Chapter 5
Never Impossible
"What's starting?" I ask, sick of the vagueness.
Kane kisses the top of my head, seeming to be in on what they're all silently discussing with their eyes.
"Not until she's immortal. It's impossible," Mom murmurs, shaking her head.
"We don't know what's possible and what's not. No one documented the creatures before her," Gage answers.
Am I really being discussed and not spoken to? Again?
"Creatures before me?" I scoff, almost growling.
"The ones like Freya," he says, meeting my gaze.
My heart sinks. It can't be true. They're wrong. I can't let this happen.
"No. Absolutely not. I'm not secreting succubus juice over here just because Dice said so."
"You are," Kane murmurs hesitantly. "Dice is gone and the seduction is still in the air. The question is why?"
"Why is she suddenly leaking succubus?" Gage asks, provoking a nod from Kane in response, but it almost looks as though he has a secret he's reluctant to share. Instead, he shrugs. "Who knows? If it's starting, I'm not worried about her succubus coming out. It's all the deadly things inside her that—"
"Stop fucking talking about me like I'm not here!" I shout, making everyone twitch with a startled jolt. "I'm not this damn...thing! I'm a witch. A simple, happy, light witch."
I don't want to be a monster. I can't be a monster.
Kane pulls me to him, shaking his head as his lips graze my forehead. "I'm sorry. Let's get out of here for a while. This day has already been too intense. I'm starving anyhow."
Mom flinches upon hearing a night stalker voice the fact that he's starving while holding her witch daughter in his arms. I'd gladly let him feed on me if I wasn't so pissed about what assholes they're all being.
"I meant actual food," Kane says, amused when he notices my mother's discomfort.
Her lips thin, and again, she holds back her spiteful remark that is probably stinging her tongue.
"Alyssa, you should stay here with us," she says, her wary eyes not leaving Kane.
"No," I say, refusing to loosen my grip. "And stop looking at him like that. You of all people have no right to judge."
A roar of chilling laughter floats through the house, letting us know Drackus is home. I can't believe he lost his fucking mind and tried to take me out.
He strolls through, chuckling at Mom's expense, prompting her to roll her eyes in response.
"She does have a point, dear," he murmurs while giving her a wink.
My jaw drops. What the hell?
"You're still high on the power," she grumbles. "Go drink that potion and try to sober up."
He's covered in the same ashy residue as Gage was as he stalks toward her, seeming indifferent to all of us. Her cheeks flush as he nears with an animalistic prowess, his eyes dark and jaded with too much of the high.
He's stuck in the in-between right now. I get high and come straight down. Drackus sometimes does the same thing, but he struggles on occasion. I'd hate to be in that in-between phase, but I almost wonder if that's where I was when I went to Kane's last night. If I was then that means I hit the ultimate high—like Drackus.
We all keep quiet, trying not to spook the predator he is right now. Without warning, he throws his hand toward us, lashing out at Kane and knocking both of us back with a gust of power. We're suddenly sprawled out against the wall.
"Night stalker, night stalker," he taunts, his eyes burning with menace.
"Drackus!" Mom gasps. "Stop!"
My body is pinned against Kane's as Drackus continues toward us. Defense mechanisms kick in, darkness stirs, and suddenly I feel almost as high as him.
"Fucking shit. I'll get it," Gage growls, close to vaporizing himself and Drackus again.
"Actually, I think it's my turn," I murmur, the taste of power burning through my veins.
"Alyssa," Kane whispers, trying to break the spell I'm under.
An invisible string snaps, and Drackus's hold on me vanishes. Kane thuds to the ground, refusing to use his own power. Foolish night stalker. He's too soft. I'm not though. I want to play.
Drackus's intrigue stirs as he circles me—his worthy opponent.
"Shall we dance, daughter?" he asks, mockery in his tone.
A sinister grin quirks up on my lips, and I give a small wink that blasts out enough power to blow him through the side of the house. The sound pummels the ears of all as the roar of my power buzzes, creating a thunderous drumming. It feels so good.
My hair falls darker under the trance, making me feel complete and whole. An intoxicating rush flows through me, leaving me determined to never let it go this time.
