Logan
I put down the phone and rest my forehead against the cool glass, closing my eyes as I try to process what I’ve just heard. I need to pack a bag. I need to leave no trace of myself in this house. I need to bring all my weapons. I need to be ready to leave in ten minutes when a car will come and collect me, take me to Frankie Cabbetto’s Bel Air mansion; take me to Piper. Because he’s going to help us get out of here, her gangster father. He’s going to help us, and I’m wary and excited and sick with nerves because it’s still a risk, what we’re doing, even with the weight of the Cabbetto family behind us. It’s still a risk. But one I’m fucking taking. Piper got under my skin, she changed me. She made me wake up and realize who I really am; who I really want to be. She made me want to love again. So, yeah, I’m taking this risk.
I go out into the hall and look at the bag I threw down there just a few days ago, when I was supposed to leave with Reba; when I came to my senses. Whatever’s in there will be enough, I don’t give a crap about material shit, I just care about Piper, and a future I actually want to live now.
I’m just about to slip on my jacket when a knock at the door distracts me, and I check my watch. That was quick, but I’m fine with the car being early. The sooner I get out of here the better, so I pick up the holdall, sling it over my shoulder, and I open the door.
“Going somewhere, Logan…?”
Piper
“What’s happened?”
My father’s face is a mask of thinly veiled anger, and that just panics me.
“Dad? What’s going on?”
“Vanni got to him.”
“Got to who? Logan? Jesus… I thought you were gonna handle him?”
“After you’d gone, Piper. I wanted you away from here before I did anything…”
“What’s he done to him?”
“I don’t know. All we know is Logan wasn’t home, when the car turned up to collect him, and he isn’t at the clubhouse or the lock-up in Glendale. But we are looking for him, Piper. And we will find him.”
“Where are you going?”
“To see Vanni.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“No! You need to stay here.”
“I can’t just sit here not knowing what’s going on. I’m coming with you.”
He doesn’t push the argument, he just waits while I grab my jacket and follow him out to his car. And I don’t know whether I feel angry or sad that this isn’t working out how it was supposed to. But at the same time I shouldn’t be surprised. There’s almost a feeling of inevitability about this situation. Vanni and my father really are too alike, neither of them are stupid men. Vanni must’ve picked up on something, just the tiniest shift in my behavior could’ve set him thinking. This has to be my fault.
When we reach the clubhouse Vanni’s outside, leaning back against his bike, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. And as soon as he sees me he smiles, and my expression changes to one of confusion, but when I quickly glance back at my father he shakes his head ever-so-slightly, a faint hint of warning on his face. He’s telling me to act normal. Whatever the fuck that is anymore.
I look back at Vanni, taking the hand he holds out to me as he pulls me into his arms, kissing me long and slow, and the confusion I feel now is overwhelming.
“Nice lunch?”
I pull back slightly and look at him, quickly wiping any traces of confusion from my face. “Yeah. Yeah, it was good, thanks.”
He looks over my shoulder at my father. “Hey. Did we have a meeting this afternoon?”
“Not one that was planned, but there are a few things I’d like to discuss with you. I’ll meet you inside in a few minutes, I just need a quick word with Piper first.”
Vanni’s hand slips around onto the small of my back, pushing me against him as he kisses me again, and I respond, I have to. I kiss him back, my fingers lightly stroking the back of his neck as his mouth moves against mine.
“I guess I gotta let you go, baby girl. When your daddy’s finished talking to you go wait for me in our room, all right?”
I nod as his arms fall from around me and he heads inside, but I wait a good few beats before I turn to face my father.
“It’s not him, is it? Whoever’s got to Logan, it isn’t Vanni.”
“No, it isn’t. Look, you’re going to have to stay here now, carry on as normal until I find out what’s going on. I’ll make a couple of quick calls, get someone to check out the Devil Hounds, see if they’ve got anything to do with this.” He pulls out his phone and holds it to his ear. “We’ll sort this, Piper, believe me. We’ll find him, and I’ll make sure you both get out of here, nothing’s changed. We’ll find him. Trust me.”
