I’d spent thousands of hours over the past three years counseling the men of New Dawn in the hope of providing them with the tools they needed to cope with the horrors that haunted them following taking a human life. Now, I applied the same advice to my own way of coping with those very horrors.

Nevertheless, my life was good.

I suspected as time passed, it would do nothing but get better.

Vincent and I hadn’t discussed our relationship, nor did we discuss the permanency of our living arrangements. The fact that things simply fell into place made our situation seem awkward and left me uncertain of what the future might hold.

Instead of burning my home to the ground, Vincent demanded that the agency pay to “remodel” it. In doing so, they were installing new flooring, carpet, sheetrock, trim, and paint. When they completed their work, I wondered if Vincent expected me to go “home”. I couldn’t imagine staying a single night there, let alone living there.

Being anywhere near the home reminded me of the lies and deceit that were woven into my day-to-day life when I was with New Dawn’s program. I preferred to forget New Dawn ever happened but feared that day would never come.

I just finished folding laundry when Vincent announced dinner was ready. I found the smell of freshly-folded laundry comforting, but it was nothing compared to the aroma of Vincent’s cooking.

The fragrance of tomatoes, basil, and garlic permeated throughout the home. When I reached the kitchen, I asked the obvious.

“Italian?”

He gestured toward the table. “Lasagna, tomato-basil salad, and bread. The bread might be a bust, but at least I tried.”

“You made the bread from scratch?”

“I did.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fantastic.”

The food was fabulous, as always. After devouring my balsamic tomatoes and basil, I put a huge dent in the oversized serving of lasagna Vincent served me. Halfway through my second slice of the best homemade bread I’d ever eaten, Vincent dropped the bomb.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” he said without looking up from his meal.

And, just like that, my question was answered. It was over. I tried to choke down the bite of bread I was in the middle of chewing, but eventually gave up. I dropped what remained of the slice on top of my lasagna and pushed my plate aside.

“Can we at least wait until they’ve got my house done?” I asked over the mouthful of bread.

He looked up. “What are you talking about?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about we made love in D.C. at the hotel, came back here, did some laundry, and we have yet to discuss just what it is that we’ve got going on.” He wagged his finger back and forth between us. “I’d like to know what this is, what your expectations are, and what your hopes for the future are.”

I realized what my mind wanted, but I was scared to death to try and express my thoughts. Furthermore, I was just as fearful to attempt to obtain what my mind’s desires were. Much like Vincent, I’d been alone for far too long to allow myself to process thoughts of a life with someone else in it as being realistic.

“What…what do you want out of this?”

His brows raised. “Do I get to decide?”

“I’m just asking. If you did get to decide, what would this…” I pointed to him and then to me. “…be?”

He set down his fork, took a sip of coffee, and studied me. “I’d like to move somewhere warm, along the coast. I’d spend my evenings on the beach, replacing these memories with new ones.”

I swallowed the bread and a huge wad of emotion at the same time. “Alone?”

His brows pinched together. “Did that not mean anything to you?”

“Did what not mean anything?”

“The hotel. You and me. Naked. Making love?”

“It meant everything to me.”

“Well, you sure don’t act like it,” he said, laughing. “No. I don’t want to do that alone. You and me. Us. Together.”

I’d spent three years admiring Vincent and dreaming of what a life would be like with him in it. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it could materialize. There were far too many obstacles for me to imagine that it might become reality. Now that most of those obstacles were eliminated, the future was ours to decide.

I smiled. “I’d like that.”

“You’d be willing to pick up and move from here right now?”

“Not at this instant, but yes, I would.”

He rubbed his hands together. “How soon?”

“I don’t know. I’m a girl.” I giggled. “Girls have to get everything in order. Two days. Maybe three.”

His eyes glistened. “You’re serious?”

“I am.”

He pushed himself away from the table. “I’m not joking, Val.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Neither am I, Vincent.”

“There’s nothing holding us back.” He clapped his hands together. “Let’s do it.”

There may not have been anything holding us back, but there was one thing I needed to resolve before we left.

One big thing.