I couldn’t focus on anything that day.

I took a cold shower because I was too distracted to realize the water crashing down on me was cold, not warm. Only when Carter joined me did I realized it was ice-cold against my skin. When I got ready, I tried to pull a shirt over my dress. I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing all morning, so none of my actions made sense.

All I could think about was Luca.

He was coming today.

I didn’t make Carter breakfast or lunch because I couldn’t think straight. Luca’s bedroom was ready to go, along with his toys and clothes. I made sure everything was perfect before he arrived, but I still didn’t know what I would say to him when I saw him again. How would I explain my absence? How would I explain the last three years?

Carter didn’t give me a hard time about my poor job performance. He gave me the space I needed to process what was about to happen. Our evening last night had been difficult because he was still digesting the truth about his mother. But now all I could think about was my son.

I stood at the dining room window because it had a great view of the path that led down to the gate. Since I couldn’t concentrate on anything else, I stood there and waited, hoping to see a black car pull up to the gate.

Carter came up behind me and gripped my shoulders. “You alright, sweetheart?”

“I’m terrified. I can’t breathe. My chest hurts. No, I’m not alright.” What would I do when Luca got out of the car and had no idea who I was? He was only five when I disappeared. Three years had come and gone, critical years for his development. He could have a completely different personality now. He could be bitter about the orphanage he’d lived in, angry about the teachers and other kids. Or maybe he was happy…and wished he were there instead of with me. “So many things could go wrong. He might hate me. He might not remember me. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long…but now I’m afraid it’ll blow up in my face.”

He circled his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my head. “It’s going to be alright, sweetheart. None of those things will happen.”

“You don’t know that…”

“I know that a boy always loves his mother, no matter how old he gets.” He shifted his arms around my chest, circling my petite frame with his strength. I was cocooned in his embrace, the muscles of his arms acting as a natural heater. It was a hot summer day, but my trepidation made me ice-cold.

We stood together in front of the window, but my heart wouldn’t slow down. “When will be here?”

“Within thirty minutes.”

“Oh my god…” This was really happening, and I was getting light-headed thinking about it. I’d never known love the way I did with Luca. Nothing in my life had ever been more important than him. When I was being beaten and raped every single day, I contemplated suicide all the time. I found ways to make it happen, to make it as quick and painless as possible. But Luca always steadied my hand. If there was any chance I could get back to him, I had to try. I couldn’t give up and take the easy way out. Now, I was standing at the window, counting down the minutes until the car pulled into the driveway.

Carter held me in his arms as we waited together. He didn’t say anything else to make me feel better, just gripped me tightly and comforted me the only way he could. His cologne washed over me as well as his natural scent. I was used to it now since I slept in his bed every night. Now that Luca would be back in my life, Carter would become an afterthought.

A black car appeared on the horizon and approached the gate along the road.

“He’s here…” I left Carter’s embrace and ran to the front door, my heart pounding in my throat. I couldn’t wait to set my gaze on my son, to see my own eyes in that adorable face. My arms ached to hold him, to feel with my bare hands how much he’d grown.

Carter followed behind, taking his time as he joined me by the front door.

I opened the door and walked outside onto the front patio and saw the black gates swing open and reveal a black car that slowly made its way up the driveway. Tears already formed in my eyes before I even saw my son. My hands were shaking so much I couldn’t keep them still.

Carter came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

The car pulled up to the front of the house, all the windows tinted so nothing could be seen inside. The car was shifted into park, and the engine turned off.

Now, I couldn’t breathe. I stared at the back seat and waited for something to happen.

The driver came around and opened the back door. “We’re here, Luca.”

A small boy shuffled out of the car, and his shoes hit the concrete. The man was still in the way, so Luca’s features were impossible to make out. He grabbed something from the back seat, probably a backpack. “Where are we?” His voice was soft and quiet, full of shyness.

The second I heard his voice, I knew it was him. “Luca…”

The driver stepped out of the way and finally revealed my son. Half my height and far skinnier than I wanted him to be stood the boy that I loved with my whole heart. His brown hair was overgrown because he always hated getting his hair cut. His coffee-colored eyes were identical to mine, warm and beautiful. He wore jean shorts, black shoes, and a dark blue t-shirt. He had my skin tone, an fair color he didn’t inherit from his father. He was just as perfect as I remembered, a healthy and handsome boy.