Every time I hear those words shit happens. Plans change. Something goes wrong. And now I’ve got a really bad feeling about this, but as I watch my father talk into his phone he seems the epitome of calm. And I actually start to believe him; believe that he might be right. That trusting him is OK, he’ll sort this. He’ll find Logan. He’ll find his princess her prince…
Logan
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Reba leans back against the car and crosses her arms, her eyes down on the ground and I’m pissed as hell.
“I had to see you, Logan. I had to come back, I couldn’t do it without you.”
“Do you know how fucking dangerous it is, for you to come back here?”
She raises her gaze and her eyes lock on mine, her expression hardening in a heartbeat. “Dangerous for who, Logan? You? ‘Cause my coming back here really fucks up your plans, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, Reba, it does.”
“You were about to leave, right? To go to her? And how were you gonna manage that, exactly? How were you gonna leave without her husband finding out?”
“That’s none of your business.”
I drop to my haunches and light up a cigarette, drawing deep. I’m just fucking frustrated now. This shit shouldn’t be happening.
“I meant it, Logan. If you won’t come with me then I’ve got nothing left worth living for.”
“Jesus, Reba, come on. Seriously? You’re really going down the emotional blackmail route?” I stand back up and walk over to her. “You always been this damaged, huh? Did I just not spot it before?”
“I love you, Logan. So much.”
“And I loved you too, Reba. Once. A lifetime ago, because that’s what it feels like now. After you walked away everything changed, I changed, and I thought I could get him back, y’know? That man I used to be. I thought I wanted to be him again, to be with you, again. But going back just isn’t gonna work for me, I know that now. And we’ve been through this. So many fucking times, I thought you understood.”
“Why would you want to live with all that danger hanging over your head, huh? When you had the chance to come with me and live a life without the constant fear of death?”
“Because I don’t want that life, just because it’s the safe option. I guess danger turns me on, huh?”
“Flippancy? Really?”
“Look, Reba, you aren’t gonna do anything stupid, you’re not that kind of woman. And desperate just don’t suit you, so, you need to get back in the car and you need to drive back to wherever it was you came from…”
“And what about you?”
“What about me? I’m going back to Burbank and I’m gonna go find Piper…”
My mouth suddenly dries up, the words I was gonna say next sticking in my throat as Reba slowly pulls a gun from her pocket and aims it in my direction, her hand shaking as she points it right between my eyes.
“If we can’t be together, Logan, I’ll kill you. Then I’ll kill myself, how romantic is that, huh? Murder suicide, the ultimate sacrifice.”
I reach out to grab her wrist but she pulls her finger back on the trigger and I drop my hand. “This is crazy, Reba. When the hell did you turn psycho?”
“I love you, Logan. And I should’ve realized it sooner, I never should have made the mistakes I made, but we almost had that second chance, didn’t we? We almost got it back…”
“We were never gonna get it back, Reba. Nothing’s the fucking same anymore…”
“She’s used goods, you know. Piper Cabbetto, she’s nothing more than some spoilt mafia princess who went against her daddy; who caused my husband to act in the way that he did, she probably drove him to touch her like that, she probably enjoyed it…”
“Jesus Christ…” I drop my head and shake it, laughing quietly. “You really believe that bullshit?”
“Head up, Logan. Look at me.”
I raise my gaze, and the woman I’m looking at now – she isn’t that woman I once loved. She’s gone, been replaced with this crazy bitch, and I’m tired now. I want this to end, before someone gets hurt.
“Just put the gun down, Reba.”
“I mean it, Logan. If you don’t come with me I’ll kill us both.”
“I’m not coming with you, Reba, and you know that…”
“I’ll kill us both, Logan.”