"I'll lead," I murmur, taunting the man splayed on the ground.
Before I can do any further damage, I feel the tingling sensation of a vaporizing. No! No!
I swat at the arms around me, but it's too late. I'm spiraling through the planes, cursing the interfering dark user for meddling in my fight. I had him. I could have taken him, damn it!
I stumble to the ground in a dark playground for twisted minds. I'll rip him to pieces for this.
"What the fuck?" I blare, searching aimlessly for Gage, but I can't find him.
"You need to cool down. This helps," he says, his voice nearly an echo from what sounds like miles away.
"I'll kill you, you slimy son of a—"
"Just calm down," he says, sounding closer.
A gust of air rushes by me, but nothing is visible in this endless pit of nothingness. It's like a starless pocket in outer space has just swallowed us up. Where are we?
"This is limbo—the place between purgatory and hell," Gage says, now standing behind me, answering my inner questions.
I swing my hand out, but no power follows. "What the hell?"
"It won't work here. Only those who've aligned themselves with the dark can use their powers here," he says, still invisible under the blanket of pitch-black. "Now calm the hell down."
A small burn of candlelight finds the space, offering a flicker of light. But I see no flame and no candle.
Slowly, I feel my anger filtering out, my high dissipating as quickly as it came. I gasp as the last of it runs out, and then I nearly convulse from the sudden abandonment.
Gage grabs me, wraps me against him as he holds me steady, helping me through the unexpected withdrawal jerks.
"How did it happen?" I whimper, falling against him and letting him support all my weight. "I didn't use any of my dark power."
"You're getting closer. Something has triggered your secret powers, and now they're starting to creep out. Drackus made you feel threatened, and your animal instincts took over. It's the same way—were, lycans, night stalkers—all of them react."
"Kane didn't," I object, sniffling as I wipe away my escaped tears.
"Kane's had centuries to get it under control. You didn't even know you needed to prepare."
"This can't...be...happening," I choke out through sobs, letting myself go so limp that he's forced to scoop me up.
He cradles me to his chest and sways me in a rocking motion. I sob in the darkness, pretending that faint glow isn't shedding a glimmer of light on me. This is real. I'm a monster.
"Where the hell did you take her?" Kane yells, his fury coming out as soon as Gage materializes us back in Drackus's home.
Drackus, who's now sober and guilt-ridden, rips me free from Gage's grasp and pulls me to him, stumbling out an apology over and over as he hugs me. This still feels awkward, and right now I'm anything but responsive. My world just fell apart.
Mom joins us, stroking my hair affectionately and kissing my head through my hair, letting her sigh trickle down the back of my neck as she rests her head against mine.
"I had to let her cool down," Gage says finally to answer my night stalker, sounding unimpressed with Kane's venomous tone. "The planes offer a quicker cool-down option. Get over it. I kept her from losing it—which is why I know I'm not going to walk her down a path of destruction. The prophecy is incomplete. I know I'm meant to keep her from losing it. I just proved it."
"Any witch or warlock can vaporize someone else," Kane scoffs.
"Not when they're mortal. I'm the only one who can do it without killing them. She doesn't even get dizzy anymore. She's adjusted to it, even without her immortality. I'm designed for her."
"Stop!" I whimper, my voice cracking on the end. "Just stop," I continue in almost a whisper. "I can't do this right now."
I withdraw from my parents and walk over to Kane, ready to be held by only him. He willingly pulls me to him, and I cling to him like he's my lifeline on this sinking Titanic.
"Take me somewhere. Anywhere. I can't do this today."
He tilts my chin up, gently strokes my lips with his, and nods. "I'll get us a hotel somewhere."
I can actually hear Drackus's and Gage's jaws clench, but I ignore them both. Kane loves me. They can both get the hell over it. I'm not going to listen to my estranged father who stayed absent for a huge chunk of my life, and I'm not going to listen to the dark user who kept me out of the loop for his own twisted purposes. I'm tired of being a pawn.
"Alyssa, please stay here. Where it's safe," Mom says, sounding almost desperate.
"No. I just want to be alone right now."
Kane sighs. "I guess that means you want me to get my own room," he mumbles.
