I smashed a pillow to my face, wanting to scream in frustration. While the poker game was winding down, I’d barely been able to keep my eyes open, certain that I would fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. But somehow by the time I got settled in bed, I found myself wide awake.
It must have been only an hour or so later but felt more like an eternity. Once again, I was unable to shut down the scattered thoughts running laps around my mind. I shouldn’t have been surprised. The events of the last few days crashed into my life like a tsunami, leaving devastation I never could have imagined.
All things considered, I was thankful to the guys for providing a distraction from the chaos. While I was busy focusing on whether I could trust them, I wasn’t thinking about what I’d found out about my past or what I was going to do about my future. Of course, it didn’t hurt that the distraction came in the form of three captivating males.
But awake in the stillness of night, I could no longer rely on those distractions. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and listening to the sounds of the cabin. Through the thin walls, I heard the gentle creaking of the springs of the sofa bed and the occasional groan of the wood floor. Beyond the walls, the chirp of crickets was punctuated every so often by the hoot of an owl. Normally, sounds like these would have soothed me; tonight they just irritated me, reminding me that I was awake.
Moonlight filtered through the open window, casting a spotlight on the foot of the bed. Shifting positions, I got a whiff of the sheets. Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine myself in my bed at home, longing to smell the familiar scents. I pulled the covers up around me, seeking solace that blankets alone couldn’t provide. Would anything ever feel like home again? So far from everything I knew, I ached for something familiar.
Unable to relax my body or still my mind, I thrashed in the sheets. The only home I had really ever known was gone. The bookshelf of novels I had read, the guitar I spent so many hours playing, the cups we drank out of, the blankets I snuggled up under. All gone.
It wasn’t even that I missed the things so much as the memories associated with them. They came together to create a feeling of home, a sense of belonging and safety. I felt like the rug had been ripped out from under me.
I got a glimpse of trees swaying outside the window and longed for open spaces surrounded by mountains, the sky a blanket of stars. If it wasn’t for my injured ankle, I would have snuck outside to see the stars, even if I had to climb a tree to do so. I needed the feeling of normalcy the night sky provided; I needed that connection to my mom as always, but even more so now that my dad and I were separated.
As I lay there, my thoughts flitted through my mind like small birds darting through the trees, quickly moving from one subject to the next without lingering. Agitated, I threw back the covers and jerked onto my side, clumsily twisting my ankle in the process. “Eek!” The loud sound tumbled out of my mouth before I could suppress it. I waited silently, hoping that none of the guys would come to investigate.
Apparently that was too much to ask for, because a minute later, I heard the soft sounds of the door opening and closing. I didn’t bother turning around to find out who it was, feigning sleep instead.
I heard the smooth timbre of Ethan’s voice as the other side of the bed dipped from his weight. “I know you’re awake. Not trying to make another run for it, are you?” His tone was wry, a quality that I had already come to appreciate as distinctly Ethan.
I let out an inelegant snort in response to his question but refrained from saying anything else. I didn’t feel like explaining my turbulent thoughts and emotions.
“Do you need anything?” For once, his voice was serious enough that I could tell he was concerned.
“Nothing is really wrong. I just can’t sleep.” I kept my reply brief, hoping he would get the message and let me get back to wallowing in peace. “You can go back to bed. I’ll be fine.”
Ethan chuckled. “Considering tonight’s bed is the not-so-comfortable chair in the living room, I’m happy to stay here and help.”
He was sleeping in the chair? Obviously it should have occurred to me earlier that there was only one pull-out couch and three guys. Now I really felt guilty for hogging the bedroom. “I’m sorry,” I started, but Ethan interrupted.
“Hey now, none of that. I was just pointing out that if you want to talk, I’d be more than happy to stay with you for a little while.”
Although I should have told him to go, I found myself giving in. The sound of his deep voice was already soothing me. I turned onto my back and glanced at him in the low light. He was facing me with his knee folded on the bed and his other leg settled on the floor. His palm pressed into the mattress, supporting his weight, while the other was draped across his lap. I couldn’t make out the expression on his face, seeing only a slight reflection from his glasses.
