Boone
It’s freezing cold in my old bedroom. Which makes no sense since it’s summer and hot as hell outside.
Madeline isn’t shivering though, so it must just be me.
Nothing has changed since I moved to campus. I would only stay in this room during college breaks, so nothing has been done to it since I was in high school. It looks like a time capsule from the first decade of the millennium. My plaid curtains match the plaid bedspread. There are trophies on the shelves of all my accomplishments. Hell, there’s even unopened mail on the desk. It’s also dusty as fuck.
But there are no ghosts. Not like I thought there might be.
I sit on the bed and remember the time my dad came in with a beer and talked to me about sex while we shared a cold one. God, that was awkward. But necessary. He treated me like a man, and I wanted to be one worthy of him. I remember a dog name Misty who used to sleep at the foot of my bed. I remember a lot of things, but they don’t hurt. I guess I’m doing better than I thought.
“How are you?” Madeline asks me.
“My mom would be pissed at the dust in here.”
“Well, I hope she’d at least be happy with how the rest of the house is shaping up.”
“She’d love you.” I don’t know what is going on in my wife’s head. I thought that would make her happy, but she looks stricken.
“Did she love Amy?”
“Is that what this is about?” I hold my hand out to her and she takes it warily, joining me on the twin bed. “Yes, my mom loved Amy. We all did. She’s a nice person. But she’s my past. You’re my present and my future.”
“Your past is so much a part of everything. It feels like we are walking in two worlds everywhere we step in this house.”
“Does it?” I look around. “I guess it’s partly because I haven’t faced it all the way. I keep trying to deny it. Like I’m not him, the kid that grew up in this room. That he died when I was arrested. But he’s part of me, I guess. Part of us.”
“Is he? He loved Amy...and I’m so different from her. I don’t know if I’ll ever believe...”
“Madeline,” I cup her jaw and make her look at me, “I love you.”
She inhales a shocked breath.
“I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you. Now I see you needed the words sooner, and I’m sorry. I love you. I love that you are so brave and took a chance on me. I love that you call me on my bullshit. I love that you sit with me every morning and plan our life. That you make me face,” I look around the room again, “you make me face my demons, but you are at my side when I do. You’re the woman I want.”
“I’m pregnant.”
She’s watching my expression so carefully, so I don’t hide my smile. I don’t know that I could. “You’re sure?”
She nods. “I took a test. I wasn’t going to tell you.”
“What? Why?”
“Loving you scares me.”
I feel like the sun is exploding warm light in my chest. “You love me?”
“Love is dangerous to me, Boone. It means being vulnerable. But I can’t stop. And I’m so afraid of losing what we have that I’m afraid to keep it.”
I slide to my knees in front of her. “You are my whole world. The only way you are going to lose me is if you leave me. But you’d take my heart with you. I love you. And I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it until you believe me.”
“I love you too.”
“So why are you crying?”
“I think because I’m happy. Boone, we’re going to have a baby!”
I kiss her like my life depends on it. Because it does.
Thinking about her body swelling with my baby has me hard and ready to practice for the next one. “Baby, I’ve never had a girl in this room before,” I tell her as I untie her shoes.
“Really?”
“Let’s say we christen this bed.”
“I’d be honored to be the first girl you have in this bed...but...”
Please don’t let her doubt me still. “But what?”
“I think we should turn this room into a nursery. And it feels a little weird to get it on in our baby’s room.”
Holy fuck. We’re having a baby. It just sinks all the way in and my vision tunnels.
“Boone? Are you okay?”
“I think I’m going to pass out.”
“What? Why? Put your head between your knees.”
I breathe through it and sit up again. My wife is laughing at me.
“You tell no one.”
“Right. Who would believe me that Boone Barker fainted like a southern belle when he found out he was going to be a dad?” She’s still laughing.
“I didn’t faint. I almost fainted. And men call it passing out when they do it.”
“Right. That’s manlier.” She snorts as she laughs. Which sets her off in another fit of giggles.
“That’s it.” I stand up and throw her over my shoulder like a fireman, swatting her ass as I carry her out of the room and into our shared bedroom. “I’ll show you manly.”
It occurs to me that now that she’s pregnant, I can come in her and it won’t be changing the terms of our deal. All the blood rushes to my dick.
Until I remember she might still think we’re on a trial run. “Madeline,” I slide her down my body, making sure she can feel how hard I am for her, “about the two weeks we have left...”
She puts two fingers on my lips. “I’m sorry I ever agreed to that. I was trying to...protect my heart. It was dumb and it didn’t work anyway. I love you. I don’t want a thirty-day review. I want to give you everything I am and let you take care of my heart. I think you’ll do a better job with it than I did.” She takes a deep breath. “I want to go get the test out of the bathroom. Make sure it’s real.” She points to the bed. “You get naked. And...right back I’ll be.”