I barely managed to make it to a dark corner of the street, away from all the crowds, before the tears came. I didn’t have the stomach flu. I wasn’t overworked or stressed. No, this was all Cooper’s fault.

He’s driving me insane.

One minute, I hated him. He was arrogant and pushy. He acted like he owned me. Like he could tell me what to do and who I could see. But then he touched me, and none of that mattered anymore. His kisses made me burn with desire. When we’re apart, I ached for his touch, craved his taste, like a junky longing for her next fix.

But I couldn’t keep doing this.

There were far more important things in life than this animal attraction. I needed stability right now, more so than ever. And stability was definitely not what that wild, unpredictable man could offer. My hand unconsciously moved to cover my belly, and again, I wonder if my life was about to change.

I took a deep breath and tried to find calm. There were still several hours left of the Christmas Market. And then the teardown and clean up. I didn’t have time for the emotional breakdown I deserved.

When I opened my eyes, the air around me was filled with fluffy, white flakes. The wind had died down, and the snow hung in the air as if suspended in time. It was beautiful. Like something out of a Christmas fairytale.

But with the snow, the cleanup was going to be hell.

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently?”

A deep male voice came from behind me. I turned to see Cooper leaning against the side of a booth, watching me.

“And now you’re quoting Carroll to me?”

“I’m just envious of that snowflake that gets to gently kiss your cheeks and lips with such ease.”

His words were like a warm caress. Given a chance, I’d lose myself in them. He stepped forward, but I put my hand out to stop him.

“I was an asshole. Can you forgive me?”

I wanted to. God, I really wanted to. But I knew deep down that this had to stop.

“Cooper, we can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this.”

“Do what?” he asked, confused.

“This back and forth. I’ve spent just as many hours upset and crying over things you’ve said as I have laughing. That says a lot about the direction we’re heading.”

“I don’t ever want you to cry,” he said, wiping the wetness from my cheeks. At this point, I couldn’t tell if they were tears or the melting snow. “I warned you I’d screw this up and you promised to be patient. I’m trying. I really do want to make this work.”

There was a note of desperation in his voice that almost made me reconsider. Was I giving up too soon? Maybe the stress from the event and my lack of sleep were coloring my views. When things were good, they were really good. Was I ready to give that up?

“Thank God, Cooper is with you,” Tony said, out of breath as if he’d just sprinted over here. “I saw you run back here between the booths and thought you were sick again. The last thing we need is for you to be off by yourself and have another dizzy spell.”

 “I told you not to worry,” I said unable to keep the irritation out of my voice. “I wasn’t sick. I just needed some fresh air.”

“You didn’t tell me you’d been sick. Do you need to sit down?” he asked and put a hand on my shoulder. When I didn’t answer, he glanced over at Tony. “What’s wrong with her?”

“I’m standing right here!” I snapped and stepped away from Cooper. Then I turned to Tony and glared. “And you, I told you I was just fine.”

“Are you sure? Did you find out…” Tony glanced over at Cooper and shifted uncomfortably on the heels of his feet. “Have you seen your doctor?”

“A doctor? I thought you said you were fine?” Cooper turned back to Tony. “What’s going on?”

“Hey, eyes over here.” I snapped my finger to get Cooper’s attention. “I had the stomach flu. It went around the center last week. I’m better now. I’m just tired. That’s all. Tony, over there, has been armchair WebMD-ing me. I’m surprised he doesn’t think I have cancer.”

“Okay, what the fuck? Dizzy spells? Cancer? I have a doctor that does house calls. I can have him meet us at your house in an hour.”

“I’m perfectly healthy. I don’t need a doctor.” Tony started to object, but my hand shot up to stop him. The last thing I needed was him telling Cooper he thought I was pregnant when I didn’t know myself.  “I promise if I do need a doctor, I’ll go see one. After the market closes tonight, I’m going home and sleeping for the next two days. Next week will be better, and I’ll be back to my old self.”

“Next week is going to be just as crazy,” Tony said, crossing his arms and giving me that disapproving dad stare. “You always work twice as many hours during Christmas, sorting donated clothes and working with the toy drives. You’re not going to get any more rest.”

“I’ll catch up on my sleep on Christmas day. I won’t even get out of my pajamas.”

“I wish you’d come over to our house. I hate that you spend Christmas alone,” Tony said, softening his voice.

“Christmas should be all about the kids. I don’t want to take the focus away from your family. Besides, I like spending Christmas alone.”

“You can always spend Christmas with me,” Cooper said. “My family is doing Christmas late this year. Mom is on a cruise and won’t be back until the twenty-sixth.”

“It’s not a big deal. I sleep in, watch a marathon of cheesy Christmas movies, and eat red and green tamales from a little bodega on the corner. I use that time to recuperate from all the extra duties I have in December.”

“Oh,” he said, managing to convey volumes of disappointment in that word.

I felt bad. But we weren’t together anymore, and I was still on the fence about trying again. Spending Christmas together would send the wrong message.

An uncomfortable silence fell over us. I turned to Tony and asked, “Did that volunteer ever show up for the wrapping table?”

“We’re still a person short.”

“Since you came all the way down here, want to help?” I looked up at Cooper and batted my eyelashes.

“I might as well.”

We spent the next two hours wrapping presents. That was to say, I wrapped presents and Cooper got by on his charm. His gifts looked like they were wrapped by a drunk T-rex. But he autographed every package, so the line waiting for him was twice as long as the rest of us.

He stayed until the last booth closed. I knew he wanted to finish our conversation, but I was exhausted. I sent him home with the promise of another date—the possibility of a second chance. But before I could promise anything, I needed to put the pregnancy issue to rest.

When I got home at three in the morning, I went straight to the bathroom and took that test.