I held my breath for nearly a minute, my eyes locked on to his.

He stared at me for a while, as if my face were familiar to him. It’d been a long time since he’d seen me, and he didn’t have any pictures of me. My features hadn’t changed, but a five-year-old didn’t have the sharpest memory. But he continued to stare at me like there was a hint of familiarity.

I squatted down so we were closer to being eye level. “Luca…” The tears fell like a waterfall, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I started to sob before I even held him in my arms. “Little Bear…” When he was a baby, bears were his favorite animal, so I gave him the nickname. He might have been too young to remember.

But his eyes flashed with recognition, like that name meant something to him. He slowly came toward me, ignoring Carter behind me.

I wanted to stay back so I wouldn’t startle him, but now I didn’t have the patience. I walked toward him then kneeled in front of him, so close to him that I could hear him breathe. “Little Bear…it’s me. It’s Mom.” My hands rested on his small arms, feeling his slightness as well as his growth. He was several inches taller than he was the last time I saw him. He hadn’t even started school yet. Now he was three years older, three years bigger.

“Mom?” he whispered.

“Yes.” I nodded then wiped away my tears with my hands. “It’s me. I’m so sorry, Luca. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long.”

He watched the tears roll down my cheeks, his features stoic.

“I’m sorry I left you…but I didn’t want to. I’m here now, and I’ll never leave you again.” I squeezed his arms, feeling my son in my hands for the first time.

Luca kept staring at me, silent.

I didn’t want to rush him, not when he was uncertain and probably afraid. “I know you’re confused right now. That’s okay. Take all the time you need. I’m going to be taking care of you from now on. Nothing will ever happen to you again. I promise.” Just as I did when he was little, I grabbed both of his hands and kissed them with my lips. I used to do it every night before I tucked him in.

He watched my movements, and finally, he had some kind of reaction. “Mommy?”

“Yes, Little Bear. It’s Mommy.”

That’s when his eyes started to redden, the moisture forming in his gaze. “You left…and I was scared.”

“I know. I know.”

He moved into my body and hugged me, wrapping his arms around me.

I gripped him tightly and cradled the back of his head with my palm. I wept into his shoulder, my tears soaking into his clothes and leaving stains everywhere. I squeezed him hard and held him for a long time, never wanting to let go. My little boy was back in my arms, and nothing would ever take him away from me. He was my whole world, my whole life, and here he was. “I love you, Little Bear. I love you so much. I’ll never leave you again.”

“I love you too, Mommy…”

That was the moment when my heart gave out—when I heard those beautiful words.

I took Luca to his bedroom on the second floor, which was decorated with a dinosaur theme. He’d loved dinosaurs before I lost him, and I hoped he still felt that way. He took a look around and sat on the bed, his feet dangling over the edge.

I sat beside him and ran my fingers through his hair, unable to believe I was really touching him. My son was right beside me after all the horrible years we’d been apart. His hair felt the same way in my fingertips.

“Mom?”

“Yes, Little Bear?”

“Where did you go?” He turned his gaze and looked up at me.

He was way too young to know the truth. He was incapable of understanding it. Carter was an almost thirty-year-old man, and the truth about his mother nearly destroyed him. “I had to leave…but I didn’t want to. I never would have left you if I’d had a choice.”

Luca didn’t ask any more questions, but he obviously didn’t understand my explanation.

“How was the orphanage?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t like it. Food was bad, and the kids were mean.”

My hand paused in his hair, my heart aching. “I’m sorry…what about school?”

“That was okay too.” He looked around the bedroom. “Is this my room?”

“Yes. Do you like it?”

He nodded.

“I’m right next door, so you know where to find me.”

He rested his hands on the edge of the bed and kicked his legs forward and back. He used to be more talkative before I was taken from him. He was probably nervous, unsure what to say to me because it’d been so long. He was too young to understand what was happening. “This house is bigger than the place I stayed at before…”

“The orphanage?” I asked.

“Yeah. You live here by yourself?”

“No, not by myself. I live here with…” I didn’t know how to explain this to Luca. I didn’t want him to think Carter would be his stepfather, but I didn’t want him to assume he was a stranger either. “This is where I work. The man who owns the house is my boss.”

