There is exactly one month until my high school graduation, and it cannot come fast enough.

When I’d lived in Pennsylvania, I couldn’t wait to get out. I’d daydream about grabbing my diploma on the school football field and sprinting for the closest bus station or airport. But now … I couldn’t wait to go home. To land my two feet on some Philadelphia soil and breathe in that polluted air that everyone in London makes fun of.

It’s been a ball exploring Europe, but they, whoever they are, weren’t lying when they said there is no place like home. I know I will come back here, but the last three hundred days or so have been a whirlwind, and I need a break.

There is also the tricky matter of seeing Asher and all of his friends every single day, even though for the most part, they’ve forgotten about me. Only Eloise has kept in touch, because I actually make the effort to talk to her.

“So the royal wedding is coming, yeah? Must be fucking brilliant to have the best of the best waiting on you hand and foot. I hear Mendoza is designing your mother’s dress … is it bloody amazing?”

I smile, not letting anything slip. “You know I can’t deny or confirm any of that, Eloise.”

She points a salad-clad fork at me, our table in the corner of the lunchroom kind of out of the way of the popular crowd that congregated in the middle. “And here I thought we were mates.”

For some reason, she still kept trying to get me to open up to her, even if I wasn’t going on the group’s international party trips or sneaking into closets at royal functions. Maybe she wanted the inside information, but I tried not to let what Asher did to me cloud my judgment. I chose to believe that since she’d come from a similar background, she commiserated with my position. And maybe it was a little easier hanging out with someone cut from the same cloth.

I watch her, the diamond studs in her ears sparkling. Around the room, girls and boys lean the most expensive leather bags against chairs on the ground, their Rolex watches and Cartier jewelry gleaming. Shoes the price of a small country are laced on their feet, the meals they consume some of the finest food in the world … not to mention that of a high school cafeteria.

Me? I’m still rocking the plain Winston uniform, pearl studs from Forever 21 in my ears. My nails are bare, the cuticles shredded from where I’ve been biting them. Almost a year in this world, and it really hadn’t jaded me as I’d feared, and some had hoped, it would. In part, I had to thank Asher. He’d shown me just how cruel and harsh this world could be, just like he’d promised he would at the beginning, and I’d grown from his betrayal. Now I was ready to go back to the real world.

“We are, which is why I will save you a dance with me at the wedding.” I planned on letting loose after the ceremony.

With all of the pent-up stress and double the paparazzi following us around at all times, I was ready for the day to be here. I think Mom was too, but that was mostly because she just couldn’t wait to be married to Bennett. It was truly inspiring the way they’d forged together after that dinner with Asher. It was also why I could remain mostly positive about being vulnerable and opening up more to people. Sure, there were bad people out there, but there were also people worth showing your true self to. And I was holding out for those people.

“Christ, I love weddings. Free booze, dancing, single men … what more could you ask for? You can bet I’m going to find the most eligible bachelor. Unless you want him, of course. It’s your home court, so you get advantage.”

I gulp as I look down at my plate of sushi. The hardest part of losing my virginity and all of the aftermath was not being able to talk about it with anyone. I couldn’t talk to my mom about such things; not because she wouldn’t listen supportively but because it was all just too awkward. I didn’t want to talk to Eloise about having sex for the first time, because I didn’t trust that she wouldn’t laugh about it. And I also couldn’t divulge the details of Asher and I’s break up, because if any of that information ever got out my family would be ruined.

Suffering in silence is making this ten times harder, but I shut my trap. “They’re all for you, girl. I’ll be so busy running around making sure things are perfect, I won’t have time to ogle.”

She picks at a bright purple cuticle and smirks. “Not that you want to. It’s okay to admit that you’re still hung up on Frederick.”

I roll my eyes, playing it off. “It’s been months, Eloise … I’m over it. And I’m sure he is too.”

Her laugh is sardonic and teasing. “Oh, yeah right, that’s why he tracks you with his eyes every hour of the school day like some lovesick puppy.”

“He does?” It pops out of my mouth before I can stop it.

I shouldn’t care, should be able to biologically cut off the feeling. But I can’t. I still lie awake, thinking about the night that we’d connected so intensely that my whole body still flushed just recalling it. I’d never known how it would feel, how in-tune your body and your partner’s body could become.

She quirks an eyebrow. “Like you’re the poshest thing since tea time.”

There shouldn’t be a niggle of satisfaction that tingles in my heart, but there is.

“So, one month, huh? What’s your plan?” I change the subject.

She shrugs, picking at the ingredients in her salad. “The Sorbonne, so I can educate people on why food like this is terrible.”

Surprise lights my face. “Really? I didn’t know you were into cooking …”

Eloise smiles. “There are a lot of things this group doesn’t know about me, Nora. See, when you’re trying to be cool and part of the in-crowd, you hide the interesting and unique tidbits about yourself. But after Winston, I just get to be me. I get to leave here and pursue my dreams. Not everyone is eager to stay … some of us are like you, and can’t wait to get out.”

I realize that in all of the time I’ve spent with her, I haven’t genuinely tried to get to know her. And that’s sad. “I apologize, really. I should have asked sooner, or at least had you cook me a meal.”

“We still have some time. I’ll make you one of my signature dishes, and you can bring your Netflix and we can binge watch Friends. I do love me some American TV.”

I laugh, because it’s just so her. “Well, you’ll have to come visit me in Philadelphia next year then. I’ll get you a proper cheesesteak and we’ll go to a football game.”

“American football or soccer? Because you Americans are so wonky with that.”

“American football, baby … with the pads and tight pants and men tackling each other over a ball.”

She snorts. “It’s the same in our kind of football dear, but bugger if I don’t love the sport for that.”

“Have you ever been to the States?” The British endearment for it feels funny coming off my lips.

“I’ve been to New York and Los Angeles of course, but I haven’t done the whole suburban States tour. You’ll have to take me. I’ll wear jean shorts and flip-flops, and drink out of plastic cups from whatever that store is you’ve mentioned before.”

“Wawa? Ha! I’d love to see you filling a Slurpee cup, it would be so domestic of you.”

“And maybe you’ll introduce me to a cowboy, one with real boots.”

I roll my eyes. “Eloise, I’m from Pennsylvania, not the deep south of Texas. While we have farms, they don’t typically house the kind of stereotype you’re looking for.”

“Whatever. Just know that I’m driving your car on the wrong side of the road when I visit.”

Just thinking about that made me laugh. A bittersweet kind of chuckle, because while I was ready to get to college, and back to people on the same level as myself, I was also going to miss the few connections I’d made here.