"Let me rephrase that. I want us to be alone," I say to douse his concern.
He stifles the grin he wants to smugly display. Gage vaporizes from the room, a trail of anger following behind him. He's so pissed that I can actually feel his fury vibrating from his usually cloaked aura.
"Alyssa, I really am sorr—"
"It's fine, Drackus," I interrupt, wiping away my tears. "It's not like I didn't try to take you out, too."
He sighs out hard, guilt flowing through his eyes and breath. I look away and up to see the sweet face of the enemy I love, instead of the enemy who helped give me life. I feel so much stronger with Kane's arms around me.
"Let's go."
Kane walks in, carrying three bags of takeout. He looks so helplessly uneasy as he awkwardly sifts through enough food to feed an army.
"Are there people joining us?" I ask, confused.
"No," he says, shrugging. "I had no idea what you wanted, so... well… I might have gone overboard."
"Might have?" I ask, grinning.
I stand up as he lets his own beautiful smile slip free. He closes the distance between us before I even have to take a step, and his soft, perfect lips find mine. I lean into him, happy to let him kiss away all my dread.
His tongue becomes more demanding in my mouth, and I moan involuntarily as he picks me up and places me on the bed, falling between my legs.
"Tell me what to do," he murmurs against my lips.
"You've never needed coaching before," I tease, pretending like the last few days of my life never happened.
He smiles and then pulls back. "I mean what to do to make this better. I know you're going through a lot, but I can help... if you let me."
We've gone through absolute hell. He was so cold, but it was never him—not the Kane I love. This is him. Night stalker or not, he loves me, and he makes me feel at peace.
"You're doing it by being here with me," I murmur as his lips lightly brush mine.
He affectionately runs his fingers through my hair, staring down at me with so much concern.
"I was going to change you," he murmurs through a sigh, making me chuckle.
"Where did that come from? And change me into what?"
His eyes avert mine as he continues running his fingers through my hair. I slip my legs around his waist, tugging him closer to draw his attention back from whatever wasteland he has gone to visit.
"I've wanted to tell you for a while. I was going to change you—into one of my kind."
I tense under him, unsure how to respond to that. On one hand, it's obvious he loves me and wants to be with me for longer than a mortal life would have allowed, but on the other, he was willing to turn me into a monster.
I'm already a monster—one possibly worse than him. He didn't know that though.
"Were you going to ask me? Offer me the chance to say yes or no?" I ask, my voice rasp.
His weight presses against me more, though he never stops running his deft fingers through my blond strands.
"I was."
He doesn't elaborate, and I think I know the reason why.
"Would you have accepted no?"
He hesitates, which answers my question without words.
"I wish I could say I'm that noble, Alyssa. It's my nature—you know—to be possessive. I couldn't let you go. Hell, even when I pushed you away, I couldn't let you go. I had to be with you. I still do. I probably shouldn't have told you, but I don't want to keep anything from you ever again."
I breathe out hard, silently digesting and sorting through the facts. If I was human, I'd be appalled and ready to run. But I'm not human. I'm fey. I understand his ways, his nature. It's one of the reasons I've hated night stalkers in the past, but how can I hate the man I fell in love with?
"I really don't know how to feel about that," I mutter at last, still motionless beneath him.
"You hate it and love it," he says absentmindedly, refusing to meet my gaze, still idly playing with my hair.
He's right. "What if I had hated you the way you hate Castine?" I ask, making him grimace.
His fingers stop moving through my locks, and he finally looks at me, letting his eyes find mine, staring endlessly into my soul.
"I would have died."
My heart breaks and soars at once. This relationship is toxic and euphoric at the same time. I'm not even sure how we're supposed to make this work.
"Will you say something? Do you want to leave?" he asks when the silence grows to be suffocating.
"It's not like I can go anywhere. You're pinning me down, and my magic is useless on you," I mumble, half-grinning like the twisted freak I am.
It's not right to find any of what he said romantic, but sadly, that almost is romantic for a night stalker. I'm a witch. Though I'm starting to see how naive I am, I still know more than a human would...most of the time. I know what I'm getting into, so it's hard to judge him for being the deadly beauty he is. Especially since he's not judging me for the deadlier beauty I'm starting to become.
