Clementine
The golden glow of morning light came through my blinds to light up my room and wake me up. At first I thought that maybe the night before had been a dream, a very intense and realistic dream, but a dream nonetheless. It was disappointing to wake up in the bed alone after having such vivid sexual dreams of my first time with Falcon.
I rolled over and ran my hand along the sheets where he had fallen asleep in what I still believed was a dream. I remembered how real his body had felt against mine as I drifted off to sleep in his arms. Oh, how I wanted it to be real! I wanted to wake up in his arms and feel his breath on my skin. I wanted to feel those hands on me again with those strong arms wrapped around me.
I rolled out of bed, and as I stood up, I realized how sore I was. It felt like someone had stretched me out. Or like the sex hadn’t been a dream. I ached deep inside, and my muscles felt like they had been worked in unnatural ways. I crept out of my bedroom, listening for the telltale sounds of someone else in my apartment. From what I could see, I was alone.
“But he went to bed with me,” I said to myself, troubled and confused that after everything that was said, and everything that we did, he would leave me alone.
I looked on the other pillow and on the nightstand next to the bed. There was no note. I grabbed my phone and checked it. There were no texts or voicemails waiting to explain to me why he had left, but I knew. I knew deep down why he had left.
I felt like such a fool for trusting him and letting my guard down around him. He did just what my brother said he would do. He used me and threw me away. And to think I let him inside me. He took my virginity! He was the first man I ever trusted enough to sleep with, and he left me standing naked in my apartment looking for some clue to let me know he hadn’t just left for no reason at all.
There was nothing. It was like he hadn’t even been in my apartment in the first place, but I knew he had. I knew he had been in more than just my apartment. I sat on the bed and buried my face in my hands. How could I have been so stupid?
I sat like that for a long time, sobbing into my hands on the edge of the bed, but it occurred to me that I knew the perfect way to get my revenge on him. I knew someone who seemed more than willing to get Falcon back for hurting me, so I grabbed my phone and gave him a call.
“You were right,” I told my brother as he answered the phone.
“What do you mean?” he asked, not quite getting my point right off the bat.
“You were right about Falcon,” I said.
“Please tell me you didn’t let him get you into bed,” he begged. I could hear it in his voice. He wanted to hear me say that I hadn’t slept with Falcon, that he’d broken my heart some other way before it went that far. I regretted that I couldn’t tell him that.
“Yeah, I did, like an idiot,” I said, starting to tear up again.
“No, don’t talk about yourself like that,” Leo told me, his voice gentle and soothing. “He is just really good at what he does, Clementine. He has been doing this for a long, long time, so don’t feel bad that he fooled you.”
“I should have listened to you, Leo,” I told him. “I should have listened.”
“Yeah, but if you did that, you wouldn’t need me around.” He laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m going to take care of it,” he said, his tone hardening.
“I let him take my virginity, Leo,” I sobbed. I was usually very open with my brother, and I couldn’t imagine not telling him every detail of what happened.
“That motherfucker,” he growled. “I should have handled it when I met with him the other night.”
“What?” I asked, not sure if I heard him correctly.
“I ran into him at the bar the other night, and I pulled him aside to talk to him about you,” he started explaining. “He told me everything he planned on doing to you. I warned him then that if he messed with you, I would ruin him, but I see he didn’t believe me. I should have just taken care of him right then and there so he wouldn’t have had the chance.”
“Why didn’t you tell me what he said he was planning on doing?” I asked him through my tears.
“I don’t know,” he answered. “I thought that between my conversation with him and my conversation with you, someone would have gotten the idea to step back from the situation. Honestly, I was counting on you more than I was him.”
His last statement was like a punch in the gut. I was already feeling pretty stupid for giving in like I had to Falcon’s tricks.
“Did you tell him you loved him?” Leo sighed.
“I don’t think I did,” I told him. I blushed. I couldn’t remember if I had said it or not, but I knew I had been thinking it. I had probably been thinking it hard enough that he might have heard me anyway.
“Good. Do you think you love him?” he probed.
“What difference does that make, Leo?” I pleaded with my brother. “I mean, he obviously had me feeling something or else I wouldn’t have done it.”
His silence growled over the phone. It was the roar of pure rage I heard in that moment of quiet. My brother was fuming. I couldn’t believe how angry he was. It was as if he felt that Falcon had really been trying to slight him by hurting me. Then, he said as much.
