I use a vacation day to try and figure out what the hell I want to do. I figure I shouldn’t be in the castle. If I run into the prince again, I know I’ll just tell him whatever he wants to hear.

And I need to think. What he offered me is crazy, but it could also change my life in ways I can’t even begin to fathom. I’m not a rich girl and my family certainly isn’t rich either. I don’t have their financial support anymore anyway. The job market back home doesn’t look great, and I’ve been stressing about money my entire life.

I could do whatever I wanted with this deal. Half a million dollars every year, guaranteed, is a lot of money. I could buy a house, or several houses, or start a business. I’d have to travel back to Polovia twice a year, but that wouldn’t be so bad. I’d have my freedom to do whatever I want. It’s the sort of opportunity very few people get in this world.

And yet… I’d have to marry the prince.

I don’t even know him. I’ve barely had two conversations with the man, and now he wants to marry me and pay me a lot of money.

And he wants to get me pregnant.

I stop outside of a coffee shop and lean up against a wall. I close my eyes for a second and picture what it would be like with Prince Nolan.

He’d slowly undress me, look me in the eyes, and kiss me. I bet he’d whisper in my ear as his hands slowly slipped down toward my pussy. I’d bite down on his lower lip and moan as he plunges himself into me, over and over again, that perfect body pressing me down against the bed…

I shiver and have to stop. I look around, a little embarrassed. I love Maldin, it’s a modern city built around an ancient one, so everything is a mix of new and old. It’s pretty well populated, though fortunately right now nobody is around to notice my glowing red cheeks. I doubt I’m the first woman to imagine having sex with the prince though, and definitely won’t be the last.

There’s also his reputation to consider. He’s a player, and I don’t know if this deal thing is for real. He might just be trying to trick me into bed. But does he need to resort to tricks to get women to sleep with him? I totally doubt it. I probably would have slept with him willingly if he didn’t say he wanted to marry me and get me pregnant.

I sigh and head into the coffee shop. I order a coffee and a little pastry for breakfast, and as I go to pay, I pick up a gossip magazine that happens to be in English on a whim. It has an article about the prince in there, and I can’t help but feel curious.

I take my coffee and my pastry and sit down outside in a little metal chair at a little metal table. People filter by as I sip my drink and eat my food. It’s actually pretty nice, but I can’t get the prince out of my mind.

I don’t know if I want to be a mother. I’ve always thought about it, and wondered if it’s something that I want, but I’ve never been sure. How would that even work, anyway? I can’t imagine having a baby and then giving him or her up. Nolan said that I could see the baby as often as I want, but it would be so strange. My own child would be raised by someone else, in a foreign country. He’d probably speak a language I don’t even know. I can’t imagine how I could even have a relationship with my own child like that.

And what if I don’t want to live in Polovia? Could I have a baby and then abandon him? That sounds like the most irresponsible thing in the world. But that’s exactly what Nolan said I could do. They’d raise our child here, and he’d be there for him as well. I know the royal family would take care of the baby, but I don’t know if that’s enough.

I don’t know if I could be an absent mother. But if I’m doing this for freedom, having a baby would seriously limit me. I’d be stuck in Polovia if I want to have any chance at a relationship with my own child.

I sigh and take a big sip of coffee, savoring the hot bitterness. It’s such a big decision. I open up the gossip magazine, almost as an afterthought.

The article about Nolan is pretty straightforward. It talks about him coming back to the castle to live at court again for the first time in over ten years. There’s a lot of speculation about him and his cousin, with the clear suggestion that he moved back to court to get back into his father’s favor.

Then, it talks about his past and why he’s not the front-runner for crown prince. Apparently, he doesn’t get along with his father, mostly because he loves to sleep with women.

And apparently he’s been with a lot of women. Like, an absurd number. The article says over a thousand, but I don’t know if that’s even possible. This is a gossip rag, after all. There’s a full-page spread of pictures of Nolan, which occupy my attention for a little while, before I finally put down the magazine and sigh.

What the hell am I doing? I’m reading about the man I might marry in a freaking magazine. It’s the most absurd situation I’ve ever found myself in.

“Excuse me, miss?”

I look up at an elderly man standing in front of my table, smiling.

“Oh, hello,” I say to him.

