Chapter Five

 

 

EXCUSING MYSELF from the table, I crossed the crowded restaurant, heading for the front door. When I was almost there, Coz stepped in, alone, suit jacket on, glancing around until he spotted me.

“It’s not my fault you’re no longer on a date,” I groused as I got closer, intent on brushing by him. “So if you came here to yell at—Coz!”

He had grabbed my arm, stopping me, holding tight. “I need to talk to you.”

“Britton asked me to meet him outside.”

Releasing me abruptly, he just stood there, close, breathing my air.

“So,” I said, exhaling fast. “Where’s Hutch?”

His gaze lifted and met mine. “He went home.”

“Why?”

“Because you scared him to death.”

I was incredulous. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Come here,” he said, hand on my back, steering me out of the restaurant to the sidewalk. Once there, he turned to me so fast that I had to stop midstride or mow him over. “Why are you even out tonight? You’re not fit company for anyone.”

“I––”

“Excuse me?”

We both turned, and there was Britton Lassiter, looking like he’d seen a ghost. Yeah, he definitely remembered me now. It was easy to tell from his sort of shell-shocked demeanor that he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say.

“I wanted to speak to––”

“Sorry.” Coz clipped the word. “But I need to speak to Mr. Seaton right now. It’s official police business.”

“No, it’s not,” I argued, trying to step around him to reach Britton.

Coz put his arm out, corralling me, keeping me behind him. “Yes, it is. I suggest you return to your table, Mr. Lassiter.”

Clearly confused, eyes darting between us, Britton nonetheless beat a hasty retreat and disappeared back inside the always loud, always rambunctious establishment.

“What the hell was that?” I barked when Coz once again faced me.

“Like I said, you’re in no condition to talk to anyone as messed up as you are.”

“What’re you talking about?” I asked even as I felt my heart start to pound with excitement. All of his attention was on me, and it was a rush and a terror at the same time.

“You were so jealous,” he said gruffly, his voice deep, seductive, slithering down my spine. I forgot how to breathe.

What could I say? There was nothing that wouldn’t sound stupid, that wouldn’t give me away.

I tried to take a step back, to move away from him, but he took gentle hold of my face, and at the same time, his thumb stroked over my cheek. The throb of need in my gut made me jolt with his touch, and I saw the wicked curl of his lip in response.

“You’re trembling.”

Was he pleased? His smile, the pulse beating in the side of his neck, the way his breath hitched––all of it said he was, but we were in uncharted territory.

“You were insane with Hutch.”

I knew I had been, and I knew why. I had actually tasted the jealousy. I was surprised neither he nor Hutch had remarked on the glorious shade of green I had probably turned at the time.

“And after you left, he asked me how blind I was.”

I needed to get out of there, so I pulled free and turned from him, rushed down the street, and heard my name called out even as I slipped down an alley a block from the restaurant.

“Wait!” he roared.

I stopped, inhaled through my nose, and held it for a long moment as my best friend caught up to me.

“Jesus, I’m an idiot,” Coz grumbled to himself.

His boots really were gorgeous; I knew that because I was staring down at them. Even though the alley was not terribly well lit, I could still see the workmanship.

“Stop running from me.”

I nodded.

“I get it, why you never told me what you wanted.”

How could I have?

“I mean, I’m all you’ve got, right? If you fucked us up, what else is there?”

Nothing.

There was nothing else. His mother, his sister, the town, all of it came back to him, to Coz, the man who gave me back my life.

“But you gotta remember, I wouldn’t even be here, living this life, without you.”

I stayed silent.

“The humvee was taking fire when you crawled in,” he reminded me. “But you never tell that part.”

I huffed out a breath.

“People think you pulled me out of a car with a flat or something, but you got carved up and burned getting me free and had to return fire all at the same time.”

I knew the story; he didn’t have to refresh my memory.

“And then they shelled it again, and no one could tell it had ever been a vehicle after that. It was just pieces of charcoal on the road.”

I coughed softly.

“You saved my life, you stupid prick.”