He grins and visibly relaxes in the next breath, and then he starts trailing kisses down my neck.
"I still want you just as much now as I did then, Alyssa," he says as he starts pulling my shirt up. "Actually, I want you even more. Don't leave me again."
I laugh, though it's not because anything is funny. It's a delirious laugh brought on by the exhaustion eating me alive.
"Something funny?" he asks, leaning back, seeming wounded.
"Yes. You. I didn't leave you. We both ran away from each other."
He studies me for a minute, hesitant about saying anything more. Finally, his mouth wins the war over his mind. "I didn't find anyone else."
I frown, now realizing for the first time how much that must have hurt - seeing me with Gage while still secretly being in love with me. It would have destroyed me if he had gotten with anyone else, and I flaunted it in front of him.
"I'm sorry. I thought you hated me. I thought we'd never move past what we were," I murmur softly, running my finger down the strong line of his jaw.
"I never hated you. I wanted to. Damn, did I want to—but I couldn't. I was still in love, and it was agonizing to watch you with him. I never want to have to again. Promise me I won't."
"You won't," I say without any reservations or hesitation.
His lips find mine, instantly rewarding me, but his ringing phone distracts us, forcing us to pull away from the moment. I hate deja vu.
"Yeah," he murmurs into the phone, not moving his body away from mine.
"We have the details now," Sierra says, sounding a little breathless.
"And?"
"It was a lycan attack. Nothing else. Where are you?"
"Edgebrook. We're camping out at a hotel."
"Why a hotel? Don't you both own homes there?" she asks, sounding confused.
"We do, but Alyssa wanted a hotel room. It's a mini stay-cation," he says, grinning.
He kisses me, but that doesn't deter Sierra from continuing. "Deke and Zee wanted to talk to you. Dice came over, and he was livid. He kept saying something was going on and he demanded to know what. None of us had a clue what he was talking about."
Shit. Dice is going to eventually drive everyone mad.
"Ignore him," Kane says, doing well not to glance at me when he pulls back. "We'll be heading to my new house once we've had a few days to unwind. Tell Zee to meet us there."
"And us?" she asks, daring to sound hopeful. "The spirit is gone, so there's no reason for you to stress over our safety. We're stronger as a group, Kane."
He sighs out heavily, weighing the variables that are probably rushing around in his head. He looks down to me, possibly expecting me to voice my opinion.
"The red moon is coming back," I mumble, knowing they expect him to watch after Amy.
"Fine," Kane grumbles. "The basement isn't set up. You guys will have to do that."
"That's not a problem," Sierra chirps.
"If Amy says one thing out of the way to Alyssa, I'll kick you both out," he growls.
Sierra stays quiet for a minute, measuring her next words carefully. "I'll talk to her. Ask your witch not to break any more bones in our wild girl."
I roll my eyes. She wants Kane to be with Amy so badly that it's almost nauseating.
"I'll tell Alyssa to do whatever she has to when your wild girl steps out of line."
He hangs up and tosses his phone to the side of the bed. He's starting to feel heavy, and I try to shift out from under him, but he traps me, pinning me down harder before his lips find mine again.
"She's nothing," he murmurs.
"I didn't say anything," I grouse, breaking free from the kiss.
"No, but you were thinking it."
I sigh, refusing to argue about something like this when I have so many other things to worry about.
"I love you," he murmurs softly when I don't respond. "I want eternity."
My heart almost stumbles, rapidly beating and scrambling to find a steady rhythm, but that's impossible right now.
"Eternity?" I ask, swallowing hard. I wasn't expecting this conversation.
He smiles, seeming to enjoy my noticeable panic attack.
"Eternity. I couldn't let you go then, and I can't let you go now."
He pulls up my left hand and intentionally kisses my ring finger. His eyes follow mine when I look to it. I feel his smile, though I refuse to look him in the eyes anymore.
"Scared of me again? I think your crush has gotten bigger, Alyssa," he teases, making my smile come up unbidden.
"I think this is a conversation for another time," I murmur, unsuccessful in trying to wipe away my ridiculously betraying grin.