I’ve had enough now. I lunge toward her, and I reach for the gun, but she kicks out, pushes me right back, and I watch in horror as she quickly turns the gun on herself; as she pulls the trigger, her body falling to the floor as blood and brains explode out of the hole in her head. And it’s like everything’s happening in slow motion now, like I’ve suddenly been yanked from my life into this nightmare scenario, I can’t take it in. Was she really that desperate? How the fuck had it got to this? And then I hear cars pull up, two men jump out of the first one, three from the second, and they’re men I don’t recognize but the way they spring into action immediately tells me they have to be Frankie Cabbetto’s men.
One of them tells me to get in the back of the first car, although it takes a second for his instruction to register in my fucked up brain. But I know it’s what I have to do, I have to leave this mess behind, besides, the men in the second car, which is actually a van, appear to be dealing with it. I have to go, I have to get away from here. But the image of Reba falling to the ground like a lifeless rag doll, shit! That’s gonna stay with me forever. What the hell kind of crap are we dealing with here?
I fall back against the seat as the car pulls away, and I close my eyes, taking what feel like a million deep breaths as I try to steady my breathing, try to process what’s just happened. I mean, I’ve seen some real bad shit, but that…
“You OK?” It’s the man in the front passenger seat asking me that question, and I nod, and then I realize he can’t see me, he’s looking out of the side window.
“Yeah. I’m fine… What about…?”
“We’ll deal with everything. We’re taking you to Frankie’s.”
“Is Piper there?”
“She’s at the clubhouse.”
I sit bolt upright, my stomach flipping a full three-sixty degrees. “What the fuck’s she doing at the clubhouse?”
“Frankie thought Vanni might’ve had something to do with your sudden disappearance. He wanted to talk to him, Piper wouldn’t stay put at the house. She always did have Frankie’s stubborn streak.”
“Is she all right?”
“As far as we know. Just playing along ‘til she can find an excuse to get outta there again.”
“Jesus…” I slump back against the seat and take another deep breath. I already lost one of the women I love today. I’m not ready to lose another one.
Piper
He takes my hands, both of them, and he presses them palm-up against the tiled wall in front of me, his body crushing mine from behind as he prepares to take me. His lips cover my shoulder in tiny, almost feather-light kisses, and despite all the crazy, complicated shit that surrounds us, I feel my stomach dip and dive, a small gasp of pleasure escaping as he finally pushes inside me.
I close my eyes and grip his fingers tight as he thrusts into me, his breath hot and heavy against the back of my neck, the water from the shower raining down on our skin as we fuck. And it’s strange, the fact I don’t mind him touching me like this, even though I’m planning to walk away, to leave him, and after everything he tried to do for me I can’t stop the guilt from constantly taunting me. But if I have even the smallest chance of being with Logan, I have to take it. The bigger part of me wants that man so much, even though, in reality, I know very little about him. I know less about him than I do Vanni, Jesus, is Vanni Colletti really the safest option?
I turn my head and press my cheek against the tiles as I feel him almost withdraw from me completely before slamming back into me, and I cry out as a beautiful pain spreads through my body; as he drops a hand and slides it around to touch me, finding my aching clit, rubbing it hard until we’re coming in unison, both of us, together. For the final time? Who knows how long I’ll have to play pretend now. I don’t even know where Logan is; if he’s safe. I don’t know.
I feel Vanni’s forehead drop down onto the back of my neck, hear his breathing ragged and heavy as he tries to catch his breath. I stay still, keep my fingers wrapped around his, the sudden feeling of calm that’s now filling the room is quite surreal. All I can hear is his breathing and the sound of the shower still pouring down over us, until he reaches out to turn it off, slowly twisting me around to face him. But he doesn’t say anything, he looks at me, right into my eyes, but he says nothing. He just kisses me, trails his fingers lightly across my cheek, down over my arm, onto my hip and around to my ass, and I can’t even describe how incredible that feels. Every touch is like a spark of electricity being set off, my skin tingles, goose bumps break out, and I know that, deep down, Vanni is a good man, to those he loves. In his own way he’s a good man, he cares. And that wave of guilt washes over me again.
