I drop down on one knee. “Will you marry me?”

Noemi’s eyes widen as she stares at the little black case with a big shiny rock I’m holding up. I wait, trying to focus on the warm breeze against my face and the soothing murmur of the water around us.

Inhale. Exhale.

This will be over soon.

Noemi blinks and shifts her gaze from the ring to my face. But she doesn’t utter a word.

What if she says no?

What if she hasn’t fallen in love with me as I was hoping she would? What if she’s just been leading me on for the past three months, playing one of those cruel games she excels at?

Calm down, man. Breathe. Remember who you are now.

She’ll say yes.

I’m no longer that pathetic pimple-faced nerd in an oversized T-shirt who deserved to be taught a lesson. We’re no longer in high school. I’m a medal-winning athlete on the national water polo team. I’m hard-bodied, impeccably dressed, and self-confident. Women beg me for a date and send me naked pics and sex tapes. Men glare at me in envy.

She’ll say yes.

She’s just too dumbfounded to speak.

Our fellow passengers have formed a small crowd around us—some with looks of concern, others grin optimistically, and some women dab their eyes.

The guy from the cabin next door has my phone and snaps pictures, which—if everything goes to plan—will be shared to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and whatever other social media accounts Noemi and I have. They’d be the kind of pics that crash the Internet. The sun setting over the dark expanse of the water, the deck railing of a magnificent cruise ship, and a stunning woman in a shimmery cocktail dress saying yes to her tall, handsome boyfriend…

That is, provided Noemi says yes.

If she says no, I’m in for another public humiliation despite my looks, medals, and self-confidence.

As the seconds tick by, said self-confidence shrinks at an alarming rate, to put it mildly.

This was a mistake.

I shouldn’t have listened to Roland. I should’ve proposed in private. Or not proposed at all.

“Oh my God, Julien, I didn’t… I didn’t expect this at all!” Noemi finally says.

I do my best to keep my cool. “So, what’s your answer?”

“Are you sure about this?” she whispers, her eyes darting to the onlookers. “We’ve been dating for only three months.”

“But we’ve known each other for eight years. That counts for something.”

She nods.

I force a smile, bracing myself for something like “I can’t marry you because deep inside you’re still as pathetic as you were in high school.”

“Yes,” she murmurs.

It’s my turn to blink.

She grins. “You look surprised.”

“Can you say it again?”

“Yes,” she says louder. “I’ll marry you.”

My shoulders sag with relief.

Noemi’s beautiful face expands into a big, toothy smile. I would’ve bet anything it was genuine if I didn’t know better.

People around us clap and cheer.

“Dude, this is the part where you put the ring on her finger,” someone in the crowd prompts.

My hand shakes as I slip the diamond ring on Noemi’s delicate finger. The rock cost me a small fortune, but I didn’t hesitate for a second when I purchased it. Just like I didn’t hesitate when I booked us in the most expensive cabin on this luxurious cruise ship. Knowing what I know about my sweetheart, the slightest suspicion on her part that I’m still a loser would’ve sent my three months of hard work out the window.

Forget three months—try eight years.

I wasn’t taking any chances.

Noemi lifts her hand to her face and gazes at the ring. “It’s gorgeous.”

“I’m glad you like it.” I stand up. “You make me very happy.”

Her eyes water. “You make me happier than I’ve ever been.”

“Kiss her, genius!” my self-appointed prompter says, chuckling.

The crowd begins to chant, “Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her!”

I pull Noemi close and brush my lips against hers. There’s no need to go full French in front of an audience.

After we kiss, bow to the crowd to signal that the show is over and take a bunch of selfies, I grab Noemi’s hand and lead her to our cabin.

Once inside, she claps her palm to her mouth. The space has been transformed into something out of a tacky romance movie. Rose petals litter the room, soft music plays, and a fine vintage champagne sticks its long neck out of the ice bucket.

If she had said no, I was going to spend the night in an armchair in one of the lounges rather than rush here and un-decorate. But luckily for me—and unluckily for my betrothed—there’s no need for either of those unpleasant options. I can enter the cabin with my head high and a smug grin on my lips.

Roland will be pleased to hear that the first stage of my Payback Plan went without a hitch.

I pop the bubbly and move on to stage two.

“To our future,” I say, raising my flute.

Noemi smiles and touches her glass to mine. “To our happiness.”

We drink.

“Want to sit on the balcony?” she asks.

I grab the ice bucket, and we step out on our private balcony just big enough for two chairs. But that’s as good as it gets on a boat.

Setting the bucket on one of the chairs, I sit down on the other and pat my lap. “Come to daddy.”

I should’ve said, “Come here, my love,” but there are limits to the amount of kitsch a man can handle in one day.

Besides, if there’s one thing I won’t do even if it ends up raising Noemi’s suspicions and ruining my perfect plan is utter the word “love.” That word is a taboo, given our history. Noemi seems to get it, because she hasn’t said it either, not once since we started dating. Nor has she asked me if I love her.