"Is this about children?" he asks, suddenly looking a little sad. "Because bitten fey can't have children?"
"No," I sigh, though that thought has crossed my mind in the past. "Besides, even if you could have children, fey can't conceive a child from someone not within their own realm of magic."
He looks down, studying nothing in particular, as he murmurs, "But you and Gage could have a child."
I laugh, tiring of this nonsense.
"Gage and I aren't going to be together. Even if you weren't in the picture, I wouldn't be with him. There are plenty of fey orphans. One of my friends was adopted when he was an infant."
His smile returns as he looks back up to meet my eyes. "So you're considering eternity?"
I grin again, rolling my eyes at my own self. "I think we need to focus on the fact that I'm a secret monster in training first. Then we'll discuss eternity. You should be worried about what I could become."
He shakes his head, resuming his task of running his fingers through my hair.
"I'm not afraid, Alyssa. I'll bring you back every time you need me to. I'm tougher than you think," he says with a wink. "Besides, if you're like Freya, then you will be a leader, not a destroyer."
"Freya wasn't the only one of these unnamed creatures," I grumble, shifting out from under him finally when I find it hard to breathe.
He lets me, and he falls to my side.
"No, but the others were mindless, even savage. You're not. Dramatic, sure—but not mindless," he jokes, making light of the situation.
I laugh again, a genuine one this time. I don't know how he does it, but he makes any obstacle seem like a blip as opposed to a disaster.
His seriousness resumes as he continues, "Freya was revered as a goddess to some. Not unnamed like the monsters the others were. They couldn't control themselves. They didn't have anyone helping them because everyone was too scared. I'll help you."
My saving grace is a night stalker. If you had told me this a few months ago, I would have died from laughter. I've spent my whole life with a blindfold on, judging so many of the fey. Now, here I am, stuck in the dark place I don't want to be, and those I've judged are my allies as well as my jury. I just pray they never become my executioners.
"Can we just eat and sleep?" I ask.
"Definitely."
He hops up, quickly scrambling through the mounds of food he acquired, and returns with a few options. Eating with my boyfriend—a normal moment—I need more of these.
"I've got to change out of this hideous outfit at some point," I snarl as I motion to the skimpy ensemble I've yet to get rid of.
He chokes on his food when he tries to laugh, and I scowl at him as he forces the wad of food down.
"Sorry," he says when he sees my expression, still chuckling. "But I wouldn't dare call it hideous. In fact, I'm thinking about buying you more things like that."
I just shake my head, unable to stifle the grin he so easily provokes.
"So, a lycan attack?" I ask, shifting the topic when his scandalous eyes try to pull me in.
He frowns as if that upsets him. "Yeah. When we were on our way to Drackus's for the Were meeting, I got a call. Some locals stumbled upon a body in the woods. All I knew was that there was a dead cop. And..."
His voice trails off, seeming uncertain about continuing. Then realization strikes me, and my hunger dissipates.
"And you were worried that blood matched the blood in my back seat," I say while gripping my head and leaning forward.
"The blood did match," he says softly, making my stomach tense. "But the body was almost unrecognizable. I think you might have been trying to save him, and it's possible he died in your car. The humans destroyed the scene by tromping around through the woods, but there was a trail of blood. You probably drug him out there when he died. I'm sure you were trying to do damage control. A lycan shredded him. The last I checked, you're not a lycan."
I sigh in relief—as sick as that is. I can't believe I'd just dump a body like that, but I wasn't myself last night. I don't know who I was. I wish I could remember something.
"Care if we get drunk tonight?" I ask, prompting him to laugh.
"You can. It's a little hard for me. I'll gladly take care of you."
My smile returns, but the pounding on the door kills the moment. Kane swears under his breath as he goes to inspect our unwanted visitor. He swings open the door without so much as checking to see who it is.
I scramble around on the bed, knocking a Styrofoam plate of food onto the floor, when I see it's Gage. I don't even acknowledge the mess.
"Why are you here?" Kane groans, blocking Gage's view of me.
"Sorry to interrupt the honeymoon, but we've got a problem. It's about Castine."