“I couldn’t help but notice your, ah, face,” he says. His English isn’t great, but I can understand him.

“Thank you?” I say, not sure what he meant.

“Oh, I mean, you look worried.” He smiles down at me. He’s probably in his seventies or eighties, with pure white hair and a sweater vest. He looks like every other old man in Polovia, but his eyes are light blue and very kind.

“I have a big decision to make,” I say to him.

He nods his head, understanding. “And you cannot make it,” he says.

“Right. I will lose something no matter which choice I make.”

He laughs a little and leans toward me. “That’s the trick,” he says. “You lose no matter what. You have to just choose, and hope it’s good.”

“That seems very pessimistic,” I say to him.

He laughs again. “Maybe, but it is true. Believe me, I am old, I know.” He stands up straight and looks serious for a moment. “No matter what, young lady, you only have one youth, so use it wisely.”

I look at him and nod. “Thanks,” I say.

He nods back and slowly walks away. I don’t know why he decided to stop and talk to me, but people in this country can be funny. They can be super friendly sometimes, but overall they’re very reserved. It’s also odd that he somehow knew to speak to me in English.

I feel a chill run down my spine and I sip my drink. It’s almost like that was some sort of sign, although I’m not the type to believe in that sort of thing normally. This place just feels so different from home, I can’t help but think that anything is possible here.

I glance back down at the magazine. Prince Nolan smiles back at me and I look at his handsome face. I could see myself married to that man, even though I don’t know him.

I shake my head, not sure what to do. But I stand up, take my coffee with me, and head off toward the castle anyway.

I can’t keep sitting on this decision. It’s going to eat me up inside if I don’t just make a choice, and that old man was right. I need to just choose and go with one option. I’ll survive whatever happens, and maybe even flourish.

I walk into the center of town and get through security at the castle. I enter through the work door, which is basically where the staff all come through. I have to show my ID and swipe my card, but I can get inside without any issues. I toss my coffee cup before heading down through the halls.

I don’t think I’ve ever walked around the castle in my normal clothing before. It feels a little weird, like I don’t belong there. I guess I actually don’t belong, since I’m supposed to be in uniform and working when on castle grounds. I guess that’s another thing I’ll have to keep from Britta.

I finally make it to the wing where the prince is staying. His personal steward is standing outside of his door, and he gives me a dour, almost angry look.

“I’m here to see the prince,” I say to him.

He hesitates. “One moment,” he finally says. He turns and knocks on the door for me.

I sigh and cross my arms. I hate the formality of this place. I can’t imagine living here all the time, let alone raising a child here. Hell, I can’t imagine being a child and living in this place. What sort of life would that be?

The door opens a moment later, and Nolan looks out.

“Sir, you have a visitor,” the steward says.

“Come in, Hazel.” Nolan smirks at me and steps aside.

The steward gestures for me to enter, as if I didn’t just hear what the prince said. I walk past him and he closes the door behind me.

I walk right into the living room, my heart hammering in my chest. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I’m actually afraid, genuinely afraid, like I’ve never been before. I backpacked around Europe all alone for the last few months and got myself into some pretty weird situations. I was even robbed not too long ago and left without money in a strange country, but this is the most nervous I’ve ever been.

Nolan stands in the doorway and faces me, a handsome smile curling his perfect lips. His muscles bulge under his t-shirt and my breath catches in my throat as I look at him. I can’t help but picture him as I first saw him, half naked and totally glorious.

I know it would feel good. It would feel really, really good, and oh my god, my heart is hammering so fast, and I’m dripping wet. This isn’t supposed to be my reaction. I’m supposed to be more reserved, a little more formal, maybe even detached. This should be a logical decision. I should be doing this for the right reasons.

“Okay,” I say to him. “I’ll do it. I’ll marry you.”

And as the words leave my mouth, I know it’s for the wrong reasons. I know it’s because I want him, this dirty, filthy player prince, this handsome man that makes me feel something exciting. I know it’s just because I want to enjoy him, and maybe that’s wrong, but I don’t care. I’m not thinking about the future, and that’s probably irresponsible, but I can’t help it. When I’m around him, I don’t feel in control of myself, and I like it.

“Good,” he says, smiling. “Took you long enough.”

He walks over and takes my hand, and I think I practically melt.