But my gift had only lasted moments. His was ongoing, it was everything.

He took a step forward, up against me, into my space, so I had to tilt my head back to look into those dark liquid eyes of his.

“No one looks at me the way you do.”

“Of course not,” I rasped, buzz gone, feeling vulnerable and self-conscious, a little light-headed as well as horrifyingly embarrassed, nervous, and starving. But more than all of that… I wanted… needed….

“Kel?”

I backpedaled, but not far, just a couple feet, so I could pivot and pace.

“Are you all right?”

God, what a mess, and it was all my fault. I should have told him years ago, been honest and bared my soul or simply taken him, jumped him, claimed him, made him mine.

“What did you say?”

I was muttering, having a whole conversation by myself as he watched me with… what? “Don’t smile at me like I’m an idiot.”

He shook his head. “You’re not an idiot, you’re adorable.”

“I… what?”

“You’re all flustered because I’m giving you my attention. Fuck. Why didn’t I just do this a long time ago?”

Power and strength was rolling off him, and all I wanted to do was what I always did, and lean.

“Come here.”

I shook my head. “You don’t… you mean more to me than… and I….” God, what was I trying to say? “I don’t wanna do anything to mess up.”

“I know.”

“I should go.”

“Hey.”

My head snapped up without me thinking about it, and I was again caught in his liquid gaze.

“Why would you think I wouldn’t want you?”

“You could have anybody,” I said quickly. “And I’m not….”

“You’re not what?”

I gestured at him. “You’re you.”

He shook his head. “I should have known this was where your head was.”

“Coz?”

“Right up your ass.”

“What did you say?”

“You pick and choose what you want to pay attention to, it’s how you are.”

“I don’t understand.”

He snorted out a laugh. “It’s like, I’m disfigured, right?”

“Oh, you are not!” I growled. “I hate it when you––”

“Shut up,” he ordered sharply. “I am. I’m missing an entire arm and everyone sees that first, except you. Even my mother and sister try and help me, do more than I want them to, but not you. Never you.”

I simply didn’t see Coz and think he had any limitations. He was the same as he’d always been. All I saw was what I craved.

“When you look at me, you just want me.”

My heart stopped.

“What makes you think I don’t want you right back?”

Because… how could he?

“You don’t see a man missing an arm,” he said, taking a step toward me. “You just see me, and you wanna touch me.”

He had no idea how badly I wanted that.

My whimper came out low and desperate as he closed the distance between us, then slowly traced up my arm with his hand. When he reached my chin, he tipped my head back so our gazes were again locked.

“No one really knows me but you. No one sees me but you,” he whispered.

“What if you change your mind?” I couldn’t be abandoned again. Once by my family, second by various friends and boyfriends—even Britton Lassiter had played his part.

“I won’t.”

I swallowed hard. “Why now? Why the change?”

He palmed the back of my head before he bent and kissed my nose. “’Cause you want me so bad you’re gonna start sabotaging all my dates.”

It was not beyond the realm of possibility.

“So maybe you just take me like you said, and then everyone else will be safe.”

“Yeah, okay,” I murmured, giving in, my skin tingling everywhere he touched. “But I won’t, yanno, let you leave once we… once I… I couldn’t.”

“Good.”

“Okay, so, follow me home,” I said raggedly, my voice cracking. “Come get in my bed.”

He caught his breath and I held mine until he spoke again. “You don’t feel sorry for me, do you?”

“Why would I feel sorry for you?”

“Guys pity me. It’s why they fuck me.”

“It’s not,” I sighed, reaching for him, easing him down, closer with each passing moment. “You know me better than that.”

“I do,” he agreed before he kissed me.

It was gentle, tender, and I lost my mind.

I attacked him, mauled him, shoved my tongue in his mouth, sucked on his, tasted and licked, desperate to be closer, finally ending up plastered to his chest, hands in his hair, grinding against the thigh he’d wedged between mine. His body was so hard, his skin so hot, and I’d waited so long… I was ravenous for him.

“Jesus Christ,” he panted, swallowing great gulps of air. “Why didn’t you ever say you wanted me this bad?”

