orgasm raged through my body like a wild fire of euphoria, bright lights clouded James’s handsome face. I fell instantly transfixed by his surreal beauty—the swollen full lips, the proud cheekbones, the sharp angle of his jaw. But more than anything, it was how I felt inside in this moment.
After several long breaths, James opened his eyes and beamed at me, the sunlight catching the browns and bit of red in his dark strands of hair. I studied him, my mind high from what our bodies had just done.
I sighed. “I never noticed that your eyes have so many flecks of silver, like a million sparkles.”
He kissed me softly. “They’ve gotten lighter with age.”
“Why?” I asked, my voice above a whisper.
“Maybe the eyes really are the windows to the soul.”
“So what do your windows say?”
“That I am a complicated man.” He grinned.
That he was.
I drew a slow breath. “I love you.”
“And I love you. Time will never change that.”
I looked at him, committing his expression to memory. So much love for me. I ran my fingers over the side of his graying temple, and my smile faded. The patch was bigger now. Even over the last hour.
The end was already beginning.