Smart girl.

She lowers herself onto my lap and turns her head toward the purple sky. “So beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you,” I say, recovering my romantic groove.

She glances at me, shaking her head in feigned reproof. “There’s no need to go over the top.”

“Sweetheart, less than an hour ago, you had me on my knees, begging you to marry me.” I arch an eyebrow. “There’s no bigger proof of a man’s sincerity.”

She smiles.

Is it tenderness I discern in her eyes?

It can’t be. The Noemi I had the misfortune of falling in love with eight years ago is incapable of such emotions.

Besides, if I’m being honest, I don’t want her to have them. Because if she’s changed, if she isn’t faking it, this proposal—and what I plan to do in a few weeks—becomes even more vicious.

Fair and deserved, but vicious.

Despite Roland’s protests, I’ve taken to calling it “the deed of darkness.” It doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

But, I’m used to not feeling good about myself.

Noemi runs her hand down the side of my neck to the collar of my dress shirt. As her delicate fingers undo a button and then another one, the affection in her eyes gives way to something different.

Desire.

A sigh of relief escapes me. I must have dreamed up the tenderness. Just like my fevered eighteen-year-old brain had imagined all those little signs that Noemi liked me back in high school. They were nothing but self-delusion.

But this—this is the real Noemi.

My Noemi.

The girl I’ve been obsessed with ever since I laid my eyes on her when we were seventeen. The princess I thought I’d never have the privilege of touching except in my fantasies, but who is now my fiancée.

The woman I’m about to fuck.

“I want you,” she murmurs against my mouth as her hand slides under my shirt.

In reply, I grip the back of her head and claim her mouth in a wet, languorous kiss. Our tongues dance together, stroking and teasing, a brief prelude to the ravenous sex that will follow. Her taste invades my senses, making my need to fill her deeper, stronger. I fight it, like I’ve been fighting it for three months now, letting her take the lead, letting her decide when, in what position, and for how long we do it.

I believe letting Noemi be in charge has been the key that softened her heart of stone just enough to let me in. Not that I don’t enjoy this kind of sex—I’ll probably enjoy any kind of sex if Noemi is involved—but I do wish I could let my dominant side out every now and then. Nothing crazy, just… take her a little harder. A little rougher. Deviate from “the missionary” on occasion. Explore and penetrate more of her.

But I keep a tight rein on those urges. Can’t risk losing her now that I’m so close.

She draws back to catch her breath and slides off my lap. With a seductive smile, she moves inside the cabin and crooks her index finger to invite me to follow her. I do.

The next hour is filled with kissing and stroking; buttons, cufflinks, and clasps popping open; zippers lowering; Noemi’s fingers digging into my back, and my cock thrusting into her heat.

I’ll miss this when “the deed of darkness” is done.

But it needs to be done.

I need closure, so I can forget this woman, forget what she did to me, and move on.

“So beautiful,” I murmur as I roll off her, spent.

I mean it, just as I mean every word of what I’m about to say. “Eight years, and not a day went by when I didn’t look—at least briefly—at your face. It never fails to take my breath away.”

She frowns. “What do you mean? We were apart most of those eight years. I didn’t even know where on earth you’d gone after your family moved abroad.”

I reach over and pull my phone from the pocket of my jacket.

“See this?” I point at a photo of her in a red T-shirt. “I took it at the teacher appreciation picnic when we started our final year of high school.”

She tilts her head to the side. “Are you saying you looked at this pic daily for eight years?”

I nod.

She rolls her eyes. “Please.”

“You don’t have to believe me, but I did, every fucking day.” I shrug. “Guess I never tired of your beauty.”

What a shame the world’s prettiest girl has its ugliest soul!

That same comment, word for word, was how I’d started my long-winded suicide note. I didn’t keep it, and I remember only part of the sad ramblings of an eighteen-year-old desperate enough to hang himself.

I begged Mom and Dad to forgive me and make sure they didn’t raise Flo to be a pathetic loser like their older son. “Hurt his feelings, betray his trust, teach him that nobody loves anyone,” I’d counseled them. “Tell him that if he gives his heart to someone, they’ll walk all over it with muddy boots until it’s just a pile of stinky, bloody gunk.”

Stinky, bloody gunk, huh?

Mom and Dad shouldn’t have allowed me to watch so many zombie apocalypse movies.

Anyway, the letter went on and on over several pages, imparting teenage wisdom mixed with gallows humor. In conclusion, I warned my parents that if they tried to make another kid, and it was a girl, she’d better be plain. That would diminish her destructive capacity and maybe save a man’s life.

What a drama queen!

I smirk and run my hand through Noemi’s honey-colored hair. Here I am, the boy who almost succeeded in taking his life because of her unique cruelty. The boy who would’ve broken his parents’ hearts and never had a chance to become a man.

The boy who spent the last eight years plotting how to make the beauty in his arms pay for what she’d done.