“You work here?” he asked.

“Yes. I’m the maid. I cook for him, clean for him, and keep up the house.”

“So he’s really rich?”

“Yeah, I guess. But don’t say that to him. It’s not polite.”

“Okay,” he said quietly.

“He’s a very nice man. He’s a good friend of mine. You’ll love him, Luca.”

“This place is really cool. I can’t believe he has it all to himself.”

The only reason Carter bought it was so all three of us could be comfortable living together. He was hard on himself for not saving me sooner, but he more than made up for it with his generosity.

“Is there a pool?”

“Yes.”

It was the first time he showed me that boyish grin. “Really? Can I play in it?”

“Of course. But only when I’m there, alright? No swimming alone.”

“Okay, Mom.” He spoke with resignation, just the way he did when I told him what to do when he was young.

I’d missed that so much. “There’s toys in the chest over there. I’ll cook all your meals for you. I enrolled you in the school down the street. I’ll pick you up and drop you off every morning.”

“A new school?” he asked.

“Yes. It’s a very nice school. You’ll like it.”

“I don’t want to make new friends…”

“Starting over is hard. But remember, when you make new friends, you can have a swim party over here.”

His eyes widened. “I can?” His voice hit a new pitch of excitement. “Really?”

“Of course, Little Bear.” I ran my hand through his hair. “So make lots of friends, alright?”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

Carter tapped his knuckles on the doorframe. “May I come in?”

Carter had been standing there when Luca arrived, but no introductions were made. I was focused on my son exclusively, disregarding both Carter and the man who brought him to me. Just last night, Carter was the number one man in my life. But now he had been forgotten. “Yes.”

Carter stepped into Luca’s bedroom and walked toward us, his eyes on my son. He gave him a friendly smile before he squatted on the ground so they could be at eye level. “Hey, Luca. I’m so happy you’re here. Your mother talks about you all the time.”

Luca was immediately tense again, shy and uncomfortable around this man he didn’t know. He’d been that way as a child, and now that he’d been on his own for the past three years, he was even shier. “She does?”

“Absolutely,” Carter said, still smiling. “She loves you very much. Tells me every day.”

Luca looked at the ground, as if he was embarrassed by that.

Carter kept talking. “I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Carter.” He extended his hand to shake Luca’s.

Luca extended his left hand and then awkwardly tried to correct it.

Carter kept smiling. “I’ll show you a trick. Always use your right hand.” He grabbed Luca’s right wrist then directed it toward his palm. “Grip tightly here. Touch my wrist. Up and down once.” He completed the handshake then pulled away. “Perfect. You got it.”

“Carter?” Luca asked, repeating his name.

“Yes, that’s my name. You’ll see me around the house a lot. My bedroom and office are on the third floor.”

“And the third floor is off-limits to you, Luca,” I said, knowing I had to be firm so Luca would understand. “The second floor is where you and I live. We have everything we need, including our own living room and dining room. So when you’re home, hang out up here.”

“Okay, Mom,” Luca said. “Um, Carter?”

“Yes, little man?” Carter asked.

“Can I use your swimming pool?”

Carter grinned wider, amused by the request. “Anytime. As long as your mother is watching. Do you know how to swim?”

Luca shook his head. “No…”

“We’ll need to work on that first. How about we give it a try now?”

Luca stiffened in excitement. “That would be great! I would love to.” He hopped off the bed, so excited that he couldn’t sit still.

Carter chuckled. “Luca, don’t forget to ask your mother if that’s okay.”

“Oh, sorry.” Luca turned to me. “Mom, can I go swimming with Carter?”

I watched my son ask for permission, and the tears filled my eyes with unstoppable force. This was exactly what I wanted, to be a mom. I wanted my son to ask me these things, to turn to me as his parent. It was so normal, something mothers did on a daily basis, and I missed it so much. “Yes. I’ll join you.”

Carter worked with Luca, teaching him to kick and use his arms to pull him forward through the water. Luca was so thin that he didn’t have much buoyancy, so Carter had to hold him most of the time. He held him by the stomach and carried him across the pool as he asked him to kick. He headed toward me as I stood on the other side of the pool.

Luca kicked hard, splashing water everywhere and getting Carter’s hair wet.

“Good,” Carter said. “Keep kicking.” He carried him to my side of the pool and to the ledge.