I fumbled with the covers, pulling them back over my body, mostly in an attempt to stall having to talk to him. It’s not that I was uncomfortable talking to Ethan; I just wasn’t used to sharing my feelings, especially in such intimate surroundings.
“I think it’s finally sinking in that I don’t have a home to go back to. I’ve led such a solitary life for so many years, all I’ve really known is that house, the land around it, and my dad.” The words just seemed to tumble out, exposing too much. “Usually when I’m feeling down or am having trouble sleeping, I sneak outside and stargaze.” I sighed, “And now I don’t even have that.”
He quickly replied, “You will; your ankle will heal, and you won’t be stuck in this cabin forever.” He continued, his voice warmer than I’d ever heard it. “Haley, I know it’s hard to imagine, but your perspective will change over time. Home is not just a house or even a family. Sometimes it’s finding a group of friends that will always have your back or even a career that provides new meaning to your life. Your home as you’ve known it may be gone, but you will find your place.”
He quieted, letting his words sink in. “Your love of stargazing . . . tell me about it.”
I couldn’t explain the feeling, but I suddenly wanted Ethan to understand. “I’ve always loved searching for the constellations. They remind me of my mom. One of the few memories I have of her was our secret stargazing.
I remember one night
she came into my room after I had gone to bed but long before sunrise. My mom
kissed me on the forehead, and I was comforted by the scent of her floral
perfume. After gently pressing her fingers to my lips to keep me from waking my
dad, we snuck away from the house with a telescope. As she pointed out the
constellations, she whispered their names; the myths associated with them
were my favorite bedtime stories.”
Ethan slowly moved onto the bed and lay down on his side, his head propped on his hand. “Will you share one of those stories with me?”
I replied, “You really want me to?” He nodded, his hand still cupping his cheek.
I pursed my lips. “Hmmm, that’s a tough choice. I think the myth associated with the Virgo constellation has always been one of my favorites. Plus, Virgo is easy to spot; it’s the second largest constellation after Hydra.”
Ethan grinned. “Perfect. Why don’t you tell me that one?”
I sighed, debating where to begin. “Well, as you probably know, myths are often based on oral tradition handed down from generation to generation. They mutate over time, sometimes leading to conflicting versions. There are even several different myths associated with the Virgo constellation. That said, I will tell you my favorite version, the version my mom always told me.”
I inhaled deeply, drawing breath to tell the tale.
“The Grecians worshipped many gods, loving and fearing them in equal measure. Most gods lived on Mount Olympus, a place of great beauty and good weather. Several gods dwelled elsewhere, presiding over their own domain; Poseidon lived in the sea, and Hades was lord of the Underworld.
The Underworld was not a place you would want to visit; filled with darkness and the dead, it was a place of no return. As lord of the dark Underworld, Hades was feared as a god of terror and death. Not surprisingly, he didn’t have many worshippers or temples.”
Ethan snickered, and I continued.
“Demeter was the goddess of the earth, responsible for agriculture and crops. The people of Greece prayed to her, asking for fertile lands and abundant harvests. Demeter had a brother named Zeus, god of the sky and lightning, among other things. Together, they had a daughter named Persephone.”
I felt my cheeks warm as I wondered what Ethan thought of this unorthodox relationship. Not wanting to draw attention to it, I continued.
“Persephone was full of life and Demeter loved the child more than anything else. Persephone loved to wander the fields and meadows, often picking wildflowers. Over the years, she grew into a beautiful maiden. Hades was struck by her beauty and fell in love at first sight.
At the time, it was common for fathers to arrange the marriage of their daughter. One day, Hades asked Zeus for Persephone’s hand in marriage. Zeus had quite the dilemma. Hades was a good match for Persephone. But, their marriage would separate Demeter and Persephone forever; Demeter as goddess of the earth could not live in the Underworld, and Persephone as queen of the Underworld would be required to remain there.
