“We draw matches.”
I level my hazel eyes on the tiny wooden sticks in Luke’s fist. He strikes one against our roughhewn table, the flame flaring bright for a second before he blows it out.
Around us, the fire station’s overhead lights hum in that distressing way most electronics do nowadays, like at any moment they might sputter out.
Luke holds up the matchstick with the blackened tip. “Loser stays behind to see our plan through.”
This was the painstaking decision we made. One person doomed to die, three more to live.
All so we could kill that ungodly sonuvabitch.
Luke folds the tip of the burnt match into his palm with the three unburnt ones, then dips his hands beneath the table to mix them up.
Outside, beyond one of our decommissioned firetrucks, all our necessary belongings are packed, ready for a quick escape.
If, of course, we’re one of the fortunate three.
Luke finally lifts his hand, the matchstick stems jutting from his closed fist.
Felix and Briggs, the other two firefighters, go first.
Felix draws a matchstick …
Red-tipped.
He lets out a breath. I can tell he wants to fall back in his seat; his relief is obvious. But he’s both too macho and too aware of the rest of us to do so.
Briggs reaches for his …
Red-tipped.
Luke and I share a look.
One of us is going to die.
I can see Luke preparing himself to stay behind. I’ve only ever seen that expression on his face once before, when we were putting out a wildfire that had all but encircled us. The fire moved like the devil drove it, and Luke wore the expression of a walking dead man.
Both of us survived that experience. Perhaps we’d survive this devil too.
He holds his fist up to me. Two wooden sticks jut out. Fifty-fifty odds.
I don’t overthink it. I grab one of the matchsticks.
It takes a second for the color to register.
Black.
Black means … black means death.
The air escapes my lungs.
I glance up at my teammates, who are all wearing various looks of pity and horror.
“We all have to die sometime, right?” I say.
“Sara …” This comes from Briggs, who I’m halfway positive likes me more than a colleague and friend ought to.
“I’ll go instead,” he says. Like his bravery counts for anything. You can’t date a girl if you’re dead.
I close my fist around the match in my hand. “No,” I say, resolve settling in my bones. “We decided this already.”
Staying behind. I’m staying behind.
Deep breath.
“When all of this is over,” I say, “someone please tell my parents what happened.”
I try not to think about my family, who evacuated with the rest of the town earlier this week. My mom, who used to cut the crusts off my sandwiches when I was little, and my father, who was so upset when I told him I volunteered to stay behind for the last shift. He looked at me then like I was a dead woman.
I was supposed to meet them at my grandfather’s hunting lodge.
That’s no longer going to happen.
Felix nods. “I got you, Burns.”
I stand. No one else is moving.
“Go,” I finally order, “he’s going to be here in days.” If not hours.
They must see I’m not dicking around because they don’t bother arguing or lingering for long. One by one they give me tight hugs, pulling me in close.
“Should’ve been different,” Briggs whispers in my ear, the last to let me go.
Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. There’s no use dwelling on this now. The whole world ought to be different. But it isn’t, and that’s what matters.
I watch through one of the large windows as the men leave, Luke unhitching his horse from the garage, Briggs and Felix grabbing their bikes, their things strapped to the back.
I wait until they’re long gone before I begin to gather my things. My eyes move over my pack, stuffed with all manner of survival gear—and a book of Edgar Allan Poe’s best works—before landing on my grandfather’s shotgun, the oiled metal looking particularly lethal.
No time for fear, not until the deed is done.
I might be doomed to die, but I’m taking that infernal fucker down with me.