Luca grabbed on so he could hang in the water and catch his breath. “Did you see me, Mom?”

“Yes, I did. You were great.” I grabbed him by the hips and carried him to the stairs so he could touch the bottom. “Let’s take a short break and try again.”

“Okay.” He sat on the top step and held on to the metal pole of the railing. “I’m hungry.”

“I’ll make us something,” I offered. “What do you want, Luca?”

“Grilled cheese.”

Not having me around seemed to have destroyed his manners. “Grilled cheese, please.”

Luca lowered his voice. “Please…”

I got out of the water and dried off with a towel.

Carter stared at me, watching the water drip off my body in the bathing suit. He didn’t seem to care about looking at me while my son was around. “Is it okay if I keep showing him?”

I knew Carter didn’t have any experience with kids, but I trusted him. He took care of me, and I had faith he could take care of my son. “Sure. You want some lunch too?”

“Please.” He waggled his eyebrows, showing manners the way I’d just taught Luca.

“Coming right up.” After I was dry, I walked into the kitchen and whipped up lunch. I came back fifteen minutes later to see Luca swimming back and forth across the pool by himself. I set the lunch on the table under the umbrella along with a pitcher of lemonade.

“You got it, little man.” Carter stood in the deep end of the pool and watched Luca on the other side. “One more time and then we’ll eat.”

“Mom, watch!” Luca let go of the ledge and swam across the pool toward Carter. He kicked hard, splashing water all over the concrete as he made his way to the other side. When he reached Carter, he turned around and swam back the opposite way.

“Wow.” I clapped my hands. “That was great, Luca.” The afternoon was the best day of my life, and it was so ordinary that no one would understand the feeling inside my chest. My imprisonment seemed like a lifetime ago now that I had Luca in my life again. We were living the life that we deserved, enjoying the sunshine and the pool. And none of this would be possible without Carter. “Now, let’s go out and have some lunch.”

Luca climbed up the steps with Carter and got water all over the concrete. Like Carter had done this before, he grabbed a large towel and wrapped it around Luca to dry him off. He rubbed the fabric into his skin and hair to make sure he was completely dry before they both walked to the table. Carter did the same to himself next, drying off his muscular physique with the towel.

My natural impulse was to stare at him, to watch the drops slowly roll down the grooves between the muscle, but that seemed inappropriate while Luca was there, even though he was far too young to notice things like that.

We sat together at the table, and Luca ate his sandwich quietly, kicking his legs and looking at the acres of land of the backyard. Luca had never experienced anything luxurious like this before, so this must be especially impressive to him. It was obvious he was already comfortable with Carter because he was being himself, eating quickly and resting his elbows on the table. He must be comfortable with me too because his shyness was gone.

Carter ate the garden salad I made for him, topped with grilled chicken and light dressing. “Thank you for lunch, Mia. It’s great.”

“Yeah,” Luca said. “Thanks, Mom.”

I didn’t care about Carter’s compliment, but my son’s words nearly brought me to tears again. “You’re welcome.” It was such a regular day to an outside point of view, but for me, it was one of the greatest days of my life…and I would never forget it.

When it was bedtime, I read Luca a story. I used to do that when he was younger, but when I picked up a book and lay beside him in bed, he didn’t object to it. Sometimes I forgot so much time had passed and he might not be interested in that anymore, but he seemed to enjoy it.

I read for fifteen minutes and noticed Luca had closed his eyes. He was beside me with the dinosaur sheets pulled to his shoulders. He was used to sleeping alone, but I didn’t want to move from his side.

It was so nice to lie there, to listen to him breathe.

I stared at his cute face for a long time as I held the book against my chest. With thick eyelashes and soft cheeks, he was adorable and innocent. So small and helpless, he managed to survive a severe life change. He lost his mother and was put into the system, but that experience didn’t destroy his boyish curiosity.

Now that I had him back in my life, I loved him even more than I could have imagined. He was my whole world, my entire purpose for existence. I could never let anything happen to us ever again.

But I’d learned the hard way that I wasn’t strong enough to protect us both. No matter how hard I fought, I couldn’t escape. I couldn’t give my son the protection he needed. The second we left Carter’s home, we would be vulnerable all over again.

I never wanted that to happen.