THIRTY-THREE
Belle
It’s just your hormones. That’s the mantra I repeat to myself as I walk beside the stone wall that fronts the hotel complex. The wind that cuts down off the mountains is nothing short of arctic, but like fuck I’m going back to the hotel room to get a jacket now.
In all fairness I could have kept the lingerie on and made one hell of a start to the day. But no sooner had I relieved myself in the bathroom than the nausea I’ve had of late set in. I tried to push past it, determined to wait to let on to Zeus what the issue is, but one whiff of that coffee and I was done for.
I can’t say what it is that held me back from telling him the news as soon as the doc dropped the bomb on Monday. Maybe it was because I was only coming to terms with it myself, or perhaps it was the way he laughed when he realised I forgot about his so-called issue?
He’s past having kids. It’s not something we’ve talked about other than when he’s reminded me he was supposedly sterile. He turns thirty-nine soon. I mean, no, it’s not too old to start a family, really. But he has the car project, and I have the studio to set up.
Having a kid throws a spanner in the works, and my biggest worry is that it puts the pressure on him to be the main provider. At least for the first year after the birth, until I’m at a place where I can juggle motherhood and a career.
I settle a hand on my stomach, finding a seat on one of the huge rocks that adorn the tussock-filled garden. The concept that something small, something living is in there… it’s crazy. My stomach won’t change shape for a while yet; I’m still in such early days. Until it does, I think I’ll continue to struggle with believing the truth in all of this.
A little Zeus, or maybe a tiny me? Perhaps the best of both of us. Or maybe even the worst of both of us. Damn. There’s no way of telling, not for a while yet.
I shiver as a gust cuts across the car park, slicing through me like an icy knife. My hands do little to warm my arms, the thin fabric of my T-shirt doing sweet fuck all to keep the chill off my kidneys.
“Here.”
His voice startles me, and I spin on my rock to find Zeus standing behind me with his jacket held out for me to slip on. The memory hits me with force: a caring man doing exactly the same for a young girl the day her mother walked out.
Tears well in my eyes, the moisture making it hard to see properly as I adjust my position to accept the jacket. He slips the arms on, tugging the warm fabric tight around my neck.
“Is it true?” His eyes hold so much hope.
I nod. “Early days yet, but definitely there.”
His gaze drops to my stomach. “I didn’t think….” He trails off, leaving me hanging.
He didn’t think what? He could? He would?
“What?” I press, scooting closer to him.
“I didn’t think I could.” His knees lean against the front of my rock so that he lowers himself to my level.
Zeus lays a reverent hand on my stomach through the jacket and shakes his head. “Fucking miracle.”
“Babe.” I pull his face up toward mine. “Everything about us is a damn miracle. When we got together despite the odds, it seems fitting that we’d do this against the odds too.”
“How, though?” His eyes search mine. “How is it possible?”
“According to the doc, I must be one super fertile chick. And that alone balanced out your issues. The odds were still slim, but they were there nonetheless.”
“You and me, dove.” He grins wide as he pulls me to my feet. “We’re gonna be parents.”
“Are you okay with that?” I take his hand and we head for the warmth of our room.
“Okay? I’m fucking over the moon.” I catch the glimmer of moisture on the rims of his eyes. “Can I tell you something?”
“Always.” I give his hand a squeeze.
He glances down at me as he holds the door for me to go inside. “The week I decided to pay your dad a visit, and then you, I saw Jodie.”
“Okay?”
“She had Bradley, her son, with her,” he explains. “Anyway. She goes to order coffee, right, and she leaves the little guy with me.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course, being a damn baby, he had to cry when she left.” He rolls his eyes. “But Belle, when I picked that little guy up, and he calmed under my touch….” He stares off into nothing as we reach the stairs. “I knew that no matter how it happened, I wanted that connection for myself. I might be an old guy by some people’s standards, but babe, I’m ready to be an old dad, too.”
We stop walking when we reach our floor, Zeus pulling me to face him.
“I’m going to do right by you, Belle. This little guy”—he sets his hand on my stomach—“means everything.”
“Or girl,” I point out.
He huffs a small laugh before picking me clean off the floor. I wrap myself around him as he starts for our door, my focus on his face as I point out one important fact.
“We’ve got a long way to go before the first trimester is over, Zeus. I want to play this cool until we’re out of the danger zone, okay?”
He nods, adjusting his hold on me to free up a hand for the key card. “I know. But baby—” Zeus carefully navigates us through the doorway. “This doesn’t change a thing.”
“What do you mean?” It changes everything.
He smirks as the door closes behind us. “That little dude, or dudette, in there is just the start.” His eyes grow heavy, his smirk stronger as he lays me down on the bed and pins me beneath his weight. “I’m still going to fuck you bare and take that risk.”
“Are you now?” Why the hell does the thought of more kids turn me on?
He nods. “Yep. Starting now.”