“Because you would have never believed me until now,” I answered breathlessly before I recaptured his mouth, parting his lips as I kissed him again, deep and slow, taking my time as I hadn’t the first go-around when I thought he’d pull away at any second.

His moan was dark and primal as he clutched at me. He shoved me backward into the exposed brick wall, his hand on my ass, gripping, squeezing, and me struggling to feel more of him. I needed to touch him more, everywhere, and after tugging his shirt out of his pants, I yanked and pulled until my hands slid over his hot, sleek skin.

When I started fiddling with his belt buckle, he wrenched free, gasping, hand braced on my chest to keep me still, keep me from reaching him.

I was devastated. “You don’t want… you—Coz?”

The scowl, the one I recognized as a sign of annoyance, that I was talking too much, had jumped to the wrong conclusion, allowed my heart to start beating again. “Of course I want you. Everybody wants you.”

For one night, maybe, but I was too much trouble to keep. My life was far too wrapped up with him. No one could compete with Cosimo Renaldi. “I’m no good for anyone but you—you spoiled me for anybody else.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked, and I could hear how rough his voice was, both of us still recovering from oxygen deprivation.

“Yeah,” I promised, putting my hands on his hips, my mouth dry just looking at his bruised lips and rumpled clothes, all telltale signs of being ravaged.

“So all this time, all I had to do was say the word, and you would have been mine?”

“Yes.”

He raked his hand through his hair as he stared down into my eyes. “For crissakes, Kelly, why didn’t you tell me?”

I tried to smile. “’Cause you weren’t ready, and like I said, you would have never believed me. You lost your self-worth with your arm.”

He took a breath. “I guess,” he allowed.

“Do you believe me now?”

“It’s not like that,” he said hoarsely, and the sound, throaty and deep, was so sexy. “I don’t trust other people but you—I mean, you’re what I know. You’re who I think of telling shit to, who I miss even when I’m busy doing something, and you’re who I want to roll over on top of in the morning.”

I had to concentrate to keep my heart in my chest.

“Every morning,” he insisted, leaning in, kissing me like I never had been, before him, devouring, our lips melded together, his tongue rubbing over mine, him holding me close, so tight that it would leave bruises.

I loved it, succumbed to the feelings of his ownership and dominance, and still the kiss went on, the sensations, the fireworks swimming through my veins back to my heart, making the love swell even greater with hope. His words had given that to me. He wanted me to stay, and that was what “every morning” implied. When he woke up, I would be there.

“You’re the only one I want to fuck me,” I confessed, and even though my words weren’t as eloquent as his, I saw the heat and hunger infuse his gaze.

“You’ve never bottomed?”

I shook my head.

“You’re gonna give me a heart attack,” he whispered, lowering his face to mine, smiling as I reached for him.

“I don’t wanna do that. You need that to love me with.”

He arched an eyebrow as though I needed him to point out how cheesy that was.

“Just—”

“Dumbass,” he grumbled. “I’ve loved you since always.”

His words sent a surge of electricity through me, and the resulting tremble was impossible to hide.

“Liked that, did you?”

I nodded like an idiot.

“Yeah, so,” he said in his sultry growl, running his hand over the top of my head, fingers fluttering through my hair. “This is only a little longer than it was when we served.”

“You wanna talk about my hair?”

“No, I just—I don’t wanna make a mess of things.”

“Messy’s okay,” I teased, hand stealing around the back of his neck. “It’s why I have a white suit. No cum stains.”

“Oh for crissakes,” he groaned. “Can you be serious, please? What if—”

“There’s no ‘what if,’ there’s no ‘when,’ there’s no ‘stop.’ It’s just us being us, together, like we are now—quiet nights at home, just better.”

He scoffed. “You are awfully confident alluva sudden.”

“Shouldn’t I be?” I asked pointedly. “You just told me you love me. That’s my dream right there. And I know you, if you say it’s one way, it is.”

His eyes were so shiny as he stared at me.