“I can’t believe he would really use you to get to me like that. He’s dead. Understand, Clementine, that he is dead now,” Leo said, breaking his silence.
“How do you know each other, Leo?” I asked. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to know why it was that my brother felt so strongly that Falcon was after him with what he’d done to me.
“Our professional paths have crossed before,” he told me.
“But how? He’s just a biker and you’re a businessman, right? So how would you two cross paths?” I asked. It just wasn’t adding up in my head how the head of a consulting firm would cross paths with the head of a motorcycle club or gang.
“We’ve had our run-ins in the past,” he said, basically just repeating himself. “He’s not exactly an upstanding member of the community, Clementine. You know, regardless of what he had planned for you, you had no business messing with him to begin with.”
“I know,” I told him. It didn’t make it feel any better to know that Leo had told me all of this before—to leave him alone, that he planned to hurt me, and that this was exactly what was going to happen.
“I should have put someone in place to watch you in case he came back around after the last time you and I talked about it,” he continued. “But I’m going to handle it. Don’t you worry about it. I’m going to take care of everything.”
I didn’t like the way he was starting to sound. His take care of everything didn’t sound like he was planning on talking about it anymore. It sounded like someone wasn’t walking away after being taken care of. I wondered if that was how my brother and Falcon knew each other. I wondered if my brother had his hand in some less than upstanding business himself.
“Do you have to work today?” he asked me.
“Yeah, I think so,” I said after thinking about it for a moment.
“Okay. Get cleaned up and go to work. Try to treat today like nothing happened. The sooner you get back to normal, the sooner this will all just be a memory,” he told me, and his voice sounded hard, like it was a command instead of a suggestion.
“You’re probably right.” I felt like it was time to start listening to him the first time he told me something instead of figuring out the hard way that he’d been right all along.
“I know I’m right.”
He never asked what happened. Did he really already know? Was my phone call enough to tell him? I was simply thankful that I didn’t have to explain myself to him. I didn’t know if I could handle having to recount the whole thing to him.
“Leo?” I said feebly.
“Yeah, sis?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. And thank you for looking out for me.” I was going to owe him big time for this.
“Don’t mention it, Clementine. I’m your brother. What else am I supposed to do?”
I started crying again. Leo just sat on the line and listened while I sobbed. I couldn’t say anything. I had known the minute I saw Falcon in the card shop that he was going to be trouble for me. I had known bad things were going to come from talking to him and letting him engage me in conversation. But I had gone along with it anyway. I felt like such an idiot.
Then, after telling myself he was a bad idea, my brother told me the same thing. I still made it a point not to listen. Instead, I charged head first into this, convincing myself the whole way he was for real.
He never called or texted except to set up a time for us to meet up. He never just asked how I was doing or expressed any sort of general interest in my life. It was always about us being together and moving forward with sex.
I cleared my throat.
“I’m sorry,” I told my brother, who was still on the line, surprisingly enough. Why couldn’t I find a man who cared for me the way my brother did? They all just wanted a piece of my ass. Well, I wasn’t a virgin anymore, so maybe getting in my pants would no longer be the prize it had been for so long.
“It’s okay,” Leo said. “I wasn’t going to hang up on you, but I do need to go. I’ve got work to do if I’m going to take care of our friend Falcon.”
“Leo, there’s something you’re not telling me about him,” I said, drying my eyes and straightening my voice.
“What do you mean?” he asked. My brother prided himself in being able to keep a steady voice, but I had known him all my life, and I could tell when I struck a nerve, when someone else’s voice would have faltered but his did not.
“I mean, I’m going to get down to the bottom of your relationship with him one way or another. Falcon targeted me specifically to get to you. I should have realized it the night he walked into the store. Looking back, it’s pretty obvious he hadn’t gone in there just on accident, and I had never seen him in there before. He came in that night because he knew I was going to be there, and that means he was already planning on using me to get to you. I’m going to find out why, Leo, even if you won’t tell me.”
“I will tell you when the time is right.” Leo sighed. “Until then, don’t worry about Falcon. I will handle him.”
“You do that,” I told him, my voice firm in my new resolution to find out why he wanted to handle it himself so badly. This wasn’t a normal heartbreak for him. This was personal, and I needed to know why.
After we hung up, I sat and stared at my phone, realizing I was still sitting naked on the side of my bed. I plugged my phone back into my charger and got up to get showered and ready for the day.