Zeus knew that if he refused, Hades, his eldest brother, would be offended. If he consented, Demeter would never forgive him. Choosing his words very carefully, Zeus told Hades that he would neither give nor withhold his consent. Although Hades wished for Zeus’s blessing on the marriage, he read between the lines. Seeing the answer as encouragement, he returned to the Underworld determined to have Persephone as his bride.”
Ethan rose up slightly, creating space between his head and the hand that had been supporting it. With the other hand, he removed his glasses. He placed them on the nightstand before returning to his side and laying his head on the pillow.
“One day when Persephone was gathering flowers in the fields, she wandered away from her friends without realizing it. She noticed a beautiful narcissus and knelt down to pick it. Struggling to pull it from the ground, she tugged with all her strength. Suddenly, a giant hole opened in the earth and out sprung a chariot driven by Hades, drawn by steeds as black as night. Hades grabbed the frightened girl and whisked her away to the Underworld; Persephone wept and refused to eat or drink anything.
When Persephone didn’t return that afternoon, her friends were worried. No one could tell where Persephone had gone. Demeter was distraught and wandered the earth searching for her. In vain, Demeter asked both gods and mortals what had happened to Persephone.
Finally, Helios, the all-seeing Sun, told Demeter what happened, and she was struck with grief. She felt sick at the thought of her beautiful, vibrant daughter living in the lifeless world of the dead. Demeter was furious with Zeus, and she left Mount Olympus to live among mortals in disguise.”
Tired of craning my neck to the side, I shifted, laying on my side facing Ethan. The room was mostly dark, but I could make out his face. His eyes were focused on me and I saw his lips part.
“In her sadness, the earth suffered and the crops would bear no fruit. There was a year of great famine, and it seemed as if the whole world would wither away. Zeus couldn’t let the situation continue, but he was too ashamed to visit Demeter in person.
To apologize, he sent other gods to her bearing gifts one after the other, but Demeter refused to listen. She swore she would not let the crops grow until she could see her beloved Persephone.
Finally, having tried everything, Zeus sent a messenger to the kingdom of Hades to return Persephone to her mother. Hades did not want Persephone to go but knew he had no choice. He asked her not to think ill of him and persuaded her to eat four pomegranate seeds before leaving.”
Feeling drowsy, I fought off sleep, determined to finish the story.
“Persephone returned to the earth and was embraced by her mother. The whole world was covered with beautiful flowers; the crops bore fruit once again, and the mortals rejoiced.
But their happiness at being reunited was to be short-lived. Demeter was heartbroken when she discovered that Persephone had eaten the pomegranate seeds. Knowing that anyone who ate the fruit of the Underworld would be doomed to return, Demeter feared Persephone would be taken from her again.
Rules were rules, and this one could not be broken. As a compromise, it was agreed that Persephone would return to the Underworld to rule at Hades’s side for four months of the year, one month for each pomegranate seed she had eaten.
Persephone continued to share her time between the two worlds, rising from the dead every spring to return to her mother. Flowers would cover the earth and crops would bloom, celebrating their joyous reunion. There she remained through summer and fall. Every year, when Persephone returned to the Underworld, her mother mourned. Winter arrived and the earth turned cold as ice.
For all Persephone’s beauty there was a sorrow to her, creating something both strange and awesome about her. She was shaped by her time in the Underworld, returning to the earth transformed by her experiences.”
I was silent, letting the end of the story hang in the air. My eyelids felt heavy and reality was blurring into sleep.
Ethan spoke, his baritone voice almost a whisper. “As Elisabeth Kübler-Ross so eloquently said, ‘People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out . . . ’” He paused and gently brushed my hair away from my forehead. As he did so, my eyes closed.
He continued, his fingers gently tracing the curve of my forehead. “‘But when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.’” Ever so softly, he tucked the hair behind my ear.