“So since I trust you, and you told me everything I’ve ever wanted to hear… what other way would I be but ecstatic and confident?”

“You’re right; you be confident. I like you like this.”

I was sure I was beaming at him.

“But how could things be better than they are now?”

I laughed at him. “Well, for instance, wouldn’t it be better with you buried to your balls in my ass?”

He swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he finally answered before grabbing my hand, turning, and nearly jerking me off my feet. “That would be. Come on.”

It was a big fat turn-on watching the man I loved hunger for me and want me back. I would follow him anywhere he wanted.

A couple of minutes later, as we walked toward the town square, I glanced over at the ancient mangrove tree that the small coastal community was named for. There were, of course, many of those trees around, but that one was special. I had never seen one before I arrived and had been impressed when Coz first pointed it out.

During the holidays, the tree was covered in lights; it was decorated on other holidays, too, like Halloween, with pumpkins placed between the branches. It sat smack dab in the center of town and everyone who was new––

“Oh shit,” I gasped, stopping.

He turned to me, and it was nice that when he did, he didn’t let go of my hand. “Oh shit, what?”

“Your mother.”

He smiled warmly. “You’re carrying my jacket.”

“Yeah, and? How are you supposed to hold my hand if I don’t? There are better things for you to do with that hand than to carry shit.”

He snorted out a laugh. “You’re the only one I know who doesn’t give a crap how I would take that.”

“Because there’s only one way to take it. I want you to touch me.”

“Which I wanna do right now, which is why I already called my mother when I was chasing you down the street and told her that neither one of us would be back and that I was going home with you.”

“You did?”

“I did.”

I was absolutely charmed by that. He’d told his mother, simply confessed that which had ended everything with my biological family. “What—” I coughed. “—did she say?”

“She said it was about fuckin’ time.”

I was stunned. “Your mother swore?”

“No, my mother didn’t swear!” he yelled. “It was hyperbole to prove a point!”

“What point?” I asked calmly.

“That apparently everyone but you and I knew about this and thought it was a good fuckin’ idea.”

“Yeah? Everyone? Like for certain your mother?” Because she was the most important, after him. “You’re positive she liked the idea of us?” How amazingly wonderful would that be?

“Yeah.”

“You’re sure? She was happy?”

“She is.”

“Mia’s gonna be pissed we didn’t tell her.”

“We didn’t know,” he murmured, lifting my hand to kiss my knuckles.

“I knew.”

“Next time, share. Actually, no, there isn’t going to be a next time. Once I’m in your bed, you’re not getting out.”

I stopped walking so he’d have to as well. “That’s it, huh? You’re just moving in?”

“I have a crappy little apartment that I hate—would living with me be so bad?”

“Of course not, but come on… you don’t even know if this is gonna work.”

He squeezed my hand tight while at the same time I put my other one on his cheek, caressing him.

“This has already been working. It’s been five—almost six—years already. This is happening. Do you understand?”

“Yeah,” I conceded as he pulled me close. “I do.”

I kissed him breathless, and when he had to pry me off so he could breathe, it clicked in my brain that he needed to get me off the street before I begged him to take me right there.

“Nobody’s ever wanted me like this,” he said when we started walking again.

“Of course not,” I agreed. “I’m the only one for you.”

“You don’t––” I heard the hesitation infuse his voice. He was a worrier, my man, and of course we were to that part of the program. “––I mean, you don’t think we’re changing things too fast, do you?”

“I dunno?” I replied instead of answering.

He was clearly deep in thought, not even paying attention to where we were going as I steered us down a side street that would lead to my house. I needed to shock the worry away and get back the guy who wanted to do sexy, dirty things to me.

“Maybe we are moving too fast,” I mused, dropping his hand, putting space between us. “We should date instead; go slow like you were telling Hutch,” I finished cheerfully.

“Fuck,” he groaned, retaking my hand, lacing our fingers together. “Really?”

I shrugged, smiling at him.

“We both know we’ve been dating since you moved here. We just didn’t recognize it.”

“Yes, dear,” I agreed.

“We belong together.”

Just as long as we were clear.