He drops his gaze as his hand snakes back around onto my hip, and for a few long beats he leaves it there, and he looks at it, and I feel my stomach twist up into a knot of confusion and fear. And then he just steps back from me, out of the shower. He goes back into our room, and I lean back against the wall and close my eyes, taking a second to collect my thoughts into something resembling coherent.
Dragging a hand through my damp hair I step out of the shower and quickly dry myself before pulling on jeans and T-shirt. And then I join him, out in the bedroom. He’s leaning back against the wall, smoking a cigarette, and his eyes are on me the second I walk in.
“You’re leaving me.”
I stop dead in my tracks. I feel like I’ve been kicked hard in the gut, like the wind’s just been knocked right out of me. But at the same time I don’t even know if I really heard him say those words, or if I was just imagining it, because my head, come on. It’s so messed-up right now.
I look at him, my eyes locking on his and I know now that, yes, he said those words. And as he looks back at me I don’t know what I’m seeing in his face. Sadness? Anger? Nothing’s obvious. I just know that everything from fear to nausea to a warped kind of excitement – they’re all battling away to be the prominent feeling, but nothing’s winning.
“Tell me the truth, Piper. You owe me that, at least.”
I’m not sure I can even speak, if I open my mouth will anything actually come out? “I… I owe you everything, Vanni.”
“You’re leaving me,” he repeats, and even though it isn’t a question he’s asking there, I nod, slowly, and again that wave of guilt lashes out, sweeping over me so fast I almost stop breathing, just for a second. And still his eyes stay locked on mine, he isn’t shifting that gaze. “Yeah. I guessed as much.”
He finally drops his head, taking a long drag on his cigarette, and I can’t move. My feet are quite literally glued to the spot, and my head is spinning, but I can’t sit down, I can’t go anywhere, do anything.
Vanni raises his head and discards his cigarette in an ashtray on the sideboard, and as he walks over to me I feel my stomach knot up again, pulling tighter the closer he gets. And when he reaches out to touch my cheek I flinch, and the look on his face actually tears at my heart.
“You really think I was gonna hurt you, baby girl? I come at you with anything, darlin’ and your daddy – he’s gonna come back at me with shit twice as hard, same goes for me touching that man you obviously want more than me.”
“It isn’t like that, Vanni…”
He shakes his head, his hand gently cupping my cheek as he leans in to me, his mouth almost touching mine as he speaks quietly. “It’s exactly like that, Piper.”
I feel my eyes fill with tears, and I blink them back, I’m not crying. I’ve never been the kind of girl who cries, I was brought up tougher than that. A princess, yes, OK, but one with a slightly harder edge.
“I’m so sorry…”
He kisses me, just a small kiss, but it still sends a shockwave surging through me, because I did love this man. I did, in some kind of way, I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain it.
“Ssh, baby, I don’t want to hear that, OK? I don’t want to hear no apologies, that shit don’t run with me. I just need you to tell me that you’re happy, walking away from me. I need you to tell me that, ‘cause whatever you might think I am, Piper, I’m not a monster. And I loved you, I really did, you were the first woman I ever really loved. Ever really cared about. So all I want is to know that you’re gonna be happy.”
I really don’t know what to do, what to say, I wasn’t expecting this. How the hell could I have expected this? He wanted Logan dead, before, now he’s quite happy to see me leave with him? To turn my back on our marriage for another man? One of his own club brothers? It doesn’t make sense.
“I know he didn’t leave with Reba, Piper. I know that, I know he stayed behind. And he should’ve paid for that, for disobeying me; for, ultimately, taking you from me. He should’ve paid for that. But this situation we find ourselves in now…”
He leaves that sentence hanging and drops his head, although his hand stays resting lightly against my cheek. And then it all slowly starts to make sense. Pieces of the jigsaw suddenly start to fall into place, this is my father’s doing. Whatever he’s said to Vanni, whatever he’s threatened him with – if he’s threatened him at all, I don’t know, my father’s a very clever businessman. And he’s here to join forces with Vanni, they’re going into business together, so threats may not have been on the table here. But he’s said something. He’s fixed this, and I don’t know whether to be grateful or angry or… I don’t know what the hell I’m feeling. This is just crazy. He’d told me Vanni didn’t need to know, that I was leaving with Logan, he told me that, so why’s this happening? Was it safer? In the long run? For Vanni to know the truth? Has my father threatened him with something? It’s all so fucking crazy! But whatever’s happening here, my father is behind it. Of that I’m in no doubt.
“I needed to have you one more time, Piper.” He raises his gaze, looks right into my eyes and all the good times we had – because, yes, we did have some really good times – they come flooding back, leaving me breathless with the speed at which they bombard me. And for a fleeting moment I wonder if leaving him is a good idea. I could stay here, be that woman he made me, that strong, tougher person he turned me into. I could love him, like I used to. I could do that. And as he stares deeper into my eyes it’s like he’s reading my mind.
“You wouldn’t be happy, Piper. If you stayed. And like I said, sweetheart, I’m not a monster.”
I reach out and run my fingers over his bearded jaw line, my eyes following their every move until they fall onto his mouth, that’s when he takes hold of my hand, pulls it away from his face, and he kisses me. I fall against him, my arms sliding around his neck as he pulls me closer, and that kiss, it seems to go on forever. It’s deep and it’s dirty and it’s everything we were to each other, once; beautifully violent, his tongue winding around mine as he pushes me back against the wall. And we kiss until we’re out of breath, until we can’t take any more, only then does he pull away from me. And he continues to step back, keeps going until he reaches the door.
“I loved you, baby girl. I need you to know that. And if he ever hurts you…” He leaves that sentence hanging, too, and I watch as he turns around, as he leaves without looking back. And I keep staring at the door he’s just walked through, trying to get my head around what’s happened here, the confusion, it’s returning. This is all so surreal that it’s taking a while to sink in. Has he just given me permission to leave? With Logan? Is that what’s just happened here? I don’t know, and what I thought made sense before, I can’t make any sense of it now.
I sit down on the edge of the bed and draw my knees to my chest, hugging them to me as I look outside. They’re still trying to put this place back together, after the Devil Hounds ripped it apart, but it’s getting there. This club, it really is like a family. They looked after me when I needed their help. They gave Logan a sense of purpose when he’d lost all focus. And we’ve both betrayed it, we can’t deny that. Yet, we’ve almost got their blessing to take this new life and run with it, and I can’t help but think that if my father wasn’t involved then things would’ve been very different. He’s the one I owe now, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I don’t know…
Vanni
She’ll think her father had something to do with that speech in there, but she’s wrong. And I’m not gonna put her right. I’m not saying Frankie Cabbetto didn’t have words; that our unexpected and unplanned meeting didn’t have anything to do with what just happened between me and Piper, it had everything to do with what happened in there. But there were no threats. Not really. He just explained the situation, and we came to an agreement. We’re partners now, we gotta do business together, and this was just one of those dealings. I give up his daughter, I let her go without any trouble, and we’re gonna get along just fine, that’s all there was to it. And, yeah, I’m angry as hell about what she and Logan did, but nobody else has to know what happened, that she’s leaving me to be with one of our own, another brother. Everyone thinks Logan’s gone some place with Reba, and as for Piper – I’m letting her go because what happened, it was too much. She needs to go back home, to New Jersey, with her mom. That’s the story, and it’s one that means I lose no face. I get to stay strong, keep that respect. Nobody will know what really happened; what Piper and Logan did, that’s gonna stay a secret. Losing a woman, that isn’t supposed to affect men like me, we aren’t supposed to love like that, it’s just the way we are. But I loved her. Piper Cabbetto, I loved her. And if Logan Sandero ever hurts her, I’ll know about it. I’m gonna make it my business to know about it. ‘Cause that happens, then he’ll pay. He’ll fucking pay.